Suggestions Needed for Worried Mom of Her Three Year Old Son

Really, three is worse than two. At three, kids are able to communicate enough to really want to express themselves and see how much they can control and manipulate their environment. Enjoy how he can express himself, but I know it is MADDENING when they want to argue about everything. Just know that this is normal, and if you stay consistent, it will get better.

explain his behavior is not acceptable and then ask him just what he thinks you should do about him? get his imput. Then follow through. oh nothing harsh but he needs to be in on the rules of the house and the punishments metted out.we found out it worked best they didn't like it but it was something they had picked out themselves soooo.!!!

since he was a premmie it is perfectly normal that he would come into the terrible twos (or other age related stages) a bit late. unfortunately there is no cure but it does sound like you're doing it all just right. it is just a stage so just know that one day he will be back to his sweet self. xoxo

Oh! The joys of having a 3yo.boy. I have a wonderful little boy turning 3 on Sunday. Sounds alot like him. The thing you have to do, is never show a temper with him, use the time out calmly and matter of factly with love, and the BIGGEST THING...Spend lots of time with him, let him help you as much as possible(chores), reading time, blowing bubbles, and while you do these things, talk to him about giving love to other people, doing things for other people. There is something about teaching a child charity, that totally changes their attitude. Yes, even at 3 years old. Don't just talk about it, actually show him charity. Sounds silly, but really works. My son loves to hit his head on the wall,(ugh!) So, he gets time out for that. Then we go outside, blow bubbles and he picks me a flower. Just never show him anger. Hope this helps. Good Luck!

I have a three year old little girl. When she was two, I took her in for her check-up and my doctor warned me that when she turned three she would be mean "just because". I thought he was crazy, but sure enough, shortly after she turned three, out came the mean. Don't worry. It is just a phase. I wish I could tell you how to get him out of it, but I haven't accomplished that myself yet.
Jenn

Sounds like a phase to me! Our son was "easy" during the 2's and then the 3's were more challenging because he could talk better and communicate his wants more. I would just keep encouraging your son when he does things well and try to explain why certain behavior isn't appropriate for a big boy. Good Luck!

Well all I can say is I understand because I am in a similar boat. I also have a 3 year old son who is actually very smart and for the most part a good boy. However, we did go through the terrible two's and now it is carrying over to 3. I wanted to tell you that everyone was telling me "you think 2 is bad wait till 3" or "2 was nothing for my child, it was 3", which kinda scared me because 2 was kinda tough.(but again, he really is a pretty good kid) I had only one mother tell me "3 is much better".

I don't know if he naps, but if my son naps in the day, he seems to be a whole lot more agreeable the rest of the day.
Also, he might be picking up stuff from his cousins/friends that are older (which is what I am running in to),and it just the things he brings home after spending the day with them he shows signs of a differece in personality and defiance too. But, how do I keep him away from his cousin, he is an only child and needs to get out and play with other children.

Anyway, I understand and sounds like we are in similar situations and we are the same age mommies. Speaking of, do you ever think you are more tired than a mom in her 20's? just curious.

I am not much help on advice, but just so you know most mom's agree that 3 is harder than 2, and maybe your pediatrician is right and an age thing.

I understand the terrible three's. Everyone kept talking about the terrible 2's....no way but 3's...help me! I felt liek i'd have "a come apart" myself. I have 3 girls and my middle girls has been my stress ball. When she became aggressive i wasn't sure what to do at first. The first girls never did anything liek that. I finally enrolled her in a physical activity of her own. I choose a christian based karate school that focused on control. It was so and very disciplined. Telling her that she had choices and control over her body. And that she needed to listen to what it told her and there wer times and places for everything. This activity gave her a sense of accomplishment as she earned badges and she it also helped her to slow down and focus. I realize that at 3 she gets frustrated trying to get all these big girl idea and thoughts out and she needs to pull away sometimes so she can try again. Good luck!!!!!!!

I have known some kids to go through the "terrible" whatevers at four....it is just how your child is developing neurologically. Children develop emotions throughout time; they do not have them at birth. HE may be developing some new emotions he is not sure how to deal with. Love and Logic is awesome and if followed as described in their books, it does work. He will still go through this some, but it should shorten the duration and severity. Save your words for happy times....that is a quote from L&L and one that having a smart child you may be tempted to reason with him....sing the Uh Oh song, put him in his room and let him figure out what he did....he will know without lectures etc. Make his mind work so he is more tired than you. Hang in there and know this too will pass.

I raised four children (three boys and a girl)and am now a grandmother of eight. First of all, let me recommend the book, The Strong Willed Child, by James Dobson.

