Taking 16 Year Old to the Gynecologist?

Updated on October 24, 2011
M.M. asks from Springfield, IL
17 answers

I Just made her a Gynecologist appointment for friday after school (only time they could find a spot), and i just told her today, and I could tell she was nervous already, which I can understand, the first gynoecologist appointment can be scary! She just said okay, thats fine and just kinda we off to do he own thing for awhile, and i bealive i picked a good gynecologist, shes young and heard she works great with teens, one of my girl friends just took her daughter (my daughters bestfriend) and she said that she was fantastic and great with her daughter. My daughter has been datting this boy since freshmen year, he is a family friend, and has worked with my husband on our farm for years, so hes a great young man, and since they have been datting for so long, idk if sex has ever happened or planing on it, so i just thought it was safe to bring her in just in case, she has told me no numerous times, but i think its about time for her to start to establish a realationship with a gyno. So does anyone have any idea's for me to say to ease her mind when she goes? I am planing on telling her what happens and that after that she gets to go cheer at the homecoming game, and hang out with friends after, so its something to look forward to! haha. So any moms out their with teenage

and no im not just taking her to see if shes sexually active! But if she is, and shes just no telling me, wouldnt be good for the DR to know and make sure everything is okay about that? because i remembber at 16 i thought i was ready for sex, and i wasnt, no 16 year old is ready for such responsiablity!

to all the mom saying the whole homecoming thing, the game is the day after, not the same day.

daughters want to help me out?

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all the help! And let me just clarify that the game was on the saturday, and i was confused it wasn't "the game" it was a teacher vs seniors game they have the saturday before homecoming. And we just moved at the begining of the summer, so we had to find a pedi for my 14 year old and my boys, but i thought it would be a perfact time to go to the gynecologist for my 16 year old!

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answers from Houston on

Is part of the reason for making this appointment is to find out if she has had sex? Just wondering!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

i think i would have picked a day other than homecoming. Cheerleaders usually have lots of responsibility with the game -- pep rallies, decorating goal posts. You may be dragging her away from something that she needs to do and she will always remember her first exam tied into homecoming.

3 moms found this helpful

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answers from Hartford on

Taking her to see a gyno is a good idea for her health, but perhaps you should have a sit-down talk with the gyno first yourself about what her first appointment will be like and what birth control options are appropriate for a child her age. That would include what a 16 year old child would be realistically responsible and consistent using regarding birth control.

More important than the gyno appointment would be discussing what exactly would happen to a teenage girl when she gets pregnant and the immense responsibility she would have with a baby that grows up into a child. She would need to know the cost and how unlikely her relationship with her boyfriend would survive. She would need to know that her chances of attending college would decrease dramatically. She needs to know what your expectations are of her when it comes to sex before marriage, and how you would react if she became pregnant EVEN WITH PERFECT BIRTH CONTROL USE. Slipping up isn't just a mistake. And slipping up doesn't just mean a baby.

She needs to know how various forms of birth control can affect her health. She needs to know that birth control and protection from STD's isn't tacit permission to have sex.

She needs to know that even if she's covered with birth control she can still get sexually transmitted diseases and what the prevalent ones are out there and what they can do to you and how some of them can affect future fertility and overall health. She needs to know that being responsible about sex isn't just a sometimes thing and it affects all areas of her life.

This isn't just something you bring her to the gyno for and hope for the best. You have to be really certain that she's emotionally and mentally ready for this. Most 16 year olds think they're ready, but they're not. They can't even think past next week let alone what might happen if they're not vigilant with birth control or with using it properly. They don't have the brain capacity to think things through to their full logical conclusions and understand what effects their decisions would have. They don't know that just because they CAN have sex and are protected enough to have it doesn't mean that they should.

Those are the things you need to talk to your daughter about and not just leave to the gyno.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I am surprised everyone found it so horrible. My very first appointment was at the Atlanta Women's Feminist Health Center where they first explained why the pap smear is done, and then give you your own plastic speculum and you insert it yourself and look with flashlight and mirror at what the doctor sees. They explained the drape over the knees is sort of silly since the doctor is looking at what is under the drape. They then did the papsmear. They had various birth control methods available, and I tried several but found the pill to be the easiest. Here is one detailed written explanation of what to expect:
I think if you make too much of it she WILL be afraid and nervous while there is really no reason to be if you find a kind doctor. Perhaps the pediatrician she knows well is a better choice?

