Straight A's Gone to B's on a Dime

Updated on February 12, 2008
K.S. asks from Troy, MO
22 answers

My daughter has always (she is 8) brought home excellent grades. Her kindergarden teacher said she was was ahead of her class and would often be so far ahead that she would help the teacher more than anything and I have tried to get her gifted classes or maybe a grade jump but they say she doesnt show enough intiative (is she bored?) So now that she is in 2nd grade, we just got midterms and she went down to 3 B's for the first time and I freaked! I dont know if she is bored in class, if she is having an issue with peers of some kind or what. My mom never stressed the importance of grades with me so I dont know if I am being to h*** o* her at such a young age but she has so much potential and is over capable of doing the work. I have sent in a request for a meeting with the teacher. Is there something I should be looking for?

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So What Happened?

It seems ironic that i had asked for advice at this time...I got a call from the school yesterday from the teacher and we had an hour and half meeting about my daughter. I didnt go in defensive, I was actually crying because the teacher said my daughter had become physical with another student and that sent me over the edge. I realized that I was the one putting so much pressure on her to get 'perfect' grades that she was just flying thru her work just to be the first done and get to play while others worked.
I also believe she is wearing the weight of the world now since I have recently been let go from a job of 11 yrs and she is worried. I let her know that its mom and dad's resposiblility to worry about those things and tht her job is to be a kid, have fun and play with her friends. I ket her know that we are a family and we need to work as a team.
I have a lot of work to do on my part to 'let things go' and not to obsess since my parents didnt push me to get good grades. I just dont want her to fail and maybe I went too far. This experience is very humbling and I appreciate the advice and concern. I see things in a whole new light. Thank you from he bottom of my heart. :O)

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S.P.

answers from St. Louis on

Grades drop for all kinds of reasons, however one letter grade drop is not something to fuss to much over. Ask her if she likes being in school, and what she likes about being at school. Does she have a lot of friends and does she make them easily. In the second grade the expectations change a lot for the kids especially in certainsubject matters. Like someone else had said be worried if the grades drop to c's d's and f's because you know she is capable of more and that would be a clear indication that something is going on that needs more attention.

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N.C.

answers from Kansas City on

I know there is a lot of pressure about grades in school but personally, I think it can be too much. Those letter grades are not the tell all about how your child is doing. I've watched my nieces and nephews be pressed about the whole straight A thing and it just seems to take away from their ability to be happy, joyful children. Life has those pressures soon enough when we get older. What about letting childhood and the experience of learning be fun? Isn't that when we are supposed to be a bit more carefree? I would look at whether she is happy and learning is a joy, not a chore instead of freaking out over a grade letter and one that isn't that bad. I think a B is a fine grade to get. Lighten up, Mom.

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L.T.

answers from Kansas City on

Please do not panic. I am a teacher,mom,grandma and concerned listener. If the grade would have been a D or an F I would be concerned. Learning spirals every year. New things are added to what should already be mastered. Sometimes some things are new and challenging. There may be a new concept your daughter is just not as comfortable with and it is taking more thinking on her part than she is willing to give it. We are all unique in how we approach learning. Please do not add pressure to your child or teacher by only looking at the "grade". Be aware of how much your child is learning and enjoying. I personally have a very hard time when I hear the "cliche" bored or boring. LIfe and learning are far too interesting for life to ever be boring. Your daughter also may be very intuitive and liking the rise she is getting out of you about her grade drop. Is there a reason why she may enjoy this? Please do not go into the teacher in an "attack" mode which is far too common today. Your child's teacher is her advocate also...ask her if she is seeing any change in your daughter's behavior or focus. Have you had her eyes checked for example? Please be sure to respond to your email request and what you figure out. Also, have you asked your daughter why she is not getting A's?

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K.W.

answers from Tulsa on

I wouldn't stress out too much. Remember, a C is average, so a B is still an excellent, above average grade. She's only in 2nd grade, and as she gets older the work will get more challenging and she may need help with some things, but a B is still something to be proud of. Don't pressure her for perfection with straight As; just encourage her to always try her hardest and do her best work. Tell her as long as she is doing that, you'll be proud of her no matter what grade she receives.

