Terrible Two's

I actually don't understand what people mean when they say "terrible two's". I know that at age 2, some children are typically trying to become more independent, etc.

I guess I've never experienced 'terrible two's' and I'm pregnant with my 5th child.

I think some of what we experience and whether or not they continue the behavior depends on how we as parents deal with it. Either we contribute to the behavior or we teach them to handle their emotions and unlikeable behavior.

There is a great book/cd's on children at this particular age. The website is www.loveandlogic.com and you can either get the book there or a little bit cheaper at www.overstock.com.

They are worth it! It makes parenting a lot easier and definitely more fun! Good luck!

M.:
With my two children,a boy and a girl, their behavior got better. Maybe it varies with the child.
P. S

My boys never really had the terrible two's...a fit that was short lived now and then. This usually happened when over tired, hungry or really needing a nap (like missing one). I have found most things are really just stages of development. My kids strive to be independent as soon as they started being able to hold their own bottle and still try to be over everything. I had found with my kids giving them some independence made this stage for us go faster and wasn't very noticeable for us. I think it's different for everyone and each stage is either long or short lived for everyone. my best wishes that this passes fast.

I also have a 2 1/2 year old and understand where you are coming from. I remember my Mom always said that a toddler isn't human until they are 5! I have also heard that although the 2's are terrible, the 3's are terrifying. I know patience can be tough sometimes (believe me, I know), but I try to remember that for the first 18 months or so, she was boss and pretty much got whatever she wanted(not overly spoiled or anything, just attending to her needs). Now that I am establishing discipline and right/wrong, she is at the age that she is establishing independence and learning(no matter how slowly) that she is not boss and that the world doesn't revolve around her. She is VERY independent and strong-willed, but so are her father and I so we do butt heads quite a bit. I also try to remember that these will be great traits for her to have in the future-no matter how frustrating they are for us now! It also must be very frustrating at their age to know exactly what you want, but not necessarily be able to ask for it so that adults understand. I usually keep my cool and patience by reminding myself of these things and knowing that even though she speaks very well, when she gets a little older, the communication will be easier and hopefully lead to less tantrums. Stand your ground and don't give in to his every whim otherwise it will just get worse as he gets older. As tough as this age is, I am sure I will be wishing she is this age again when she is a teenager! Good luck-

My daughter was two at the end of June and I'm expecting at the beginning of October. She's a terrible two but talks very well and clear for her age which I'm excited about. But she repeats everything she hears. Although this is fine at home because her father and I are careful about what we say, it's not good at school or around people who are not mindful. With that being said, she's told me no, hit back, falls out, tells me she's mad at me or just mad, tells her dad I hit her or tells me he hit her (yes, we believe in spanking...needed at 2). Although I've seen worse, she's on the list. According to a friend that has a 3 year old daughter (and she was terrible at 2), it does not get any better. Maybe it should be 'Terrible Two Through Three'. Lol. You'll find patience. Although I cannot be with her 24/7, since I'm a working parent, she will pick up bad habits from other children. The biggest frustration (at least for me) is dealing with those bad habits. Sometimes you have to breathe and walk away from them. Be consistent with discipline. Talk to them about the bad behavior. I'm quick to tell my daughter that a particular behavior is not acceptable or isn't cute or that it's bad (depends on what it is since she's learned the word...from daycare). When she misbehaves, instead of telling her she's bad or the behavior was bad, we tell her she's being disciplined (spanked or otherwise) because she misbehaved. Although we haven't corrected everything, we don't get as many tantrums as before but the stubbornness is surely there. Good luck with your 2 1/2 year old and the new bundle of joy.

NO they don't get any better at three! Myself & several of my friends have all said that 3 was WORSE than 2. I think the reason for that is that they are bigger and more like a toddler instead of a baby so people around you are not as understanding. The bigger the child, the less "cute" the tantrum gets. For us, #4 was the miracle birthday. He turned into a little man. No more fits, less crying & they are learning what is acceptable behavior in public. You can also reason with them at 4 and it works. You know like, if you sit here and smile for this picture I'll get you a hot wheel or we will go to McDonalds. Birthday 4 seems to be the magic number for when things get easier. Whoever said the phrase "terrible twos"??? For most people it is the terrible 18 mons, 1 year, 2 year & 3 year!

I had one that turned two when she was 18 months and started to come around at about 2 3/4. ha ha. Every kid is different. So buy some chocolate (it helps) and know you aren't alone. You will make it!

To put a little humorous "spin" on the terrible two's (I teach an Older 2's class and I raised 4 children), these trying times are your preparation for ages 12-20. Learn well!!!!
Cathy
Woodstock, GA

My son is almost 8 and I really don't think he ever left the terrible two's behind. Just kidding, but honestly, there isn't a "magic" day when everything gets better. You'll just gradually notice a change over time. On the other hand, my daughter is almost 3 and is as delightful as ever. Go figure! Maybe she's just saving up!!!

Threes have been worse for us w/ our 2nd one. The oldest was easy all the way around. For our youngest 2's were ok but 3's have been pretty rough. If she would have been our 1st she would have been our only one:) It is different for all kids. What can you do? Hope it gets better for ya!!!

My son is 2 1/2 and we haven't hit a "terrible" time. But I have been told that it extends far past 2 years old. Heck, my pediatrician told me at my son's 18 month check-up that the "terrible 2's" can start well before they turn 2 and even extend into 4, 5 years old. Fortunately my son is very well mannered & mellow. Sure, we'll have a tantrum every now & again, but even I am guilty of one myself!

