Okay, have you ever experienced this? I've just turned 34 and have two beautiful, healthy and intelligent children. My marriage has been rocky as most probably agree if you've read my blogs. However, I've just wanted this third baby for a long time. My husband is strangely considering this as well even though we've had our ups and downs. We have a decent financial situation, although strained by hubbbie's spending, a nice house and good jobs. We are very blessed people and people (outsiders) say we look like good parents and I know we are good parents. However, I feel this extreme desire to have a third baby that I can't explain. People say I should spend a longer time working on my marriage, but we've been to counseling and I don't want to wait forever before trying for this baby. Has anyone ever experienced this intense desire for more children? Is it because I'm getting older? We're really very fortunate to have the wonderful children we have.
I can't imagine having another baby, no matter how much you want one, when you have a marriage on the rocks. There are always desires we can't explain. That doesn't mean they should be fulfilled.
If counseling isn't working, try another counselor. You both have got to want it to work too.
Sorry.
Dawn
Some of it could be getting older, and realizing that your children are getting older, and wanting some of that "babyhood" back. But I would also wonder if thinking and daydreaming about another baby is your way of distracting yourself from the issues you are having with your husband.
I am sure that some of your desire is related to aging, but could it be that you are hoping that having another baby will help to fix your relationship problems?
I do have an intense desire for a 4th baby--eventually. My husband is content with 3.
Why Bring another innocent child into a bad situation. Sorry to say but you are being very selfish and not considering the unborn child. Enjoy what you have, there are some women out there who would trade places with you to have one child let alone two wonderful children already. Leave it alone and lose the guy. Being a single parent is not the worse thing in life.
I hear you sister. Loud and clear.
And I'm not sure about you, but I believe that my desire to have more children isn't just a result of baby fever hormones. I admit, I have an oxytocin rush each and every time I'm in a mile radius of a baby (someone kick me in the uterus! I'm clucking!!).
What I really want is not JUST to hold a beautiful little baby bundle but to have a pack of children. I love running around with a gaggle of excited kids (mostly...only?) if we have space to hop, poke, skip, and gallop. *Sigh*. How I yearn for a big family.
But like you we have the breaks on reproduction. It's tough to hold off. But we have just begun a court process that is taxing my emotional energy and mental prowess, I start school full time in September (which also means my eldest is going into kindergarten and my youngest childcare...big transitions for them), we are not financially sound, and while my husband and my marriage has improved SO much, we still have stuff to work on. Adding another person (and hormones) may not be wise right now. It seems as though we (my husband and I) should wait until further down the line. :-( Waiting is not my favorite thing. I am terrible at it.
Ah, but what can you do? Man plans, god laughs.
I'm just toughing it out. Who knows what the future will bring. Perhaps I'll get to have my gaggle after all. I do hope so. I want my children to have many siblings to play and fight with ;-)
You know what's especially funny? I never thought I'd be a mother, and certainly not of more than one. Looks like I surprised myself, and such a lovely surprise it has been!
For whatever reason, you want a third. Rather than trying to figure out why, I would analyze the what-if. Children don't fix relationships, so if you're on the rocks now, just assume that any third child would grow up in a single-parent household. If you two survive having a third, that would be wonderful, but it's statistically unlikely, so that should be a consideration.
If that's okay with you, then at least you're going into this with eyes wide open. It's not a decision anyone else can make. Good luck.
Yes, I understand that maternal desire. I've experienced it twice. It's the reason I'm 23 weeks pregnant. haha!
Okay, so your situation isn't ideal. The way I see it, you're more likely to regret NOT having a child than you are to regret having one.
Was there too -- in 2010. Both hubby and I wanted another child despite our strained relationship. We were in on-going counseling and had just switched counselors because our first one moved after six months. We were dedicated to our marriage and family. We didn't wait. It was hard, but neither of us regret the decision to have our third when we did. We are now pregnant with our fourth and still going strong 2 years later. You need to make sure you are both in it for the long haul before you add to the stress....and on-going counseling to fix the underlying issues has been a great great thing for us -- even if we only get there once a month. If only one of you wanted a child, I would say "no way." That would be trapping the other person into a situation they didn't ask for. If both of you do and you are both dedicated to the marriage, I would say it is up to you guys! Good luck!
Babies don't fix bad relationships, they make them harder. Babies don't fix finances, they make them MORE strained. You should start thinking about the kids you DO have. They deserve a stable, happy home. You can barely give that to them now. Add another one, and that goes away, perhaps completely.
