Tackling the Task of Cleaning a Dirty House.

I don't have small children, but I have several dogs, numerous cats, and a rabbit.
I have fibromyalgia and I have rheumatoid arthritis in one knee.
I work full time, have a boyfriend, and do theatre.
I hate to clean.
I do what I have to do daily to keep the place livable - wash and put away dishes, wash and put away laundry, clean litter boxes, sweep up hair, and the rest gets done catch as catch can.
No one who knows me comes to my house expecting the Martha Stewart ride at Disney World.

Once you've followed everyone else's advice on de-cluttering, get a Roomba or similar vacuuming robot. I cannot tell you how handy this thing has been in my life. Not only does it do most the vacuuming for me (except stairs and tight corners) but it also motivates me to keep the house from getting too cluttered again. Roomba needs the floors cleared to navigate the room.

I run Roomba in a different room every day except for weekends. It has made a huge difference in the cleanliness of my house. They make one specifically for pet hair too.

To me, you sound depressed, actually. Which may be exacerbating - or creating - the issue completely.

You can get a ton of tips on getting organized and getting help, etc... But you seem overwhelmed with life in general (I would be too, at 22 with a toddler).
You've reached out here for help, which is a phenomenal first step.
I'd seriously look into counseling services available locally. They may be able to help you get things to a point where you feel more in control. At which point, the situation will start to take care of itself.

Lookit, I wish you could give yourself a freaking break already. I wish we could ALL give ourselves a break.

Of the billions of things you listed here that you need to give your attention to, HOUSEWORK is just never gonna make the cut.

Looks like you have all other Really Important Things covered, and for that you should be celebrating your own achievements. I can personally guarantee your son is not going to walk away from childhood screwed up because his mother didn't keep the house as neat as a pin. You are effectively modeling every other important thing in life for him. Geez.

Try to relax, okay? You're doing everything right.

:)

You sound overwhelmed. First, take your mom up on her offer. She's your mother--she loves you no matter what your house looks like! We all need help from others every now and then! Second, throw away or donate whatever you don't need. If it's not in your house, it's not going to cause a mess/clutter. Third, come up with a system for cleaning.

Monday: Kitchen
Tuesday: Bathroom
Wednesday: vacuum/mop
Thursday: dust
Friday: Wash sheets

Also, make a list of what you have to do every day: clothes in hamper, make beds, hang up coats, wash dishes, etc.

I function much better when I have a list:)

Good luck! You can do this!!

Have you talked about it with your therapist? If not, I suggest that you do.

Do you have a dishwasher? If not, wash every dish and cup and put them away. Then buy some paper products. Yeah, yeah, I know, so much trash. But it will make it easier for you to toss stuff.

And start teaching your little guy to toss out his juice boxes into the garbage. You'll be surprised at how quickly he will do this if he's asked. And no eating/drinking anywhere except the kitchen. At the very least, you can start by not having plates and dishes in all sorts of places.

And I agree with the laundry baskets. Grab 2 or 3 in different colors and call them bedroom one, bedroom 2 and living room. Go around and collect as needed. Sort for 10 minutes a night while you watch TV.

God luck - and remember, your little guy loves you no matter where you put your clothes!!

Look into fly lady.

create a purge/ clean ritual. for 10 minutes a day, or until you've collected x number of items, or until you've filled 1 trash bag. This will help you dump stuff. The less you have, the less you have to take care of, clean or put away. Some people like 7 items a day for 21 days. Others opt for 21 items for 21 days. (you know the magnitude of your problem).

when you've gotten to clean, and can keep it clean, strip the carpeting. hardwood, tile, linoelum, cleans up easier.

clean your eat in kitchen/ dining room. commit to eating and drinking only in there. no dirty plates here and there. no juice boxes or cans.

accept your mother's help.

Best,
F. B.