Good luck and I hope that it gets better for you soon.

Hang in there! Three is a precious and fun age. There are always trying times with every age. Enjoy these days because they'll be gone before you know it.

There is no guarantee it will last 6 more months. It may last another 5 or another week or... Have faith. They get smarter as they get older. That brings with it its challenges and its up-sides. Parenting books are great resources for how to deal with terrible twos. I don't personally have any suggestions but the internet is a great resource and so is Mamasource!

BTW -- all kids are different. My mother told me that MY terrible twos were just that. I was an ANGEL at three. The fours were like the twos doubled. But, MY daughter didn't even hit "terrible" until three... And we're related!

one thing....ALL children are different!! even if they are all yours! My son was horrible until almost 3, but his was due to he needed ear tubes and was almost always under constant pressure in his ears...sooo my 3's were actually ALOT better than his 1's and 2's LOL take gratification is that this doesn't last forever! mine's 5 now and has the occasional outburst, but mostly he's a great kid and tries to do what's right. good luck!

Every child is different. I didn't really have terrible two's with my oldest....but he is definitely doing the terrible three's. So for me, the three's have been 200 times worse than the twos. I think generally girls hit the "terribles" earlier than boys.

I would say they are at least 3 1/2 before it lets up some. You win some battles but seem to be losing the war most of the time. With a new baby in the equation it may get worse. What helped a bit with my daughter at this age (we also had a new baby) was to talk about her being a big girl like "Mommy" and making her my "helper". This extra attention did seem to help. I would find any little thing possible she could do withme. Let her put the empty can or container in the garbage when I was cooking. Let her help get the dishes to the sink. Anything you can come up with. V.

This is not true in all cases. People forget that each child is different. The child might be going through a change because you are expecting. You will see a difference when the baby get here and the child might get better or worst when the child gets her. The child can get better because they are happy to have a baby young like them in the home. That is why at this time you need to read books and dicuss to your child much as possible about a new baby arriving and the responsibities of being a big sister or brother. Then it can be worst becasue they get jealous after having all the attention they want it back when the baby get here and that is when the reding books to them and discussing about the new baby comes falls in place now. Be bless on your new baby and hope everything is all well in the future.

A child care provider and a mother of 3

I have three children 12,5 and 20 months. My older two (boys) never had the "terrble twos" as described in alot of books and other mothers. They had a new found independence and occasional trantrums but they were always short lived and forgotten quickly. I am entering the 2 year old stage with my youngest (girl) and she is a bit more emotional than the boys so we will see how things move along. DOnt believe that ALL kids have terrible twos...I think it is individual personalities and perhaps the diff between boys and girls. Expect the best and congrats on your new addition.

You know what they say - horrible two's turn into terrible three's. Good luck. It will get better eventually.

Hey M.,
I'm assuming there are no other problems physically or mentally with your child. You do have a couple years left of early childhood challenges. If you have a headstrong child, consistency is the best thing you can do at this point. Teach them to communicate by telling them what to say when he/she needs/wants something. Plus, let her/him know there are consequences to bad behavior so they can predict the result of their actions.
I've done tons of research and taken child development classes in college (but it still doesn't really prepare you for the real thing..haha). Just do your best to keep him/her under control and do what you can to get them running, playing and learning. My son's frustration when he was that age was more communicative. If I couldn't understand him, he'd get so upset. Takes time to sit and teach them how to be calm and ask nicely.
Good luck!!
Melissa

I have been through the two's and three's with my first child, and it is getting ready to start with my second as she will be two in the next few weeks. Personally, for me three's were worse than two's, but do know that every child is different. My son, who is now 4, has a very strong will, and I almost did not think I was going to survive the three's, but we did. I learned I had to stay consistent with discipline and staying more structured seemed to work with him. I also, had my daughter during this time, so we went through a lot of changes and adjustments. I really started praying for him and over him, and God listens to every word we say. Hang in there and hopefully you will be through this phase in no time.

My daughter was a tyrant from the age of 1 1/2 to the age of three. It eased off with her after that, but four was definitely alot better. Every child is different...My second child, a boy is 5 and has been an angel compared to her. Hang in there, it has to get better!

I agree with what Donna said about the Love and Logic books. They have a great one for Birth to 6 years. I got it at the library, although I admit I ended up buying their main book so I could highlight it and read it often. Great stuff!

I believe children try to gain even more independence once they turn 3! I remember saying "I thought we were supposed to be out of the terrible 2's!" But now that my daughter is nearly 4 she's typically very well behaved. Hang in there and just keep being consistent in your discipline! Once the baby comes you will probably see a rise in inappropriate behavior but, then it will level off and your child will see that being the big sibling is important. I also had my second child when my daughter was 3 months from 3 years old.

My son is about to turn 4. I really felt the term worser 3's really sums it up. It is not that their behavior gets worse, it is that they get more independent. They are all about exploration and don't understand that some things are off limits. I also think 3 is when they learn to test you more, they want to see what you will follow through with. It is not all bad though 3 is when they can do more things on their own as well, so they become more helpful. I guess my biggest advice is stop counting down to 3 b/c things are always going to be crazy with a toddler around. Just make it as fun as possible and start to discipline him/her, now is when you form the foundation for it.

Hi M.,
The terrible 2's will turn into terrible 3's if you don't deal with it. This age just seems to be where they really start testing there limits and what they can get away with. Just hold your ground and be consistant with disapline and things will get better. Hang in there, being pregnant and dealing with attitude is hard! I know, I'm due anyday and have a 3 year old and 5 year old. Good luck. It'll get better!