Teacher Hitting a Preschooler

Updated on August 06, 2013
A.S. asks from Buckner, KY
31 answers

Hi....i just put in my kid in a good preschool.His teacher seemed a little loud and hot tempered so i was a little worried but she kept telling me my kid was doing a good job.a few days back while picking him up my boy ,who is 4 n a half ,just as he entered the car told me 'mamma teacher slapped me' when i asked where he indicated the back of his neck .....I was just stunned then he said....mamma please tell her not to yell at me mama.When i confronted the teacher she denied. she said she may ave yelled a bit but she did not touch him......i said my son says you slapped him...to which she said ....small kids can imagine such things....I m so scared .....i have not eaten for 2 days......what if the school don't believe my boy?

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So What Happened?

The teacher insisted she didn't touch him....not even a pat.
she says he was not counting aloud so she spoke loudly and he looked hurt.
She said she had proof she didn't hit him....and if i wanted i could report her.
But she thanked me for not going to the school and said she was sorry(???)
She also said that if my son can imagine this most probably he'll imagine a slap again SHE'D get into trouble.
Here's what my boy told me.....'mamma teacher slapped me"
him..(indicating the back of his neck)"here"
He- "she said he's not learning.....mamma ask teacher not to shout at me"

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answers from Pittsburgh on

No chance I'd send my child back there. Yes, there's the off chance he's exaggerating or whatever, but unless he has a history of story-telling or lying, I'd get him out of there. And report the teacher, and let the investigation reveal what it reveals. If she has nothing to hide, then no harm done. Just my humble opinion.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Go to the director right now. The school could lose its license. If you don't get a satisfactory response, call the state agency that licenses the school and file a complaint. She shouldn't be yelling either - she needs the skills to manage a classroom.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Louisville on

you have to talk to someone above her which honestly you should have done first but if you get no where with the principal or whatever they call it then you need to get him out of there!


you have to talk to someone above her which honestly you should have done first but if you get no where with the principal or whatever they call it then you need to get him out of there!

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answers from Jackson on

This may be a great school, but not a great teacher for your child. Speak to the administrator and the teacher, express your concern with her yelling and impatience. Maybe she hit him or maybe she didn't. Either way a hot head is rarely a good match for any pre-school child.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Ok, calm down.. Our daughters kindergarten teacher gave us great advice..

"If you will believe 50% of what your child tells you happened at school, I will believe 50% of what your child tells me goes on in your home.."

I am going to guess, she may have snapped at him and then "guided" him with her hand behind his back up towards his neck. Remember where her hand is in conjunction with his body.

Because in your house you only use a quiet and calm voice, he may not be used to being spoken to in a louder voice.. Especially since when you put together a class of 4 year olds the class can be thunderous.. It may have shocked him that she quickly guided him..

Children can be very dramatic.. Next time, do not react to a statement in a shocked way, instead ask calmly "Oh really?" And "why would she need to do that?"

Also never accuse anyone of anything unless you saw it with your own eyes.. Imagine how you would feel if the teacher told you on Monday that your son told her "My mom is always yelling at me and did not let him eat anything all day Sunday?" When probably in real life you had not allowed him to eat treats all day on Sunday..

Keep it in perspective. Do listen, but also keep in mind he is only 4 years old.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Redding on

Get something to eat so you can think clearly. How your son sees you deal with this will set an important tone for the future. You can't be out of your mind upset or so angry you're looking at things from a retaliatory standpoint.
You need to try to calm down so that you can pursue further information rationally.

I definitely think you should schedule a meeting with the teacher and the school director. You need to voice your concerns, but you also have to be willing to have an open mind.
For instance, were there any marks on your son?
I'm not saying he's making it up, but it's interesting to me that he told you she slapped him, but instead of asking you to tell her to stop hitting him, he asked you to tell her to stop yelling at him.
Also, you need to consider what the definition of yelling is. Raising your voice to a level where everyone in the class can hear you is not the same as yelling in an attacking way. The teacher said she may have yelled a bit, let her explain what she meant by that....the circumstances.

We were at a bbq with friends and all kinds of kids running around. The hostess' son was 5. We were watching all the kids play in the yard when her son tripped and fell. He started crying and ran over to the group of kids and punched his sister. Long story short, he punched her because she pushed him down and hurt him. Forget the fact all the adults saw what happened and his sister was nowhere near him. He insisted she shoved him. He was sent to his room for hitting his sister, refusing to apologize to her and for making up a story.

