I'm working up the nerve to ask my boss for one day off a week for a few months, to spend with my baby (4 months old now). I have two questions. The first is, can anyone suggest some language to use to ask for this. He is a kinda crusty, older, conservative man, who wasn't really happy to get me placed into his workgroup recently anyway. I have PPD and my baby is getting flat head from her time in the daycare, and I'm a little nervous that I"m barely keeping up with her milk supply issues. All these are a little intimate/personal and difficult for me to talk with with an older man. I don't need help with the flat-head issue, thanks, we're working on that.
*Edit after some responses: Very helpful responses so far, thanks. I'm kinda low on the food chain in my group and it's not a group with a busy busy busy rush deadline atmosphere. Our workplace allows for flex time, but I'd rather have the day off, right now. I think I will be using some FMLA, some OFLA time, I don't think my supervisor cares too much about that, but I don't know if I should say, I want to use this FMLA time for medical reasons, etc, that's where I feel I need to explain. To use it for intermittent leave, we have to get supervisor approval. It would be good to get that straight, first. A big part is the confidence in asking for what I need, I'm not good at that, and am easily intimidated by people in positions of authority, even if they are not the intimidating type. Thanks again.
My other question is, how to determine the best day to take off? I could probably do any one day W, Th, or Fri. Is it better to have 4 days in a row in care, then 3 days in a row together? Or a day off in the middle of the week to break it up, or 3 days in a row, one day off, one day on, two days off (that would be taking off Thursday). Is that too disruptive? I will ask my boss what is best for the work group, but want to have something in mind. Thanks for your help.
Well after my tax refund got deposited, I finally got the nerve up to talk to my boss. After an initial look of disbelief, and comments that it would cut into my learning on the job, that it was unpaid, that he'd run it through the chain of command, and that he would want it to be straightforward for him (not repeated paperwork and approvals, etc, I work in a very institutional setting), he said he'd be open to it. I just acknowledged that I was aware of those conditions and that it was temporary while my family life stabilized and that it would help things go more smoothly at work. To be fair, there are only 5 people in our group, and one man is expecting a new baby and a month off, and another woman is taking a month off with her family, all at the same time. But because of the nature of our work I think it will be fine. Thanks so much for your helpful responses. I realize that to a minor extent it cuts into career development, but really, it is only proportional. I know lots of moms who keep up with the career just fine even with taking extended time off for family reasons.
I would check with your HR dept first and see what kind of FMLA they have available. I work full time but have twelve weeks of FMLA to use at my discretion. I did have to go to my primary care phys first to have these papers filled out. After it was approved, then I didn't have to worry about losing my job if I needed to take time off for my condition. Hope that helps.
I don't know your work or family situation, but it might be an idea to work "four tens" (as in four workdays 10 hours each day), so you are still performing your full-time 40-hour week. Some employers offer that option, but it also depends on your family situation--is someone else available to drop off or pick up baby so you can get in the extra 2 hours? If you have PPD and a doctor's note to "prove" it, you should be eligible for FML (Family Medical Leave) which is federally required for any employer with more than... I think 50 employees. It allows you up to 12 weeks of leave (without pay) where your job is held for you. This sounds more like an HR issue, so you might talk to them first--especially if they are ladies and/or if you have an established relationship with them. They will be able to inform you of your legal entitlements and they may also help you discuss with your boss/supervisor.
Personally, if I could have a day off, I'd shoot for Wed. Everybody wants Friday so that could make others resent you. Wed gives you an awesome ONE DAY break in the middle of the week!
Oh, and you asked for "language"... so, first I'd talk to HR. Then, if it was me I'd approach it like, "My doctor and I have discussed my health and the health of my baby and we feel like it would be in all best interest if I could spend more time at home with her. I will also be able to use that time to attend my regular appointments, etc." Depending on the feedback you get from HR you could suggest the four-tens or offer to "telework" which is when you get on a computer at home and clock hours working on projects that you don't have to be physically present at work to perform.
You could also start with just 1 day every 2 weeks?
Good luck! Only you know what is best for you and your baby!
I agree with the other posts recommending you talk to HR generically about what the options are. Perhaps they simply have no policy to support your request and therefore going to your boss would be pointless.
I work with a woman who for no other reason than "it is nice to have an extra hour in the morning and an extra hour in the afternoon and every Friday off just to get errands, appointments, homework, and housework done." She has no medical need whatsoever, but she asked and agreed to certain conditions (her salary and benefits and time off are *significantly* pro-rated) and it works for her.
I had another friend that asked for a custom/lighter schedule and her employer said, "Sure thing! No problem." Then she was excluded from projects, not eligible for trips or educational opportunities, promotions, and was the first to get laid off when the economy turned. And this upset her. But my thought was, she needed the job for money and benefits and except for those things, she wasn't passionate about it at all. She took herself out of the race to dedicate time to her kids and wanted to "have her cake and eat it too." She wanted to get a promotion over a woman putting in 50 hours a week, doing things that weren't her job, working on her MBA, etc.
I just tell that last story to make sure you understand and are comfortable being in the slow lane at work while your colleagues move ahead. If you are -- Then give it a shot.
I agree on asking about a flex schedule. I have no idea what kind of business you are in and what your job intails, but if you are gone one day does that give the rest of the workgroup more work on that day? Just something to consider because if it does then figure out a way to make up that time/work, like offering to work from home if possible or work longer days for the 4 days you are there. Friday would be ideal, but EVERYONE wants a 3 day weekend so he may not think that's fair to the workgroup, so you may need to settle for whichever day is typically slowest at work.
