Teen Son Rebelling, Need Support from Those Who Have Gone Through It Already

Dear D.:

It is so sad that trust has been broken. You sound terrified. I know that you have his best interest at heart, but wrestling over control of your teenager's life does not always work. Physically, he is now a young man, and mentally and emotionally he is struggeling to reach manhood.

Try talking to your son without judgment. For example, you may mention his grades. You have noticed that they have slipped. Are they important to him? Has he found other priorities? Find out your son's long-term goals. You can ask him which decisions are putting him closer to that goal and which ones may interfere with it. Teenagers with clear longer-term goals are much less likely to get into trouble.

Sometimes when teenagers start to work, they focus on the short term goals of a paycheck, car, and date for Saturday night rather than the long terms goals associated with education. You can help him research the facts. Would it be wiser to invest time studying to earn a scholarship or invest time in work and a car? What are the costs, financially, socially, in terms of self-esteem, etc. You may think you already know the answer (perhaps that is the work ethic that you were raised to have), but I implore you to keep an open mind. Each person may come up with a different answer. The answer is not important. Teaching him to THINK through the options is. Young people often do not even realize that they have a choice. They just act or react. Hopefully, this thinking process will carry into other areas of his life.

Praise your son for the good things that he is doing. For example, he is showing responsiblity by maintaining his truck and his employment.

I talk to my son about why I believe that it is important to make good choices. For instance, lying hurts relationships. Is lying worth risking our relationship? When it comes to sex, the bible says that two shall become one. This is the truth. Babies may be born, diseases may be exchanged, but also when two souls unite, a piece of each soul is left behind. Will each girl take care of that piece of soul? If someone has too many sexual relationships, will they have any soul left to give to the person they eventually marry? Porn is the same way - it often interferes with relationships - it changes the way that men look at women. You can ask him,"Is it worth risking your future marraige?"

Your son must internalize these thoughts and make good choices for his own benefit, not to avoid trouble from Mom. This way, he will truly become the man that you want him to be.

I always tell my soon-to-be 17 year old that he is a young man now. The decisions that he is making now will effect him for the rest of his life. I cannot control him. So far, he has honored these responsibilities.

It seems that you are trying to control your son out of fear. I would like for you to put your trust in God and the things that you have taught him. If a boy your son's age is determined to get into trouble, nothing will stop him.

My thoughts are with you,
Jen

I am a young mom (20 almost 21) so I haven't been through this with my daughter yet, but I did go through it myself. My mom is one of my best friends now, despite all of the arguing we went through when I started dating and acting up. My advice to you is not to be so strict on him. A lot of times I felt like my mom didn't understand me and it's harder to be a teenager now than it was when she was growing up. There is more being offered to us now. I would also recommend letting him believe that you trust him and trying to be his friend. Don't be nosy because that will just make him feel like you are invading his privacy and he'll just find other ways to go behind your back and do things (I did) Sit him down and tell him that you're proud of him and you want him to succeed and become a responsible adult. Whenever he does something good or shows some interest in something then get interested too and be excited about it. Support him! Try giving him his priveleges one at a time. Maybe give him his phone back and tell him that if he keeps up good behavior then he can have more priveleges back. Never asume or acuse him of anything because that will make sparks fly too. If he's 16 and hasn't had sex then believe me, he's still a great kid. Make sure he knows your proud of him and he'll want to do good things to make you even more proud. Reward him when he does. It's a hard age to go through with everything that is being offered to us everyday and trying to keep up with the "in crowd". He probably won't want to have any "deep" conversations but whatever you say will sink in, he probably just won't talk much. What he needs the most is trust, love, and support from you. Tell him how proud you are of him for not having sex and not doing drugs and not drinking etc.... it will motivate him. Message me if you want to talk some more. I'm available!

I don't have a teenage son but I do remember what it was like being a teenager. I think that its normal for a little bit of "pulling back" to happen when kids are teenagers. They are trying to figure out who they are independent of their families. I don't think that you shouldn't discipline him. He still needs boundaries and rules. However, those rules should change according to his age, maturity level and how responsible he is. I did not have a curfew growing up because my parents always knew who I was with and where I was. They also knew that by about 11pm I was ready to come home and go to sleep. And...as hard as this may be to hear, your son is going to experiment with girls. That is part of growing up. I am not an advocate of teens having sex. But I am an advocate of them being very well educated about it, what choices they have and IF they do decide to become sexually active how to be responsible with that decision. I think that as difficult as it may be it's important to maintain an open relationship with your son. Let him know that you love him, are proud of him, but that you also have certain expectations of him. If you need to, spell it out in plain english what the consequences of premarital sex are. The level of emotional commitment and the potential for disease and pregnancy. Kids need to hear it from their parents. They will respect you and love you more in the end. As far as taking away privileges that is your right as a parent. If he has broken the rules then he should lose those things. I would be very concerned about his grades. What has happened that would change his success at school so drastically? Is he socializing with different kids? does he have a myspace or facebook page? I would dig into this a little bit deeper. I hope some of this helps you. I wish you and your family good luck in this very difficult journey that you are on right now.

