My friend's son recently (about 2 weeks now) joined preschool. They do not give a daily report though. She would ask them in the evening when picking him up about the day & all they say is that he had a good day. Her daughter goes to there too but too but she is older & so is in a different class.
On the way back home last evening, she tells my friend that the teacher asked had to sit in her brother's class with him for a while because he was crying uncontrollably. This was atleast a couple of hours after she had left them there.
He calmed down after he saw his sister. She was with him for a little bit.
But, the teachers did not mention anything about this. When she asked them, they said that it was not a normal day for him because he doesn't cry for this long usually.
He has been crying every day in school.
How can we tell the teachers/ day care that firmly but nicely that not telling them what her child was doing or not doing is not acceptable?
P.S: She did not hear about the longer crying & that they had to bring in his sister from the preschool. She heard that from her daughter.
My daughter's preschool does not give out daily reports. I know of her behavior based on what color star she got on her calendar. I ask her daily what she did at school and get 'played' or 'i don't know.' LOL I have found that the teacher is very prompt about replying to my emails so I've started using that avenue.
it is NORMAL for a new preschooler to cry, if they spend ANY of the first week NOT crying THAT is a good day
As a child care provider myself I think your request is completely reasonable. You are not asking how many breathes your child took each day, you are asking about a summary of his overall day. If his teachers can not give you that much information than there are too many children in that class and not enough teachers.
Children cry when there is a problem and if they are not working with you and at very least informing you of the issue than I would suggest you pursue the matter with the director. Everyone is quick to claim separation anxiety, but that is a serious issue for a child and not just an excuse to let them cry.
While the teacher is talking to the parent or writing out detailed reports, the rest of the children are being at least partially neglected and only surfacely watched. There's no NICE way to tell parents that they are not the only child in care and they are not the only parents. If your friend needs a nanny, then they need to dig deeper and come up with the money for a nanny.
I would ask for a meeting after school where I could sit down and talk to the teacher about why I wasn't told this and had to learn it through another CHILD instead of from the teacher. Crying during a transition is one thing, but crying uncontrollably to the point that they pull another child out of class...If that were me I'd be very upset that no one thought it was important enough to tell me.
I'd also find out what the school policies are in giving information to parents/contacting parents in case of an issue.
My daughters preschool does not do daily reports either. In fact when my oldest daughter started she did not take to preschool right away either. It wasn't until I initiated the email to her teacher before I got any information about how she was really doing. But the key was to her teacher that every day got a little better and it did.
Outside of that, she only sent home information if your child was acting up in school. But even then she doesn't start that until 2 weeks into school. She just sent a note home for the first time since school started saying she will implement the behavioral system this week.
I think if your friend is concerned she should email or call the teacher to see how he is doing since she heard about the sister having to go into the classroom. But I personally don't think she needs a progress report daily...maybe just weekly?
Hi RB
How old is he? Pre-school is different than day-care. In day-care you get a behavioral report. In pre-school the amount of info you get is limited. That's one of the signals to mom that it's time to pull away just a bit. That's why some moms don't send their kid to preschool and stick with daycare until Kindergarten.
How many kids are in each class? If it's pre-school pre-school (as opposed to a daycare that calls itself pre-school) then it's 1 adult for every 10 kids, could be 1 teacher for 20 kids (+ aid) . The teacher simply doesn't have time to write detailed reports on each kid. Pre-school is where the child learns how to conform to the standards of school and figuring out how to cope with attention not being as individualized.
however, I would definitely have a conversation with the teacher to see what the teacher thinks is the issue - is he mature enough to be with these peers? Is he struggling academically, or socially, or with sharing? Why is he crying? Does he say he wants to go home, or does he say he doesn't have any friends? These are all issues which would need to be addressed differently.
Good luck.
Haven't read all the other answers but I think there are only two options here: 1) have a one on one with the teacher and give her your expectations. 2) If she can't meet those expectations, find a new place that gives your child what he/she needs.
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My daughter cried all the time in preschool. They didn't tell me unless I specifically asked. I don't think it unreasonable for them not to tell her about the crying, which is normal for this age unless it is really excessive. And what is your friend going to gain from this knowledge? guilt? If he is happy when she picks him up and says he has a good day then that is good enough. In our kindergarten class they don't tell us if there is a problem unless the child has a really bad day. I think you need to leave this a lone.
