Stressed Out About School/career

I know what you are going through. I was a single mom working 12 hour days plus going to night classes I did that for about 2 years when my husband (now) decided to get married. So then with all of that I had to plan a wedding because he didn't want to wait for me to finish (of which he didnt help plan either). Then when we got married he didn't think things should change, I was still cleaning the house, taking care of my son, working AND going to school at night.

I got about 2 months into this before I gave up. What worked for me might now work for you but I quit! I quick cleaning the house, and and making meals, dishes weren't done, laundry never wash. I still took care of my son but that was it. I even froze out my husband that is when he realized something was going on. We finally sat down and talked and I told him, their is no magical cleaning fairy. I can't do everything all the time something has to give so everything he can do to help me out is what I quit doing until school was over OR I quit school and he can pay a student loan for a degree that I never finish.

Thankfully for me this is what worked. You just have to tell him this isn't forever just until you finish your degree. Good luck!

I understand the hubby getting defensive part. I have to say, my husband CAN be a great help. BUT if I have to remind him to do something...right away he goes to 'well you didn't do such and such' ...instead of just acknowledging he forgot and then doing it. I am by no means perfect myself, but I just think I do a great deal more around the house, so when I ask for help on something I want it done lol.

I work from home (run a daycare) and in the beginning I would often take on way too much because he was working long hours and I felt like it should be my responsibility. After dealing with a cranky, stressed out wife, he and I realized that things work much better when we split up the responsibilities...especially with cleaning.

Since my hubby works second shift, he used to goto bed at 12-1am and would wake up at 10 or so. Maybe that was fine when we weren't parents...but not working anymore. NOW, I wake his butt up at 8 AM, give him a half hour to eat and shower...then he'll ask me what I need help with. Some days it's dishes or laundry. Some days I'll need him to run to the grocery store. And alot of times, I'll just say, have some daddy time with the kids so I can get the stuff I need to done.

Again, that works for us...and may not for you. But what WILL work for you is sitting down calmly with a plan and tell hubby WHY you need his help and EXACTLY what he can do to help you. Try hard not to be on the attack, just explain how stressed you are and that you know he is too, but just feel if you guys had a better game plan that things would run smoother.

Good luck...there's always trial and error with something new...you guys will figure it out!

I would hire someone. That would either motivate him to step up or help resolve your problem. If he doesn't want to pay than start making him a list of chores. Sounds like he needs a wakeup call. Hiring help will do it.

I'm married with 3 kids (17,14, and 6), work full time and go to school full time, so I understand where you are coming from.

Men are oblivious to what needs to be done. They will walk by a sock on the floor for weeks without ever seeing it. Its just their nature.

I would sit down with him and tell him you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed and that you aren't sure what to do about it. See if he has any solutions for you (that way he's helping you come to the conclusion that he needs to help more.)

Hopefully he will "help" come up with the conclusion that he should help more around the house. Then see if he'd be willing to choose some chores to help with. My hubby hates dishes, but will help with laundry and is decent about keeping up with it. He also took over the litterbox and vacuuming.

I was essentially a single mom when I was in school (married, but my husband was gone -touring-, or working 120 hour weeks when home so he'd come him to sleep o).

So I can't help with the idea of needing help at home... Be ause I didn't have any. So I'm not sure what you're looking for? It was so EASY being in school (compared to working full time), because I only needed daycare while I was physically in class, could set my own hours (studyong when my son was sleeping, or after he & his cousins went to bed -I often had 3-5 kids under my roof), and then as soon as preschool started (much less full day school)... I had untold amounts of time.

Which may be exactly where your husband is coming from.

For ME when I was home and before bedtime... I had my mom hat on. 100% SAHM, normal life. Then after bedtime, I took 1-2 hours to veg (TV, gym, etc.), then studied for 2-4 hours. It was a perfect arrangement. (I tried studying before bedtime, and while so e people have kids that that works with... I didn't. I became a mediocre mom & mediocre student. So I only studied while my son -and his cousins when they lived with us- were sleeping, or when he/they were elsewhere (preschool, regular school).

So WHERE you need help, you'll probably need to outline, lay out, and planot out with your husband.

Again... Being on my own... I DID schedule camp or extra sitting before midterms & finals. I planned on NOT using it (so if the flu hit I wasn't up a crick), so it was this awesome bonus time. I got the idea from one of my psych professors who talked about kenneling her dog during finals week. Lol. But its really helpful.

He asked you to go back to school and get a job?

I fear the day I go back to work. My hubby works such long hours, there is just no way I could work full time and handle the house. My salary would end up going towards having others take care of the house for me!

No real suggestions for you, just sympathy. Maybe use non-violent communication techniques to request help?

Please don't take this the wrong way. But I really think you are both in a tough position, both your husband and yourself and it is h*** o* both with one child much less 2 of them, so I clearly get that. However, try to accept the fact that you have two children and you seem from your profile at a young age), rather than beat down your husband for not helping more. Ask for the help but be a bit more understanding. Come up with a list or a plan of what you want him to do and what you are capable of doing yourself and present that to him an maybe then he can clearly see what would be more helpful to give you the time you need to study and reasonable enough for him to get the time he needs to sleep.

Try not to strive for perfection. If you have to leave dishes in tbe sink, or put clutter in a basket in the closet-well, cutting corners can sometimes be beautiful.
My kids remember many times when I begged them to give me some space so I could do schoolwork or them finding me passed out on the laptop with cold coffee in the morning.
You'll get through it-keep your eye on the prize!
As far as the hubby-well mine helps a little too. I find that when I really praise him for helping (or doing more than usual) so I could have study time I get repeat performances. I know it sounds bad. Just what works on mine, lol.