First, I applaud you for what you are already doing. I have seen too many parents afraid to discipline their children and the results are usually to terrible to mention. This is one word in a nutshell, Testosterone. He is growing up and confused about his feelings and emotions. All I can say is do what you are doing, keep the communication open and above all if you aren't already, be a good listener. And remember he might say or do some hurtful things at this time and although this does require discipline and teaching of respect and self control, don't take it personally. With all that you are doing, he will grow out of it.

I have a 14, almost 15, year old daughter and a son who will be 16 in a couple of weeks......I could have written your post, including the daughter shares heart and son shares brain part.......it is very, very different raising girls and boys and I am a sole parent as their dad is deceased....it is so very hard to watch my son fail.....I just wanted to write in support as I do as you do and know no more......my son is in therapy......write if you wish..........take care

I would say pray, pray, pray. The bible tells us when we train up a child in the way they should go, they will not depart from it, so trust that what he learned while in church and at home with you, he will be kept by the word and your prayers. There is so much out there that would try to entice our children but God is faithful and will watch over him when you are not there, i truly believe that for you, continue to be loving and patient and all will be well. There are books at your local Christain bookstore that speak to this and a book by Stormie Omartian about praying for your children, so when you get a moment check out these resources.

I'm just beginning with this stage, and someone suggested that sharing a journal or notebook worked for them. This way you can say what you need to say without the emotional energy getting in the way. He can use that same notebook to respond to you, and if you leave it around in a conspicuous place, you'll be able to pick it up when you think of something. I've tried that w/ my 13 yr old, and it seems to have made a difference already. Good luck!

Ask God daily for guideance. Keep the communication lines open. Have open discussions about drugs, sex and sexual transmitted dieases. Girls now days are so forward, let him know that it is okay for him to say no to them. This is a really hard age. Keep your home open to his friends but tell them up front that you do not allow gutter language.

First of all, parenting isn't always comfortable. You have to look at it like wearing a wool sweater on a cold day. It might not 'feel' good, but you know it's the right thing to do. I have 3 grown children, 21, 23, and 25. The two oldest are boys and the youngest a girl. When they were 11, 13 and 15, I considered sending them to their grandmother for the rest of their teen years. (Not seriously), but she seemed to have all the infinite wisdom I felt one needed to get the job done. She raised 4 girls! Choose your battles wisely and try not to ride them about everything. Just in the last week both of our sons have told us that they appreciate us and thought that we did a great job providing for them and parenting them. Having lived in a community where most of the kids have the latest and greatest EVERYTHING, yet our kids weren't handed EVERYTHING, it was very satisfying and rewarding to hear that come from them. Sounds like to me that you have layed the perfect ground work for your children and they will draw from that when they need to. Believe me you can survive it! What great opportunities you have right now to 'let' you children grow into responsible young men and women while still in your safety net. Good Luck. C.C.

I do not have any answers, but do have a teenage girl who is going through some issues and would love to hear your favorite resposes, as I think I could use the extra advise also.

L. - ____@____.com
I was thinking it was a high school thing, however my oldest did not go through this. I am not worried about my daughter having sex as I know she is saving herself for marriage or I realy believe just the "right person". I firmly believe in adult supervision while at home. I am more worried about the attitude and disrespect issue.

Have you tried to talk to him about sex and drugs and alcohol yet? because if he is going to go behind your back (and more than likely he will) don't you think he should be educated about the negatives of these 3 things? His grades are probably slipping because he can control that, he can't control his emotions, or anything else. You remember what it was like to be a teen, the whole world feels like it is resting on your shoulders, but at the same time you feel invisible. Just keep your eyes and ears open, and try not to be naive! good luck!

