I just enrolled my son for the 2's classroom 2 days a week, 3 hours a day. His first day he was fine until other parents came in late to drop off their kid and he burst out crying (maybe wondering why we weren't back?) The second day my husband went and stayed with him but he was cranky from having woken up too early so my husband took him home after an hour. Tomorrow will be his 3rd try! I took the day off so I could take him and stay with him. Hopefully he will be better rested and more prepared for his day. I'm wondering if other parents with strong-willed children have had problems with school or is it better to not even try? We speak Portuguese to him at home so my husband feels strongly that he should go to school to have a better foundation in English but I think it is important for him to start to gain a sense of structure & order to prepare him for the future. Our home life gives him lots of opportunity for free play and exploration because I have set up the environment that way but there isn't much structure because my mother is the one who cares for him while we are at work and we have a 1 year old as well so it is hard for her to maintain order and structure with both kids. I'm ok that our house is a mess when I get home but I would like him to learn that at least at school things are done a certain way, at certain times, etc. Am I expecting something unrealistic of him?? Should I just take him out and wait until he's older and I can reason with him?
I assume this isn't a coop? If so, drop him off, say a firm goodbye, and leave. It doesn't help him to stay there with him. Kiddos are often sad/crying until the parents leave. And prolonging the goodbye just makes it worse. The teachers can handle this, but only if you leave.
Language shouldn't be an issue. This is a great age to be exposed to both languages.
I would not stay, at least not past a few minutes, or he will come to expect it. A lot of kids cry at drop off, but they get better about it as time goes on.
Drop him off and leave. No loitering or hanging around. And don't come back until it's time to pick up. Trust me- he will be fine. I know it's hard for you, but you are making things worse. Once you and your husband are out of sight, he may cry, but he'll get over it before you know it.
The worst thing you can do is stick around where he can see you. He's not being strong willed, he is being clingy as is normal for a 2 year old in a new situation. Unfortunately, the attempt to placate and reassure him is actually making things worse.
Follow the same morning routine every time. Have the same parent drop him each time off if possible. Deliver him, then leave the school promptly.
kids tend to cry more in a strange environment when their parents are there. no 2 year old 'needs' pre-school, but if you want him there (and language is a good reason) then take him and skedaddle.
if you and your husband are going to take him and then stay with him, might as well keep him at home and practice english there.
khairete
S.
I'm not seeing an issue, either. He will go through an adjustment period, but once he knows the routine he will enjoy his new environment and flourish.
I wanted to add my two cents and encourage you NOT to listen to the advice about switching to English at home. That has very little to do with his crying at drop off. If that were the case, none of the English only kids would cry when their parents leave. :) Within a few weeks of his being at school his English vocabulary will expand enormously. If he's been watching cartoons on TV, it's likely he has a much stronger base of English knowledge that he already understands. It's more a matter of having his output catch up with his input. Don't let people make you feel guilty for raising a bilingual child. If you keep him in this program, he will be able to switch fluently between both languages within the semester.
I wish you much luck. Stick with a clear drop-off routine, and he will be fine.
Poor guy, I can see why he's totally confused. Day 1, you drop him off. Day 2, Dad takes him home after an hour (so now he thinks that this is not a place where he has to stay). Day 3, you plan to stay with him all day (so no, he was wrong, it's not a place where he can choose to leave, it's a place where you stay with him). And on Day 4, if you drop him off and try to leave he's going to have NO IDEA what to think.
If you are going to do this, you need to start just dropping him off and leaving and coming back at the end of the day. You are right that you can't explain it to him, he's too young. The only way he's going to learn that this is a place where you drop him to play all day, and that you will pick him up at the end of the day is if that is what happens every day.
So, start doing it. Walk him in. Give him a quick hug and kiss, and walk out. Come back at the end of the day. Yes, he will cry the first few times. Be quick and don't let him manipulate you with tears.
It's normal for young children to cry at drop off to preschool. Nothing you have mentioned in your question has suggested tome he is a strong willed child, he's being a typical 2 year old who is adjusting to preschool.
I have taught preschool in the past, and I would suggest you drop him off, say your goodbye and leave promptly. I know from experience that the children may cry for a few minutes, but will settle down quickly after the parents leave. The more prolonged the goodbye, the harder the transition is for the child, really. I would give it several weeks before pulling your son from the program, because three days isn't sufficient time to allow him to get a feel for the routine of preschool. If in a month or two, you really feel he isn't getting the hang of things, you can pull him from the program and try again at three years old.
It's great that you are speaking Portuguese to him at home, I encourage you to keep doing that. Now is a great time to introduce him to English too, because children's brains at this age are like sponge; they soak up everything so quickly. You can try introducing him to English in other ways, like story time at the library, or a drop in play group, or a Mother's Day Out, or a Mommy and Me class.
Good luck in whatever you do! Just remember you are a GOOD MOM! :)
2 year olds do not need preschool. If he remains very unhappy pull him out. Life is too short. Not worth it IMO. He is not strong willed. He is a little 2 year old that misses his family.
I'm not even seeing a problem. He cried the first day when other kids were being dropped off and he had a bad second day. It's only been 2 days! You have to give him a chance to get used to it. Really, though, at 2 days week, he's not going to get used to it.
If hubby thinks he needs a better foundation in English, then speak English to him. You don't have to leave it up to a school to do that. I will say, though, that if he doesn't become familiar with English, school is going to be VERY difficult for him. But you and hubby can do that, you don't need a school to do it.
As for structure, his whole life is going to be structured. It really will not harmful for him to spend another year at home with grandma.
Honestly, I don't think that 2 days a week is a good thing, unless those 2 days are back-to-back and he's there for a longer time period. Perhaps you could keep him home, work on a better schedule to give him structure, and invite friends over to play for social interaction.