They don't deserve to be the collateral damage, of two adults who add a baby when they shouldn't. You are and ADULT, act like one. Fix your marriage. Fix your finances. Give your children a better home life. Do what you NEED to do, not what you want.
At our house we call this the 'baby fever'. The urge to have more children is natural, if we didnt have it, there would be no more babies, and no more people. I feel you, we dont have an extra room or extra money for a third child, plus I had gestational diabetes with my last one, so I would not be good for my health to have another one. I still want one. Doesnt mean I have to actually do it. Helps my baby is only 7 months, but when he stops nursing and starts running around and not wanting to be cuddled, Im sure my baby fever will return.
I was once told this "you'll never regret the child you have, but you'll always regret the child you didn't." Your situation sounds eerily similar to mine, I guess I would have to agree that I have this strange "obsession" as you call it, with having a 4th, but my husband isn't on board. And I am having a hard time not resenting him for it. Which was the catalyst for the rockiness in our relationship.
Yes, I think it is totally normal to want more kids, just as I think it is totally normal to not want anymore or know when you are done, or want none. Why do some of us want more than others? Different strokes for different folks, i guess! My aunt has 4, another aunt has chosen to have no children, a friend has 8 and most of the rest of my family and friends have 2. I have 3 but want 4. I have some ideas of why I want more, but really that is irrelevant. And in my opinion you don't have to justify why to anyone. My reasons mean nothing to my husband, we will never see eye to eye on it.
It sounds to me like you are perfectly aware of your financial and marital situation. You have also made it abundantly clear you are very grateful for the 2 healthy children you do have. And I'm pretty sure you are wise enough to know a baby is not going to perfect your marriage. I don't post on here much so I am not aware of the back story with you and your husband. And maybe that is where many of these mamas are coming from. Although, I don't think being made to feel guilty has any place in this discussion. Yes, there are plenty of people out there who would do anything to have just one baby, but that is not your issue, nor should that factor into your decision or stop you from living YOUR dream. It think that assumption/suggestion is simply asinine. I have my teaching credential, and I am very proud of myself for that but I would like to get my masters. So if I used the same reasoning suggested on here... because it would be tight financially, and because there are people out there who have not even a high school diploma, I shouldn't go after my dream? That's just crazy talk, as are some of these responses!
As for a rocky marriage, what marriage isn't people? I don't know one person who has a marriage any better than mine. None. Not my grandparents married 65 years, my parents married 43, my aunt and uncle married 35 with 4 kids, not my aunt and uncle who have no kids, not my best friend, not my sister, not my neighbor, not my kids teacher (who is also my coworker and friend). Seriously, marriages are tough and if we didn't have kids because marriages got rocky, then there would be far less people in this world! Which might not be a bad thing! ;) I'm actually surprised people still get married!
People talk like divorce is just the worst thing you can do to kids. Sure it's not ideal. Of course you don't go into a relationship/marriage and create a family thinking this is an option. But if a 3rd child sends your marriage over the edge, so be it. Kids have been surviving divorces for quite some time now. It's better than death. My friend just lost her husband at the age of 36. She has 2 kids under age 6. Their dad will never be in their life. Divorce isn't death. Of course you don't want that, but come on people, kids are resilient. We are resilient. We are all screwed up in some way, divorce or not. Bottom line, this is you and your husbands decision, you are both on board and you're not getting any younger, I would go for it! Good luck!
Oh yes I had the same feelings at your age, I did it and things were not always peachy here. I just could not help it, I wanted a baby. I had my last baby at 39 and would not change a thing!
You're only 34, you still have more time. I would agree to working on your marriage first and making sure you're both ready to add another baby to the situation. That being said, a desire for more kids is common. Check out this great supportive website for women who feel the same way about adding number three. Good luck
http://www.havingthreekids.com/
I completely understand wanting another child, but first you need to focus on the issues at hand. 7 months ago you wrote, "A few days ago he almost drove with my two children drunk in the car. If I wasn't around to drive, he would've done so." If your marriage is so rocky your husband moved out 7 months ago and was acting in a way that could harm your children, you should really consider putting the baby thoughts on hold. I would give it some time to make sure the relationship is on the right path before trying for another child.
Have not expereinced this, though one time i thought i was pg and was ok with it. But was not tore up when i wasn't.
That said, i have a couple friends that were totally baby-fever-mode until 3rd baby came along. obsessed. even with their kids well north of 5 years old.
Maybe my reluctance is because i'm a 3rd child. And was a big oops. from what i've been told over and over again. and my middle sister HATED me.
