Tampons!!! (Continued)

K.,
My mother's gyn became mine when I became a teen. Like I said earlier, I came from a strict Catholic family. Interestingly enough, my mom's gyn was also Catholic. He advised us that there was no problem for me to use tampons as a teen. Like I said, there are slim versions out there made especially for teens. Good luck!

You know, K., I think this would be a good question for the docs at Mamas On Call. Ellen and Rachel (they are both moms and doctors; one is a family therapist, the other a pediatrician, respectfully) give great advice online and they will keep your question anonymous if you ask. Perhaps, coming from them, you can get the 'doctor approved' answers you want and the information you need to present to mom.

K., I am not a doctor, but I have done some nursing coursework with the intention of becoming a midwife (midwives are nurses with special training who help moms have babies). So I know a little bit about the female reproductive system. The vast majority of young women can use tampons as soon as they get their periods. There is a tiny percentage of women who can't ever use tampons, but it's very, very rare.

What I recommend is this. You have a yearly physical coming up, right? Just grit your teeth and use pads until the physical. Then, when you're in the physical, tell the doctor you have a question about a private matter, and you want to ask just the doctor, with no one else present. The doctor (if he or she is any good at all) will ask your mom to step out of the room. Then, ask the doctor just what you asked us about tampons. The doctor will probably assure you that tampons are fine. Then, you, your mom, and the doctor can all discuss this together.

You sound like a great kid -- mature, articulate, and respectful of others. Your mom is lucky to have you. I suspect she knows this, even if she's strict :)

You should probably take your mom with you to your doctor's appointment. It's okay to talk to the doctor yourself, and then have your mom invited into the room. Your mom can also speak privately to the doctor and express to him/her what her own reasons/fears are.

There are a lot of reasons why parents get nervous about tampons. Some have antiquated (and false) notions that tampons affect a girl's virginity (they don't). Some think that a girl shouldn't know too much about her body or get too comfortable inserting something in her vagina, thinking she will be too interested in sex (studies show that the more knowledge a girl has about her body, the more she is able to protect it).

Sometimes parents just don't want to talk about private body parts with their kids - maybe they didn't get much help from their own parents, maybe they have a sense of shame, maybe they are afraid of their own ignorance about anatomy.

Some think that girls won't be responsible about tampons - and that is a legitimate issue! Tampons left in for too long can be a source of toxic shock syndrome, which is very serious and has caused infection and death. So changing tampons frequently is really important. My worry about girls who have to consider paying for their own products is that they will try to save money by leaving tampons in for 8 hours! Proper disposal is also critical for plumbing protection!

I don't think you should go behind your mother's back. She will find out, because she'll keep buying pads for you and wondering why they aren't used, and you will have to deal with tampon disposal without her finding out. And, it will set you up for her distrusting you all through your teen years. Not a good way to start out when you will be facing issues such as driving, dating, curfews, parties, sleepovers, and so on.

The best thing to do is to see if your doctor will educate her, or to see if there's a trusted woman in your life (an aunt, a friend's mother) who can help talk to your mother. Your doctor, or your doctor's nurse, can even help you practice once or twice to be sure you are inserting the tampon properly (a lot of girls are afraid to put it in far enough because they are afraid it will get "lost" - it won't! There's no place for it to go!). There are also different styles of tampons - different absorbency levels for different times during your period, different applicator styles (and some with no applicators) - so you might need to experiment a little to see what's best for you.

There are also great books - the iconic book to educate women many years ago was "Our Bodies, Ourselves" which has more info than you can possibly imagine. There are many others I'm sure - you could look in the library or at a bookstore, or ask the school nurse for some information.

The more you and your mother are educated, the better it will be for you. And this could be the start of some nice conversations between you if you can try to learn more about her position and to be understanding and mature about it, and if she is willing to learn more, confront/express her fears, and start to see you as a young woman and not a kid.

From a physical perspective, most doctors will have no problem with young teens using tampons as long as you follow some basic sanitary rules -- be sure to wash your hands before and after, don't leave them in longer than the recommended time, know how to dispose of them properly, etc. The more knowledge you have when you when you go to the doctor, the more mature he will see you to be and supportive of your decision.

This is a good question to ask your doctor. However, I suggest that he'll not tell you it's OK if your mother says no.

My mother, 55 years ago, told me that some would say that I shouldn't use tampons as a teen because my hymen, which was still intact, would rupture. In those days virginity was very important and losing one's hymen was a sign of lost virginity. In the earlier days, 1700 and 1800s some people actually had their bride to be examined to determine virginity. Not a virgin, the girl could not make a good match. Today, many people still associate the use of tampons with becoming sexually tainted. I suspect that most people are totally unaware of the history.

She was also concerned that they would hurt because a virgin's opening is smaller. Sexual intercourse gradually stretches the opening thus making it OK for the married woman. The tampons were large, bulky and inflexible.

So, I decided not to use them. By the time I was a senior my periods were very heavy and my mom suggested it was time to try a tampon because I could use both the tampon and a pad. There were times I couldn't sit thru a class because the pad would become soaked.

For many years now manufacturers have provided slim tampons geared specifically to teens. They wouldn't do that if using them was damaging. Perhaps you could ask the doctor to talk with your mom about the safety of using tampons. Hopefully you have a "with it" doctor who will be comfortable discussing this with both of you.

It's a personal decision. Unless you have a condition that would prevent it, there is no medical reason not to. You do have to change them out reasonably frequently. The longest you should keep them in overnight, for health reasons, put in before bed and remove when you wake up. I believe less than 8 hours is recommended, but overnight is ok. Generally they will become full before the 8 hours if your flow is heavier. Getting the light/med/heavy flow combo box is good because you can match the absorbency to the flow you have. Makes things more comfortable.

I got my period at 11 and asked my parents if I could use a tampon at 13. They weren't too happy with the idea but took me to the doctor to discuss it. The doctor told them there was no problem with me using tampons. And this was more than 40 years ago.