Thank You Note Concern

Don't look at it as having to do 50 notes when the little one is finally asleep.... write 2 or 3 each night, before you know it, they'll be done.

I think I'd feel as you do - guilty until they got sent. Who cares whether or not it's proper, it'll make you feel better, so do it.

:)
E.

You have lots of responses some saying better late than never some saying they are not necessary. I agree with the former. Even if you don't think they are necessary someone who gave you a gift will think they are and you don't want to offend them and have them feel like you are ungrateful. (sorry for the guilt, but I know many who feel that way) Not everyone remembers how difficult it is with a new child. Just send out the pics as is and sign them with a simple 'thank you for making my birthday special'.

One thing I found helpful and I wish I thought of it before the shower, birth, christening, & christmas is creating a list of the people (name and address) that you will send out thank you's to the most and use a labels for the addresses. I did this for her birthday invitations and thank you's and it made it so much easier.

good luck.

Hi T.,

I did not send out thank you notes for my kids first birthdays and never heard anything about it. At this point I would not send them, maybe next time. :)

I hate to say it, but now days, most people don't send thank you cards anymore. It's almost a "thing of the past". On the other hand, if you still want to send them, don't even try to sit down and do 50 cards all at once. Shoot for 5 a day. Or 3, or even 1. Yes, it will take longer to get them all done, but at least it won't frustrate you and you will see progress after a few days. And don't try to write long personal messages for each one. Simply saying "Thank you for your lovely (or generous or thoughtful) gift for (fill in child's name here) birthday." is enough. Don't write "excuses" for being so late sending them out, no matter how justified they are. Anyone that has/had a young child at home knows what you are going thru.

And if you finally decide not to send them please don't knock yourself out over it. Most people won't even remember that you didn't send thank you cards or didn't expect them in the first place. After all, you already thanked them at the party for the gifts! Right? How many times should a person be thanked for a gift? And why does it have to be in writing? I always think a personal thank you given with maybe a hug is more then enough from anyone for a birthday gift.

In the beginning I tried keeping up with thank-you notes as best I could but I still wonder if I forgot to thank someone at any point because my husband and I truly are grateful for any kind of gesture or gift we have received. Getting Christmas cards out have been a different story so I do understand how you feel.

How about finding a babysitter--perhaps a 13- to 16-year-old who could come over after school one day and just keep your child occupied while you complete the task (and only that task--no laundry, dishes, etc.) This is the perfect age for your daughter to enjoy showing off with a babysitter while you get a little time to get this accomplished all at once!
OR...
If you do want to tackle about 6 or so a day, keep in mind this is also a good age to help your daughter learn how to play by herself. Try setting a timer for 15 minutes and explaining to your daughter that you would like her to play by herself until once she hears the "ding" and at that point you will go play with her. During that time challenge yourself to write out 6 cards. Maybe you'll need to do this twice a day--your daughter will look forward to the "ding!" good luck!

Hi, T.!

My advice is to let it go! Save the cards for next year, when you have more energy and time. I'm sure no one expects a thank-you card, and are much more understanding and forgiving than you are on yourself!!!

-J. B

Stop berating yourself. We are all of us human and none of us perfect, so don't beat yourself up. Those gifts were given with unconditional love, with nothing expected in return. The average person has not even given it a second thought that they didn't receive a thank you from you, I'm sure. Thank you notes are nice, but most normal folks don't dwell on not receiving a thank you note. Just send them when you can, a few at a time, and add a nice recent photo if you can, that's all. As my teenage sons would tell me "It's fine Mom, it's not a big deal." Those who know you T., know your heart. They know what a good person you are and do not think ill of you for not sending out thank you cards. God bless you.
D. N. xo

T.,

Get a cute bag from your baby shower (or birthday party) and put all the thank you notes in there. Add you address book, if you can leave it in there for the time being. (I put my bag where the address book belongs :) Pull out your list and write ONE card. Address it. Stamp it. Put it in your out box (if you don't have a box for mail to go out, you might think of something cute).

