Thank You So Very Much to Is Doing Laundry Appropriate for a 13 1/2 Year Old?

Here's an idea for you that I think might teach her a little bit more responsibility. See what you think.

If you have to pick up clothes off the floor, you take them out of her room and put them up. She won't know where they are.

If she leaves clean clothes laying out, you pick them up and put them up. She won't know where they are either.

Her closet and drawers end up empty and she is wearing DIRTY CLOTHES to school.

She will shape up FAST.

Start out having her put away the clothes that you have found IN THE HAMPER and have washed for her. They are put away as soon as you have laid them on her bed.

Once she is doing this, then teach her how to put them from the washer into the dryer.

Lastly, teach her how to wash. Doing it backwards will help.

I've been thinking it's time for my 7 year old to learn. Yes, I'd say by 13.5 she should be cooking dinner once a week, doing laundry, and cleaning the whole house. I was doing all of that at 12.

Absolutely! I showed my daughter (now 17) how to do her laundry when she was 11or 12. If she doesn't have clean clothes, it's her fault for not taking the time to wash. It's a good skill to have.

Absolutely! My son was doing his before that. at least part of the time. And if it wasn't in the hamper, I didn't do it, ever. Once he joined the track team and had sweaty stuff, I never did it again (well, twice during finals and a few times when he had mono - I'm not an ogre!).

No matter what event or occasion was coming up, if he didn't plan ahead and have the clothes ready, he was stuck. So it's not just about the labor - it's about the planning.

Here's what will happen:
1) You will explain that you are sick of reminding her, and it doesn't work. You are sick of washing clean clothes that she shoved into a pile with the dirty stuff. It's wasteful of water/detergent/time, and it wears out clothes sooner, which is expensive. Therefore, since she is so independent that she doesn't want to do it your way, she's grown up enough to do it her way, and you are butting out.
2) She will complain or whine. You will not be moved.
3) She will tell you that you are the worst mom ever and no other kids need to do their own laundry. You will explain that you are preparing her for college and life on her own, and she is so advanced that she is ahead of her friends.
4) She will tell you it's too much work - to which you will say, "That's right - especially when I was washing clean clothes. I don't have any more time."
5) She will then take the opposite tack, saying it doesn't really take that long. You will reply, "Good, then it won't be a problem for you either."
6) She will start to comply (after repeating #3, #4, and #5 for a while). Then she will forget, and be without her favorite shirt for Friday or her favorite shorts for Saturday. You will shrug and say, "not my problem."
7) She will learn that it's WAY more work for her to fail to fold things and put them away, and she will learn that not everything has to be washed after a single wearing, especially jeans, shorts, and pajamas.
8) She will learn that putting it in the machine is nothing - putting the wet stuff in the dryer is harder, and folding quickly so stuff doesn't wrinkle is harder still.
9) This is good preparation for when she wants to be considered responsible enough to get a learner's permit and license. If she can't remember where her underwear is, she can't have the use of a car.

Stay strong, Mama! This will work out!

She's plenty old enough with you showing her the ropes a few times.

We use additional motivators in our house. Each person has his or her own basket. I only wash what is in the laundry baskets. If it's not in the basket, it doesn't get washed. I am not going to pick up after everyone in my house. If someone runs out of clean clothes and the dirty clothes are everywhere but the basket, then that person will be wearing dirty clothes. I don't fold everyone's laundry. Everyone is responsible for folding his own. I wash the contents of each basket and put the clean contents back in the basket. It's up to each individual to put his or her clothes away. If someone can't be bothered to fold and/or put away clothes, then he or she will be wearing wrinkled clothes, clean mixed with dirty so who knows which variety it is, etc. I put the ownership back on the person who owns the clothes. This approach has significantly curbed any nonsense. Running a household is a group effort driven by mutual respect and kindness.

P.S. Yes, we have had folks wear dirty clothes as a consequence. It doesn't do permanent damage but a time or two of that and they catch on quick.

Welcome to mamapedia J.!

My son has been doing his laundry since he was 12. He's now 15. He does his laundry on Sunday's.

He has to take it to the laundry room, separate, load the washer, start the washer, put it in the dryer, start the dryer and fold it and put it away.

How did this start? He was upset that **I** (his maid - NOT) did NOT have his baseball uniform ready for him one day. Told him - he's a big boy, he can do it. He's been doing it every since.

His brother will be 13 in July. He's doing his laundry too.