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

Good for you for taking her to this! Do not put this off. We don't want to hear from you two months from now when you tell us that your daughter got pregnant on Homecoming night and you wished you would've taken her to that gyno appt...

I had my first pelvic exam at about 16 with no warning (I was there for the small town doctors in the 70s to not have a clue that I had an eating disorder and that's why my periods stopped, but whatever...). It really wasn't a big deal. Painful? Um, no.

I've already described in detail to my 9 year-old daughter what happens at gyno visits, because she wanted to know. I wouldn't make it out to be a big deal. I would let her know that you will be there or leave at any time, that it is very important to be truthful with the doctor, that whatever she says in confidence to the doctor will stay that way.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

As a former HS cheerleader, I would not have wanted homecoming to be the first time I go see a GYN.

My mom took me on my 13th birthday. I took my daughter on HER 13th birthday. My daughter already knew about sex ed and periods, etc. her periods were messed up like mine, so we had blood drawn and such to ensure she was fine. She was.

The sex talk should have been going on long before now. Have you asked her if she WANTS to have sex with this boy and if so, what is their means of protection? This may not be the values you have taught her, however, I don't know if you can remember when your hormones were raging when you were 16...

Tell her what the GYN will be checking - doing the cervical swipe - what she MIGHT experience...pressure, etc. that you will be with her the whole time. And if she wants you to leave the room, you will. Tell her the doctor will do a breast exam to feel for lumps, cysts, etc.


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answers from Pittsburgh on

My mom took me when I was 14 or 15. It was no big deal. Good for you for taking her. There is no reason to wait until you are sure she is sexually active. There is a lot kids may share with a doctor (questions or facts) that they may not share with a parent. The physician will explain everything she is doing to your daughter. She will likely (or should anyway) ask you to step out during the consultation so your daughter is free to ask questions or share any info she has not shared with you.

I did NOT in any way view this as 'permission' to have sex. It was permission to take healthy care of my body. I did not view the trip to the dentist as 'permission' to eat unlimited candy - just permission to learn how to take care of my teeth.

Now, when I was ready to have sex (at 18), my mom took me to get birth control. Sorry, that is what responsible parents do. And no, I did not get pregnant before I graduated, I got pregnant (planned) at 40, with the man I met at 19, married at 42 and am still married to.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Milwaukee on

Honestly there's never a GOOD time for this so I say go for it. If she has a boyfriend she NEEDS to see a gyno. I've watched every SINGLE "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" and it's the same old story. They "said" they weren't having sex and sure enough she gets pregnant.

Making her go is a GOOD thing and she should know whatever she tells the doctor is just between HER and the DOCTOR! They get a lot more info out of people especially young girls.

Good luck and she'll be fine. NOT seeing a doctor is FAR worse than seeing a doctor.

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answers from Topeka on

I applaud you for being pro-active...I was SO sure my daughters were not sexually active...until my 15 year old came to me to tearfully tell me she was pregnant. Believe me this is NOT something that you want to go through...and neither does your daughter!!
I agree with some of the Mom's who have suggested that you consider using her pediatrician...especially if it is a woman and if they have a good relationship. If that isn't possible, I would consider calling the OB ( with your daughter present...so she knows you aren't going behind her back) and asking them if they have any printed material to help your daughter know what to expect...or if it would be possible for her to talk to the nurse on the phone before going in.
There is not a good way to make this "easy"....it is going to be a nerve wracking day for her no matter what. I also wonder if it is a good idea to have this appt. for her on the same day as her homecoming game...especially since she is a cheerleader...I think I would have it on a day when she can just come home and relax and unwind afterwards. But of course, you know your daughter better than we do!!

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answers from Denver on

I like the response just posted. You covered most of it. Just be sure to ask about the Gardasil vaccination--- sexually active or not!

