Suspect My Nephew Has Asperger's - How to Say Something?

Updated on March 10, 2010
S.S. asks from Chicago, IL
6 answers

Every time we visit my husband's nephew - I feel like he may have high-functioning autism, but I don't know how to bring it up to my sister-in-law without her getting defensive. This little boy is almost 3. When asked a question - he tends to repeat the question instead of answering it. He talks along with the movies he watches - almost word-for-word. He doesn't play with other kids - he plays by himself. He did play with my son this weekend, rather, he played alongside my son. My nephew doesn't talk directly to my son - instead my nephew talks to himself. Every once in a while he will go through and name everyone he knows, like roll call.

I or my husband have never had a real back-and-forth conversation with my nephew. Granted - he is not yet three, but my experience is that 2 year olds can answer simple questions.

I should say that my nephew is on target developmentally - physically and cognitively. He knows his ABCs.

My nephew freaks out if anything in his routine changes. I have seen him throw extremely bad tantrums when he is overwhelmed.

I don't know if these are just personality quirks or something to be concerned about - but I can't help feeling like there's a problem. We did bring this up to my husband's parents - and they did mention that he has never been fully evaluated. However, they also mentioned that they have seen kids who act worse than him - I got the impression that they didn't think there was any real problem. They say that he's not yet 3 so that's why he does a lot of this stuff.

Any ideas on how we should deal with this?

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So What Happened?

Thanks for the advice. I'm still torn. While I understand it's not my place to say anything, this little boy is our family. Especially in cases of autism, all I have heard (and read here) is that the earlier a child gets help, the better. This is truly a tough situation. Not sure yet how we will proceed. We have at least mentioned our concerns to my husband's parents, in the hope that we've planted the seed.

More Answers

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A.C.

answers from Pittsfield on

I had a similar situation and I was afraid to say something as well. But I eventually did by starting off with: "I'd like to talk to you concerning "so and so" and I'd like you to have an open mind about this and not get upset because this is very important..." and then I went into the things that I noticed with my nephew and that I took an online diagnostic test to see if what I was seeing related to my nephew and it did. Per the diagnostic test he was Severe PDD which is a lower form of Autism and possible Aspberger's Syndrome. I would take the Diagnostic tests for yourself, print them out and have the parents do them as well and tell them they must be honest about it. Of course we want to believe that Nothing is wrong with our children or our family, but these days, there are so many poisons in our environment: the air, the soil, the water, even in the food we buy from the store; autism, ADHD, mental retardations and developmental disabilities are now inevitable and the only thing we can do is catch it early and start helping the child. If he is diagnosed; he does not necessarily need to be put on medications... I find that structure, routine and not buying foods with lots of chemicals and sugars (or Cow's Milk & Soy Milk: which are both very poisonous to the human body) have helped tremendously! I grow my own fruits and vegetables in a garden that I produced with compost that I made (not store bought soil: poisonous as well, too many chemicals; using left over foods and dead house plants as compost works perfectly and much better) and buying eggs and meat from LOCAL farmers that do not use hormones is best. It may cost a little extra but the health and well-being of the children are that important. There are many good websites where you can take the diagnostic tests for the Autism/Aspberger's/PDD symptoms. Often these tests state clearly that it is not an actual diagnosis and that the child should have the diagnosis done by his/her pediatrician which will have a specialist do testing (usually cognitive skill testing and motor function: I had to do it for my nephew, it's very easy and the children actually enjoy the tests). If you don't mention it: Someone else will whether it is a daycare or when he starts kindergarten. Say something now so he can start getting the help he needs and if need be, call his pediatrician and tell him/her that you are concerned about your nephew.

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C.P.

answers from Chicago on

I think this is an issue best left to your nephew's parents and their pediatrician, who should be evaluating his development at each visit. Every kid is different. Lots of 3 year olds do all of the things you've described. Our 4 year old boy, who is extremely bright with no learning issues at all, has a very hard time with change to his routine, especially when he's overtired. Also, the age of 3, for us, was about a zillion times harder than age 2. Tantrums, fits, bad language, hitting... you name it and we went through it.

Also I remember that before age 3, even though our son was talking in complete sentences around us since age 2, he would still be shy around other people. I specifically recall a friend of ours who thought our son couldn't talk yet going on and on about how he needed early intervention and all this other stuff... We were like, hold on... you hardly ever see this kid! He can talk in complete sentences! Even now at 4, he still clams up around people he doesn't see all the time...

I think that if you bring something up, you're going to cause problems. Personally I would not get involved. This is a matter for the parents to be concerned with. They are caring for this child every day, and I'm sure they have his best interests at heart.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

Hi Stephanie.
I feel like I could have written your exact request! I think the same thing about my nephew, however I don't think it's your job to say anything. Or they may be aware of it, but just aren't saying anything to anyone.

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J.K.

answers from Chicago on

Sounds just like my son! He is almost 4 now and was diagnosed on the autism spectrum last summer. It's looking more and more like asperger's.

So one of the parents is your husband's siblings? Why don't you have him talk to him/her. Just remember that the sooner he gets help, the better off he'll be. I suggest that they take him to a developmental pediatrician, or if they have a few months before he turns 3, have him evaluated by early intervention. They can't diagnose, but they can at least give the family a report of their concerns and recommendations.

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M.A.

answers from Chicago on

Do you know who their pediatrician is? You can always call in and ask to talk to the pediatrician about your concerns, and then it would be up to him/her to direct the parents for further evaluation.

I was in a similar situation with my nephew, who was reading at 2, had issues with transitions, body awareness, etc. He was 1 month older than my own son, who started in EI at around 14 months. I suspected sensory issues with my nephew, but my sister in law and husband said he was gifted, and just "thinks outside the box." (Denial) He now is in kindergarten and has an IEP, classified as "educationally autistic." but it took several different professionals telling them the same thing to get him even looked at-after he was 4. My SIL said "why didn't you tell me?" but I knew if I had, it would have turned out badly, and they were not ready to hear it.

Good luck....

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N.S.

answers from Chicago on

doesn't sound right to me but who knows. I've been teaching early childhood for more than 1/2 my life and 3 yr olds should be able to interact with others playing alongside them. They could get early intervention services so they should really try to bank on that now while he's young enough.

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