Strategies for Peace and Support During Hubby's Med School Time

My husband wasn't in med school but he was in the NYPD academy and became a rookie cop (also as a career change at an older age) less than a year before 9/11. He's worked in a few special units that required extensive long hours - sometimes round the clock. He studied to become a sergeant and a leiutinent. There were many years when he came home to sleep and not much else. In the year following 9/11 he often worked 18 hour days - 6 days on with one day off in between, that was after a month of working 18 hour days with no days off.

When he had time off he wanted to sleep - and my kids were preschoolers at the time and not quiet! I frequently took the kids to family's homes. We saw a lot of grandparents on both sides, aunts and uncles, church groups, etc. We tried to schedule when he'd be home and awake so we could catch up with eachother. then we'd leave him to his own devices again. For my husband, and perhaps for yours, they need peace, quiet and absense of distraction. So finding place to go with your kids may be one of the best ways to support him.

anohter way to support him is to have meals ready for him to eat with very little advance time and preparation - and at odd hours and will often not match your mealtime. Leftovers go in a plastic container (plastic bags work well for many things), use a sharpee to label the name of the meal and date. Just cross it off for the next meal. That wy when he's ready to eat at 11:00 not at 6:30 he can easily pop dinner in the microwave.

Now 14 years later it's not dramatically different except the sense of panic & urgency is gone. You will all survive this. Your kid can help him study (flash card type stuff)

Good luck mama - it will be good once done. i know it will!

Mine was in his second year of law school when DS was born. While I went to law school myself, that was 10 years ago, sans spouse and sans child. My DS managed a diaper change, a bath, an outing here and there, but didn't really have time or energy to do much with baby, until after the bar exam.

Be cognizant too that different people have different study styles, and while some can tolerate a brief interruption here and there, others really can't. For instance if a task would take 5 hours to do, if uniniterrupted; it might take some 8 hours to do if they have 2 15 minute interruptions, because it would take them that much longer to get re-oriented with the materials.

All of you will come to terms with this, and find ways of getting through this. Realize though, that it doesn't end with schooling, then there are internships, rotations, the boards, and depending on his specialty, late nights or early starts. It will likely be bits and pieces here and there for a good many years to come.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

My husband got his Masters and just recently his Principal License. It was hard for all of us at first when he started going to school but then I sort of go used to it. He would be gone one night a week and a couple of Saturdays a month, plus studying and homework on weekends. For the most part he set up times when he would do his homework and then have at least one night a week that he took off and would have family time. Not to say he did not miss a lot with the kids or times when I took the kids to the park or to run errands so he could have quiet study time. You'll both get through it you just need to find a schedule that works for the whole family. One thing we always do is sit down and eat meals together when we're all home. That helps a lot in knowing what's going one with everyone. My kids are 9 and 6. Good luck to both of you and know it will be worth it when he's done.

I think you're on the right track of thinking in that it's quality not quantity.. when our son was very young, my husband did photography, which took him away many weekends and then during the weekdays, he had a lot of post-photography work.. However, during the times my husband did spend with our son, it was always very focused and good quality... kids just want to feel they are loved , not entertained... if when your husband is around and does show him love and affection, that goes a long way. my son and husband are very close. I should also note that when I was working 40 to 50 hrs a week... I wasn't always around for my son.. However, we are still VERY close... do what you can...and if done sincerely and with love, I think your son will be fine..

wishing you all the best

Taking time for YOU to have time away, even with the kiddos will be important. Getting away, like a vacation, even to relatives houses will help you feel rested and recouped/refocused. It's very hard to go through this. When he's home he's going to need to sleep, need to study, need to have no stress so he can't hear how the kids are acting up, making bad grades, not going to bed without a fuss, etc...he needs to hear you're doing fine and his contributions are enough.

He can't hear how he's abandoning the family, how the kids need him, how you need a break, etc...he needs to hear BS...lol. He needs to stay focused and not worry about home at all. People's lives depend on him being able to do that.

It's a hard job for you. You will suffer some resentment and anger. If you keep it in prospective and take care of yourself you'll do better at it.

You might want to take a look at this website that was put together for spouses of medical students attending Indiana University Medical School.

http://alumni.iupui.edu/medicine/documents/Understanding%...

Copy and paste it. It had some great information that you might find helpful. Does UNTHSC have a family orientation? If so, please go to it-you might be able to meet some other spouses and build a support network.