Then, and only then, if you feel up to it, write another. one.

You don't have to feel like writing 50. Just one. The thought and care you put into writing that ONE will be noticed. :)

Notice I did not tell you to put chocolate in the bag. Chocolate stains on the thank you notes make the person think you bribed your hubby to write them. :D

It is never too late to say thank you. Hallmark just makes you think you have to do it the day after. ;)

Good luck, and apply this to as many or any more situations you feel necessary.

M.

baby steps. you don't have 50 note cards to do...you have 3-5 note cards a day to do...baby steps, it makes it much more manageable.

Most people do not send out thank yous for a birthday party. If you sent Thank You notes now it would only look like you were trying to insure good gifts for her approaching 2nd birthday. Send out a small card with a photo saying something like we wanted to show you how much our daughter has grown, or something to that affect. Look at it this way...when your daughter is elementary school and you are inviting friends from class, are you going to get everyone's address and mail thank you cards after that? No, most likely not. So why start at the first birthday. These things are only expected if you are some sort of influential person, and have friends in high places.

I know how you feel and been there myself. This is what I think: you can do a little here and there whenever and don't make a big deal in writing in them and send them out when you are done with them...you can walk with your child to the postoffice if nearby or put in your mail box or mail slot whenever the mailman comes to drop off, there will be mail for him to take. And/or, if you have those people's e-mail addresses, you can send a thank you note to all of them but diclose the addresses of people. it's the idea that you do it and the timing should and in my opinion, does not matter. It's the idea that you thought of them and took the time to do it and again, do one a night if you want. It'll get done, eventually. That is the sweetest thing for you to do and to acknowledge those people's time to come to the party and time to get the gift and thoughts that came with the gifts!

I was in a similar situation, it wasn't that long, but we had my daughter's baptism in January and we didn't send out the thank yous until April. I was getting to that same point that you are at now. You're thinking that maybe if no one's said anything until this point, why bring it up? Well, we did eventually send them and I felt so much better. My husband and I spent 2 evenings after the baby went to sleep and just wrote them all at once. If you can think of some quirky things to say, that'll make people laugh, you're already ahead of the game. I believe that people will appreciate a thank you even if it's late. And if nothing else, it's a conversation starter! (Don't forget, you'll feel a lot better and you won't have it hanging over your head anymore!)

Hi T.,
Better late than never. No one is judging you based on how promptly you send thank you's, especially other moms that are in the same boat. And those that do judge clearly have too much time on their hands and should come over to help you! ;)
Just write one card a night if possible, rather than looking at it as a looming task of 50. Before you know it you'll be done and can stop fretting.
Ciao bella!
K.

For what its worth I am still sending out my holiday newsletter! Just write and send the TYs one at a time. Use YOUR toilet time to write each one. Have a "lap ease", the notes, address stickers and stamps at the ready in the bathroom for every time you "go". You can toss a few in the car and write while you are waiting somewhere on your daily travels (in line, at dr's office). Slow and steady...it'll get done.

Next year's holiday newsletter will be online for me! Too time-consuming and expensive to print hardcopies!

Hey, T.,
I agree with those who say that late is better than never. But I would break the list down in to two groups. Focus first on sending notes to people who weren't there at the birthday party -- people who sent gifts but couldn't attend the party. They are the ones who may be thinking "did my present even get there?" or who didn't get the pleasure of seeing you and your daughter open the present. After you've written those notes and sent them off, then think about notes for the people who were there.
Good luck,
A.

