Talking About Weight with a 6 Year Old. Swh

my kid started making these comments at 6ish too. He has a healthy height and weight but notices kids who are fat, thin, tall, short, have skinny heads etc.

I’ve explained that sometimes kids plump out before they shoot up and that this is a good thing. So long as kids eat healthy foods it’s all okay, and that the way a kid looks as a child is necessarily an indicator of how they will end up as an adult.

Hope this helps some.
F. B.

I think I might switch the approach when she asks about her stomach sticking out and things like that. It sounds like your response has been "yes but that's normal". I would respond to a comment like that with "It doesn't matter what we look like, what matters is that we are healthy. Healthy people come in all sorts of shapes and sizes."

Message about looks are out there everywhere so I'm not surprised that she's brought it up. My boys started talking about it at that age too - both height (why am I so short) and weight, and I try to always bring the conversation back to being healthy.

My daughter is a big girl too. She's taller than everyone in her class and she has a belly. She's AMAZING and I love her to death.
She has made some comments about kids in her class telling her she was fat. I say, "You are so strong and wonderful. I love how fast you run on the soccer field, how hard you can throw the ball, how smart you are (you're the highest reading level in your class!), how good you are at math, how good of a friend you are. You are beautiful, and strong, and I am so proud of you."
Usually by the end of that she is feeling pretty good. But yes...she is 7 and this started last year.I was crushed. I NEVER comment on her body size. EVER. When she asks me about her belly I redirect to how strong she is. When she comments on her booty I tell her how proud I am of her reading and math. I try so hard to make sure that she knows that her worth has nothing to do with her body and everything to do with her mind and soul.

Let's focus this conversation a bit - your daughter has not expressed any interest in talking about *weight* (from what you describe here), she is concerned with *appearance*.

My guess is that much of it has to do with magazines / television / "red carpet" type sightings.

Have you ever googled "red carpet undergarments"? Take a look at some of those articles. The reason those stomachs look so flat has lots to do with the multiple layers of industrial-grade Spanx on underneath the clothes (for women and for men). Of course that won't shrink a huge gut, but your daughter's general obsession with "flat stomachs" might be connected to her seeing those images.

Similarly, google her favorite singers and actresses "without makeup". Much of the "bone structure" that your daughter sees in magazines is contouring makeup! (Cheeks are obviously a perfect example, since your daughter mentioned her cheek looking chubby in your photograph.)

When the time is right age-wise, your daughter can experiment with Spanx and make-up. Until then, she should revel in her natural beauty!!!!

I think the acceptable "young child version" of "effort to look a certain way" is simply that it is fine to wear cap-sleeve tees instead of tank tops, etc, unless there is something that you as her mother really think she *must* wear (for example, she can't run around in winter with no coat on simply because she thinks coats make her look chubby).

Healthy eating and weight monitoring are great, but that really seems like a separate issue from her big concern. (It's a related issue in adult-thinking terms but really a separate issue to a child.)

Does she have a lot of access to tv, videos, social media, you tube, internet, etc.? It's a BIG problem right now and even Musicaly (a seemingly innocuous app) is riddled with girls talking about body image issues. I would start there and really investigate any and all apps or sites she visits.

Then I guess I would just address it the best you can in the moment, which you already seem to be doing. Something I tell my kids is that it's not about weight, or even how far our tummy sticks out, but how we feel. Like are we eating enough fruits and veggies and lean meats? Are we physically active enough, do we feel healthy on the inside, etc. If the answer is yes then I tell them they're right on track. If they answer no to anything (which is mostly only my son and eating veggies! Ha!) then we talk about how we can get more veggies or fruit in his daily diet.

We don't have this conversation often but it has come up. My son who is 8 is much more concerned about this stuff than my daughter. He's also a big kid but still healthy and not overweight.

I would have said "Hon, we're meant to be rounded - everyone is" (that's where our organs are) and used humor, smiled, and not given any attention to it. They take their cues from us. If you don't give it any attention or suggest that it will ever be a worry - then she will let it go :)

** As for thinking she's chubby, not wanting to wear certain tops, etc. where is this coming from? A child visits us and uses the word 'fat' in play. She is overweight and is being teased. Learning moment.

i hate that kids are getting the message so young to conform to ridiculous societal ideals.

you seem to have a sensible attitude toward it.

it's a tough tightrope to walk.

my younger was a chunky fellow when he was young. he was super self-conscious about, especially since his two best friends were whipcords. i'm not sure i ever handled it ideally, but i tried.

one of the best things for him was to do a unit study (we homeschooled) on nutrition and the role of foods in the body and how they're processed. i involved him in shopping and preparing food for the family. i let him pick what treats to get for all of us.

and if he wanted ice cream or cupcakes, that was fine. no pursed lips or head shakes. we all like treats.

when he hit his teens he buffed right up. it doesn't always happen. he still makes disparaging remarks when he sees pics of his younger self, and it hurts my heart.

keep your sensible attitude about it and you'll find the right balance. don't beat yourself up if you wobble sometimes along the way.
khairete
S.

