Struggling Kindergartener

Hi J.,

I have been struggling with whether or not to start my daughter in kindergarten next fall- she has a "late birthday" and if we lived in another state or went to private schools, she would have to wait another year (most have cut offs of Sept 1 or June 1st often for boys). I have talked to so many teachers, the principal, and other moms with experiences and the consensus is to wait- especially for boys. Many people have also suggested starting her if I felt she was ready and then have her repeat kindergarten so she can have the advantage of being older and all the benefits that come from that. I feel that it is much better to keep him back in K than to have him struggle for years to come.

Good luck,

J.

I'm a Montessori teacher and know alot about fine motor work as well as have a daughter who struggled as well - now is graduating 5th grade and is doing well. Here are some hand development skills you can use to strength his hands. Playdough, squirt bottles in the bathtub and in the backyard, turkey basters, drawing with tub crayons, painting, squishing and ripping paper, wadding paper, digging in sand boxes, pouring juice, cutting meat, preparing food, gymnastics classes where you have to do hang bars, monkey bars at the park, cutting, beading, picking up pennies to put into a money bank.

You might want to consider holding him back as the bones in boys hands strengthen more slowly than girls and since he is having a hard time of it I would also consult a occupational therapist to give him an evaluation. There is a connection between fine motor skill development and the ability to read. Lots of boys enter kindergarten now a year later.

I recommend - Educational Therapist for sounding out words Judy Benn from Milestones. ###-###-####

I recommend - Occupational Therapy evaluation (you can get one for free from your public school) or call Therapy West in Los Angeles (near Culver City) ###-###-#### Ask for Gustavo Reinoso for an evaluation.

B. Wacker
My Friends' Montessori Preschool Coop
____@____.com

Hi Jennifer,
I don't know of any websites but I just wanted to let you know that I know of many people who hold their kids back a year. A friend of mine held her five year old son back and he will start kindergarten in the fall. He's a good boy and she is a wonderful mother. It just seems to work out best that she held him back. Also, boys walk and talk slower than the girls. I'm sure your son is fine. Perhaps he just needs another year of kindergarten. Good luck whatever you do. I'm sure you'll make the right decision. :)

Hi Jennifer!

Two programs that help with sounding out and forming letters - zoophonics.com and Handwriting Without Tears www.hwtears.com. They both are great, developmentally appropriate programs to give a little extra support for your son.Good luck! And p.s., I was a first grade teacher and I got many many children (esp boys) with poor handwriting and fine motor. It just takes a while to grow out of it! It will definitely get better with help and practice, though.

Hi Jennifer,

It's great that you are looking for help to supplement school at home. The advice about playdough is great. And Legos are also good. Try scissors and gluing too. You can cut anything and glue it to anything-make collages so there's no pressure for things to be perfect.

Being retained in Kindergarten is not unusual, particularly for boys. Their fine motor skills develop later. But you should definitely work with his teachers in making the decision. If his fine motor skills are the only area he'd benefit from another year, then you might want to move him along to first grade and get resource help or a tutor for the writing skills. If he seems younger in other areas too, like separation and social interaction with his peers, then another year of kindergarten might benefit him.

While my daughter is too young for me to have experienced this myself and I taught older grades so I don't have any experience as a teacher to offer, I do know my mom wishes she had retained my brother in Kindergarten for the same reason-a delay in fine motor development. The school socially promoted him and my mom send him to an educational therapist for assistance with writing. She ended up only delaying retention since she did it in the 7th grade. She had him switch schools to keep my brother from the social experience of suddenly being "younger" than his peers.

Good luck. If you work with his teachers, it will all work out fine.

K.

Don't be "afraid" he'll be retained because he is struggling....it could be the best thing for him. Another year of life experience could really help him develop the skills you are concerned about and just be more confident about school in general. If he is only 5 1/2 now, he is young for Kindergarten, and CA is one of the few states that let's kids start Kindergarten before they are 5. As far as what to do to work on improving those skills now, I suggest asking his teacher and your pediatrician! Good luck!