I hate to clean too. Aim for livable. Dirty clothes on the hamper, dishes in the sink, no food out. Then once a day, put everything in its place, one room at a time if needed. I Never spend more than an hour actually cleaning. Decluttering is key. Ask for help!

Well, the first step is to want to change it.

Since you have back problems, and it's a lot to deal with, break it down. Perhaps today you will gather up all the laundry. Make it a game with your son to put it all in baskets and get it washed. Then fold while you and your son watch a movie or something, so you're not bored to tears.

Then tomorrow, gather up all the trash, the juice boxes and stuff. Just bin it. All of it. Don't even sort the recyclables at this point. Get them in big bags and out the door. Get a big trash can for the kitchen and make it a point to take it out at least the night before trash day.

Then the day after, do all the dishes. All of them. Again, have your son help find everything as you work, so you're showing him how to clean.

Once the floor is better, get some Anti Icky Poo to treat the carpet. And rent or borrow a carpet cleaner. Run that a few times.

If you need someone to come in, get the major stuff like laundry and dishes, out of the way. Ask around for a good, reliable person. Our cleaning lady was a referral from a friend and she doesn't scour the house weekly, but she comes in 2x a month and does a good clean. I trust her very much. She cleans most of the time while we are here. Maybe someone like that will be good for you.

If you need an organizer, hire one! I'm sure they've seen way worse than your house, and they can get you on track with new routines.

If things get to be a mess again, think about habits that got you back there. Like the drinks. What about "no drinking or eating outside the kitchen"? That would keep spills to the kitchen or dining room, and keep plates and juice close to the sink and trash can. If you don't use the laundry hamper, why not? Is it hard to move? Is it the wrong size or shape? If it doesn't fit your needs, change it.

It will take work for both you and your son to change habits, but I'm sure you can do this.

I grew up in a house I could not invite friends into, and I totally feel your sense of being overwhelmed, but it is SUCH an important thing to be able to share your home with friends, or your son's friends. I'm glad you are working on this. For both of you.

ETA: I also agree to let your mom help if it's beneficial to you. Some people are incompatible cleaners, so if she'd stress you out, why not Grandma/son time while you tackle something you want to get done instead?

First I think you need to change some habits.

Make a rule that food and drink is only to be at the dining room/kitchen table. There is no reason to have food and drinks in the living room or bedroom. Keeping the food to the table will not only keep the clutter of dirty dishes in one place, but will eliminate the need to clean up crumbs and spills all through the house.

Put laundry straight into the hamper. If you don't put it on the floor you won't have to pick it up off the floor.

Do one complete load of laundry per day. Put it in the wash before you leave for work and straight into the dryer when you get home. Fold it and put it away right after you put your son to bed.

Have your son pick stuff up off the floor for you. Make it a game for him.

Break cleaning jobs into smaller more manageable tasks. Instead of cleaning the whole bathroom, clean the toilet or the sink or the shower. Instead of cleaning the whole bedroom, just clean off the dresser. You will have a better chance of accomplishing your goal and one less thing to do tomorrow.

Start every day by making the beds and end every day by cleaning the kitchen sink. Doing dishes the next day is much easier and you have a nice bed to fold laundry on. You wake up to a clean sink and retire to a made bed. These two items will honestly make life much better:)

We moved in to a 6 bedroom house a year and a half ago. I have really made it my focus to downsize EVERYTHING. I believe that really is the key to be able to stay on top of the cleaning, it has gotten so much easier since I've started to do that. I mean if you really think about it, we are all blessed with WAY more than we NEED. It's my goal to have the entire house and garage done by the summer (when it's hell hot here so we stay inside lol). The only rooms left in the house are my daughters after I finish my sons this weekend and our master closet. Then the 3 car garage is full but it will be done hopefully on Monday unless the rain comes like it's supposed to. My bff offered to come and help me with the garage. Maybe you can have a girlfriend come and help then on another day you can go help her do the same thing. Then there is a book I stumbled upon at a thrift store called "speed cleaning" I think it's by Jeff Campbell. His process really makes sense. And also, don't expect perfection. Just try to keep things in it's place and vacuum and clean the counters off. The rest if kept decluttered should be ok until you can make time for it. And start right away to teach your son to help put things away. And we don't have any pets. Maybe consider having your ex take the dog? That way he stays in the family and your son can still see him. Just because you have a kid doesn't mean he needs a pet. That is one less thing to deal with and worry about. I hope you find something that works for you but decluttering and downsizing has made all the world of difference for me and I'm not a good housecleaner. Good luck.