Ugh it's so sad that girls (especially) care about this at such a young age...it really bothers me. My daughter is 8 and she has started complaining about how she is ugly and her legs are too thin. Why do such young kids notice these things? I have been telling her that humans are all different...we all look different and we all come with different shaped bodies and that this is totally natural...to be larger, smaller, thinner, chubbier...and everyone is great just the way we are. I have told her you get the body you get and there is no use spending time being unhappy about it...instead enjoy that you are healthy and can run and play and climb trees and do all the things you like to do. Your daughter sounds just fine to me. It's really normal for kids to get quite chubby and then have a growth sport. My cousin was like this. He was very chubby and short and in high school he grew so much and thinned out so much I didn't recognize him!
PS - When my daughter was in ballet I noticed it was hardly any exercise. I think it gets to be hard work when they get to be older. She didn't like it after a couple of years and quit. Right now she loves Irish Dance and it's a lot of exercise! Almost like an hour long aerobic class. She also is doing soccer which is a ton of running...and hour and half practice 2x a week and one game a week. I have had her try out a BUNCH of sporty activities over the last 5 years and those are her favorites along with tennis (which she just doesn't have time for right now). I am glad she is doing these things...not because of her body or how it looks...but because they make her strong.

I'm not sure where your daughter is getting the info on what her body image 'should' be like but I'd try to find out and then nip it in the bud.
She sounds fine to me for her age and development - and if her doctor is not worried then she shouldn't be either.
It's fine if she wants to be physically active - sign her up for taekwondo - and it's good to not eat a lot of junk - which she can't do it you don't buy it.
But the level to which she is worried about this at 6 years old is disturbing.

Tell her she is growing - her body needs healthy food (that includes some fat in her diet like olive oil) and exercise - and sleep (don't forget that one - it's more important than people give it credit for).
If she has more worries then maybe the doctor can talk to her.

Additional:
Control your childs access to media where she sees body images.
Kids who don't watch a lot of tv/screens generally don't think of these things.

I rarely respond on here (although I love reading questions and answers and learning from them), but this question could have been written by me !

My daughter is 7, but started asking me last year if she was fat ?!?! I almost cried when she first asked. I never (at least I think I never) talk about weight or dieting in front of my girls (even though I could stand to lose about 20 pounds). I always worried about my weight when I was younger, and I really didn't want my girls to do that.

I asked her if they talked about it at school and she insisted that they didn't. I think when she realized she was bigger, was being in dance class with her older sister (9 yrs old). They all wear black leotards, so it is easy to compare. Her sister is tall and thin, like my husband (90% height and 50% for weight), while my younger daughter is more like me (90/90).

I tell her that as long as her arms and legs work, she is healthy and that is what is important. We do talk about foods that help our bodies and ones that just taste good. I actually don't want to tell her "no, you aren't fat!" Because in a way I think that reinforces that fat is bad.

I do worry that now that my younger daughter notices that big sister is thinner, this will be on-going. We can't change genetics. I just want both my girls to be comfortable with their bodies ! No matter what. So, I was like you, very shocked at this young age that they all about weight at all !

Updated

I rarely respond on here (although I love reading questions and answers and learning from them), but this question could have been written by me !

My daughter is 7, but started asking me last year if she was fat ?!?! I almost cried when she first asked. I never (at least I think I never) talk about weight or dieting in front of my girls (even though I could stand to lose about 20 pounds). I always worried about my weight when I was younger, and I really didn't want my girls to do that.

I asked her if they talked about it at school and she insisted that they didn't. I think when she realized she was bigger, was being in dance class with her older sister (9 yrs old). They all wear black leotards, so it is easy to compare. Her sister is tall and thin, like my husband (90% height and 50% for weight), while my younger daughter is more like me (90/90).

I tell her that as long as her arms and legs work, she is healthy and that is what is important. We do talk about foods that help our bodies and ones that just taste good. I actually don't want to tell her "no, you aren't fat!" Because in a way I think that reinforces that fat is bad.

I do worry that now that my younger daughter notices that big sister is thinner, this will be on-going. We can't change genetics. I just want both my girls to be comfortable with their bodies ! No matter what. So, I was like you, very shocked at this young age that they all about weight at all !