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M.L.

answers from Tulsa on

K., I'm not sure about the school district you are in in Troy, but here in Tulsa, we don't get too worked up about grades in the second grade. In fact the kids don't actually get letter grades until 3rd grade. I have a third grader and the first quarter he got 2 A's and 2 B's and I checked around because my son is also very bright and all the bright kids got the same grades. No big deal. This last quarter, he got all A's and was accepted into the gifted program but only after I requested he be tested. Many times the letter grades aren't really a relection of anything- especially in the second grade. Wait until third or even fourth to really look at them as a true measure. In the meantime, talk with the teacher and see if everythng is OK. If you are a parent of one child, sometimes these things get blown out of proportion. After your second child you will relax about everything. This is coming from a Mom of two who is like a nazi about homework and grades. Bottom line...it's too early to get worked up about it. (Plus, different teaching styles will often compliment or clash with your child)

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J.H.

answers from Oklahoma City on

It's wonderful for your daughter to make good grades but she shouldn't do it just to make Mommy happy and proud. PLEASE...She needs to know that you love her no matter what grades she makes. I, too, was one of those parents who required good grades. I discovered there were so many factors that could cause a slump in grades at any given time.Make learning fun and remember that school gets harder in some areas.
February 2008 issue of Readers Digest (on the stands now) has one of the best articles on inspiring your kids. I know I said the wrong things at times. I can't take it back now butyou can at this early time.

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D.B.

answers from Springfield on

Kelly,
If she is so far ahead of the class they need to keep pushing her with more work. she is bored, Our daughter went thru that,, and every year at the first of the year, she just bottomed out.. it was review and she was done with it she wanted new. so hard to make the school and your child understand what they need, but try to get them to give her the next years primer or extra work to keep her humming along at a steady pace ,, her grades will come up and you will be a much happier camper.
D.
Mother of 1

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R.S.

answers from Joplin on

Hi! I am a teacher with 22 years of experience. I would like to suggest that you take a deep breath and wait to see what the teacher says before getting upset. It sounds as if she has done well so far. Third quarter grades do have a tendency to drop a bit. Just listen calmly to what the teacher says before reacting. Reasons for grade drops could include an increase in difficulty of work (even in three classes), lack of effort/boredom, social issues, etc. Just remember that they are only mid-terms, which are given to help parents gauge if a change in habits, a conference, or other problems exist. Hang in there! Remember that the teacher wants what is best for your daughter, just like you.

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A.S.

answers from Kansas City on

I don't think a B is something to freak out over, that's still a very good grade. Maybe they're teaching more difficult subject matter... have you asked her? I think it's a good idea to meet with her teacher if you're concerned. Does she have glasses? Maybe get her eyes checked. If she's bored in class see if the teacher can give her projects to do on the side.

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G.N.

answers from St. Louis on

Have you asked her why the drop in grades? I think getting an A or B is great, I wouldnt worry so much with those grades, I think I would worry alot if the grades start dropping to C's, D's and F's. I would ask her if she is bored. Only way to find out if anything is going on is to talk to her, being 8 im sure she will understand and can tell you.

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M.P.

answers from St. Louis on

Well K., First and foremost do not beat yourself up.
I am the mother of 5 children, 2 in the gifted programs. It sounds as if she is bored with it and she has little drive to finish something that bores her. I don't feel it is a problem with peers as all of her grades would of fell and fell farther than B's. My first gifted child, a daughter, is now 24 and she felt it was boredom also. No, you are not being too hard in expecting good grades when you know she is capable. If you expect less of her, LESS is what you will get. However, expect her best and her best may only be a C\ in some things. You WILL go through trials for sure, but hold on. My daughter had earned scholorships, had an A average, was in choir and secretary for FFA. She ended up dropping out in 11th grade and she says she was bored with it. It devastated us! She moved out and then had a baby at 17. She was raised christian, so this killed us. BUT...1 year after having the baby, she pulled herself together, got her GED and received a scholorship of her high grade. She went to nursing school, graduated with the highest grade in the class of 117. She went to work as a nurse in a St. Louis hospital and bought her first new home and new car at 21. Her 29 yr old husb. now has leukemia and she is amazing in how she works, takes care of him and homeshools my grandson. Is this how I would've planned her life? NO. But I couldn't ask for a more precious, giving daughter. So, if you live an example for her, (not pretend an example, but truly be an example) She will be ok. So, though your daughter is bored and you WILL worry, raise her the best you can, teach unselfishness above ALL things, never ever give up on her and PRAY PRAY PRAY. God bless.