You have gotten a ton of great cleaning tips here.
You're a single parent of your 3 year old son, working, going to school, and taking care of yourself. These are the important things. Your house is messy. It will probably never be as clean as your ex's house. So what? Be kind to yourself. There's a great quote, "Please excuse the mess, we are making memories."

I bet your son wants a happy momma who takes time to play blocks with him and reads a story at bedtime than a living room free of dust.

Best,
T. Y

Let your mom help. If my daughter wanted/needed help, I would seriously be so happy to help her. You are managing the truly important things so let go of your feelings of inadequacy.

If you insist on doing it yourself. Get a wash basket and/or trash bag. Gather everything that doesn't belong in the current location and put it in the basket/bag. Your house will instantly look better and then you can deal with the stuff in bag in your own timeframe. Honestly, it should not take more than a minute per item to put it where it belongs. Think of what you could accomplish in just 15 short minutes.

You can do this and will feel so much better once you do.☺️

1. Let your mom help you.
2. O. room at a time.
3. Flylady
4. My grandma used to say "go into a room, start in a corner & work your way around the whole room
5. O. load of laundry per day (wash, dry, fold, PUT AWAY) then start another load and "reboot" a load daily.
6. Pare down all clothes, the more clothes you have, the longer you can go without doing laundry.
7. Wipe down kitchen counters/bathroom counters & toilets every day with a Clorox wipe, at least.
8. Shine your kitchen sink every night. Don't go to bed with dishes in the sink. Ever. It should sparkle every night when you go to bed. (Flylady must do)

Honestly, in the time it took you to write this? You could have cleaned your bathroom!

I know this may be really hard to do but here is what I suggest. Take one full day off. Take your child to daycare so he will be out of the way.

The clothing situation.. options.
get boxes and sort, what you wear vs, what you want to keep another box of need ti get rid of and the the unused, outdated, worn out clothing, shoes, handbags..Yes, jewelry too

Get rid of all of the makeup and hair products that you no longer use.. ex.. 3 months and never touched it. The remainder that you do use, place make up in a tray with sides or a basket. This way you take this tray out from a designated drawer or bathroom cabinet. Another box for your hair products. Really hold back on purchasing any new products until you need them. Throw away old products you have not used in the last year or last 6 months.

Do the same thing with your sons toys. I promise, he is not going to notice if you get rid of the broken, toys he does not play with and things he has outgrown. Put these in the trunk of your car and do not let him see them. Drop them off at Goodwill.

Organize his room so that he has places to put his books. on a shelf or in a pile in an assigned basket or box.

His arts and crafts need to be all together again on a shelf, in a box or a storage bin. Same with his toys. Then when he takes them ut they are all together. when time to clean up, hand him the basket, box or bin amd have him dump them in there. again edit this stuff time to time as it breaks, wears out or he loses interest.

If he is not good at making his bed, purchase a sleeping bag and let him sleep on it on top of his made up bed. Yes, they can be washed and dried.

There are laundrymats that do laundry by the pound! It is awesome. I used to drop ours off one day and pick it up the next afternoon. it was all washed dried and folded! I would do this when the laundry had gotten totally out of hand.

Clean out your pantry again anything you have not used in a year.. I would throw out or give away.

Once you have this all done, THEN call your mother and ask her to come for a day or 2 and the 2 of you clean the windows the appliances, and yes the carpet.

