Teaching a 3 Year Old to Wait Patiently

I usually have my DD do something while we are waiting. I'm not the type to carry around treats or activities, but there is almost always something to do... Like looking at a sign, and asking her to find the letter A, Or count how many stripes are on the wall, spin in a circle, stand on one foot, find something blue, etc.

She is almost 4 now, and is pretty good about waiting. She can now entertain herself for the most part while we are in lines.

Simple little waiting games. :)

Try some kind of game like looking for colors in the room together. Spot something yellow! etc or singing a quiet song or bring something for him to do that's easy to do while walking like maybe a small doodleboard or a book.

I can't wait 15 minutes patiently and I'm 36 lol.

Yep, it's too much to ask.
They don't have that aquired skill/trait yet. Too young at that age.
The best you can do is redirect him away from whatever he is doing.
Here's a comparison, look at that same line you are waiting in & look at
the adults waiting there. They are usually impatient too: looking at the
ceiling then the tellers then the camers, down at their feet, shifting weight
from him to hip, looking in their purse, checking their phone etc.
See? It's hard to wait even if you're an adult then we expect our little ones w/o that developed skill to sit absolutely still & bored waiting.
It's soooo hard for them. Plus there's a whole world out there for them to
explore. They just can't wait. They are chomping at the bit.
So I bring a Matchbox car for him to play with, let him play a game on my phone, a tiny tupperware of Goldfish for him to get out & eat etc.
Hang in there as their patience level begins to grow (more at about age 5
but still.....it's coming soon.).

Its not a matter of what you have to keep them occupied, but where to teach them how to be patient. Right before a doctor or bank appointment isn't the place kids can learn to be patient. It starts at home and requires for you to be patient first. Kids learning to be patient requires them to realize the world doesn't revolve around them for everything they want.

At home, don't jump every time he wants something. Even if he asks for a drink, don't rush. Just walk slowly and patiently to the kitchen and get his drink slowly, no matter how much he whines and cries.

If he wants you to play with him, don't drop everything. Tell him "ok" but finish reading that page in your book, or put in that load of laundry, or finish washing the dishes for a minute or two. Follow through and play with him of course but don't jump just because he wants you to.

Set aside some special toys he isn't allowed to play with regularly (you may have to buy new ones). Each day give him a toy and have him sit on the couch or on the floor (or wherever) and have him stay there for a minute. Then put the toy up. Do this every day adding 30 seconds - 1 min each day. Change the toy every few days. Bring those toys with you when you have to go somewhere and wait. Soon you've built up his "waiting room patience" at home to 10-15 (maybe even more!) minutes and won't have anything to worry about keeping him occupied because you have his "waiting room" toy on hand.

Children's behavior is an extension of what they're taught at home.

GL!

From my experience with kiddos, this is a rare feat you are expecting.

Our strategy was to always bring along a few things to do: a couple favorite, engaging books, a small magna-doodle, a small ziplock bag of simple snacks (pretzels, almonds, raisins), something to keep his hands busy. For restaurants, we brought a pad of paper and crayons/markers at the very least. (We still do this and Kiddo's seven. It just makes sense.) As for staying by your side, think umbrella stroller if you have a busy little one. Having them strapped in and being able to pass them a few things to keep them occupied is far easier than expecting them to just stand there and be quiet, which is a pretty unrealistic expectation.

Remember, too, that their attention span is usually one minute per year. Three minutes. Not very long, so that's why a few items brought along can help-- we can distract and engage them, but novelty sure helps!

For a three-year-old, fifteen minutes is fifteen years. Five minutes is five years. (Actually, I'm probably underestimating.)

You can start teaching your son a little in that direction, though. "Sit still" doesn't mean much. "Quiet voice, and stay on the chair" is something he can manage - for maybe thirty seconds. But it's a step in the right direction. He'll still get to wiggle.

Would it help your son if he took a book to the bank with him next time? Then he will have a little something to do. If he can "read" his book for a little while, he's doing well. Also, think about telling him quiet stories (assuming you're waiting, too!), or taking him in your lap and talking to him quietly about what he sees. Learning to be observant is something a toddler can do. Think of some other uses for his time.

Still, it's going to be a challenge. Three is the oldest your son has ever been, but it's still pretty young.

Yes, it's too much to ask. It just is for most kids. The best advice I have is to try and prepare him as much as possible ahead of time. I still have to do that sometimes with my kids. I let them know that we are going to the grocery store and remind them that this means riding in the cart or walking with me, no leaving my side, staying quiet (inside voices), no running or jumping or being too loud and silly, etc. Of course with two of them, they can feed off of each other, so that's the reason for some of the rules.

Even 5 minutes is asking a lot of a 3 year old. Sure there are some kids who can handle it, but the vast majority of 3 year olds cannot just sit and wait.

If at all possible, bring something with you to help pass the time. Usually my kids are ok with my phone or a tablet. You could bring a coloring book if there will be a place for them to sit.

It's important to keep reminding them and trying, but it really is difficult at that age.

Waiting patiently at 3 is an oxymoron. :-). Distraction is the name of the game. My kids did better when I explained before hand what was going to happen. I would say something like we are going into a business where people need things to be quiet. I know you are so grown up (my kids always loved if I told them they were so big or grown up) so I know that you'll be able to stand quietly beside me for just a few minutes.