Hi T.,
I know just how you feel! My son went to a birthday party a month ago and three days later received a photo thank you card with a pic of all the kids at the party! We had my son's 5th birthday party on Saturday and I didn't even catch the first names of the parents who brought their children (let alone make an attempt at thank you notes). I've been pretty good at writing thank you notes to those who sent us gifts in honor of the birth of our 6th child last month, but sometimes, you just have to let it slide :)
Don't let your inner critic beat you up - you are a busy mom, and anybody in your life who is upset that you didn't send them a thank you note has a lot more to worry about than anything you've done or have not done!
Save your nice notes for the next opportunity - and if you don't get around to it then, well, that's the way life goes..
All my best to you and your family,
G.
mom to Isobel (10), Troy (8), Nico (7), Sterling (5), Lochlan (2), and Earl Belisario (one month), wife to Chris

Hi, I don't really have a direct answer but I wanted you to know you are not alone. I had holiday pictures made up and never mailed out. A party Thank u note solution a friend passed on to me, make up a general Thank you for helping us celebrate and add to party favor bags. My sons last party , I wrote a Thank you massage on large mailing labels, and attached to each child's shirt as they said they good bye. I got a lots of laughs from the children.

I completely relate, my thank you notes for my son's presents have been appallingly late. But I can't tell you how relieved I felt after I finally (!) sent them. Like you, it's just something that weighed on my mind every day.

I don't think its ever too late to send a thank you card. Just make sure to add in 2 extra sentences on how much she's grown since her birthday and keeps you running around which is why you haven't sent it out earlier.

Good luck,
M.

That happened once to me.. and I bought a big thank you card.. llike the words were big.. THANK YOU.. took a great picture of my little one holding the card... made copies of the picture... and on the back wrote simply thank you for everything you do for me and for sharing your love... love _____!! and then set how many you will do each night.. I made sure - no matter what that I wrote 5 a night.. stamped them and mailed them the next day... it didn't take long for all of the envelopes to be mailed out.. and the people that got the picture were happy. You could also write thank you for sharing my 1st birthday and for sharing your love too!!! or something like that.. good luck... I want a thank you note when I send or give a gift.. It's a nice touch...

Better late than never!! Send them out!! It will be appreciated!

What I would do, is since it's been over 6 months, write ONE letter - the same for everyone; an update on what your daughter has accomplished over the last 6 months, or some funny anecdotes. First mention how fun that first birthday party was, thanks for all the gifts, etc., and how busy you have been with her. And maybe what plans you may have for the summer. This covers all your bases, including neglected conversations with friends and family. They will enjoy hearing about her, and seeing some photos which you could include, printed on the paper. Use the notes you have for next September, by which time she can help as an activity, using stamps or something.

You got a lot of responses! I agree with the folks who say better late than never, and would also add that probably you can focus on friends and distant family first to make the chore less daunting, saving close family for later. You might even send an-e-mail update to people letting them know how your daughter is growing and letting people know that she is working her way through her cards :) PS Think about all the times you get a thank you card...do you even remember what they say? Do you notice when you don't get one? Try to keep things in perspective. You could probably dash off ten notes in the time it took you to write this post and another 20 in the time you are taking to read the responses. Quick, pithy, witty...sorry it's late but the birthday girl has a busy calendar! Good luck.

Late is ALWAYS better than never!! You might want to set aside some time this weekend and tell your husband that you feel very strongly about getting this done. Give yourself a set time...say 11 am on Saturday morning that you sit down and get it done. Your husband has to entertain your daughter for a solid hour so that you can accomplish this. Another way to approach this is that everyday you set aside 10 minutes and do as many as you can in that time span. Maybe when your little one is eating her lunch (I assume she feeds herself). I know you feel overwhelmed with an active toddler, but this seems to have added to your stress! Sometimes, we have to just let everything else go (housework, cleaning...) and just do something that relieves our stress levels...believe me, it will make you feel better! hope this helps you in some way!

K.

I sympathize with you, every great intention and lack of time! While it is very late to get them out it is important. try including you're child (it takes some patientce and creativity) do 1 in the am and 1 before bed and in less than a month you will have a great sense of accomplishment!!!! good luck!!!