I am a mom of an adult child and I, in no way, shocked or offended by her "filth" this is HER word! Ha! Each time she has moved it has been a big job, but we got through it. I will be going up east in about 6 weeks to make another major move. I am completely read to tackle it.

You can do this. I put on fun music or a favorite old movie and get to work.

Mom you are not alone. I recall working 60 hours a week, with a husband working 60 hours and our daughter. Our house was a wreck sometimes. we did get a house keeper to come in once a week. Laundry, cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms. It was awesome. But yes, things did go missing. I think by her kids. When she would com eon her own things were fine. I should have not allowed her to bring her teen kids.

I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids and still find that after dr appts, me going to the gym, sports, school stuff and everyday errands there aren't enough hours in the day to clean the whole house daily! I hsve learned to do 1-2 rooms a day. So one day I will deep clean my living room and kitchen and then pick up the dining room since that usually isn't too dirty. Once those are done then the next day I will clean the bathrooms and my bedroom. I hate putting away laundry and am really bad about letting it pile up in hampers. But once the areas where guests would be present are deep cleaned an everyday or even every other day pick up would take 10 minutes. Any clothes, shoes and dishes. Pick them up in the evening right before you go to bed. Also have your son get in the habit of keeping his toys in his bedroom or at least put them back in his room when he's done playing. Honestly most of the time my kids rooms are a mess! We do a deep cleaning on them every 2-3 weeks. I do a load of dishes everyday, you could probably do every other day. And with your back injury maybe do one room a day and then just do small pick up cleaning at the end of the day. So get yourself in a schedule.
Monday: living room- clothes, dishes, toys, vacuum, dust
Tuesday: kitchen- dishes, counters, sink, sweep, mop
Wednesday: your bedroom- clothing put away, dishes, bedding, vacuum
Thursday: bathroom(s)- tub, sink, counter, mirror, toilet, sweep, mop and do dishes again
Friday: vacuum living room and spot clean for 30 minutes
Saturday: dishes again and laundry
Sunday: rest and enjoy the day with your son.

I actually do a load of laundry every day so I don't have a laundry day. Usually on the weekends I don't do anything except dishes.
Have your son "help" at that age my kids loved to wipe down the table with a wet sponge or sweep or mop. He can do stuff to help too. Also, if you have the money, get a roomba. It's a little robot vacuum that goes throught the house on it own. I love mine! It sweeps and vacuums! Best thing ever! You have to have stuff off the floors though or it will bump into them and turn away and those areas won't get cleaned. Also watch cords and stuff that can get tangled in it.
Good luck! And don't worry, most moms stress about getting everything done! There truly aren't enough hours in the day.

I love Flylady.net. If you go to her site, there is a "Get Started" link right beside the main logo. She breaks everything down so nicely and helps you set up routines. It's all about baby steps. My house is a billion times cleaner than it used to be and I do my best to follow my routines to keep it that way. I slip now and then, but can aways start fresh and get it back to the way I like it. Currently, the house looks clean, but I need to do another decluttering session for my closets and drawers. Everything accumulates so fast!

One other thing to note. You work and are in school. Seriously, it's not the same as a parent who has the luxury of taking care of their child and doing their household chores. One mom friend of mine had a month off of work between jobs and said that all of her closets were cleaned, she cooked every night and her house was perfect by noon each day. So, try not to compare yourself with non-working parents. I know my home would be a much cleaner place if that was my main responsibility. Right now, as a working parent, I do the best I can. Also, 3 year olds take a ton of time. No matter if you were working or not, mothering your little one is pretty much going to fill your days. Take it slow and do a little at a time.

Do you have family that can help you out? And do you want to change how you live?

I suggest starting with one room at a time. You need someone to teach you how to organize and you need to be willing to get rid of clutter (either donate or trash it). No matter where you start this has to be something you want to change, not just for you but for your child. I doubt you want him to grow up and live this way too.

