Team Sport

Updated on March 10, 2010
K.J. asks from Lake Zurich, IL
9 answers

New at this, accidentally deleted my original question. My son tried out for his school team. He has been playing this sport for years and is very good according to his travel coaches. He attended all of the practices prior to tryouts. His teammates were sure he was going to make the team, yet the coach did not pick him. Instead, he picked kids, that were not as good (Kids that were normally benched by his travel coaches). My son has received numerous offers to play in college, but decided to concentrate on his studies. However, since this is his last year, he really wanted to represent his school. I know he's disappointed, but tells me he's ok. I've had other parents that made the team come up to me, telling me they cannot believe he's not in it. I know a lot of it is political, but should I say something to the school, the coach?

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So What Happened?

While a lot of the kids that were picked are deserving to be on the team, I found out from the other parents that some some were picked because of their parents personal friendship with the coach. My son did speak to him, and his explanation was so wacky, it's not even worth mentioning. (My son was on the team 2 years ago, but decided to pursue another sport last year. So did other kids that are back on the team. The coach was not happy because he did that, and I feel is also holding a grudge). My son has played with a lot of these kids in club teams for years. He is a team player, and loved by his coaches. This to me is a case of its not what you know, but who you know. I explained to my son, that unfortunately in life, this will happen. He has a bright future and understands the cirmcumstances. What bothers me is the lesson that this coach is teaching these kids, that the more @&& you kiss, the better off you are in life, plus I'm paying extremely high taxes to help pay for his salary! Thank you everyone for letting me vent my frustration.

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answers from Minneapolis on

At his age, he should be the one to talk to the coach if he wants. He could just say something like, "I was really looking forward to representing my school on this team and I am wondering if there was something I could have done better or differently to have been picked for the team." But you definitely have no need or reason to speak to the coach. And frankly a little disappointment is a good thing in life, especially if he follows through and learns the reasons behind it so he can learn from it.

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from San Francisco on

i agree and have your son talk to the coach instead. high school coaches are weird in a sense. And they really don't care about feelings, especially from the parents. If you son doesn't want to talk to the coach then, just walk away from it and find something else to do... yes, it is a political thing in HS which is sad when they are suppose to be all for the kids. HS coaches put a different perspective in my book. Had me thinking one way of a coach, and turned out to be the opposite. Good luck. Hope something better comes your sons way. My nephew got baseball scholarships coming out of a junior college and is now playing for Colorado State. He did the traveling teams through out his years as well.



answers from San Antonio on

I have a son who is a high school athlete and think your son should be the one to talk to the coach. Tell your son to just be honest & to ask the coach why he was not chosen and what he could have done different. After having kids play sports for years, I have learned that the best athletes are not always the ones that are chosen. Coaches also look at team dynamics and how the kids will fit together as a team. Coaches are usually looking for specific things when they pick a kid for a team. My son's pitching coach is a scout for a MLB team and he told us that they do not always look for the most talented kid - they look for players who have the basic skills and can be taught. They also look at the kids mental attitude and, believe it or not, they look at the parents. If the parents are right in the middle of everything, they will think twice about whether or not they want to deal with that athlete no matter how good he or she is. No matter what, let your son handle it.



answers from San Francisco on

Greetings KJ: I have also sons that are excellent in sports and for years my husband was a coach. He made sure that he taught not just the team but our dear sons: "that sportsmanship means that someone is a looser and some are the winner. To tell which you are is how you handle not getting what you want." Picking a team is the coach's decision and only he knows what he is looking for as a team.
Mom, your son is the one that would go to the coach at his age not you! He is old enough to talk,express himself, and learn from the situation. For you to go behind him and keep trying to "fix it" sends the message that he can't be OK as he says he is and that he should be protesting loudly.It sounds as if you are more disappointed than he is and that he is doing better than you. Sometimes my husband hated that parents egos got in the way of the sportsmanship of sports. I wish you luck, and hope that you will support your child in attending the games and just enjoy watching them.



answers from Sacramento on

First of all take the high road.....thankfully the colleges already know who he is...but you need to make sure with his club coaches that him not getting on his high school team has tarnished his image. When talking to the other parents ask them for thier opinion on what they would do....

For me.....I might ask to meet with the hs coach and get his reasoning...but state that you are not here to get him on the team. It's a mute point on that. You'd like to get his perspective on what your son can do to become a better player....if he chose not to meet with you then write a letter to him and copy the principal. But make the letter very positive....and just state the facts......his long time playing club, his want of wanting to play on team last year in hs, other parents surprise that your son did not make it. I am not sure I would mention the interest of colleges wanting him. With all of the facts stated ask if you could get his reasoning on why your son didnt' make the team and what advice he could give your son to make himself a better player....

And now that I am typing might be better for your son to do this himself in person to the coach. Your son needs to go in there and accept with dignity what hte coach has to say whether it is negative or positve....then he can come home and letyou know..and him and the family can process what occurred...this can only make your son a better person.

If this comes out as something that is negative or just plain crazy...write a letter to the principal to make them aware of the situation for future situations and that you are not soliciting a spot for your son on the team.

Sports is tough...but it makes you a better person with the right positive approach. good luck.



answers from Bakersfield on

Hi Momma-
You could always ask the coach his reasoning for this. I have never heard of a school not implementing a great athlete unless there was a huge political struggle for someone else's kid to be on the team. If that IS the case, the coach may be faced with his job. I know that I had my job offered to me on a silver platter and had to decide whether or not I wanted to "play along" or not. Since I did not have the option of losing my job at the moment, sadly, I have had to play along. Your school coach may not be able to say this in so many words, or there may be a completely different reason that has nothing to do with any of this. But, as a mom, it never hurts to ask the reasoning for their decision. Just keep your cool and be prepared to answer with reason on your sons behalf.
Hope this helps
-E. M


answers from Stockton on

I think that you should stay out of it. If anything should be done I think it should be done by your husband/his father. Men have a different way of handling things, and know what and when to say something in circumstances like these, that we women usually get our emotions involved in. I don't think that you should say anything, and if you decide that you are going to say something anyways, you should make sure that your son is ok with that first. It would probably cause a lot of problems for him if his "mommy" is coming to his rescue! I know it is hard to sit back and watch, but really this is a life lesson for him. Life IS NOT FAIR!!! As much as we want it to be there are always going to be times when someone who is not as qualified gets the job that you want, or something similiar. It sounds to me like he is handling it just fine!


answers from Spokane on

I don't would hard for me (let alone my son) if I didn't get an honest answer as to why he wasn't picked?

This is a toughy....follow your heart....if your son is truly OK then maybe leave it be.

Maybe this is one of those "fate" moments and your son is meant to have more free time so he is open for the next great thing in his life??

~They say when one door closes another one opens...or a window? or something?? :)



answers from Redding on

If it is something that is really bothering you and your son you may want to politely ask the coach why he made the decision he did. Maybe he feels your son gets quite a bit of recognition on his other team and chose to play the kids that could use a bit more attention and practice. I know it is hard to believe, but not all coaches are in it to win. some enjoy mentoring our young.

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