It's happened more than once that a kid my son's gone to school with has gotten disciplined for something at school and then all the sudden a teacher threw a chair, grabbed a kid, hit a kid. Except my son and other kids in the class said it never happened.
In that event, it's a matter of a child having the attitude that "no one tells me what to do except my parents" and the stories begin to get the teacher into trouble because the kid knows the parents will go off. What the child did to deserve the discipline goes right out the window because the parents fly off in a different direction and the main issue never gets addressed.

I hate to say that little kids are capable of these things, but they are and it doesn't make them evil, but this is where a parent keeping a cool head and hearing all the facts before gathering the villagers and the pitch forks sends a strong signal to the child that mom will find out the best way to handle it.

I think it's highly likely that the teacher may have placed her hand on your son's back to guide him to his seat or to the play area or whatever.
I can guarantee you that if your son was slapped upside the back of the head, it's not something the other kids would have forgotten, IF it happened.
Just like a chair being thrown at a child. Not only is it a serious allegation, but the other kids would have been shocked or scared or mentioned it. But it didn't happen.

Take a deep breath, eat. Don't go off half-cocked. If your son knows he can get you this upset, this will no doubt be the last time and you don't want to begin on that foot when it comes to school.
The teacher may not be a good fit. Your son may not be ready for preschool just yet.

You can't make those decisions without a clear head and an open mind.

Best wishes.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

when my older son was 2 he was playing 'it' with my husband. my husband dodged and my klutzy kid ran full tilt into a tree. my husband exited the park with my bleeding son in his arms, kid howling 'my daddy hurt me!! my daddy hurt me!!!'
perspective is everything.

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answers from Provo on

My ex's little 4 year old girl was running out in the street one day and so I was panicked and grabbed her shirt to keep her from going out there. What she told her dad was that I choked her. So I'm sure there is something that is true about it, but not a full on slap.
But she doesn't sound like a teacher I'd be comfortable with. In fact I'm trying to get my son out of his current daycare and into a better one because there are some teachers that do yell at the kids and just don't pay full attention.
Follow your gut and perhaps request a different teacher if possible.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

So she admitted she yelled (not good)??? Hmmm. Your son is 4 1/2 and at this age they know the difference of what is right and wrong and if he told you that she slapped him (even if it was a little pat which isn't right) I would believe him. I think I would speak to the director of the school and transfer your son out and put him in another class or just pull him out of that school. I wouldn't feel comfortable at all. Your son will be going into kindergarten next school year, does he really need to be around some shady teacher that makes him nervous for a year while he needs to acquire skills for kindergarten. Also, have you spoken to other mom's to get a sense of what they think of this teacher? In my opinion I would pull my son out and transfer him to another class after discussing the issue with the director. Best of luck.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Don't be scared be mad. March in to that school Monday morning and with your son go see the director/princepal. Tell her calmly but firmly about what your first impressions were of the teacher, that she appeared a little loud and hot tempered. Then tell the director what your son said what happened and what the teachers response was to you. Tell the director although she denied slapping my son's neck she did admit that she might have yelled a bit. Ask the director what she plans on doing about this and how can you garauntee your son's and his classmates safety. Is there another class to move him to etc. If they do not take your complaint professionally, you complain to your dept of education and I would move my son to a different school.

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answers from Charlotte on


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Knoxville on

Did you go to the head of the school and discuss it?

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answers from Dayton on

If it were me, I would err on the side of caution. He is old enough to be able to communicate accurately the things that happen to him. You are the first and last line of defense for him. My only option would be to file a formal complaint or incident report with the director, because she shouldn't even be yelling at them - that's abusive -, based on what she has admitted AND what your son has told you. Then I would make sure it went beyond the director to whoever is HER supervisor so that you know something is done about it. I would yank my son out of the school so fast his head spun and make sure that teacher didn't work there any more.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Do other moms have issues with this teacher? Do you tend to 'baby' your son? These two answers would tell me a lot about what may have really happened. Either way, you should always talk to the director. They are dealing with kids, so, they do have to 'yell' to be heard a lot of the time. She may have scolded him and he might have taken it hard. She may have put her hand on his upper back to redirect him. Do they have a video you can watch? You just never know, kids don't always have the correct way of relaying what happened.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

I would believe my child. I would call her bluff and say you and some other parents are going to the police to file a complaint. Then I would pull your child out of that school.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Does the school has a camera system? Our daycare had cameras in all of the rooms. So if there was ever a question of something happening they could just rewind the tape.


