Stressed Mom Needs Help Getting Son off Bottle...

If his father really said that he is just being a jerk. Even if you were filling that bottle with Coca-Cola, you'd be hard pressed to find a judge that would do anything besides maybe sending you to a parenting class.

I breastfed until 18 months (and would have nursed her longer) and my daughter stopped taking a bottle at a year BUT she was still nursing and wanted the pacifier again (which she had given up before 9 months). Suckling is very soothing for babies. Maybe try a soft-spout sippy cup? Some of them are barely not bottles. My daughter is 3.5 and is still very comforted by sucking on something.

That being said, your son is old enough to 1) really notice the tension between you...that has to stop and 2) find another way to soothe. Don't be fooled--he is old enough to understand how to manipulate the situation around him to get what he wants. I think you know already that giving in was one of the worst things you could have done. I am not saying that you shouldn't comfort him, but the fact that he "demanded" the bottle and you gave it to him is a bit of a nightmare at this age.

Things have cooled off between my ex and I, but I still make it a point of never discussing "business" in front of my daughter. You and your ex might want to consider the same thing.

Even if the new wife isn't a mother, you can bet that some of your ex's opinions are being colored by her input. I am sure she has some strong opinions about what you're doing right and wrong--until she has her own, she won't understand that very little is black and white when it comes to kids.

Consider only giving him water in the bottle...and maybe going back to a stage 1 nipple. It make it too much trouble to get something that he doesn't particularly want.

I think there's a bigger issue here than him wanting the bottle again. Identify what you & the ex are doing/saying in front of him that causes him to feel this much stress! (this includes phone calls & talking to others about the situation in front of him)
I know he may be stressed at just being away & in a new place, but TRY to keep it really upbeat and positive and keep you disagreements/discussions away from your son.

You might try the technique my sister used to get my niece off pacifiers. They tied her favorite one to a balloon and released it to "send to the babies in heaven that need them", so the next time my neice asked for it, my sister reminded her that it was gone and why (for the babies in heaven). Be sure to give your son a blanket with his favorite character on it or a special stuffed animal right after as a reward for how much of a "big boy" he was to give up his bottle, and that could be his new source of comfort when he has trouble transitioning between his father's house and your house. I would do all of this BEFORE a visit with his father and when he is in a great mood and you have something fun planned directly after (like the park) to prevent a melt down at the time. Kids don't have the language skills to ask for comfort when they need it and it sounds like your son is having difficulty with transitions between his father's house an yours, which is completely normal but needs to be addressed. Ask your ex to stop blaming you for this natural response from your son, and say you would like to work together with him on finding the best solution for your son's transition. It is tempting to blame the other parent for being the "cause" of your son's anxiety (i.e. your ex moving in with his new wife is "too h*** o* your son", just like he blamed you for giving your son a bottle) but it will only worsen your son's anxiety as you two argue over who is at fault. It sounds as if you are very mature about this situation and you might have to be the bigger person and approach your ex first about working together for the sake of your son's emotional well-being.

My husband has had shared custody and regular visitation with his daughter ever since she was born and as much as he would LOVE to get primary placement, no judge in the world is going to remove a child from his mother over a bottle. Please. DON'T let your ex's judgement and idle threats get to you. You are a good mom to be so focused on finding a solution to your son's anxiety, and whenever your ex starts blaming you for giving your son a bottle, tell him "blaming eachother isn't going to help our son deal with his anxiety over transitioning between our houses. If you have something helpful to add like a constructive way to address our son's behavior, I would really like to talk about that. Otherwise, I'm not interested in your opinions on my parenting techniques."

I'm not sure if this will work for you...if it does,great. I gave my son a NUK Orthodontic sippy cup. It automatically got him off the bottle,only he's addicted to that now. But it's still better than the bottle.

have you tried a pacifier or blanket. the court isn't going to take a way a 2 yr old because he is on the bottle he is bluffing you. he will outgrow it it is a security thing and tell dad to kiss off and call the dhs or cps they will laugh at him. this is normal for a 2 yr old especially under stress. ps sounds like dad is really the one giving the bottle and blaming you for his mistake.

As a mother of three, the most important thing I have learned is to follow my gut. If a child is in desperate need (as yours has been) of comfort, then you provide it. Our children feel our stress as much as, if not more than, their own. Your son is just now at the stage of realizing that he is a separate person from you, which is stressful all on its own, but that has been piled on by being separated from you to be with his father, along with a new person in his life. I was 16 when my parents divorced and my father remarried and it stressed me out then!! Just imagine what the confusion is doing to a 2 year old, all of whom thrive on complete routine.

Making the hand-off (from dad to you) as stress free and happy as possible will help. If there is a grandparent nearby (or other neutral ground) that could serve as an intermediary for drop-off could also help. Our children, regardless of age, will act out most with those that they feel most secure with. You definitely need to get more information about how your son is acting while at his father's house, to make sure that he's not being inconsoleable all weekend. He's (dad's) probably not receptive to it at this point, but you should provide your son's routine in written form (maybe just put it in his overnight bag -on top!), so that they can attempt to keep him on the same routine at both houses, which will help reduce stress.