Once you get through the first room I bet you will start to feel better.

I say for SURE get your mom to help...just to get things situated since you are so overwhelmed. Or if you really don't want to ask her, tackle one room at a time.

Just a few tips that come to mind that have helped me:

Keep laundry baskets or some sort of baskets for toys...even if you have to have a few around the house, your son can then be told to put his toys in them and they have a "home"

Do you have a dishwasher? If so, just get in the habit of putting dishes in there a couple of times a day and run it before you go to bed. If you don't have a dishwasher, get a plastic container to hold dirty dishes under the sink until you do them...more than a day or two and that is going to be really gross, but it might get some dishes out of your way until you're ready to do them. And you won't have to look at them!

I don't follow Flylady, but I did read some of her tips. It may be worth looking at her website for you. To me, it seemed overwhelming, but 1 tip I really like and have used is to set a timer and clean or declutter for 15 min. The idea is you can do about anything for 15 min. if you don't have the pressure you have to do it for hours!

If you do that every day...you can actually get some things done and that can work when you have a small child around.

For laundry, I do a load almost every day...sometimes more. I fold clothes right out of the dryer. Put them in separate laundry baskets labeled for me, my husband and my kids. Then on the weekend everyone is responsible for their own basket to put away. At your age you'll have to help your son, but he may be able to do quite a bit of it and gets him in a good habit. This one has helped me so much!

And your son may very much like to be involved in helping! I found my kids always actually liked it at that age and if you split it up into a little at time, maybe that could work for you! Really, it's just habits and practice.
You don't have to do things perfectly or have an eat off the floor kind of house. But if you just do things a little at a time, I think you can keep things under control.

Good luck!

You've received a lot of great advice. I'm going to tell you two things that may sound a little harsh but can change your life. I do not mean this judgemental way but in a helpful critique way:

1. Quality time with your son should and can include doing stuff around the house. Engage him during this time and you are teaching him work ethic and life skills and you have a helper.

2. Structure makes keeping a house hope a 100 times easier. Food in designated areas only. Toys dishes and trash should be dealt with daily and your kid is responsible for his toys not you!
It's amazing what a difference 10 minutes a day makes.

Due to your injury you'll have to take this on steps. This is what I would start with

Day 1: this out all the obvious trash and get all the dishes done. Spend 2- 5 minutes doing this every morning and 10 minutes every night.

Day 2: tackle the laundry. You might need to break this into multiple days

Day 3: Toys

day 4: counters

day 5: floors

in a week you can have a tidy house you can maintain.

Please consider this. Take a folding chair or dining room chair with you into a room. Take a large trash can too. Then bring a large tub and put it in the doorway.

You can't leave until you clean up the trash and toss all the dirty clothes into the tub in the door way. Once you get trash and clothes gone that room will show the floors and once the floors can be vacuumed you will feel like you have a clean room.

A clean floor in the same exact room makes the clutter on the tables seem less, more like stuff left over from a meal instead of trash that's been there for a month.

Being able to sit in the middle of the room and either use a grabber or lean over slowly and stretch your back out is awesome. My hands get tired when I use the grabber so I use it in one hand then switch it to the other and when that hand is tired I put it down and stretch. Then I go back to that first hand.

I can clear a room that was waist deep by doing this.

One thing you can add to the mix is another tub that is specifically for clothes that don't fit your son anymore and the ones that you don't want to keep for yourself anymore. That's the give away/donate/share with a friend tub. It gets emptied into a large trash bag and it's labeled do not open! and put in the vehicle until you figure out where to put it.

If you can only do 30 minutes a couple of times per day you will get this one room done in a day or two.