Always remember most of the people in a place of business have kids and have been where you are. Most are kind and understanding. It's a training process. Maybe practice at home too. The more you go the more your little person will be exposed to what you expect. Paying careful attention not to plan outings when kiddo is hungry or tired. That's a recipe for disaster.

Blessings!
L.

I try to keep my 3 year old engaged in something--whatever I can think of at the time...waiting in a line: "Hey, can you stand on 1 foot?" "High five!" "What's on your nose? Hmm, let me take a look...."

ETA: "I spy with my little eye something green...."

So you didn't attempt to play with him for those 14 mins he was asking?

Umm, at this age, unless you are filling out paperwork or speaking to someone face to face, working in playtime with him is pretty much your job.
That's how they learn. Not only academically but socially and emotionally as well.

My kids laugh at how many times we played "I Spy" as a kid. We had the books with us, too. Silly rhymes or silly songs we whispered to each other.
Simon says, was always good. A toy that only comes out of your purse when you are waiting. Rock, paper, scissors when he's a little older.

You tell him you love him everytime you pay attention to him. But when you are occupied with adult things, if he had enough attention, he will wait fairly patiently. If he is starved for attention, he won't.

My daughters are 2 and 3. We never really take stuff with us. I just allow them to explore. No climbing, running, jumping, etc. But we talk about what they see. We have conversations with other people waiting. And I constantly remind them that we need to wait patiently for our turn. The bank is an easy one for us because they know they'll get a sucker.

No it is NOT unreasonable for you to want a 3 year old to do this. Just show them how it's done. Whenever we see someone being impatient somewhere I talk to them about it. But instead of expecting him to sit or stand quietly without moving, focus on making sure he knows appropriate behavior.

What is reality telling you? Is it too hard for him? Yes! So, instead of arguing with reality, and making your life stressful, how about you make some choices about what is - he is only 3 and doesn't have the capacity to be "patient."

Buy him a little backpack of his own. Fill it with different little toys, crayons and paper, an ipod (music or audiobooks are great for calming and focusing children), snacks, etc. Use this only for going out to places where he will need to be occupied.

Also, invest in a harness type leash. This is about safety. My children still talk about how much they actually liked them because their hands were free, they had some freedom and yet still a sense of safety, and I was much calmer and wasn't constantly harping on them to stay put. They are now adults and still talk about how much they appreciated them. They do not understand why so many people react so adversely to the idea other than those people never had the experience and therefore are making up stories about how it feels for the child.

it's a process. it's not something they just get.
and most 3 year olds are very, very wiggly. it's not a matter of patience, it's a matter of how they perceive time. they're very much in the here-and-now. telling them to wait for 15 minutes isn't really any different than telling 'em to hang out for a century or two.
that doesn't mean you can't give them boundaries and expectations. exploring to a short distance away from you, asking occasional questions, touching things are all acceptable in a limited capacity. if you're somewhere he absolutely cannot move or talk or look around, it's too much to expect him to comply without some sort of eruption. if you know in advance there's going to be some 'boring time' ie the doctor's office then take one or two (not too many!) distractions, and a snack.
i guess i was lucky in that my kids would usually sit well for a story, so a dr suess in my purse or the diaper bag would get me through a myriad of meltdown possibilities.
khairete
S.

3 is a hard age. I recommend letting him play games on your phone. My 4 year old can wait without casing problems now, but 3 was hard.

Food. I always give them a sucker or a snack. But my kids now (6 and 4) wander off together and make up games to play.

No, it isn't too much... provided you have worked to teach him the skills to accomplish it.

You can't just ignore that he needs to be taught this skill, and then take him to go stand in a line for 5 minutes (forEVERRRR) and expect him to do so, quietly and compliantly. It won't happen that way. This kind of patience needs to be practiced for a child to be able to use it. So work on practicing this skill: patience.

Imagine that instead of standing in line at a bank, you were asking if it were reasonable to expect a 3 year old to sit quietly in church. Sure it is! But not if you've never taught them to do so. And if you go and don't expect them to behave, but rather, expect them to crawl around the floor, make noise, eat, point and talk at the people behind you, etc etc etc... then they will meet your expectations for that.

Yes, it's doable. :)

Can't expect too much. But yes they can learn to be still and quiet a bit. When I knew I'd have to wait I always had little toys in my purse that would only be taken out at those times. That way they remained fairly fresh to their eyes. Sometimes I'd tell a story, sometimes we'd talked about something around us. For the most part they'd stay pretty "patient" and would hold my hand.

I kept my stroller in the back of the van and put kiddo in it anytime I didn't want to deal with this behavior. He does fine now.

I always had food with me and asked my son to bring a toy with him when we left the house. At home he would play or do activities on his own for 15-20 mins at a time while I would get a chore done. Even now I will say to my son I am going to do X for the next 30 minutes then we will play a game (or whatever he wants to do). Also have worked on getting my son to, waiting patiently for a couple minutes if he wants my attention and it is not an emergency. I wrap up what I was doing and then address his concern. No kid is perfect and as they get older it is a whole lot easier.

I agree with both Ally G and...basically everyone else who said bring some things. The place to teach them is not while your out but every day at home. Maybe even try to look up some games that teach patience.