They are also responsible for:

Walking the dog daily
Feeding and watering the dog daily
Making their beds daily
Setting the table for meals
Pouring drinks for meals
Taking out the trash (combining trash into one trash bag for Dad to take out)
Picking up the dog mess in the yard

These ^^ things? They have been doing since they were in Kindergarten - they are part of the family and these things need to be done in order to make the family move forward. They have been taking the laundry down and separating it since the 1st grade.

Hope that helps!

Um, my 8 year old does his own laundry. Your 13 year old can certainly do it. I typed up directions and hung them over the washer as a reminder of the washer settings.

ETA: WW, my son started doing his laundry for exactly the same reason! He hadn't put his baseball uniform in the hamper, then got mad at me when it wasn't clean. I promptly showed him how to do his own laundry so he doesn't have to rely on me.

Yes, she will need to know for when she goes away to college.

Our daughter finally took it seriously when I promised her I was not going to wash any clothing if it was not in the proper baskets by the washing machine...

She was shocked when she ended up with everything she owned was dirty and on her floor.

I know I was doing laundry before that age.
On this site, apparently there are toddlers sorting, washing, drying, folding and putting their own clothes away! 😜
I would not let my 12 year old boy do his laundry! Lol

IF you do it? No waffling. Stick to your guns. No helping after you show her the ins & outs a few times. Cold turkey. Don't let her see you sweat.

My 12 and 15 yo have rotating chores. Daily is homework, trash and dishes. They switch every other week (one kid does dishes every day while the other does the trash then switches the next week). Then one additional chore like laundry, floors upstairs, floors downstairs, their bathroom (upstairs), bathroom downstairs (we clean ours), declutter downstairs (throw everything that doesn't belong in a big laundry basket and take it upstairs. If you don't take your stuff out of the basket and put it away, I keep it in a box and after a month it gets donate.), declutter upstairs, pick up rooms on Fridays (they are at their dads every other weekend) and clean bedroom on Saturday (which I don't really enforce, it just needs to be presentable). So one week one kid will declutter downstairs then the next it switches to the other kid. So there is only 2 weekly chore charts that we switch every other week. I hope that makes sense. And these MUST be done before they can do anything "fun". So yes, she should be doing her own laundry. Just stop doing it for her and when she runs out of clean clothes she would need to do them herself. Good luck.

Absolutely! It would be great for her to take on that responsibility and learn to do it properly. It is something she is going to need to do for the rest of her life.

Typically I do my kids laundry during the school year because they are so busy with homework and sports but they help when they can. During the summers they do their own laundry. I can't wait for summer break to start next week……….no more laundry for me :) My kids are 15 and 13 and have been doing this for a few summers.

when I was her age, I did my own wash, in fact, I had to do the household wash.... however, I didn't mind too much because it's fairly easy and when it came to my clothes, I didn't have a lot of clothes and because of it being my responsibility to do the wash, I could always be certain that whatever I did want to wear something specific, it was clean... It wouldn't hurt your daughter to do her own wash and it's good experience for when she is older..

ETA: By this age I did the household laundry. My dad would drop me off at the laundromat and I had to have it done by the time he came to pick me up. There is no harm in expecting your child to do more than they do now days.

Original: Both of my children were doing their laundry by this time.

I spent one laundry day doing 14 loads of laundry. My son came home and went outside and played and came home full of mud. Hubby told him that he was going to do the clothes because I had already done the laundry. It was like 7 pm at night and we both went downstairs (4 levels) to do the clothes. It was about 9 when he finished but I never did them again. I showed him how to get the mud out of practice shoes and uniforms before he washed them but he did them all.

My daughter caught on and was doing her laundry by the time she was 10 years old.

They both are grown and out of the house. Son had to do his laundry, my grandson's and others as his girlfriend didn't. This was after working a long day at the job to support them all.

It is never too early to teach them. There maybe some protests and clothes washed wrong but she will be ahead of her friends in college washing clothes and picking up after herself.

Good luck to you.

the other S.

Definitely - both of my kids help with laundry now (5 and 7), and my 7 year old could do it on his own if I asked him to, which will be happening in the next year or so.

Absolutely!
Show her once.
Next time watch her while she does it - answer questions.
Repeat a few times.
Then that chore is all hers!

Our son is 16 and has been washing his own clothes/uniforms/bedding/towels since he was 12.
I told him that no child of mine is going off to college as a laundry virgin.

Next step - I need to teach him to clean his own bathroom.
It's over due but that's my fault.

My 14 yr old does all her own laundry. Actually, she does her brother's as well since they share a hamper out in the hallway. My 12 yr old does NOT do her own laundry...yet. One of these days, she will. It's perfectly appropriate for a 13 1/2yr old to take charge of that particular chore.