Your feelings, your exhaustion are TOTALLY justifiable. Dont beat yourself up. Try to set a goal of a few cards a day (maybe 1-3) and send them as you write them. Over a quick time the pile will get smaller and you will feel more accomplished. Try not to tackle it all at once, that is too overwhelming. Anyone who does not understand why the notes are late is clearly NOT a parent or is superhuman. As a HUMAN woman, let it go and do the best you can. After my son was born, some things had to go and I decided not to do Holiday cards, as an example. It saved my sanity. Now that you are a Mom, your priorities change. Do the best you can and continue to enjoy your biggest and best priority, your child! You are doing a great job, let the rest of the world take a chill and dont let it put undue pressure on you!

First don't beat yourself up - there is no time for everything and its all so exhausting. Second, send the thank you notes. Better late than never. If you haven't written them all out then just do a little at a time and send them out as you finish them up. This way they are getting out and its not one big overwhelming project!

I did the same thing at Christmas. Usually write thank yous right away, but just didn't get around to it this time. I say cut your loses, don't feel bad, and move on. If you see someone from the party, apologize for not getting the thank you out but that your child loves so and so. As a mom we beat ourselves up way too much. Allow this one slip up ;)

Save your other notes for another time. Purchase from Shutterfly or some other place and write a generic note that says "thank you for sharing my special day and all the generous gifts, etc" do address labels on computer and save for next time and all you have to do is put the labels on and send! Shouldn't take too long or too much energy! Good Luck!

Don't worry about it. It has been approximately nine months since the party. I am pretty sure nobody is holding it against you. I've been to many parties and never expected a TY note. Sure, they are nice and it always brightened my day to receive one, but they are not necessary. Thank you's are a courtesy and are not necessary in showing your gratitude. I am pretty sure you thanked people at the party for their attendance and close friends and family are aware of your appreciation of their gifts. Did the children who attended the party get a goody bag? That is a thank you in itself. I had a parent put the thank you card in the goody bag. If it is the photo card you wish to send, then it would not hurt to send them. Even just a few of them to clear your conscience.
By the way, for anyone to expect a TY note after planning, preparing, spending, inviting, accommodating, greeting, entertaining, then afterwards, cleaning up after the party has a lot more issues than not receiving TY note and you have a beautiful marraige and baby to devote your time to. I've always thanked my hosts gratefully for including me in their special event and could never occupy a moment of my time in receiving or not a TY note. Hope this helps.

I agree that taking care of a little one is very draining, and I too no longer have time to do many things I'd like to do. I still have thank you notes sitting in my drawer from my baby showers, and that was over a year ago (my daughter will be one in two weeks). I ended up having her three weeks early and never got around to sending the notes. I don't think many people would feel slighted if you didn't end up sending the notes. Moms of all people know that we have so much going on, and I'm pretty sure that people know you appreciate them....and for giving your daughter gifts. Yes, they don't have to give you or your daughter anything, but that's the nature of a party. When I get a thank you card, I just end up throwing it away. I don't need a thank you card, I know people appreciate my gifts...and its not a big deal. I still do beat myself up for not sending the thank you cards, and they are still sitting in my drawer to this day. But, I have so many other things to do, I just don't see to get the time. I would not worry about it. Save them for next time.

Hi T., I am sure that those who know you and who attended the baby's party realize that you are a busy mom. It is not too late to send the cards. Why don't you write two or three cards at a time. Then it doesn't seem like such a big task. Mail them out a few at a time and you will be done in no time! V. R

No, I don't think it's ridiculus at all, Send the notes, it will make you feel so much better and the weight will finally be lifted. It's better late than never. Don't overthink it, you don't have to write a whole sentence or something specific for each one, just think of one short thing like Thank you for making Suzie's birthday special! and sign your name, same thing on each one. That's it. Like an assembly line, boom, done. If you let it go, it will be a slippery slope from there because you'll always be down on yourself. You CAn Do It!!