There is a middle ground. Clamp down too hard and you push them to rebel, as as bad as if there are no rules. Pray that you will be led to lighten up and be in the middle. It is normal to be concerned, but he is just at the age he is starting to feel (grown up) and I feel they really rebel and act out if they feel they are being treated lilke a (grade school) kid. It isn't easy, but if you have set a good foundation like it sounds, he will come around, it takes patience. But don't expect boys to (confide in you ) I think this is unrealistic. Girls are more the type to want to tell all about everything.

I am sorry for your situation it can be so overwhelming. I am a step mom to a 16 year old and this last summer he chose to move to his mothers :(. we hated to see him go because of all he things he is going though sometimes boys can be so hard to reach- ours, would agree with you on the surface and then just go and do the opposite. one of the best things we did was join a tough love group at the time we lived in Dallas and the group met in Fort Worth if that tells you how important it was for us to get that added support. it was very hard for us especially at church to find people going through it. I would still go today if it weren't so hard for us to get a sitter for our younger children.
please go just to see its free for awhile and then its only like 5$ a meeting- pays for guest speakers and food
you'll be in my prayers

Sounds like you're doing a great job of setting limits. It is a scary when you see your kids making bad choices, but it doesn't necessarily mean the worst. Don't forget that it's normal for kids to begin to separate from their parents during the teen years. That's just part of growing up.

You are doing the right thing. Stand firm. You could be in for a very bumpy road. The wrong girl can really mess up a good guy. Girls are very aggressive today and many, even those in church, don't have the values that many of us did growing up. Teenagers have trouble seeing past right now. Keep talking to him about long term goals, consequences, etc. to help him see past the moment. If you have a strong willed kid, he may have to learn a few things the hard way which is very tough on you. You said that you are a Christian mom. I am as well. Pray, pray and pray some more. God is faithful and will often tip you off to things you need to know, so listen to your gut. Also know that he may allow your teen to take a fall in order to learn a few lessons. Do not let this shake your faith. God loves him even more than you do, so do your best to trust Him. There are some good books by Shauti Feldhahn about men and women and I believe there is one for teens. I went through the one for men with my son and it was helpful for him in dealing with girls. Hang in there. You are not overreacting. He needs accountability and to understand that he has to look past today. If you want to talk more, give me a call or e-mail me.(817-577-1486/____@____.com) Good luck. G.

I probably don't have the right to respond to your post being that I am only 26 and still cooking up my first child. However, I thought I might could give you the perspective of a loving daughter to her parents who once was a crazy teen. Let me start by saying I never used drugs nor was I ever late for cerfew. But that is about it. My parents raised me in church twice every Sunday and once on Wedn. We prayed together as a family and my mother did everything she could to reach out to me when I was a teen. However, I still chose my own path...I drank, and had boyfriends. I lied to my parents about every weekend because they had such stricked rules. Now my parents tell me they knew most of the things I did and that they knew they just had to pray I would be okay and that I would make it through my teenage years. I went off to college and against my parents I moved in with my now Husband. They stopped paying for everything but I did it anyways and we are a better couple because of it, in our opinion. We made it through college and for the past two years we spend every other weekend with my parents. I talk to my mom and dad just about every day. They say it was hard times during my teenage years and I can only imagine what they felt. But my purpose is to tell you and all the mothers out there...sometimes teenagers choose their own paths, they are not usually what you would choose for them but you have to guide them with open palms so they can breath and grow. My parents not smothering me allowed me to become an independent woman and thinker. I appreciate them giving me some slack.

Blessings to you dee dee,
my name is G. im a christian mother of 6 and its not much i havent gone thru with my children each being of their own uniqueness rangeing from age 22,19,18,15,12,and 3. My daughter the 15 year old is somewhat in that situation but the young man is not older and she has never been alone with him and she has made a change i've always been apart of them in every aspect cell phones checking text and all that stuff dont beat yourself up about it your doing the right thing to show that type of love and discipline being his friend is really good but being his mother is a duty from God the bible tells us the train them in the way they shall go and they will not stear far from it and thats what you are doing my daughter is still a virgin and i decided as her mother that even if im hard its for her good when she's older she will appreciate it. Definitely be patient and nurturing ask him questions when your emotions are stirred up and when he stops answering dont push give him his space to be him. Let him know (im sure you tell him) but let him know this is because you love him and want whats best for him give him something you took back to earn his trust in good faith and in return he needs to understand the distrust and that he has to build it back. For example he can drive and go places but he has to call you and check in every hour he's gone or every 30 min and prove where he is i do with mine and it helps God bless you and keep you and your family as you continue to build on His Word my number is ###-###-#### if ever you need to talk or encouragement Your a great and blessed mother keep going