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answers from Boston on

Write a formal complaint to the school include the yelling also. I would believe my little one. Why is she yelling anyway!!! Take him out. He is your baby you can do as you please.

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answers from Sacramento on

What makes it a "good" preschool? Go with your instincts. She may or may not have "slapped" him but it sounds as though she touched him in some way that *felt* like a slap to him. And a teacher admittedly yelling at 4 year olds?? There's no reason that that should be happening.

I'd write out a complaint and remove your kid. Obviously he isn't happy there and you are so sick about this incident that you are not eating. There are other schools...

Good luck~

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

Okay, so at a very minimum, your preschool teacher is a self-admitted yeller. This needs to be addressed with school administration. Maybe she needs additional training -- anger management, frustration tolerance, positive discipline and reinforcement training, perhaps? Maybe she needs additional supports in the classroom -- maybe the student/teacher ratio is not realistic? But I think that a preschool teacher, even though she feels a lot of frustration through the course of the day and rightly so, should know how to self-regulate her temper a little better. There are better ways to teaching preschoolers than yelling.

Just my own thoughts on the matter.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I would be very careful with this one. It is not unheard of for a 4 year old to come up with some ideas on his own. That being said, I would NOT dismiss it! I think I would go to the school and tell them what he told you because at the very least it should put them on alert to keep an eye on the teacher. If it doesn't then I would start looking for another school. Also, she really shouldn't be yelling at kids that age at all. It is one thing to speak sternly and be firm with punishments, you don't want them dismissed, but she shouldn't be yelling. These teachers should be trained to deal with all situations. Did your son or the teacher tell you what prevoked the yelling/hitting? I would definitely report it and I think I would be looking for a new school. Good luck!

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answers from Huntington on

i would talk to the other mothers. if you know your child does not lie report her. this woman should not be teaching young childern. i would probaly find another school too.

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answers from Houston on

Can you arrange to observe the classroom for a few days? I would probably tell the director what your son said, but don't necessarily accuse or go in with guns blazing. I don't think your child lied but the perspective of a 4 year old can be a little different. My daughter has told me many times that her kindergarten and now 1st grade teachers "yell all the time" I've spent enough time at the school and with these ladies to know that my daughters definition of yelling all the time is different than mine. She has also had occasions to tell me "You did X to me" when in fact she is only telling part of the story and it's not entirely accurate.

See if you can be in the classroom for a few days (be a volunteer helper) and see how the teacher interacts with the kids. Of course she'll be on her best behavior in front of you, but if she really has no management skills with 4 years old (other than yelling and possibly hitting) you'll recognize that. She won't be able to fake it for more than a few minutes.....

Good luck,

1 mom found this helpful


answers from McAllen on

hi i myself am a director and im gonna tell you some case i ve got kids range from 0mths --13yrs one 3yr boy came to me and told me teacher monster so i told the teacher and she know bottom line that i do more for my kids than my employees and she said it because i grawl at him like a monster why because he was playing with a dinousour and grawling and she didnt had paciense so she grawl at his face , this teachers come and show of all the diplomas demanding high pay for nothing you need L. patience for this job. well she gone.#2 case new 7yr. boy teacher said to another teacher oh let talk bad about him anyways he doesnt know english guess what he didnt speak but he did understand so i had a talk with him and his mom and i confronted the teachers they were blaming each other so they both were fired so the ones that enter know that i wont put with any bs of them here are some texas laws of what is prohibited... hope it helps and God bless you and your son

High There must be no harsh, cruel, or unusual treatment of any child. The following types of discipline and guidance are prohibited:
High (1) Corporal punishment or threats of corporal punishment;
High (2) Punishment associated with food, naps, or toilet training;
High (3) Pinching, shaking, or biting a child;
High (4) Hitting a child with a hand or instrument;
High (5) Putting anything in or on a child’s mouth;
High (6) Humiliating, ridiculing, rejecting, or yelling at a child;
Texas Department of Family and Protective Services 87
Discipline and Guidance Minimum Standards for Child-Care Centers
High (7) Subjecting a child to harsh, abusive, or profane language;
High (8) Placing a child in a locked or dark room, bathroom, or closet with the door closed; and
High (9) Requiring a child to remain silent or inactive for inappropriately long periods of time for the child’s age.