I would send them now and say something quirky.....You can say something like 1.(your daughter's name) wanted me to send these out earlier but she keeps me much busier than I thought. 2. Sorry to be so late but we didn't want to forget to thank you for the gifts.... 3. If I wasn't so darn busy with the little girl who the party was for - I would have sent these sooner......Next time you have a party - have the photo cards done early and attach them to a chocolate bar or chocolate lollipop and hand them to people as they leave saying - remember what happened last year.....LOL Don't stress - it's usually the woman who expects the thank you or looks for it and we all understand how busy it is. I have four 13, 12, 5 and 2......things get done when they get done - enjoy your baby while she is still a baby and don't stress about the other stuff. YOu might want to try giving her an earlier bedtime - it will leave more time in the evening for you to relax - my little ones go down between 7:30 and 8:00. At any rate.....good luck and no worries.....Kiss them up to God.......

I had EXACTLY the same problem! My staff threw a big baby shower for me. We have a ton of volunteers where I work so we received at least 80 gifts. The outpouring of support was wonderful but I really had a hard time keeping up with all the TY notes. I know that I missed a few people and it was weighing on my mind. I mentioned my concern to one volunteer and you know what she said? "What, you think I sit around wondering when you are going to send me a TY??? I am too busy to worry about that!"

I LOVE Allison's idea to take a photo and send out a few cards every night. Divide up the list and it will be less overwhelming. Snapfish and other on-line companies can even print post cards with a photo on one side and message on the other. Everyone will understand why they are late but I do think you should follow up with the TY letters because it is the right thing to do. We want our children to be respectful and courteous so we should set a good example but please don't beat yourself up over this. Everyone is exhausted and overworked these days!

Sounds like you're making excuses.
What about if you were a single mother with three kids and worked full time outside the home - like my mom.
And my mom did it when it wasn't cool or modern to be a single working mother.

You stay home with a loving husband and you have one cute baby. All of these people came to support your family and you can't find the time to say thank you?

I bet you had the time to open the presents and cards.
It is better late than never.

Stop making a big deal out of this and send the cards already.

Hi T.:

I was raised to always send thank you's so I of course feel that you should, even now after some time has passed. Better late than never! I know the thought of writing 50 thank you's in one sitting is overwhelming -- why not just do one or two at a time until you have done them all?

Send them. People spent their hard earned money on a gift for your child. Definately make a joke in the card to address the lateness. Just sit down and start writing a few at a time and in no time you will be done. When things or a project get overwhelming, break it down into pieces, so it won't seem so bad. Once you start the flow, it will go faster. Do a couple at a time and you will sleep like a baby!! You have to stop procrasting and just do it!!!

I would go ahead and get them filled out and sent off one at a time. You could sit down to the computer and write an general thank you with an explanation of why so late, just be yourself in your note. I have learned how to put a picture in the background of the letter and then type around it. the frame could hold a picture of the day of the party and then the letter could be a current picture. It is called a watermark. Let me know if you want more help with the watermark if you decide to go this way. And stop beating yourself up. You are a first time Mom, and that encompasses a lot when you are being a good mom.

Hi, I'm an older mom of two little boys. I was raised to write thank you notes immediately after receiving a gift (I HATED IT), but it taught me to write them. I too am wracked with guilt if they are not done, but to do them late, in my opinion, is better than not doing them at all. Being on both sides of the issue (never receiving a thank you note for a gift, the time it took to pick it out, go to the party, etc etc), just makes for resentment. SO....I do a little of the stack of cards at a set aside time each day. Don't try to do them all or it is overwhelming with all the other stuff you have to do. Send them out as you do them. The stack will grow shorter and you in turn, will feel better. Also, as the children get older, they can do the notes themselves. I try to do creative things instead of them sitting down and writing (which is what I hated). For example, for my 7 year olds birthday presents, I let him go on a computer program that he could print out a card, color it on-line and then he could write a short thank you. It made it more fun and less painful.
Don't let the guilt eat you up, life is too short.

Try not to beat yourself up over this. I can empathize, though, because I'd be feeling the same way! Friends and family will understand. Maybe set a goal of sending out one card a day, starting today, and write something funny like "better late than never!" on the envelope or card. You'll feel better and your F & F will love receiving a picture of your daughter -- even if it's a little late.
Best wishes-
A.