Put him in half-day 5-days a week preschool when he's closer to 4.
1 - when he goes to school, you drop him off quickly and leave - rip that band aid off quickly
2 - 2 days a week may not be enough for him to get use to it - if you are going to do this - total immersion works (all day 5 days a week) - but it still can take 4 to 8 weeks to settle into a routine.
3 - if you can't do 1 and 2 then pull him out for a year or two - he'll pick up language fine at age 4.
Okay, I stopped reading as soon as I read you stayed with him.
That's your mistake. You have to leave. Drop him off and leave. Parents who stay with kiddo don't get it. Kiddo is in total control. They can make you do what ever they want now. You taught your child that tears make you do what he wants.
So, tell hubby to stay at work, you take kiddo to class, hug him, hand him over to the teacher, and leave. Don't look back, don't act sad, just leave.
The thing is parents do this and then they don't understand they're making it a thousand times worse. He's never going to get used to you being out of sight. He can do this and you need to let him.
I, too, suggest he's too young. I didn't even realize there is preschool for 2 yos. At 2 he is still not much interested in playing with others. He doesn't understand about sitting and learning. This age needs to be free to explore; not sit in a classroom even if it's just for 15 minutes at a time. Two year olds are prone to separation anxiety. They are still learning to trust. How do they learn that when they're taken out of their home environment with people they have learned to trust and put into another one, with strangers and other two yos who don't relate to other children.
If this were a daily routine he would adjust but at 2 he doesn't remember last week this week. Group child care at this age is ok when it's necessay but it's not the best thing to do in many cases. I suggest it does work best when it's been consistent from the start. You have given him a good base by having him at home until now. And I would feel somewhat better about it if it was 4-5 days/week.
I would look for information about how to help him with English. I suggest that preschool may not be the best way at 2. His need at this age is not structure and order. It's to have close personal relationships with a primary care taker.
The structure he needs is to have a schedule for eating and sleeping that is flexible enough to live in a relaxed way. Also to have supervision with predictable consequences for misbehavior. I suggest that your mother is providing that. He doesn't actually need a structured classroom until he's in kindergarten. PreK or preschool at 4 will teach him that.
He's 2?
He doesn't NEED preschool. None of my kids did a structured day until kindergarten and they adjusted very well. My oldest did do a little daycare/preschool at 3 actually. Then I homeschooled for a couple years but they're in public school this year in kinder, 1st and 3rd and have no problem following the schedule and stuff. Preschool is just for playing pretty much til age 4...and even then, meh, optional.
If you DO want him to get self-sufficient and into the routine, the ONLY way to do that is confidently LEAVE HIM THERE, WALK AWAY, and let him adjust. Staying with him an leaving if he's fussy is only teaching him to manipulate the situation. If you leave him there, he'll get used to it and be fine.
His not being ready because he is tired has nothing to do with being strong willed. children need a good sleep the night before. He will adjust to the classroom. And he will adjust better if you drop him off with a mommy will be back later. and off you go. dragging it out only makes it worse.
also wanted to add. If he is only 2 then he is still really young for preschool. you might be better to wait until he is 3.
The 3s teacher at the preschool DD attended said they spend the first month or so working with crying children, most of whom are fine after a few minutes once they get to doing art or seeing their friends or whatever. Keep the good byes short, positive, and perfunctory. Lingering only makes it harder. If he is going to attend that day, then leave him and trust that they will call you if you really need to get him. It is not being strong willed, it is being a child transitioning to something new. Just today my DD started to fuss about school and I firmly but gently said, "You go now and tell me all about your day when I get you at 3." I could not allow her to cling to me and cry. She had to go to school. I know that she has had good days following reluctant mornings. Trust that he will be OK and at home ooh and ahh over his art and show him that his achievements are important to you.
You also don't mention if your mom takes the kids to anything, but many libraries have activities for children that are free and include songs and games for language skills. Your children will benefit hugely from being bilingual. I think it is great that you are teaching them Portuguese as well as English.
My kids have been going to day care/preschool since they were 1 yr or earlier. And they love their school. However, every year when they change classrooms, they are clingy, needy, and sometimes cry - pretty darn hard - for about the first 2 weeks. For my son, when he was 2, he cried every day for a month at drop off. But then, he didn't want to leave when I picked him up - he was having so much fun!
Kids will adjust, but they need consistency. Follow the same routine every day - I actually think 2 days a week is harder than every day, so try to keep things as consistent as possible. 7am wake up, 8am go to school, or do some structured thing at home. At drop off, tell your son, you will see him at lunchtime (or whatever the activitiy is before pickup), handoff to a teacher who will hug him, comfort him, and get him engaged with a toy or activiity. And LEAVE.
Give it a month, and see how he adjusts. Also - this isn't your son's strong willed nature - it's just the adjustment of doing something different, with strangers, and a new routine. It will take some getting used to.
Also - I don't think it's the language that is the issue here - it's just an adjustment. :-)
Mom, you need to stay on an exact schedule every morning whether it is a school day or not.
If he wakes up at 7:00 am for school, then even on Saturday or Sunday keep that schedule to get him up. He needs structure in his life.
When you drop him off at preschool, put him in the classroom, keep a smile on your face. kiss him and tell him "I know you are going to have a good day, Love you." Then leave. Hand him to the teacher if needed.
Yes, even if he is crying, teacher will take care of him.
This seems odd, but he is 2, he has 2 minutes of attention. The teacher will divert his attention and he will be fine.
You on the other hand can go and sit in the car and cry if you need to. Soon this will be such a routine, he will get past the separation time. YOU stay as calm and as strong as you can, and he will follow your lead.