Well,i have 3 children oldest being 30 and the youngest being 19..yes those beutiful little children turn on us as they go through this transitional period..they will get over it..they will come back..my 19 yr old is just now coming back, yes he did everything i wish he wouldnt do. Keep praying for them never cease. I am still in my childrens business, but i try not to get upset, i try to guide them in the right directions. We no longer have control and that what we as moms have a hard time understanding..if he has been saved and he still comes around then what are you worring about..let the lord take care of that young adult. In most countries, they consider 16 and up as men. We see them as rebelous teens...we have a tendency to nourcher our children to death. Its the hardest thing i have ever done. Accept them as adults..just think back when you or your siblings or friends was that age..they have to experience life in the fullest at a young age..i still let my 19 yr old know i am mom and i wont tollerate bad behavior..now he doenst tell me if he has a drink or does something wrong, instead my daughter tells me now. They live next door to each other. I just pray harder..he is coming around though, he telling me more about his relationships and his plans..thank god, hes still talking to me..its tough, but hang in there.

Forgive the spelling, its 6:30 am, i work in a surgery center.
I help out with the youth people of our church..trust me it could be alot worst. I thank god for the children i have.
M.

Back off already! At this age you need to trust what you have already instilled in him. God will guide him if your son has a relationship with Him (Christ)!! It is hard, I know, I have a 15 year old daughter. I think, occasionally, you can still let him know where you and your husband stand, but preaching to him will drive him further away. Trust in the Lord and let go! He will be fine.

well, i know how you feel...i have a daughter but know she is pulling away. part of it is just them wanting some independence and the ability to make decisions on their own. i hate it... she and i have always been close. but, this year i have noticed she has wanted to do things with her friends and not have me "supervising" or even part of her conversations/life, etc. unfortunately, that's something we have to deal with.

now, as far as the girl goes... did she break up with him?? if so, maybe he is suffering from a lack of self-confidence over the deal. which could lead to the lower grades, etc. and if they broke up over the "nonsupervision policy" then don't worry about it -- they didn't need to be together. =)

my advice would be to let him know that he is loved by you, his dad, and everyone in the family. and, keep him involved in church...

and, keep in mind... he could be worse -- failing and doing drugs or alcohol!

I went through this as a teen. My parents became so overly strict and accused me of doing things I hadn't actually done, that I ran away and got into a lot of trouble that I regret to this day. I figured it out though and grew into a mature, responsible adult, luckily.

I would advise to maintain the rules you have set, to always follow up with love, and to never yell at him, but treat him with respect always. If you raised him with good principles, he will find his way and govern himself based on those choices. Also, encourage him to maybe volunteer in a youth program or with the homeless, or reading to the elderly in a nursing home. These are things that can really humble and change a person.

D.,
I'd like to share a family story about my dad, who has passed - but it's a great story.

Dad grew up the only boy on a family with four sisters. His father was a conservative pastor and grandma raised the kids. My father's best friend went to war (WWII) and dad would write letters. (My dad ultimately went to war when he was old enough) One of those letters was found on his bedside table by his snoopy sister. In it my father cussed like "a sailor." This was not appropriate in anyone's household at that time, but certainly not the pastor's son. My aunts surely discussed their plan with my grandparents or I'm sure they would have ALL been punished. But as my father told this story he would say ....

The next morning each sister had decided on which swear word they would use. One asked him how he wanted his d**n eggs; another entered with a comment about a sh**ty morning -- well, the point was made. When Dad heard how ridiculous they sounded he made the choice not to use the words again. And as his daughter I can tell you that I never heard a foul word out of his mouth for as long as I can remember.

You are creating healthy boundaries and that's fantastic. Take a look at your church's program for kids his age -- really examine it - are they doing anything "cool" or is it all "preachy." Our youth are going on two mission trips this summer, one to Ecuador, and we have a family mission trip scheduled as well. This allows the whole family to participate without the pressures of a regular routine. If you want more information please let me know. Are any of you volunteering/giving back anywhere on a regular basis? Perhaps he could choose some place that interests him as HIS way to define who he is without Mom and Dad.

I love teenagers. They'll never be like this again in their lives. They have been "pleasers" for so long and soon they will morph into their parents - but right now they want to know who THEY are. It's tough, but if you can embrace it as his way of defining who he is, and still creating boundaries that will help him make good choices, you will get through this.

Take a look into: 1 Cor 10:13, Rom 14:4 together with 2 Pt 2:9.