Three is worse than 2 and 4 is worse than 3. The key is to remain consistent. Also, make sure that the child knows you may hate the behavior, but your love will not deminish. When children act out (and, yes, there are stages of acting out and sometimes "regressing" to see if the "rule" is still the rule), they are just making sure the boundaries are still there. "Reasoning" should be first. "Time out" is fine when it works. When it doesn't work, you have to go to the next step-taking away privileges or a favorite toy, etc. Always stick to what you say--otherwise, your words will come to have no meaning at all. And, yes, I believe in swats (only as a last resort, and as long as you are not angry and out of control yourself when you administer punishment). The bottom line is, punishment can be administered now and you can stop the unwanted behavior, or it will be administered by someone who loves the child, or it will be administered later by someone else who could care less.

My kids are all healthy and successful members of society, so I must have done something right along the way.

B. S

It is a phase !! Don't worry it will be the first of many. Remember that he is getting your attention when he acts out and at 3 yrs he doesn't care if it is good or bad he just knows he is getting it! I have a 4 yrs old and I notice quite often that she acts out when certain kids at school are doing the samething to her. I try to let her know that just because someone acts a certain way she should not. I think talking to our children and asking them why they do certain things helps a great deal . Good Luck

I definately believe it is a stage....with our first daughter we thought "Wow, those terrible two's weren't bad!" --- BUT then she became very "hormonal" and it became the terrible threes!!! What no one told me beforehand was "oh, the 3s are much worse than the 2's" but when I was in the throes of it, everyone agreed! She is now 4 1/2 and can still be very trying but it definately was a stage....Now my 14 month old must have heard that we had it "easy" with my first so she is revving up to make the 2's impossible (and the 3s, and 4s....). There is a light at the end of the long dark tunnel! It's a matter of faith (and lots of headaches and breakdowns!) but in the end, at the end of the day, when they are asleep in bed, I could just stare forever at their little faces and think about how much I love them! (Then reality sets in once again with my 14 month old screaming at 1:00am!)
IT TOO SHALL PASS!

Well the good news is it IS just a phase. The bad news is, therefore, that there's no quick fix. Just keep consistent and keep doing what you're doing, this too shall pass. (And then you get into the sassy 4s, but let's save that discussion for another time, LOL.)

A., I wish I had some more really great suggestions, but I don't. I do want you to know that I can TOTALLY relate to what you're saying. Our oldest just turned 4, and for him it was not the terrible two's either - but the threes got harder. It sounds like your son has a similar personality. Very sweet and loving, but also a little firecracker sometimes and opinionated much of the time. The best thing I can tell you is to be consistant. Whatever you and your husband decide to do in the way of boundaries and consequences - be a team and stick to your plan. Just know that you are not alone - and your son is very lucky to have a mom who loves him so much and is committed to helping him become all he can be.

I honestly think that whomever coined the term terrible two's just couldn't count! At two, our son was very into "pleasing" us...he hit three and all of a sudden - YIKES - his need for independence came out with a vengenence! Most of the Mom's I know all say the same thing. The only thing that I can tell you is that it does get better. It seems like the more he was able to "do myself" the better it got. Just give it some time and make sure that you stick to your guns on the big stuff - hitting, kicking, biting, spitting, etc. and use time out. I promise - this too shall pass!

My son just turned 4 and we are going through the same thing. I have noticed that if you give a little extra attention that it helps. We have also reminded him that he is a growing boy and that is not how he should act. I have started a reward system for good behavior also. Now not always do these things work but things have been improving slowly. Just know that you are not alone. Keep on Keeping on.

He sounds exactly like my son, now 4. It is a phase, and the next one will drive you nuts too ;-). Be consistent with what you do and say and with whatever form of discipline you use. You are exactly right he is testing you and looking for loop holes. This has worked wonders for us (I'm not sure if your little guy is too young for this or not) but I send my son to his room to think about his behavior. When he can tell me why what he was doing was wrong and appologize he can come down and we talk about it. It eliminates the arguing with a child or yelling and makes them responsible for their own actions and they have to actually think about what they were doing. SOOO much better than a normal time out or spanking. Plus, it gives me and him time to calm down and we talk it out. And that is the relationship I really want to form with my kids anyway!
Good luck!

First of all, stop worrying, worry gets you no where but stressed out! He's just testing you, learning the limits of what he can and cannot do - that's how they learn. Second, I believe that "terrible 2's" is a huge misnomer.....should be terrible 3's!!! I'm a mom, aunt, gramma and worked in daycare for a number of years 2's are darlings, like little sponges they learn so much - then by the time they're 3 they start pushing the limits on everything they've learned, must be done and it's really a healthy thing, shows he's thinking and exploring.....you just have to be firm and repeat yourself a million times....he'll catch on. You think the infancy/toddler years are tough then they start thinking and talking for themselves, fun isn't it?? I won't even touch on pre-teen and teen years!!! Have fun and enjoy - learning independence is a good thing.