I would urge your friend not to back down on this. My son was having problems at pre-school and the details were not told to me until months later. We're still dealing with the aftermath of this, it is so sad. Your friend could say something to the effect that it seems that her son is having a rough time right now and she is trying to understand what is going on to help him through this period. During this time she would appreciate a quick daily form of feedback. It doesn't have to be something extremely formal so as to be overtaxing. It could be a 30 second conversation at the end of the day. If your friend frames it in this way the school should realize that this isn't going to be a long term thing, it is just to get him through this rough period.
I think straightforward but gentle is the best approach. I would say something like, "I appreciate all you do for the kids. I'm sure it must be a challenge. In fact, speaking of that, I wanted to ask you about something that came up with my child. My daughter told me..xyz.. and I was sad to hear that my son had such a difficult day. If you could let me know when that sort of thing happens, I would really appreciate it. It helps to keep me in the loop of what is going on with my kids, and then I know to give extra cuddles and reassurance on those days. I can also have talks with him to try and resolve whatever might have upset him. So do you think you could do that for me?"
If that does not resolve it, she might consider finding a new daycare. They should have told her, especially if she asked that day. It is possible it just slipped their mind.
In the meantime, she should foster that communication with her kids. That is really great that her daughter keeps her informed. That is so invaluable for our kids to be forthcoming with information! Lots of luck to your friend.
I do think the teacher should have informed the parent of this.
On the other hand, the teachers certainly don't have time to give every parent a complete day's rundown every day. That would take hours. I wouldn't expect it...but yes, if something out of the ordinary happens, I would want to hear about it.
And about the situation itself...it's wrong to make the daughter stay with him just because he's crying. Sure, it may help in the short term, but what about the long term? He's just going to expect it! And what does it benefit her to sit in HIS class? Nothing. One time my daughter was looking for me after Sunday School and went into the nursery...well, her little sister saw her, and because she was crying, they made my older child stay in the nursery to keep her happy. So here I am looking ALL OVER the church for my child, who SHOULD'VE been sitting in our pew, and the one place I DON'T look is the nursery because I don't want my little one to see me and get upset. I was really upset that they had made her stay, regardless of the situation...thankfully someone had seen her through the window and told me. At that point, she was crying, because she KNEW I was going to be looking for her. Not really relevant, but I'm just making a point...it's wrong in the first place to keep the girl in there.
My daughter cried every morning, 4 days a week, when I dropped her off at preschool. It was on-campus at the college I was attending, and she cried everyday for 4.5 months, the entire semester. The teacher didn't tell me each day how long she'd cried, but reassured me from time to time it was completely normal, preschools are used to it. My daughter was off for 5 weeks between semesters and never cried again when we returned in January.
Having worked in a preschool myself and going by what you said, that he started preschool 2 weeks ago, his behavior sounds normal and that may be why it hasn't been mentioned to his mom. We didn't give "daily reports" but would say something like, "He had a great day!" or "Today wasn't the best, tomorrow should be better" and the parent was free to ask for specifics. We also had a chart for everyone to see and if the color was orange or red parents knew something negative had happened, but we wouldn't have a child on orange or red for crying.
If his mom wants daily reports she should ask his teacher the best way to get them, mindful that her son is not the only student and that she needs to work around what is also best for the teacher. She also should ask him every day how his day went, what he did, and if he indicates he cried ask him why, and reassure and encourage him as best she can, she is is cheerleader. It may take some time, particularly if he isn't used to being away from her and home, but if he's encouraged to have fun in school he eventually will.
I would suggest you ask them to share all of the details. There's no "polite, but firm way" to get this message across without sounding condescending. In all reality, lots of kids cry the first few weeks of school. If your friend has the expectation that she will get a blow-by-blow then she needs to ask for it. It's not acceptable to her, but it may be the policy of the school to only share things that are "out-of-the-ordinary".
She can specifically ask if there were any issues or crying episodes she should be aware of and that she expects to be told of them. But, if crying for periods of time are normal for him, I wouldn't be too worried about getting a full on detailed report on that, since most kids have periods of tantrums or crying daily and the school can't possibly write down every single incident since they are trying to stay on top of them. If anything out of the ordinary happens, they should be telling her though, so I DO think the teacher should have told her about this particular incident. Some preschools send home daily sheets, or just end of the week sheets, stating what the child ate/colored/learned/sang/played with/napped or if they had any disruptive or unusual behavior.... others are not that particular or have the time for sheets that detailed.
