Teenagers and Dating - Anchorage,AK

Updated on February 23, 2008
A.D. asks from Anchorage, AK
10 answers

well I have a 13yr old boy who started jr. high this yr and started dating he didn't bother telling me I had to hear from a second source his aunt who also has a 13yr old their both cousin and go to the same school and started dating at the same time, This young girl bought my son a stuffed animal and a ballon for valentine's day so he tells me they have been going out for a while does not give me specific about their relationship, and friends are telling me that I should find out more about this relationship since their 13 and you know 13yr old can get pregnant, should I be concerned about this relationship? should I meet this girl? or just leave it alone knowing that thier only teenagers and it probably won't last long?

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answers from Seattle on

My son is 11 and he has had a girlfriend all school year. They have been to Halloween parties together and school dances. They don't see each other outside of school besides an event like these. I am OK with that. I watch him like a hawk because if they have too much time on their hands there gonna get in trouble no matter what. Keep him busy so he doesn't have the extra time to hang out with his girlfriend or too much time alone with his friends period. We just joined the YMCA. The kids love it. Its fun and family. Or try keeping him busy with sports. Something fun for him to focus on besides girls. Serious relationships are for grown ups not kids anyways! Good luck to you


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answers from Eugene on

I would look into it and meet the girl. There are a few reasons. First you want to set up a basis for how there things work. You don't want him to think that it is okay for you not to know about this. If you have a routine then it wont be a fight when he is older and it does matter.
Now for the scary part. Almost 4 years ago I taught middle school for a year. I taught in the 7th grade. There were several girls in my classes that were sexually active. I would not have realized it but one girl came to talk to me because she was worried that she was pregnant and she was only 12. Her "boyfriend" was 21. I ofcourse reported this to the police. I found out that a lot of the girls would find out whose parents were going to be gone that eavning and they would all get together at that house with their boyfriends and they would all have sex. I ofcourse reported this as well even though the boys were underaged so it wasn't illegal, so it was reported to the parents and the counselor. I don't want to scare you but I was totally unaware of this behavior in this age of children until then. I know that most of the kids did not do things like this but in this case I really think that you should be better safe than sorry.
Finally, my son it much too young for me to deal with this yet...but I would think that if it is really not a big thing that maybe you could meet her at a party where he as several friends over so it is not so intense or embaracing to your son. Again...I am sure that you will figure out what is right for your family...just my 2 cents.

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answers from Seattle on

It is always okay for you to find out more.
Maybe suggest a get together on a Friday night/movie night or such. Then you can meet all of your sons friends.

They are all just starting out but do keep tabs on phone calls and how much time spent together.

Causally just ask how his friends are and you can bring her up too.

Baby steps but do keep tabs. :-)



answers from Portland on

Well first off, I am a big fuddy duddy here LOL
My son is 15, and I have told him from the get go how I feel about young teens dating..
He is a freshman. I have asked him to "please" respect our wishes of staying out of relatioships until older..If he can do that ..
Becuase while he is going to want to be involved, hormones get into play and with girls, girls tend to fall harder for the boys*usually ~and that a lot of the things boys say to girls, they take to heart.
I have set a good foundation for him to follow on I can only hope he follows it too. As in I Have talked a lot , openly with him about life, relationships and what can happen etc. the way girls think, etc.
I am not naive, I told him that I know when he feels like it will be time to date, and I cant stop what happens at school. WHat I can stop for now and until he is a jr(that is when i said I would be a bit *more okay and more welcoming of a "girl" friend type relationshp if he felt he was ready).. I told him that AFTER schoohl, I do have a say who he hangs with and that I just wont welcome that relationship to happen after school hours, meaning the long phone calls, the internet stuff, the big drama.. I wont stop the calls if they are the harmless, talking type , but nto the hours on end ..lovey dovey stuff LOL~

Last year he DID have a "Girlfriend" I knew of her I also told him after drama occured that I didnt want her calling the house for him and that is when we had the big talk about keeping any "relationship" for now happening at school only. as in the "Crushes" and nothing off the grounds as in hanging out etc.. This girl would call up and tel lme I HAD to let zac talk to her, that she is in his life and nothingi can do.. etc. this was an 8th grader at the time!! scared the bajeezuz out of me, and esp when my sons friends told me of her rep.. She is NOT a virgin. yieks lol
For what was happening at the time he was "Dating" her is he was getting caught up in her life too much and not doing as well in school. He was getting caught up in her "religion" which was something about solstice, something about believing in spirit beings etc.(It saddned me that he was liking someone like her from what I Had heard OF her..) SO,That is when I put a halt to it all and said NO, not till he is more mature and the girls were too.