Yes. I don't believe in lots of chores for kids or that they "should" do their own laundry and if they don't they'll never know how. But if a kid is being disrespectful, I think it's totally appropriate. Only thing is you're in California with the water shortage so wasting water bc she doesn't sort dirty from clean but throws it all in would stink. Otherwise if she can't do what you ask, I'd have her do it herself. My mom always did my laundry but I put my dirty things in the hamper like you're supposed to.

My boys have each had their own laundry baskets for 4 years now. They are currently 12 and 14. They wash their own laundry, separately from anyone else's, on Saturday (which is when they deep clean their rooms and clean their bathroom). They are required to wash, dry, fold/hang, and put away all of their own clothes.

I had similar issues with clothes everywhere and never knowing which were clean or dirty. I refuse to figure it out, sort or wash them. They know that if they mix the dirty clothes with the clean ones, I'll dump the entire dresser out and make them wash, dry, fold and put away everything they own. Not something they want to do.

ETA: I forgot to mention, I had them helping me with laundry starting at about age 7. They learned to start the machine, how to measure the detergent, which settings to use, etc. before I started making them do their own. We folded the laundry together and I'd hand each a pile of shirts to put away, then pants, then socks, etc. If she's never had to do any laundry, start doing it together first. Don't just throw her in the deep end and expect her to know.

Yes, my 9 year old does laundry. My younger two 7, and 5 know they must put their dirty clothes in the basket. If their room gets clothes thrown all around, I tell them to go put the dirty clothes in hamper, and I let them put clean clothes on my bed for me to fold since they are not good at folding yet. Then they put them away in their drawers. My 9 year old sorts her clothes, does laundry, folds clothes and puts hers away.

We blend everyone's clothes in laundry room so it would not work for us to have people doing just their own laundry, but 9 year old sorts piles of lights, darks, delicates and then does loads accordingly.

Your daughter has a very ingrained habit by teenage years. It will take time for it to be natural for her to put things in bin and away without throwing them around. But honestly at her age, just make her do it. Stand in her room and tell her to put ONLY the dirty clothes in the bin. Watch her. Don't let her put clean ones in. Do this once per day so it doesn't pile up over a week. There should only be a couple of things laying around each day. Once she has the hang of it, then you can send her to do it herself each day. Or make her accountable for remembering each day by making it something she does after brushing teeth at night before bed whatever.

If you need to REALLY crack down, start taking away the clothes she does not take care of, donate them, and refuse to buy her ay more. She's old enough to start babysitting...

My kids have known how to do laundry since they were 11. I wil lhve them wash the towels or blankets I was not able to do on Sunday when I try to get as much done as possible. My husband wants them washing their own clothes but I veto that only because then I would end up with a huge water bill due to smaller loads. I don;t mind doing the laundry but they can help. I have also done the "not in the basket, it does not get washed". If she does not put it in the basket in time for you to wash, she has to do it herself.

Both of mine were doing their own laundry at that age. My daughter actually made a chart with directions for hot/cold, spin cycle, etc.

They will ask sometimes if I can switch theirs to the dryer, but its their responsibility to make sure they have work clothes, sports uniforms, and such when they need it.

Yes.

My son is 8 and helps. He knows where the detergent and softener go, and which settings to use. With supervision he will do the wash himself.

If he can do it, she can too.

Give her a head's up. Be ready for some sort of blow-back, of course, especially if she doesn't do it and gets upset about that. Natural consequences.

But you have to be OK if she doesn't do it as often as YOU would. That's the point.

She's going to need to know how to do it, she may as well learn now. You're not going to college with her, and you're not going to do it when she's living on her own.

My kids were doing their own laundry at that age......

I wash and dry all the clothes. My son is responsible for folding and putting away his clothes. He is 11.

my girls are 7 and 10 and they are responsible for bringing down their laundry every saturday and sorting it. They help me bring mine and sort mine sometimes too. When I need them to start a load they do that too. And when it is time to flip it they flip it (move to the dryer). They bring it to the couch for me and I fold. They put their own away. I do all of it sometimes if I need to but it is a group effort. Sometimes they will take my clean clothes (and dads too) upstairs for us but we will put our own away. Yes she should be taking part in helping out.

My son is 9. He's been sorting and running his own laundry for a year. He was responsible for sorting the loads for me to wash for two years before that. Until a couple of months ago, I folded the clean clothes and put them in his basket for him to put away. Since he turned nine, that's been his job as well.