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M.S.

answers from Wichita on

I would not freck about the drop to B's right now. My teenager at that age would be between A's & B's. It depends on the teacher the matter at which the subjects are taught and peers. If you start stressing about grades now when it is just a little bit (A's & B's are within a gifted range if done all time). If you do you could give your child a perfectionism attitute or even make think that if she doesn't get good grades she is bad. If you are really concerned then ask her if she is having problems with a subject? If not then just let her be as long as she is continuing to behave as before (helping teacher, others, shows she knows subject). Kids need to be able to feel that they are ok no matter what their grades (especially gifted kids as they see the different between them and other kids. Sometimes they even think they have to preform to get acceptance). Now if those A's drop to C's or D'd and you know she is not having problems with that subject then look into it. As far as gifted program in school my now teenager showed all the signs of being gifted in elementary school but they would not advance him. When he got into Jr High they looked at all the grades from K-6 and then determined that there was proof of giftedness (but it still took a year to see what classes could be advanced in). So just be patient and praise your daughter when she gets the A's, the B's or even the C's (if she is just able to get that grade). Let her know you are behind her, accept her and that if their is a problem she can talk to you. If you are still concerned then call the teacher of counselor and share those concerns. If you have an open comunnication with these people they will let you know when they see a problem as they see your child in different atmosphere then you.

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J.G.

answers from Kansas City on

My son was the same way. Always got good grades and school work was easy for him. Something happend in the 5th grade. He just lost intrest in doing his work. Now that he is older I've asked him what happened and he told me that through elementary school it was a series of "BAD TEACHERS" that didn't care. I was a single parent without any money so my childern were subject to pubic schools, my daughter had dyslexia so I had to find a school with the best special education that was offered and they helped her. But the adverage child was swept under the rug. My advice would be to get involved with the school too (now that you have the time) make sure the teachers and the school system are not dropping the ball. And if you do go back to work, take a day off and go to school with her. One whole day with each teacher, eat lunch. She will love it and you will get a good idea where the distraction are if any, bullies or just plain boring subjects. I did this with both my kids up untill highschool (once they are in highschool all you can do is offer moral support)

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K.C.

answers from Wichita on

This is just my opinion, but I do not feel that schools should keep grades at such a young age. There are so many ways that children can learn other than just through a textbook. It sounds like in the younger grades, the teachers have allowed your daughter not only textbook knowledge, but real-life experience helping them. That could be what is lacking in second grade. She may be bored just sitting at a desk working in textbooks and workbooks. Although she may enjoy that, when she is forced to do nothing but that; she is getting bored with it. Maybe there is a way the teachers could allow the children to work with some hands-on experiences as well.??
Hope all works out.

K.

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E.P.

answers from Springfield on

I would have a meeting with her school teacher, to see if they can test her, does she sem to like when you work with her at home? Something that my child did and found it alot of fun, when she was at home she liked working in the workbooks that you buy. Instead of coloring in a coloring book, once she started reading that is when she really developed, she read everything she could get her hands on, and now that computers are taught in school, try learning , adventurous games on the computer, I at first wanted to limit my childrens on the computer but now that I have 3 grown and off to college, or married, with great jobs, I have one daughter left at home which is 15, by the 7th grade she was reading at a senior in high school reading level, so the books that they were alowing her to check out at the library, were very boring to her. Also I had a nephew that was a straight A student,by high school he was teaching his teachers about computers.And now designs websites for large companies. So I think it is very important to have her tested, when my kids grades dropped because of boredom, I jumped on it because in todays world,we need our children to always be challenged to learn.