He has already said he is soooo not ready for sex. He has a lil brother here, he knows what sex produces. I have warned him. "Hey zac, do you want a lil Cale running around?": the kid would be YOUR responsiblity" all hopes of college and being a computer program gamer etc and so forth would be , or could be almost too hard.. if you had a baby as a teen.." I told him if you decide upon sex THAT Is what happens as once you have sex.. that possibility of a girl ending up pregnant HAPPENS-

He's a smart boy when it comes to the world in a way, he is sort of wise beyond his years. but for heavens sake he is still a boy, hormonal young man etc..
. I know he is interested but has told me he just doesnt want to get caught up into the drama of dating yet and for me to "HELP" keep on him about that LOL. funny huh? lol

But for me, I'd just keep a GOOD eye on your child, let it be known what you expect. I just don't or wouldnt allow the lil relationhips to start happening in your own home. Or just not welcoming it all too early .. I think 13 in my mind is too early.. welcoming her in your home for dinners, whatnot- I think should be kept for when they are older teens.. I nkow I wil have to be doing this pretty darn soon and it scares the crud out of me..
IT is scary now at how early sex and really serious relationships happen.
Of my sons circle "Supposedly " only 4 of the 12 guys are virgins.. according to my son. Who knows the truth though?
I plan to keep him that way as long as I can.
If he feels he is ready for a "girlfriend" and is acting mature enough to handle it and school and his life etc.. Then that will be the day I'd welcome the girl to our lives here at our home and find out more about her. I dont want to be too naive in this, I also dont want it to be a welcome sign at our door for the girls to just come on in lol...
sigh....signed scared mommy of a teenage boy ;)
GOOD luck-I am sure whatever you decide will be right by what you feel comfortable with in your own family. Everyone is different in what they believe and what their comfort level is I am just a lil more old fashioned in this dating thing.. I mean, I waited till i was out of high school to date. My first REAL date was 19.. and my first "love and sex " was after 19 too. He knows this and knows i am a good example IN that, to follow.. so its not a do as I say , and say as I do in that lol



answers from Anchorage on

The reason your son didn't tell you is because he knows you will disapprove. I can tell that just from the short phrase you wrote. It's not bad to disapprove and I can't say that I blame you. The trick is to make them think you approve. First they will confide in you second he won't want to hang out with this girl for long because kids always go against their parents. You need to be more open and understanding or your son will never tell you anything. Don't know how but you have to figure out how to be "cool"



answers from Spokane on

I think if he dating you should have a sex talk . Be open, honest, and unembarrassed about sex. Respond to questions about sex--no matter how blunt--rationally, calmly, and accurately. Know well the physical elements of human sexuality and teach the correct names for body parts. If you feel confident that you can talk to him openly about the physical aspects of sex, they will be more likely to talk with you about the emotional dimensions.Set clear rules. As a family discuss your values about chastity?, set dating standards? just know dating does lead to sex. Ask if can you meet his girlfriend. teenagers really think they know everything about sex. The hard part in dating is the break up. he should be aware it hurts.



answers from Seattle on

My son dated in 7th grade. He called her on the phone, hung out at school and went to dances together. And they kissed.
By 8th grade, I was shocked to find out that two of his class mates were having sex! Talk to him about the whole thing.



answers from Seattle on

Hi A., I have a 15 year old daughter who has a boyfriend. I think you should not be to pushy but find out as much as you can about the girl and how long they have been dating and ask to meet her. good luck



answers from Seattle on

Ya hes 13, hes going to be haveing girlfriends. This does not mean they will sleep together. Hopefully you have aready been talking to him about sex awhile ago. The v-day gift seems to be age approprate. Its better than a red rose that means "love". This seems all natural. Remember when you were 13? Just keep an open relationship with him so he will want to tell you whats going on!



answers from Seattle on

Hi there A.....I have raised 2 men and am still trying to get one teenage male thru high school. What I've found is that at 13 going out means just walking around school together and alot of phone or myspace time. What you need to do is just keep track of where he is. If teens don't have any down time that is unaccounted for they tend to get in much less trouble. If you know where they are and what they are doing you are probably going to be ok. I also do not allow any DATING until the age of 15 then it is only group dating with adults driving. At 16 they can solo date but with parents driving. Now is the time for you to lay down your rules for dating and then you HAVE to stick to them. It is also time for you and your son to have the sex talk....remember to discuss respect for women and that it should really be something that is shared between two people that love each other. These are important to do because many parents of boys only focus on the safe sex aspect and forget the others.

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