Do not panic, buy playdough make goop, you know mix one cup of cornstarch and one cup of water and have him play with small animals and he will have a ball. Have him explore nature with things that allow him to have fun with his fine motor skills. As parents we want our children to be perfect and compare them to other chhildren. We need to make learning fun for our children. As adults we live in a world of immediate gratification, with our children we need to slow down and understand their level of developement and what they enjoy.

Hi Jennifer -

Have you talked to your son's teacher to see what she/he thinks about your son's readiness for 1st Grade? It may simply be that for your dear son, a 2nd year of K might be what he needs most. It's not all that unusual, and no one thinks anything bad of it. Many schools have 2 year K classes anyway. Don't think of it as a bad thing if he is retained, the most important thing is that he's comfortable with what he's learning and ready to be doing it.

Different kids develop in different ways and amounts of time (just as adults have different skills and abilities). I hope you'll consider it -- could make a real difference in his confidence level for the future years (hope that doesn't sound at all dire - it's meant to be encouraging, not warning).

All the best,
Colleen

Often boys take a little longer, as previous posters have mentioned. But have you considered that your son may have a vision problem? Difficulties with reading and writing have long been associated with certain types of vision problems. Just because a child can "read" the eye chart at the peds office doesn't mean your child's vision is just fine. You may want to consider bringing him to your optometrist or a pediatric optometrist just to rule out his vision.

Our son's teacher suggested using a "salt tray" for helping him practice writing his letters and numbers, as well as drawing. You fill up a flat tray with every day salt and as he writes his letters, he can just shake the tray to clear it up to write again or draw. Its actually fun and my son has started to like playing with it and its helping improve his writing skills. Try it!

After 12 years of teaching in early elementary, I became a stay home mom. What you have is a problem that you cannot help in. This is ALL about maturity. Boys and girls mature differently- each child matures at a different rate. A maturity problem cannot be forced or tutored. You said your son is five and 1/2 now- which I'm guessing means he started K at 4. He is a VERY young kindergarten. My strongest advice would be to focus your energy on his self esteem not fine motor. You will have a far bigger problem on your hands if he begins to perceive himself as behind, slow, or unsuccessful. I doubt you need to worry about retention from the school. If he is in public school, they are only retaining kids that are more than two years behind. HOWEVER, you may want to consider your options. Maybe more time is what he needs. Would you be willing to give him another year of K at a different school? If he is going to continue to get further and further behind, what would it hurt to give him another year of K. Please know, first grade is extremely academic. Can he sit still and perform under a rigorous academic day. He will also have much less play time. I think he started K too young. If if does have to be retained because he was too young, better K than another grade where he and the other children will be more aware that it happened. You have the power as his parent to NOT make a big deal of it. I have always tried to encourage parents to think of being "ready" for K as bigger than being 5. It's in their personal maturity. Also, it effects every aspect of his life. If he started K before he was mature enough, he will go the first grade before he is ready. He will start everything from here out middle school, high school, everything.. he will be the youngest and least mature. Is that what you want? I'd be curious if he was screened for anything other than a birthdate before he was enrolled. Without having seen him, only knowing his gender and grade, my strong suspicion is that he just needs more time- not tutors. Don't jump to conclusions that there is a learning problem.

Note: Fine motor is developmental- very difficult to tutor.

I have 2 boys 7 and 9. Both my children had the same issue and my 7 year still does. The best things that have worked with him are playdough (its a fine motor skill tool) finger painting, and we write wild stories together, at this age dont worry aboutsentance structure but just practicing the writting aspect in a fun enjoyable manner.

My youngest and i would pretend we were writting to a knight in a kingdom far away asking him how his latest adventure went. We would mail them (to my father) and he would write back and we did that all the way up to this year.

It's important to understand that boys in general sometimes take longer to get the hang of spelling and reading. Both of my children go to Kumon. Its self directed and will greatly help with reading and spelling accuracy and its not over priced.

Hi Jennifer,

Have you considered tutoring? I'm a teacher and I help a kindergarden student right now who may possibly be retained. We are working hard to avoid that. Rentention at that age, however, is better than after 3rd grade for many reasons. If your child must be retained, don't look at it as a negative but as an opportunity to progress during the next school year.

A.