I recommend reading "Five languages of love for teenagers" by Gary Chapman. I know this doesn't answer your question much but it will help in finding out how to get out of this situation and building a better relationship with him.

Hi D.,

My boys are still little (5 and 2), but I wanted to respond to your post anyway. My parents went through some really terrible times with my brother and sister - drugs, sex, & alcohol during their teen years - pretty severe rebellion. My brother and sister have both repented and reconciled with the Lord and our family (we are all in our 30's now), but man, was it tough on my parents! Besides spending alot of time on their knees in prayer, they had a support group of other parents experiencing all kinds of rebellion from talking back to teen pregnancy. The resource they used was "Relief for Hurting Parents: How To Fight For The Lives of Teenagers" by Buddy Scott who also led the group. You can buy this on Amazon - not sure if they have it in stores. I know they would highly recommend it as a help to you!
Blessings,
K.

Hi Dee Dee,
I know exactly what you are going thru. I have a teen-age daughter, who at 15 1/2 was having what her father and i felt like was an improper relationship with an 18 yr. old. I didn't pay much attention to this boys name, cause she didn't mention it a lot, but she had her phone taken away for another reason, and I read some of her text messages, 99% of them were with this boy, and they were at all hours of the night, and all ended with "I love you". Her father and I interveined, and that was basically the end of our relationship with her. it was awful and seemed to last a lifetime. We are just now beginning to once again have a realation with her. But during that period of like a year and a half, it was misserable. I cried all the time, cuz i missed her so much. She was dis-respectful, hatefull. But like your son, went to church, and I think that helped a lot, even though it didn't seem to change her attitude towards us, she still had the Holy Spirit reaching her. Hard as it is, just keep re-inforcing your love for him, pray for him, and be there for him. Don't stop discipling him. My daughter finally gave in and confessed that she missed having a relationship with us, and hated waking up every morning feeling agry. And it all boiled down to us breaking our trust with her. She felt very betrayed. She knew what we did was for her own good, and fortunately she did finally see the light. These years are so difficult, it's so hard to bring children up in this world. Just hold on, keep your eyes open, but don't be suspisious of every move he makes. I didn't ever think I would have my daughter back either, and from what I hear from other parents, and I have asked a lot, they are going thru the same thing, some of them even worse. I'll send a prayer for you and your family D..

I don't know if this will help, and "No" I'm not a mother yet (due in June) but I thought I would share. My brother was the picture of what you have described pre-older-girlfriend. He was almost really a Momma's Boy. But, his rebellion started earlier. By sixteen, he was using drugs, drag racing on central expressway, stealing, lying, having sex, etc. My parents are (and were) good Christian parents, too. What I want to encourage you with is that today, and for the last 12 years (he is thirty now) my brother is quite the opposite. He is a successful professional, has a beautiful wife and my precious niece just turned four. He is active in the church, focusing his service on guiding young boys and teens down the right path through sports. I hope that what you read here allows you be a little less worried about your son. (yea, right, I know.;-) What I mean is, I watched my parents go through much the same thing. It took some tough love and MUCH prayer, but my borther is living proof that both work. Your son will come back around - just NEVER give up on him. And trust that God will never give you more than you can handle. God Bless!!

He sounds angry. Have you tried to talk with him? Ask him to lunch and try to open communication. He may look at it like you broke his trust first by talking to the girl's parents. Did you talk to him about the situation first? He hasn't turned away because he is still doing things with dad and granddad. How is his Dad in the disciplining? Is it all you?
If you are involved in your church, try to get your Youth Minister involved. Speak with the YM and see if he/she can talk to your son. Don't make a big deal about it.
Hang in there, and remember his life is growing in leaps and bounds and he's trying to find his way. Keep letting him know how much you love him.
I once heard, "Even when they roll there eyes when you say something, they still hear you"

Please get the book, Boundaries with Teens. It is a wonderful book with a lot of good information. Another one is Love and Logic with Teens. Boundaries with Teens is written by christian authors. I have a prodigal daughter who I keep in prayer daily. Keep your children bathed in prayer.

Blessings!
L.