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answers from Las Vegas on

Call and ask the office what the routine is for the first visit then relay that information to your daughter. Ask her what questions/fears she has. It may be beneficial for her and you if you tell her that everything she tells the gyno is between her and the doc. Also let the doc tell her this. Let her decide how much she wants you involved. I get the feeling that you may not believe her when she has told you she is not sexually active. I don't think most teenagers are honest with their parents so it isn't something you have done wrong (sounds like you doing well) but it really important that she trusts the gyno with all issues so she gets the best care.

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answers from Dallas on

I don't think tying it to homecoming and cheer is very thoughtful towards her and her feelings.

Cheerleaders have enough stress on their plate, especially with homecoming as " the" game of the year. There is a lot to do.

Add stress of the unknown of a first gyno visit??? Does she know what happens there? My 16 yr old would be beside herself in nerves.

My 16 yr old loves her pedi who is less than 30 and can relate very well with her teen patients. Why can't you go a less stressful route for your daughter? Our pedi does the gyno stuff IF needed but she specializes with making her patients comfortable. My daughter would confide in her in a heartbeat.

Communication with you and your daughter is crucial. Just talk to her. My daughter is on a hormone ( birth control) due to excessive cramps and nonstop bleeding. It has been a Godsend to us BUT... The pedi had a strong heart to heart discussion with her before putting her on this plus she does blood work every 4 months to make sure all is well.

It's your decision but my daughter will be waiting a while before her gyno visit. I am a firm believer in open communication .

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

Hopefully she's waiting to have sex. Personally, I wouldn't take mine that young. They don't need to go until they are sexually active or 18ish whichever comes first. If she's not active, she may not need to go unless she has symptoms. I wish you the best with your daughter. Good luck!

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answers from Fayetteville on

The American College of Obstetrics and Gynocology now recommend that young women not get a pap smear until age 21. You do not need a pap smear in order to get access to birth control. They c an do a urine test to check for chlamydia and other STD's. While I admire you open mindness, please realize that this often signal to the teen that you are ok with her having sex. It also sends a clear signal to the boy that she is dating that everything is cleared. And believe me it will get around your child's school that her mom is prepping her for sex. Children at this age are often inconsistent with birth control and end up pregnant, the boy often leaves the girl unwed with a baby to raise on her own. If your daughter is adamant that she is not having sex, and she knows that you will not flip out if she says differently then she is likely being honest with you. Good Luck,,, But beware, I worry that if you carry on your child will be a mother before she is a graduate.

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answers from San Francisco on


Good for you for setting her up now. She will thank you later. I would sit her down and ask her if there is anything she wants to know or ask you about. Then leave it at that. The Dr will explain everything before she has anything done before she does it----


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answers from Houston on

Yeah, leave the homecoming/cheer out of the equation... do it another time. Seriously I was a cheerleader and it's very physical... and a first gyno visit is stressful and uncomfortable. she should be having fun that day, not worried and in (possible) pain.

In any case, it's good you are taking her now to a reputable place. be sure they cover physical health, stds, pregnancy and prevention.. .all of that with her. I would just take her and not make any big deal out of it like, just conversation.. I didn't go until I was 18 and only because I had to make an appoint with the city's women clinic. It's was a nightmare, the little salad tongs looking thing broke inside me and the Dr had to get a parade of people, including the janitor to come in there and try to pull the thing out of me and unscrew it! Painful and mortifying.

My other friend didn't go until right before she got married, her mom took her and she was like 23! She was such a big baby about it too.

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answers from San Francisco on

I think that as long as you are telling her what's going to happen she will be okay. My daughters are not sexually active so have never been to a gyno. My oldest is out of the house and I have encouraged her to find one because we just need to make sure everything keeps working right down there, ya know?
My other daughter is special needs and is TERRIFIED of seeing a gyno and the battle has just been too huge for us (me) to win at the moment. I'm thinking we are going to have to have her take some valium or something in order to get her to cooperate during an exam of that nature.
Anyhow, I remember my first gyno visit and as intimidated as I was the doc did a GREAT job of explaining everything to me as she was getting ready to do it. It helped me to get relaxed and stay that way.
What a milestone! Good Luck :-)

1 mom found this helpful
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