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S.P.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I have a niece that is the same way and she did the same thing this year. It all came down to she did not feel challenged and just half did the work because she was bored. She was like I already know this stuff way do it again. I explained to her that if she didn't do it right we could not get the teacher to give her work that challenges her after she does what the teacher requires of her first. She has started doing the work and the teacher will give her something more to work on when she has finished the first required paper or papers. I would still meet with the teacher and what her/his take is on the problem. Maybe she is having a hard time with the assignment is afraid to speak up because she is so smart she is afraid you will be disppointed her for not knowing. Hope this helps.

S. Jane

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D.R.

answers from Rockford on

Both my kids were in the gifted programs and grew up successful without getting straight As, though they strove for them as very very young kids. As they get older, such as in 3rd grade, social skills become more important to them and their peers will begin to look down on them for being Straight A kids. Kids who are gifted often don't show their gifted behavior through the boring rituals of homework anyway. You are being overly hard ... on her and you. Stop stressing the importance of grades and express the importance of the FUN of learning. Incorporate real life scenarios into her learning. You are teaching her to hate homework, not love it. Take off the heat. She'll be fine.

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A.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I feel like you are speaking about my 9 year old! This is happening to us, only she's in the 3rd grade. My husband & I lectured her, explaining how important it is to double check your work, take your time, etc. She came back with "It's SOOO boring!" She seems to do much better in areas that are more challenging. We're going to investigate the Boring Aspect first! Good luck!

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J.S.

answers from St. Louis on

Good ideat to have a talk with her teacher. She may be able to give you some insights on if there are any problems at school. Another idea you might try is to talk to your daughter. She may be having problems with her friends or at home. Classes may be harder than she expected or maybe there is a conflict between her and the teacher. There are so many things that it could be. If she is doing the best that she can, I wouldn't worry about it.

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M.Z.

answers from Kansas City on

I've raised seven children. At your daughter's age if grades dropped it was for different reasons depending on the child. You need to speak with the teacher as this will give you some insite, but talk to all the teachers or aides she interacts with. They will all have different views of your daughter and the homeroom teacher's view is not always the best. Then talk with your daughter everyday about school, what happened, how she felt about the happenings and her day in general. I had one son that was so bored that he became trouble in the classroom. He simply was too far ahead of his classmates in his ability to grasp and analyze information. We came up with a plan to help him and his classmates by letting him teach them about his favorite things and the teacher incorporated it into a science lesson of sorts (He loved to plant, grow and harvest from our garden. He also explained the different possible uses for the garden products). My son was six when we did this. After this I encouraged all the kids to mentor other's so the had a positive interaction if they were bored.
Also simply speaking to my children allowed me to discover emotional stresses as well as educational stresses. One child was dyslexic, one was easily bored due to being to advanced for his class, one hated the bullies and how they treated everyone even if she wasn't the target. The list goes on. Often I found that the teachers caused the grade drop themselves, due to no imagination of their own, I had to transfer one child to another class due to this enviroment and how it affected my child and his grades.
My kids are all grown now. My last graduates High School this spring. I wish I had listened more and more often. Stay involved with your daughter's class and school. Don't step back keep her talking. It will help more than her grades.

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A.G.

answers from Columbia on

She maybe dumbing it up to fit in better with the other girl's. Second grade is a hard time for girls because the girls begin to have clicks and are also catty. If she is smart and also possibally gifted she maybe purposly not getting A's to fit in a little more. Being picked on can have a profound affect on a child. You may want the teacher to keep an ear opening for teaseing. A couple of talks letting her know that she is very talented and the girl or boy's that may pick on her for being smart are usually jealous.

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S.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I've never heard of letter grades for 2nd grade! I would speak with the teacher before I would come down on my daugher for the grades. My daugher didn't get them until 3rd grade.

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