Hi D., Going through similar times-so glad to hear from you. My 16yr old girl now has a tatoo, belly button ring, and little trust from us. I keep trying to get her to understand that she can have all the freedom she wants if she keeps our trust. Lots of angry, sassing,temper. We put curfew on her txt phone-See ATTCIngular-they do it automatically-she gets better sleep now.
We have limited her out nights with friends-she makes descent choices in her friends but her friends do not do the same. She rebelled and snuck out of the house only to get back at me for being angry with her and now has lost all our trust and broke my heart.
I hope to recommend one thing to you-that no matter what you say or do-he must always know you love him. Always and forever no matter how bad it gets. I say it many times a day and she gets angry to hear it but I can tell she needs it. This is who they are and keep your chin up, if he was a good kid he probably still is.
Too tight of reigns will make him rebell for sure (like when we came down real h*** o* ours) but being consistent and knowing where he is all the time is important.
Good job for talking with her parents-more parents should. If he is still interacting with the family you can relax-no drugs and that is a big thing with kids. No drinking too? like to praise my teen-she does not smoke,drink,sex or go to parties. If I could just control the mouth I would be much happier or the Hay-don't forget I am the parent rule. :)
I guess what I am trying to say, you want him to be a man in a couple of years and want him to want to make good decisions for himself. Be sure to remember to praise for the good choices and be fair and consistent with the bad and remember most importantly - don't sweat the small stuff. :)

I will tell you to pray for every aspect of your son's life (your daughters too). But, please let them know they can come to you about anything and you will always be there for them and not judge them. We had a tragedy in my hometown this past weekend. It was senior prom and there was an after party. 5 boys left together and they ended up trying to hit a rabbit, going off the road and all of them except 1 ended up flying through the windshield. None of them were wearing their seatbelts and 2 were killed. They had been drinking. The parents of one of the boys that was killed never imagined that their son was one who would drink as they forbade their son to drink. Its such a tragedy.

I'm not condoning underage drinking by any means but my parents always told me that they didn't want me to drink but If I ever did I should call them and they would come pick me up. Because of that, I never had the urge to drink. I didn't feel like I was forbidden to do something. I hope that makes sense.

It sounds like he's just trying to find himself in this world. Part of growing up. I wish you luck...I know I will be in your shoes one day. its so scary. I kind of wish we could keep them little forever!!

D.

I have four children, 3 grown with families, one son still home and 15. My oldest daughter was our rebel and I wish I could tell you what to do but the truth of the matter is it is there choice. With that being said, I do agree in priveleges being taken away and living a good example because while he may stray he will never get away from the what he knows is right and wrong. You mentioned that you are a Christian. A praying Christian mom is a great thing to have on your side. The thing with me is I felt like a failure with my daughter and I tried to turn it all in on me. I do not know if you understand that feeling or the point I am trying to make but know matter what if you keep praying, set rules and express your unconditional love for him you will have done your part as a mother. My daughter became pregnant at seventeen and while in most cases it leads to more unwanted pregnancies and a hard road, today she is a wonderful Christian mother of two married to my grandsons father. I simply realized the child I put into Gods care, I was going to have to leave there and let her become the women she was destined to be.
Best wishes and a prayer said
D.

If your 16 yr old son still wants to hang out with his family and his father/grandpa on weekends then you are doing something right. My oldest is only 13 and he still likes doing things with us. I think that is one of the most important things. Cursing, fooling around with girls... that is normal teenage things. Try to remember what you or your husband were like when you were that age. The grades thing is a little concerning but it could be that he has other things on his mind this year (dating, job, truck) so he is getting sidetracked. It sounds like normal teenage stuff so I wouldn't come down too hard but don't let it slide more. It sounds like you are doing all the right things... just try to remember what you felt when you were a teenager. Good luck.

i am also a mother of teenage boys- 19,17,15, and 11. i have been a single mom for 11 yrs. it has been hard and trying at times. i am very close to my boys like you.i also have raised my kids in church. my oldest stopped going when he was 17 and my second son when he was 16. they started acting different doing the same things your son is. i think your doing all the right things. i did the same thing limiting everything they were doing and limiting time spent with friends. although when they would spend the night they would do things they werent suppose to. but they are now 19, and 17 and they have came back around. stay close to him dont pry to much, i have learned that when they want to talk doesnt matter what time it is or what your doing- stop and listen to them. also dont react right away when they tell you something that is shocking i have learn its better to think about it first. my oldest son 19 thanks me for having the rules i did. although he still got away with things i am finding out as time goes by. but because he had a curfew and i always made him come home he didnt do as much as the other boys did. and they dont tell you everything either becuase they dont want to hurt you or feel like they have let you down. keep being there for him and showing him you love him no matter what and that you have his best interest in mind. you will always be close to him dont worry. the only wish i have is that my boys would come back to church. so you are doing great job because he is still going and wanting to go and that in its self is a strength for him to choose the right things.