However you decide to do the wording, remember that half of it is your words and the other half is how you say them. Make sure to carry your head held high and speak with him with confidence, like you know you are a valuable employee and worthy of a flex schedule that balances work and family life.
I have had a flex schedule for the past 3 years. I always wondered/felt like maybe it was a big thing to ask for but... This has been with 3 different employers and all have been very supportive. You might just end up with a pleasant surprise when you ask. Is there any way you could frame it as a 'work from home' day? That's what mine is, and it works out really well. Sometimes work gets more attention, sometimes home gets more attention, but its still an extra day where i am actually with my children. I always try to make my work at home day a Monday or Friday, it seems to work best. But if he is only willing to give you one specific day, I would say take it. Good luck!
I think it would be better to take Wednesdays off to help break up the week and also to help keep your milk supply going. Make sure you can devote as much time as possible to frequently breastfeeding on your day off which will help keep your milk supply going and somewhat make up for the time away/bonding time you miss from baby on the other two-day stretches. If your milk supply is decreasing, you might also try Fenugreek (~3000mg a day) until it increases again and you also need to pump as frequently as possible (or as often as baby usually nurses) on the days that you do work. Good luck, that's a tough situation!
I LOVE taking Wednesdays off...
Well kuddos to you for realizing you need the time and that your family comes first! I think that is just great. I think if if were me I would do Fridays, simply bc a three day weekend would give me more concentrated time with my child. As far as your approach, you said this is a man, so be direct and as unemotional as possible. It is ok to be feminine of course, I am not advocating being stoic or anything, but if you can avoid any tears and any cloaked questions or rabbit trails things will go better. I know that my husband is an awesome guy but a guy nonetheless and when I want/need something things go so much better if I am direct, in your case something like this possibly. You: I need one day a week off to take care of my little girl, which day do you think would work best Sir? Boss: Why do you need the time You: To properly recover physiologically and emotionally from childbirth as well give my child adequate attention. That is just a sample role play of course but direct, with a man especially, is best. You are not asking for too much and it is perfectly fine to ask, even is the answer is no, asking is ok. Just go in with confidence and humility and don't over explain and don't feel bad for having needs, we all do. I really hope it works out and you get the time and best of luck!!
I definitely would check into whether or not you can be covered for time off under the Family Medical Leave Act. Unfortunately, I found out the hard way that not all employers have to adhere to this.
My male employers were jerks when it came to needing time off for anything so really try to have a game plan and a proposal.
A day off a week for 3 months is 12 days. You'll want to be able to "propose" how you will be able to keep up with your work even though you will be in the office less. For instance, you can offer to take half hour lunches instead of an hour. Things like that.
As far as which day, you know which days are busiest or which days reports are due, etc. So obviously don't ask for one of those. I know the idea of having a 3 day weekend sounds great, but Mondays and Fridays are usually busiest and it might be that one of the other days would be nice too. A day where to don't have to get up and race out during the week sounds pretty great.
It can't hurt to ask. Just be sure to point out the positives about your employment history and dedication to your job.
Talk to Human Resources.
I really hope this works out for you!
Let us know!
Me personally I would take the Friday off. That way you have the 3 days together. As far as what to tell your boss, I would just tell him that you have really been thinking about this and feel that if you could have 1 day off a week it would be better for your baby. Mention that you could schedule appointments then and wouldn't have to miss work for them. I would also make sure you can get all your work done in the 4 days you are there. Try to point out the positives to him and the group. The extra day off would really be great for you - I hope you can work it out !
Do you have FLMA, sick, or vacation time to cover your day off? If not, you could suggest a "flex" schedule to him - perhaps you could go in a half hour early and/or stay a half hour late (or take shortened lunches) on the days you work to minimize the number of hours you are off. Perhaps you could offer to check e-mail and respond to anything critical during your baby's naps or before/after hours. I think it is wise to offer your work group input as to which weekday you take off. In my office, we have a woman who does this and she is off on Wednesdays. It minimizes stress for the rest of us because we can count on her being here during our busier/deadline times. She also e-mails a full status report of her projects to the group every Tuesday (end of day) and we all have access to her files in case we need anything. I think if you go in prepared with a plan for how you will continue to manage your full workload, he will be OK. I would not get into your PPD with him unless absolutely necessary. Many older men are squeamish about pregnancy-related things and he may feel you are oversharing, or that your reasons are not warranted. Just my two cents. Good luck!
Just something else to think about, have you already talked with your daycare about only using 4 days a week? Some don't allow that because they have "full time" people to pay a salary for 5 days a week and it's often difficult for them to find another mom who only wants 1 day a week to fill your child's voided spot.
Feel free to msg me about questions about a flex arrangement for FMLA. I used to do those in HR for several companies.
I suggest you go in with a gameplan, including documentation from your dr about your PPD and say, "You know that I'm dedicated to my job. However.. Therefore I'd like to propose... This should allow me to continue doing a great job at work as well as allowing me to take care of my personal needs." I'd suggest taking Fris off. If that doesn't fly, see if you can do the compressed work week, 4 - 10 hr days. Just keep in mind that if you work less than 40 hrs they could reduce your salary unless you are using FMLA time.
