Tantrums - Lake Elsinore,CA

Updated on September 05, 2010
R.W. asks from Lake Elsinore, CA
15 answers

Just this morning my 6 year old daughter threw the worst tantrum over wearing shorts under her skirt. Shw was crying,sceaming,begging pleaing: which never stopped she kept it up till she left for school. I tod he stop several times and she tried choking herself to stop,what is wrong with her,that is not my little girl! Anyone got any ideas? I have already taken her dresses and skirs away for 2 weeks.

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answers from Honolulu on

Ah, little girls. Yes they do that.
I have a 7 year old. Girl.

Next, instead of 'telling' her what to do, just calmly explain to her... the reason... people can see her panties etc.
That works with my daughter. Once we 'explain' something to her and the logic for it... then she understands. But if we order her around... bluntly, then a hissy fit ensues.

The book "How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk" is great.
Also the book "Have a New Kid By Friday" by Leman.
Good tips and not derogatory.

all the best,

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answers from Los Angeles on

What is up with that age that they do NOT want to wear shorts under their skirts?? LOL My daughter did the same thing when she was that age and I hear it a lot!

Mine didn't even like the skorts. She said shorts under skirts are uncomfortable and so were skorts.

One thing I can say = pick your battles.

My solution was to buy her some of those gymnastic type shorts that are really snug fitting, small and made of lycra/stretchy. They worked great and she didn't mind them at all.

Good luck! I've been there, done that!

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answers from Austin on

She is just having pms.. She knew in her own mind what she wanted and then you took away her control.. . Try to make clothing choices the night before..
I agree, always try to give choices..

You can also tell her, I was a volunteer PE mom and sat at the front with the coach. When the children would face us as we did stretches.. I was shocked that all of the little girls that were wearing skirts or dresses without shorts... We could see their panties and sometimes more.. The little boys with the loose shorts.. same thing.. There were a few times, I could see their full privates if they were wearing boxers.. And guess what? Our PE coach was a man!

We had sent our notices at the beginning of each school year explaining that skirts and dresses were fine, but biking type shorts were suggested undernesth. We also asked that boys not wear baggy shorts, but oh well, parents, did not follow those instructions.. .

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answers from Santa Barbara on

I always put the choice back to my daughter: "would you like to wear a skirt with shorts or pants"? That way she got to make the decision and it was in her hands. I know it's mentioned on here frequently but the book "Parenting with Love and Logic" was awesome.

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answers from Redding on

You just need to tell her...
You have a choice.
You can wear shorts under your skirt or dress, or you can wear pants.
My daughter wouldn't be caught dead without shorts under...she didn't want anyone seeing her panties.
At this age they climb on monkey bars, slides, etc.

If you've already taken her dresses and skirts away and she's still pitching a fit, then don't offer to let her wear them. A fit and choking herself isn't worth it.

It reminds me of one of my favorite jokes.

Suzy came home with a large ice cream cone after playing outside.
Her mom asked her where she got it.
Suzy explained that the boys next door gave it to her and all she had to do was climb up a tree.
Her mom said, "Suzy! Those boys just wanted to see your underwear!"
Suzy said, "I know that Mom. Don't worry. I tricked 'em. I wasn't wearing any."

My daughter had spandex "bicycle" type shorts that she wore under things. They didn't have seems and zippers and were easy to get up and down for the restroom, etc. She had them in different colors. Maybe you could try some of those if you can find them.
Otherwise, no shorts no skirts. They get too busy to remember to be lady-like.

Best wishes!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

when my son throws tantrums he either has to go to his room for five minutes. or we hold him until the tantrum subsides. if the tantrum is about something that can't be changed you have to be firm and insistent but also be kind don't yell. you could try a time out in the corner until she calms down, and explain to her that she isn't going to get her way by throwing a tantrum. There will be times when the tantrum will get them so upset they can't stop. then you have to intervene and try to calm them down. My son calms down with a drink of milk or juice most the time. Remember you have to pick your battles though.



answers from Los Angeles on

Does she have to wear shorts under her dress?
My grand daughter does, but it isn't a problem.
A few years ago this wasn't done, so maybe she just wants
to wear nice underpants to be "normal". What do the other girls do?
What does her teacher say? Does she get teased at school? Find out.
You should try to find out why this is such a problem and talk about it
with her.



answers from Los Angeles on

when my kids throw tantrums I record them on my camera phone so I can show them how they look. It at least calms them down so I can talk to them because they are sooooo embarassed.