answers from Topeka on

At this age kids tell stories they are begining to tell tall tales.I would like you did confront the teacher if your son so happens to say something else call the adminastrative office and hold a conference then at that time they may or may not call this reacher in to ask questions.IF your not happy with the reports your getting pull him out of that school



answers from Orlando on

Talk to the director, if he/she doesn't believe you I'd file a police report and take my son out of that school. If she slapped your son, I'm sure she's done it to other kids. And, no I don't believe your son would lie. I would always believe your kid.



answers from Boston on

Although it seems likely that he's exaggerating, I would take this seriously. You don't want to assume your son is lying, this may keep him from telling you when someone is seriously hurting him because he thinks you won't believe him.

I would sit down with your son and have a serious conversation. Tell him that if the teacher really did hit him then she could lose her job which is very bad. Ask him to show exactly how she slapped him, I'm wondering if maybe she redirected him with a hand on his neck and he is calling this a slap.


answers from Dover on

Kids do imagine things..my son once told me a mark he had was from the "bunny burning him"; however, this does not seem to be the case with your son. If you choose to take him back, he should be in a different class. You have to go w/ your gut and you have to report this.

What proof does she has and has she shared it with you?



answers from Nashville on

You ALWAYS believe your child unless they tend to lie a lot and at that age, they usually do not! You go straight to the Director and you demand that something be done or you will take the issue further. Whether or not you do is your business but that woman needs to be fired! If she is NOT fired, you pull your child out of that 'good preschool' and find another one! Then I would tell everyone I know, if not the news and newspaper, what kind of preschool they run! I work at a preschool and there is NO WAY that should go on!!! I just could not imagine!!! Get rid of that woman and praise your child for telling you the truth! If you make him think he lied or if he goes back to school, who knows what she will do. Another thing you can do is ask other children in the class. My daughter is 4 1/2 and she is well aware of things like that and not too young to tell about it! Ask her what 'proof' she has!! Also, ask her why she is apologizing if she did not do anything. There is NO WAY I would send my child back there again! Ask other kids and tell their moms what happened. I absolutely do not think he would make that up! Especially showing you where she slapped him! Get your money back for Sept too! I would be furious!!!



answers from Johnson City on

I would get to know other mothers and ask if their kids have mentioned anything. Kids will tell what happens in class. If they confirm (and I believe your son) the incident - meet with the principal.



answers from Nashville on

turn her in. that sounds just like someone who gets out of control. she is trying to blame a 4 year old for " not knowing what he is talking about." do you think your child would go to school and ask them to make you stop slapping him if you never did it. she needs to take responsability for her action. she has no business working at a preschool. if she didn't slap he , he saw her hit someone in there. good luck. if you have to, get the police involved in this. how dare her say he doesn't know what happened. woo. this makes me mad. good luck and god bless. mom of 7 , R.

p.s. why did she say she was sorry if she didn't do it. ask for her proof. call her on it. she needs to be able to prove herself. maybe you can change classes.



answers from Los Angeles on

Here is my T. experiences. My daugher was attended preschool in May, 2012. My daugher told me that her preschool teacher hit her. She was crying so hard when she mentioned during her dinner time. Next morning, I calle the school. The director of the school trng to avoiding me to talk to me on the phone. So, I called the social services, the social services asked questions to my daugher and told me that to believe my dasughter. The social services also suggeted me to call the police. I did. But since we had police report done. Things gettng really strange. 1) Someone collect toy guns at my front door. We called the police. Then we install home security cameras for safety purpose. 2) Someone came to our front door after midnight and putting her hands in my mailbox. It looks like whe was trying to steal our mails. 3) Someone start spreading rumos amount my daughyter’s piano class about how bad my daugher is. 4) Someone starting spreading rumors about how crazy I am and told my friend do not believe in what I said. 5) Someone we know in my neightbor told me that the preschool that my daugher attended is hosted by someone has SPECIAL BACKGROUND. He did not wants to make it really clear what SPECIAL BACKGROUND is. He told me not to mention anything about the teacher hit my daugher , otherwise I might be getting killed or something might happen to my family. Is that preschool trying to threatning me ?

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