Hi -you're being too h*** o* yourself! It's totally fine to send the notes now. Everyone understands the demands of a baby/toddler and your family and friends love you no matter what. can you write them at nap time instead of the end of the day?

Good luck!

M. C.

I am a thank you note nazi! I write them for everything. I believe that nobody is entitled to give me anything, nor are the entitled to show up to my parties, so thank you's are a must!

That being said, in my opinion, it's a bit too late for thank you notes. But you could have new photo postcards made with a recent picture of your little one. Friends and family might appreciate that?

Thank you notes never have to be anything extravagant or stress-inducing,....just a simple line saying "Thank you for coming to the party and for the fun and thoughtful gift...the presence of your company was the best part though." And that's it. Makes people smile. :)

Lynsey

T.-

I know how hard it is to balance everything--I work full time and have two sons who are 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. While my husband is very helpful, he also works full time and frankly, I want to be the one who does baths, homework, etc. That said, it is the right thing to do to send a thank you note and it sounds like it is really bothering you. It is never too late to be polite. At this point, you can still write the notes or take a slightly easier approach and send emails (less personal but at least gracious and you can copy the same message to each guest within a few minutes time). Either way, you can start off by saying that although the notes are late, the sentiment is still very genuine. People will understand and will appreciate you taking the time to show your gratitude. Best of luck!

I say "better late than never." People take the time to buy a gift, so you should take the time to thank them. I'm sure people will understand that they are late b/c they know how busy you are. If you already bought the cards, you're half way there! Start slowly. One night, (maybe while watching TV), put stamps and return addresses on then. The next night, address all of the envelopes. Then, just start writing... you don't have to write an essay. Just "thank you so much for the adorable shirt! [fill in name] can't wait to wear it! Love, ____" Don't get crazy with it. People just want to make sure you got the gift....

Send the thank you notes !!! Definitely better late than never!

I'm not sure where sending thank you cards for a childs birthday started, but I know personally I do not expect one. Although both my daughter-in-laws do this, I still question it's importance.
Raising my boys, I never sent thank you cards until we had a party for their graduation.
If it bothers you that much, email them, or the next time you see them, thank them for attending the party.

It is never out of time to send a thank you!

I agree with those who say "better late than never". For those who say that thank yous are not necessary for birthdays I strongly disagree- teaching your child to express gratitude starts early and is NEVER in poor taste. If people take the time to select and purchase a gift, then it is necessary to send a thank you.

You can do one of several things here. Personally, I would do a "newsletter" style note to everyone expressing your happiness that they attended the party, gratitude for their generosity and add a one-liner about the fact that you are sorry for the delay. I would also include a couple of new pictures of your daughter. When I did our thank yous for Christmas, I took a picture of my son (7 months at the time) holding a sign that said "Thanks A Bunch" and included it with the notes. People loved it and it was a quick way to make the notes more personal.

I would not put something in there about being so busy... really not a good excuse. Honestly. I can tell you that I work full time, just finished another graduate degree and have a soon-to-be one year old and I would be somewhat offended with a statement in that regard. We're all busy and are exhausted by the end of the night.

In the future, pre-address your thank you's when you do the invites. It saves time afterward. Set a goal for yourself to do 2-3 each day. You can write the same thing in each one. We're talking about 15 minutes a day. Some may say that a form letter is a little tacky, but it's better than not sending one at all!

My aunt had my cousin do her own thank-yous starting with her second birthday. They are adorable... my aunt writes "THANK YOU! Love, Izzy " in the middle of a piece of paper, makes copies and let's my cousin color the sheet for each person. We love getting our thank-yous from my cousin and it's great to see her artwork evolve each year.

Hi T.,
No harm in sending them, I'm sure people would still appreciate receiving one. We're all busy and I'm sure the people receiving the notes are busy too, and have something they've been putting off that they need to get to. I used to take care of all the thank you notes, invitations, etc on my lunch hour, but if you're home full time, you don't have the luxury of an hour break during the day.