Telling Daughter About Santa

Updated on November 15, 2010
T.S. asks from Newton, IA
21 answers

Hi there, my daughter is 9 and in 4th grade. I have a feeling she knows about Santa. She has dropped a few hints, but I am afraid to talk to her about it for fear that she still does believe. I am afraid that if she does know that she may ruin it for her younger brother and younger cousins by telling them. So how do I go about this? Thanks for your help!

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answers from Cincinnati on

My mother told me Santa was the spirit of giving. I think I did tell my brother, but it didn't spoil anything, because we both still believe in the spirit of giving. And Santa still leaves gifts for us when we visit home. ^_^

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

Hi Trixie,
I have a 13 year old and 11 year old. We've had the talk with my son (13) but not my daughter. We told him yes Santa isn't real but the spirit of him is and if you can still believe in the "spirit and idea" of him then Santa still brings you presents! My daughter (11) has hinted but not straight out asked so until she does we let it go!
Good luck
~M. C

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answers from Colorado Springs on

Ask her, "What do you think about Santa Claus?" and see what she says. If she's out of the fantasy stage, let her know that people play Santa Claus because it's so much fun to surprise people we love, and now that she's big enough she can help to be Santa Claus to her brother and cousins... IF she can keep it a total secret! Make keeping the secret seem like a privilege. You could also tell her the story of St. Nicholas, who did his kind deeds in secret and made it seem like a surprise to the recipients.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dover on

My son asked me once when we rushing to leave for work and school one morning. He was still very young so I said "What do you think". He indicated that he still believed but some kids didn't. I told him "If you believe that Santa is real, then he is". He did still believe. I started being sure that anything from Santa was wrapped in different paper (that he hadn't seen). He got a bit older and I had not mentioned it again...seemed happy believing. We all know it is never the same once you know so I didn't say anything.

Well, his English teacher told him (and the whole class....assuming they all already knew!). So, on Christmas Eve he announced that he knew there wasn't a Santa Claus. I told him that Santa was based on a real person but in his spirit of giving, we parents take care of "Santa Duty". I also told him that if he told his little cousins or his sisters (at his dad's) then his Christmas would be socks and underwear! He has been great about it.

I explain the different Santas by this "The real Santa is at the North Pole getting ready for Christmas so he sends his helpers, dressed as him so he doesn't disappoint the kids, to go around and meet with and check on the boys and girls everywhere".



answers from Rapid City on

When I was around 7 or 8 and was questioning it, we were coming home on christmas eve after going to my grandparents. We saw Santa in the red suit and all going into a house through the front door just a few blocks from our house. We all went to bed really fast that night since we knew he was going to be at our house soon and didn't question it for a while after that.



answers from Los Angeles on

My son knows. If they ask questions, I am honest about everything. My parents lied to me and there I was in 5th grade fighting with some kids about Santa....nice huh? I asked my mom repeatedly and see made up bigger lies. I lost ALL faith in I never came to her about birth control, sex, drugs, anything because she'd probably lie to me.

I think it was the tooth fairy first and I told him it was mom and dad, but it's still fun to pretend. He also knows he can't tell other kids - he has to let their parents tell them. So, when adults say, "Oh what did you get from the tooth fairy?" His repsonse is: "I know the secret."

I will never lie to my children, and they will trust me later. My son asked me at 5, "How does the baby get into the uterus?" He wanted it I gave it to him matter of factly - not drama. He was ok with it.

Let her ask you straight forward or if she asks you something, turn it around and ask her what she thinks. If she is right, then give her kudos for being so smart...but caution her about ruining the fantasy for other kids.



answers from Orlando on

ooooh good question! my daughter is 8 - and has been asking for a couple of years. my standard response was always "well what do you believe? do you believe he's real?" and she would say "yes" and i would say "well that's all that matters is what you believe. everyone believes something different"... a cop out i know :-) but she is getting older and i know the question is coming again. I'll be checking back to see what advice you get.



answers from Dallas on

She probably does know the truth. But why do you feel like you have to have a talk with her about it? Believing in Santa is believing in the spirit of the season and the spirit of giving and being blessed. I'd wait until she brought it up.



answers from Las Vegas on

If she is 9 I am sure she has noticed the different Santa's around town. She knows! Whatever she asks, I suggest you answer honestly. I have done so at 4 with the tooth fairy and Easter bunny. It doesn't mean you can't celebrate. My older daughter received gifts from Santa through high school and we all receive a little something in our stocking from the anonymous.



answers from Minneapolis on

I would wait until she says something. My oldest (now 29) told me that she knew for a long time but didn't say anything because she was afraid she wouldn't get any more presents! lol

The way I approach it is that Santa "lives" in all of us and once we find out who he really is, it's now our job to become his elves for the little children. That way, they get to join in on the fun so they tend not to tell the younger kids.