Hello A.,

does he drink juices w/ high fructose corn syrup? that sounds like what my son was doing when he was going through HFCS withdrawals. depending on how much he drank it was about 24 hrs later when he would have his meltdown. Also if you've switched vitamins... check what sugars are in it. I once switched vitamins because w/ went on a trip and I forgot them... well, he was walking around like a little grumpy old man and that was the only time he hit me and tried to bite me. oh, so many things to look at and so many labels to read! good luck and hang in there. try and figure out what changed, what new food/drink/snack/gummies etc. he's consuming and that might be your answer.
~C~

I don't know the environment your son is in when you say his
"school". Is it a daycare or preschool. I have been a child
care provider for 18 years and shutter when I have an interview with a child that is coming from a daycare. I have
had to decline in taking some and have let others go that I
thought maybe I could change. When you have 8 or more in a
class with 1 person in charge, they often fend for themselves,
hitting, pushing, bitting, yelling - whatever gets them through the day. Often, there is no curriculum. In home
child-care offers a home away from home environment, extended
family and one on one. Providers really care about their
children. Where there is chaos, children will be chaotic,
where there is "adult" supervision: Agenda for the kids,
respect for one another, values instilled and happy atmosphere, where rules are applied, the children feel loved and secure. I recommend after looking in on your child UNANNOUNCED a few times, if your'e not satisfied, call the
Child-care Assoc. in your area or go online to the Texas Dept.
of Family and Protective Services for registered providers and
pull up by zipcodes. At the interview, ask for references, and remember - anyone can give you 3 or 4, ask for about 10
at least. I give over 40 references, then the PARENTS can
choose who they call.

Good luck, I know it's frustrating, but it could be the place
he's staying - My daughter and 2 of her friends worked in some of the BEST daycares. They were each disillusioned when
told they could only tell the parents how good their child was doing - they could never point out a problem because "it
might upset the parents and they would seek childcare elsewhere." Make those unannounced visits!"

P. S

Like many of the other moms, I would agree that this is not abnormal for a three-year-old boy. We have twin boys who are 4 1/2 and for us, 3 was much harder than 2...and 4 isn't much better! A little warning would have been nice on this.

We have very good days, then we have unexplained meltdowns, name-calling, hitting, throwing stuff, whatever. With one of my sons, it gets a lot better when we are able to give him more attention...even if it's assigning him chores to do! He loves to help around the house, he loves to make things (draw pictures) for other people, and enjoys working toward a goal. My other son, I haven't quite figured out! They are very different, but both can be the sweetest, most loving people, and I have to remember that during the tough times. (I, too, wish for my sweet boys all the time!)

Both have a hard time accepting "no" for an answer when they want to do something. We have always said no, just somehow when they turned three it triggered tantrums. We are still saying it!

One food item: we did learn to stay away from ice cream at night. Don't ask me why, but that particular dessert triggered ugly, ugly behavior. Once we eliminated that in the evenings, it really helped. During the day, it isn't a big deal. So I think there is a lot of sense in watching diet closely, as another mom suggested. We're really careful about the HFCS and I try not to buy anything with that in it. Obviously, it doesn't cure all problems! But you may have some kind of food thing like that, that isn't helping.

I have a two year old that has started pushing too. He is sweet and affectionate, but then he growls and laughs and pushes. He pretends he is a lion though. We laugh and that doesn't help! But then he starts getting TOO push! ugh. I worry about when he goes to pre-k! He is going to be a handful for sure so I look forward to reading advice you get!

Talk to your pediatrician about testing him for lead poisoning--also you may need to change his diet. I hear red dye 40 can make kids go off the wall but it hasn't happened to my kids a of yet. Good luck with this.

Frist are you sure it is for no reason? My grandson was pushing kids and hitting ,he was trying to get ther attention he wanted to be friends. on some of his actions that he was doing we found out it was sugar.we stated checking the sugar in everything and cut way back on them .Also he was frustrated when people couldn't understand him,he acted out.His teachers said he was smart he might be bored,sowe gave him things to do. He is now five can,read tell time and was asking about the sun going up one way down the other.So we did planet rotion more question follow. sometimes he still acts out but,not like he did. take something away that he likes for a time and if he ask for it remind him why he can't have it and make him repete why.

a little about me
have been married 31years have two kids 30 & 28 and four grandkids 10,7,5,and 4months.My husband and I live in Quinlan.