answers from Toledo on

I'm not clear what the tamtrum was about---did she want shorts or refuse them? I guess it doesn't really matter. Your question was about the tantrum. The fastest and easiest way to avoid tantrums is to totally ignore them, no matter what they look like! Don't try to talk to her AT ALL. Turn your back and walk away. if you need to say something, say it quietly over the screaming. "It's time to go, have a good day, Mommy loves you, see you after school." It's a power play to get what she wants, and the more time and energy you spend trying to get her to stop, the longer it will last. If she won't get dressed, dress her or let her go to school in her PJ's. If she can't eat because she's screaming, she'll go to school hungry. (Believe me, it stopped as soon as she was out of your sight, because it was all to get you to change your mind.) I found I avoided morning hassles about clothes by picking everything out at bedtime and setting them on the end of my daughter's bed. She helped choose, and there was no drama in the AM. You can say that you thought it over while she was at school, give her clothes back, and start over. Good luck.



answers from Washington DC on

Did you ak her why? He rbehavior was out of bounds certainly, but you need to help her find ways of coping in addition to punihment. When seh is home and calm, try to find out what the issue was in her mind. Certainly the tantrum was about trying to control things but what sparked it? Maybe you both can come up with a better way of communicating next time. Ask her what she thinks should happen.

The choking this i scary. Make sure she gets that is dangerous.



answers from Los Angeles on

My just 6 daughter too is newly tantrum-ing (I think the situation warrants the invention of the verb term!). We aren't sure what is triggering them, but we surely want them to stop. Calm and consistent consequences are the only way we can think of to make this phase a short one. I hold her in my lap, as difficult as that is, and hold her hands and arms down if she is hitting at me or her or anything at all. There is usually a point when her cry changes from 'put on' in tantrum to real weeping - our little girl again - and sorrow and sobbing. Then I hold her tighter and let her cry until we can talk. We tell her this behavior is not acceptable and that she may not continue to 'pitch a fit' (as it's called in our family). If there is an associated punishment or privilege taken, we try to have her accept that it is, and why it is..

you might think about your current life situation:

~ anything to do with the end of summer and the beginning of school?
~ anything going on with family or friends that she is sensing (death, serious illness, divorce, new child)?
~ anything thatmight have happened to her that she'd take badly, even if un warranted?

the suggestions and books below sound very helpful too. Each child is different. . ....

patience be yours, and more patience. I wish I had much more than I do.



answers from Los Angeles on

Lots of hugs for starters. She must really not want to wear them. Did she give a reason? My mother always wanted me to wear regulation school underwear (we had uniforms). It was "uncool" to wear them and I remember being so terrified that someone would notice.

I think there are two things you're dealing with - one is the shorts. This you can just be patient but firm about. And stretchy gymnastics shorts sounds like a good compromise.

The other thing is the tantrum itself. She may even be scaring herself. First with her big feelings, and secondly at how they're coming out of her. I'm assuming that throwing a tantrum is not how she usually gets things, right? I'd make that a separate discussion. How it feels to be frustrated. To feel afraid. Tools to calm down. How you're willing to discuss things till you come to a solution that works for both of you...



answers from San Francisco on

I really like the different colored spandex shorts idea. Explain to her that they are needed if she is going to wear skirts/dresses (even though I am sure you have). Shoot, I STILL wear spandex shorts under some dresses lol.

As far as disciplining - if you wanted some advice on that - here is a good link with ideas, hope it helps:




answers from Los Angeles on

Was she in kindergarten last year? Was it half day? Sometimes getting used to a longer schedule at school brings out the strangest things to tantrum over. It may take her a little while to adjust. Just being tired and nervous and all sorts of other things that run through their little brains can just be crazy to us, but makes all the sense in the world to them. You can also explain to her that it is a school rule to wear shorts under her dresses or skirts. It really is a school rule at our school and this can even be explained to her by her teacher or principal, then maybe see what the reaction is. Sometimes when it isn't mommy telling them, then they seem to comply better. Check it out, talk to her teacher...even if it isn't a school rule at your school, see if she will help you out in this situation.



answers from Reno on

Based on what I've watched my daughters do (I have 3), this probably means 2 things. 1, there's a very critical "queen bee" type girl at school that she's trying to impress or mimic, and she's terrified that the tiniest "mistake" will mean that the girl will hate and/or make fun of her. 2, somewhere (probably the same group of girls the queen runs with) she's gotten the idea that over-the-top theatrics are attractive. My youngest, after seeing it happen for about 3 seconds on some ridiculous TV show, took to smacking her head, hard, and screaming, "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Since she's a little drama queen anyway, it's very hard to break any habit that she thinks will get attention, positive or negative!

Generally, the calmer and more matter of fact you are during these episodes, the milder they'll be and the quicker they'll stop. Any real display of anger, fear or trying to negotiate will just feed it, and the fit will get bigger and bigger.

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