One thing that I have been doing is every time I leave a room , I take something that does not belong there with me. You can also have your son help. he is the perfect age to help throw things out and put things away. Also, get a small garbage can that you can take from room to room, this way you are not carrying a bag and dropping it on the floor. When there is garbage, put it in. Only takes a few seconds but those seconds can really make a difference. As for laundry, you could essentially live out of a basket for clean clothes for a few days. Also, really make an effort now to get those things where they belong right away. Dirty clothes go straight to the basket rather than on the floor.

I have a 3 yr old son and a 6-almost 7-yr old daughter and man, they must be the messiest. I cannot leave the house for 20 minutes without coming back to a mess.
But they both like to use the swiffer to clean, and though may not do a great job with the vacuum, it is better than nothing.

Some awesome answers already...

When I was a single mom, working full time, going to school at night, I set aside certain times of the day or week to accomplish a little something.

I always try to do the dishes every morning or night, before or after an event....load the dishwasher and go. Cleaning the sink is a great start and sets the the stage to keep things a bit tidier.

I always sorted laundry on Saturday morning, and my kids now do that. Your son is old enough to help sort laundry and work along side you. Then do one load a day through the week, or 2. You'll find a rhythm to your week. Have him add the soap or help transfer the clothes.

Keep trash cans in every room so you can throw out the empty drinks before they accumulate. Do you have a specific trash night? That helps to pick up all the trash from all the house on one specific night. Again, your son is old enough to collect trash.

The key isto make housecleaning fun, enjoyable and not overwhelming. You are where you are. Just start small. One table at a time. One counter per week. Put on music. Realize how lucky you are to have your space, your health, your time with your son.

And for sure allow your mom to help you!!

Decluttering helps.
Having a lot less to organize making cleaning and maintaining a lot easier.
Keep food/drinks (except water) out of every room except for kitchen/dining area.
Just have a weeks worth of clothes plus a few so you HAVE to do the laundry once per week.
Tackle one room at a time.
Consider keeping the dog in the kitchen (or where ever there is no carpet) so clean up is easier.
As far as dishes go - never leave anything dirty in the sink - get it in the dish washer to wash and start up a load when ever it's close to being full.
If it'll take awhile to catch up - then use paper plates and throw away dirty dishes until your ceramic plates are caught up with being clean and put away.
Clean in 15 min bursts.
Check out The Fly Lady - she's got a lot of good advice.

You can start with simple rules. No food or drinks other than water in the bedrooms. Grab your water cup in the morning as you head into the kitchen to get breakfast. Drinks are only on the coffee table (or whatever you have in your living room) and nowhere else in the living room. This will cut down on dirty food items all over the house. Around here, if you're getting up to go to the bathroom, grab a dirty dish and put it in the sink on the way there since our kitchen is between the living room and bathroom. Bins for your kid's toys. Doesn't matter what order they go in, they just all go in the bins. At 3 they can absolutely help with that. Folding and putting away laundry can be done together. At 3 my kids could put the paired up socks in a drawer and things like that. Make it a game.
The key is to keep at things a little at a time so that it doesn't stack up and become overwhelming.

I am not a big fan of housework, but I also know there comes a point where the state of things can actually trigger feelings of depression and anxiety for me, even though I don't have these as medical conditions. The worse I feel, the more I want to avoid it, but the more I avoid it the worse I feel. The only thing that will fix it is cleaning, and if you're not able to do it yourself then you need help.

My sister has physical issues, anxiety and she felt the same way you do about asking for help. Embarrassed, more anxious about not being in control, etc. Her house was at least as bad, if not worse, than how you describe yours. Our mom and I forcibly helped her. She hated it, hated it, hated it......oh wait, then she loved it. So much stress flew right out the door.

LET YOUR MOM HELP YOU. If your mom was asking, I might tell her to show up and force you to let her.

I agree with the answers below. I think the important thing is to work in short bursts. Start decluttering immediately. You probably can't clean for hours but you could clean in 10-15 minute increments! Could you do that? Start somewhere you can see instant progress. I would also put yourself a doable checklist for each day. Just make it manageable for your life.