You could also try what my sister did to remove your child from the bottle: each time he asks for it, replace about 10% of the milk with water (1st time- 10% water, 2nd time - 20% water, etc.), and then if he's still fine with it being water and you want him off the bottle, give him a time limit and have him help set the timer. Each time he wants it, you reduce the time limit a little bit. This weaning process is much less stressful on both of you than going cold turkey and it involves your son in the process. Will you have set-backs? Yes, but that's part of all of our lives!

Bottom line: will the bottle hurt your son or hurt your custody? No and definitely no. My daughter always required a lot of soothing and she took a bottle of water to go to bed until she was 4. And no, it didn't hurt her teeth (according to her dentist). Follow your gut. You know what your son needs. Intervene on his behalf as necessary for his mental and physical well-being. Most important of all: you can only be a good mother if you take care of yourself, too. Let your friends and family help when they offer!
Best of luck to you.

Years ago I got in a car wreck with my daughter in the car - she was 3 at the time and was naturally very traumatized as a result and completely regressed - potty training was totally gone and she was bottle hunting as well. I spoke with a child psychologist who told me that my daughter would find comfort and security in routine so to sit down and tell her exactly what she could expect when she was with me. I literally sat down and did a schedule for every 15 minutes throughout the day so she would know exactly what to expect. I started the schedule for about 6 - an hour before she would normally wake up - and went from there. If she woke up later than that time I told her that the first 30 minutes (bathroom, getting dressed and breakfast) would take the place of whatever activity then we would start from the next thing on the list at whatever time it was scheduled. For example, I had 6 - 6:15 as potty time and wash your hands then 6:15 to 6:30 as snuggle time (if the first got finished quickly and she wanted extra snuggle time we would do that or if she didn't wake until 8 and 8 was TV time well, no TV until the other stuff was finished). The trick was to allow her the security she needed to get her little footing back, if she wanted to do something different during a specific time - like if there was a show that she wanted to watch on Disney that was one hour instead of 30 minutes we would replace toy time with movie time but it would always be her choice - it took about a month but almost immediately I could see signs that it was helping. If his father does not have a routine for him there, it might be what is making him feel a little insecure.

1st, I think his father is completly off base - your son is coming home very upset and needing comfort (maybe the visits need to stop for awhile). Another day (not the day he comes home) ask your son if he can explain why he is upset when he comes home from Daddy so you can reassure him regarding what is bothering him - not sure how verbal he is so this may not be possible.

Finally - he needs comfort - it will not ruin him or hurt him to have a bottle every once in awhile. If you really want him off try switching the bottle for a favorite toy gradually.

Good luck I will say a prayer for your familiy.

Snip the tip off of the bottle and try to figure out what other lovey will work for him..

You and your ex need to discuss all grown up things when son is not around or do it over the internet.. It is obviously causing him great distress..

And , NO, a judge will not take your son away for being 2 with a bottle..

just tell him, honey at mommy's you don't need a bottle, big boys like you use sippy cups and give him that. can't control what dad does...but dear heaven HE'S 18MONTHS OLD you are NOT a bad mom for refusing him the bottle, ------------that's ex husband's way of getting you to do what he wants you to do----------

next time he's at dad's throw away all the bottles and get him sippy cups, just tell him big boy's like him don't need bottles, since you have no bottles in the house to give let him throw a fit til he's done will take time but eventually he'll learn throwing a fit for a bottle at mommy's doesn't work ne more

good luck!

with my first 2 kids, i got them off the bottle at 18 months. with my 3rd, he was almost 3! to me, it really didn't matter, and that was the only way he would drink his "warm white milk". he associated a cup with juice and the "baba" with milk. I figured it was more important that he had the milk! It was more of a comfort item, which it sounds like it is with your son. My son didn't lag it around all day, just for 30 seconds for morning milk, if he got upset or tired around nap time, then again at night. does he have any other comfort items? my son also has his "yellow blankie" so that helped. one day i got home from work and my husband said he and my son threw the bottle in the trash. i almost freaked thinking about the long nights that were ahead of me. he did cry for it for 2 or 3 nights but we reminded him that he was a big boy now and babas were for babies and "remember, you threw it in the trash so it's all gone". My husband had really snuck it back in the cabinet, but we never did have to get it again. He ended up drinking warm chocolate milk out of a sippy cup for comfort....which we still do! like i said he was about 3ish and 18mo is really too young to understand the whole concept so i would try a few of the things the other moms mentioned but if they don't work, it sounds like you're going through a time where he may need that comfort item and there's times you have to pick and choose your battles and the bottle is really not a big deal. good luck and enjoy your baby. he'll be 9 soon and you'll be on to other things and trust me, you'll forget about the whole "bottle thing"!