answers from Minneapolis on

I have 2 daughters 9 and 6. My 6 year old was the one that asked me this year as some of her classmates said he was not. I asked her what she thought and she still beleives. We moved to MN 3 1/2 yrs ago and have been going to see Santa at the MOA (the one you have to make reservations for) and I tell them that he is the real deal. That is why I have to make reservations as he has to go to many different places and is only her a couple of days. I tell my girls that all the other Santas are his helpers. This has made things very helpful in having even my 9 year old still believe. To make sure they still beleive I always tell them to put what they want on a list to send to him and tell them to pick 1 thing they want the most for Santa to bring, that way when they see him they only ask for 1 thing and if they are good enough they may get the stuff on their list but always get the 1 item that they ask Santa for. Since they get that item they still beleive.



answers from Eau Claire on

We have told our older children that once they "no longer believe" they will stop getting presents from Santa. We have also told them that they can help be Santa for the little ones. They think it's awesome to help with keeping it a secret and eating the milk and cookies.


answers from Oklahoma City on

here's what i did with my daughter and my mom did with me.......wait til she asks, and your answer's do not satisfy her. i remember asking my mom ONCE just before the holiday season, mom, is santa real? (dont' remember what age) she asked you want to know the truth? me: yes. she then just calmly shaked her head no, and that was it. "santa" still leaves me surprise gifts in the morning

my daughter (7-almost 8) asked for the first time august, i wasn't ready for her to know, so asked what she thinks and believe's she said i do believe he's real, then i told her that's all that matter's....she was asking at least once maybe twice a week, so i asked her the same question, and furthered my explanation into the easter bunny, tooth fairy, etc but i did explain to her that WAAAAAAY back in the day there WAS man named st nicholas that did play a "santa" role to the children in his through the santa she knows his spirit lives that helped her she's disappointed but not hurt or upset

let her tell you when she's ready...just wait til she asks, if she never does then just dont' go there.



answers from Minneapolis on

My 8 year old son got suspicious about the Easter Bunny last year, so when the subject came up one night while we were snuggling before bedtime, I told him he could ask me anything & I would tell him the truth. He asked if the Easter Bunny was a friend of mine (?) & I told him it was actually me. We talked a little bit about why it was ok to (technically) lie about it - because it was something fun my mom & dad did for me & I wanted him to enjoy it too. Then I finished up with the news that now that he knows, he gets to help make the magic for his little brother.... I am excited to see how he handles Christmas this year!



answers from Minneapolis on

Once they realize that "the man in the red suit" couldn't possible make it to every household, I started to phrase the Santa comments differently. We can all be "Santa" and give gifts annonymously to others. Of course "Santa" exists - we all can make it so. The spirit of giving to others is the important thing, that's what "Santa" is.



answers from Duluth on

I tell my daughter (who is 9 - in 4th grade) - If you don't believe, you don't receive. :)



answers from Minneapolis on

My oldest daughter NEVER believed in any of it so finally at 4, I told her she's right there is no Santa, but . . . little girls who don't tell their friends about Santa get extra presents at Christmas, or get money when they lose their teeth - she never told any of her little friends.



answers from Miami on

I was at he library with my daughter just the other day and we were talking about santa and she told me that a 10yr old boy who i know as i know his mom had told her that there was no santa, tooth fairy or easter bunny and that it was me that buys her all the presents, puts coins under the pillow and gets the eggs at easter. Well i told her that I think he must have got mixed up and she was totally fine about it. (still believes!!! YIPEE) I was SOOOO mad and i told this kids mom as he is not a nice kid, arrogant and would never trust him and he also tells people lies all the time. (I think this is why my DD really didn't believe him). Well his mom told me to speak to him, as if she spoke to him he would just laugh in her face. Well I did speak to him and I said even though he doesn't believe he shouldn't spoil it for other younger kids. Just start up a santa conversation asking if she is excited then go from there, she will probably tell you if she still believes.



answers from Chicago on

The dreaded "fairytale" talk... I know how you feel a few kids told my 6 y/o daughter that santa was fake and she told me. I told her that mommy and daddy has a friend that lives in the north pole and we share the duties of getting xmas gifts.... LOL



answers from New York on

My kids are 4 years apart. When the older one found out for sure about Santa, I too was worried that she might ruin it for her younger brother. Instead, she surprised us by actually enjoying being "in" on the conspiracy - it made her feel so "grown up" to help wrap and hide the gifts - she never once even hinted to her brother because she knew it would spoil the surprise. I think if your daughter approaches you, you certainly would want to tell her the truth, and then enlist her help to keep the magic alive for her brother and cousins. At least this worked for us.



answers from Minneapolis on

If it comes up I would ask her what she thinks and let her lead the discussion. You'll be able to tell by her response where she stands. She may still want to believe and want your reassurance that he does indeed exist. You're only a kid once and there's something magical about the holidays and Santa. Or she may know the truth and not want to believe any more, but doesn't know how you'll feel about it or what it means as far as getting presents, etc.

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