Do his drawers look perfect? Heck no.

Does he sometimes get down to his last pair of clean underwear and need me to fuss at him about responsible laundry habits? Absolutely!

But he's 9. He's learning. And it gets done.

Sometimes, I pitch in and do a load for him on a Sunday night to be helpful, but in general, it's his deal... So yeah, a 13 year old girl can TOTALLY deal with this on her own. Especially if she's not making it easy for you to help her.

Be prepared for her to toss a top in the washer then dry it so she can wear it to school. Be prepared for her to load the washer with everything she owns and wash it on the wrong temp, be covered in soap when it comes out, and gets put in the dryer to gunk it up.

If you decide to do this you need to sit down and close your eyes. What is the first thing you do when you decide to do laundry. How do you sort your clothes? Do you have dry clean only? Do you separate darks and lights and towels from spandex/lycra yoga pants? Do you dry everything or do you sort it out and hang part of it to dry?

How do YOU do your laundry? She needs to learn step 1, step 2, step 3, etc....

When I taught people with developmental disabilities I started at:

step 1. Sorting clothes with the intention of getting them clean and wearable.

That means knowing how to read a label or understand the pictures on the labels. Cold water. Red items. Jeans fade each and every time they're washed so they turn all the lighter items gray. If it's dry clean you have to decide if it's really washable or if it will ruin it to wash it. Learning the fabrics and what the labels mean before she ever touches the machines.

Of course she can do laundry with supervision but many people think this is "teaching" but this isn't. They can't start to finish do a load of clothes at this point. They need complete supervision.

Step 2. They need to understand the workings of the machine. How to set it, how to put detergent in, what to do with bleach or additives, what NOT to do. So they don't ruin their clothes.

Step 3. Then you need to teach her what a load is. That it's not one or two things and it's not stuffed where the water doesn't circulate. I have adult friends who think if there is any room on top for more clothes it's not a full load. They have ugly laundry.

Step 4. Have her sort the clothes from the whole household a few times. This way she gets to sort sheets, towels, blankets, clothes, etc...see how she did.

She can do her own laundry and you can teach her to do it effectively. Help her so she can learn to do it right.

Good luck!

My 8 year old has been doing his own laundry or 2-3 years now, no reason your 13 year old shouldn't be capable of doing it.

My kids are 8, 10, and almost 12. They all do their own (have their own hampers in their rooms) and know to sort out the whites. My husband or I will do that load when we have enough.

Absolutely! My GD, 13 years old, has been doing her own laundry since she was 12. From age 10 - 12, she was responsible for folding and putting away her laundry after I washed it. That discouraged her from putting clean clothes in the laundry basket! Then at age 12, she started doing her laundry from start to finish.

Apparently, my kids need to be doing a lot more chores...

Absolutely. I was doing my own when I was 12. And so what if she doesn't do it just so. It gets done. Talk to her if you need to about not washing one item. Give her a good overview and trust that she can handle it, because she can. Really.

Wow, I am really in the minority here! I do all the laundry in the house. Period. I showed my kids how to wash the week before they left for college and they did just fine. They are expected to get any laundry they want washed into the hamper or I don't wash it. I wash on Wednesdays and Saturday or Sunday (depending on what is going on). If a special request to wash something on an "off day" is made, I honor it as long as it isn't the same day. I also do all of the cooking and cleaning (other than the kids' rooms - those they are responsible for). The kids have no actual "chores" but if I need help with something, they do it, no complaints. The mowing and shoveling is always done by one kid and it gets passed down (so each kid has done this job and right now it is #5 responsibility until he gets a job, then it goes to #6). My kids get great grades, are in 3 sports a year, band, and choir, and orchestra, and have jobs (or 2) if they are over 16.

If you are a mom who takes care of most of the house stuff like I do, don't worry that you are raising "lazy" kids :) I have two that have left home, and one leaving in August. They are super responsible, clean, able to cook, balance a checkbook, keep a job kind of kids. I have never believed that chores = good kid.

Good luck and good for you for at least trying to solve the problem rather than just argue needlessly with a teenager. That never works!

Mine were 7, 8 and 9. The 3 yo just watched lol.

My rule originally was that I would wash whatever was in the laundry basket in the laundry room. But then my daughter started bringing me a week's worth of dirty school uniforms at 9pm Sunday evenings.
So at the ripe old age of 10, I put her in charge of her own laundry. I showed her waht settings to use on the washer and dryer, and told her that if she had no clean clothes, it was no longer my problem.