Stirring the Pot? (Not on MP)

I think you should. Although it doesn't effect the attitudes of the offenders and probably will stir them up it also sends the message to those that are also sick of the drama that it is okay to stand up for the owner, it is okay to say no more drama.

You will find at first the drama will get worse but going forward when they pull stuff others will defend the owner. You will not be alone. Once the drama queens figure out their behavior is unacceptable to the group they will tone it down a bit.

Right now they are riding high thinking everyone agrees with their behavior, that delusion needs to end.

Nope. Not appropriate to send an email (even a POSITIVE O.). It will appear as if your husband is acting like he has some "official" role by being O. of the dance parents.

Let people make fools of themselves at the meeting, show their teeth and their true colors. Everyone around can see them for what they are. No need to overcompensate or act as "nice guy emeritus" of the group--that, too will appear odd.

Your husband should express HIS thanks to the owner.
Him (or you) to her. O. to O..
Otherwise, if I was 'copied' on that type of email, it would seem really almost like he's trying to be the "teacher's pet"!

Your husband was that bothered by how the owner was spoken to--and he said something.

Time to let it drop.

Rachel:

GREAT FOR JEFF!! Not just GOOD for Jeff but GREAT for Jeff for standing up!! (we'll have a side bar about the OTHER stuff, right? LOL)

If the man was bad, an e-mail from someone else explaining their thoughts MIGHT work. However, if this man is like someone I know, and have been having problems with on FB, he won't listen. He will turn it around and make it worse. So since I don't know the man personally - I don't know if it will help or hurt.

In my opinion, the man needs to hear that he was inappropriate in the meeting. But that's me. I don't shrug away from confrontation.

I wouldn't. What's done is done. I think that would be stirring the pot, especially if another parent is a loose cannon. You don't want your husband bickering with other parents because they don’t know how to act. He's not the school marm.

Not only that, and I know the owner is older, and I have a special place in my heart for them, but if there are parents that are getting out of pocket then the owner needs to handle that, not your husband. I know it's hard for you guys to see that take place, I know I wouldn't like it, but I would just stay in my lane.

I think it is HER job to encourage the parents to be a team, not another parent. Now, if you are all a tight nit group and someone got out of line then maybe it woud help, but I do not think it appropriate personally.

My first thought is to send it.
If your daughter is to use this studio to further her dance and it is a well respected, high quality dance studio then do what you can to secure your place in it.
If his daughter is not dedicated to the dance and they are having issues anyway then the more those who will stay on for the long haul stand up for the director the better.
I know, backhanded, snide, rude, mean, dramatic, call it what you must. People have to be handed it to them sometimes, let hubby send the email.

Yes, I totally think it needs to be heard. If someone with a terrible attitude doesn't like it, they can pick up their dance shoes and go home. It would be a good thing probably....it's not fun or good for the children to have all this drama spinning around them when they just want to learn how to dance. It could help get some focus redirected to teamwork and the positives of being in dance, as well as a reminder to not bully a teacher. There's seriously no need for it. If I had a serious problem with my son's kung fu teacher, it wouldn't cross my mind to jump on him and make him feel bad, possibly harm his means of putting food on the table by poisoning the well and making other people angry at him also......I'd just leave and go to another martial arts studio. Same thing should go for dance----be a team player or get out, I say. It's NOT fair to crucify a teacher who's trying to give something to your child's life. I'd stand up for her if I thought she was right, and leave if I thought she was doing something grossly wrong.

And just an afterthought: I think it's cool that your husband (a) goes to dance class and dance meetings---involved in something even if it isn't the typical manly stuff. My neighbors: the mom has to leave work early even though the dad is home for several hours by then, just because dad doesn't want to be caught dead at a dance class for their daughter. (b) I think it's awesome that he'd defend the teacher as an elder, as a lady, as the teacher for his child's class. Bravo to him. I love that.

Always so tricky. I would avoid any and all "we should" or "we all need to" language. That tends to trigger people's issues.

Much better to follow a Non-Violent Communication pattern (you can google this for all sorts of information and examples). You basically state, in non-judgemental language, what you observed and how you felt about it. You surmise, as honestly yet respectfully as possible, what you think the other party was thinking when they did/said that, and guess at what need they might have been hoping to meet. You state what your own needs are, and how they are or are not being met by the situation being discussed.

It may sound complicated, but it can really be broken down into a few simple steps. The hardest part is reporting real feelings (variations on glad, sad, mad, confused, scared) rather than concepts about feelings (disrespected, unheard, rejected, etc.). My husband and I have both learned to use this approach in all sorts of situations, and it can be remarkably helpful.

I wish you the best.

Hi, Mom:
As you know, some people are going to be rude, discourteous, and unkind.
That is their choice and right.
Now that is said, they need to be held accountable for their behavior that affects other people.

If you and your husband were affected by one person's behavior, then that person needs to be held accountable.

A letter or e-mail may include:

What happened?
What did you think when you realized what had happened?
What impact has this incident had on you and others?
What has been the hardest thing for you?
What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

Good luck.
D.

I'm sorry the kids are trying to just dance amid all this drama.

I think your husband is great, and I understand why the owner would want his supportive e-mail sent out. But she is the owner and director here and she needs to go to this one negative parent and say that his behavior is unacceptable; he can have his opinions but his mode of expression is not permitted in meetings, etc. She must step up and be the boss. I would hate for any child to lose out on a beloved activity because of a parent but this man basically is acting like a lot of over-involved sports parents behave -- the ones who stand on the sidelines and scream at both kids and coaches. When that happens on a sports team, the parents often are told they (the parents) are not welcome at events unless they stop the sideline negativity, and if they cannot either stop the behavior or stay away, they and their child should find another team. Same applies here if this guy is toxic more than one time.

The owner sounds sweet but unable to stand up for herself and her studio. I would have your husband, who is understandably beloved by her just now!, talk to her and say that he would like to be there to back her up when she talks in person to this guy, perhaps. That might prompt her to do it.

I hope the finals go better -- not in terms of awards won but in terms of a positive learning experience for the KIDS, who are the focus here. If this world is as stressful as this every time and gets worse as kids get older, you could reconsider competitive dance teams and go for a studio where the focus is on performance for its own sake and there is no competition involved. I really do realize you feel like a family there. But we left a (non-competitive) dance studio that was like family because the organization became so incredibly poor it was impeding my daughter's ability to learn and was taking up too much of her mental energy just to figure out what she needed to be doing. Just something to think about if the whole thing becomes so focused on drama that it's all your child can focus on too.

I think he should send it. The other parents need to know his feelings. I think it's great that he cares enough to want to do that. A lot of dads don't get that involved with the kids activitys that are not guy things. You are a lucky woman. If ya'll are that close they should respect is opinion. And from the sounds of it needs to be said.

Good luck and God Bless!!!

Ah the "beautiful" world of dance.
At my daughter's studio it's very different. The owner/director calls the shots, period. Parents attend two meetings per year where EVERYTHING is spelled out and contracts are signed. If dancers/parents don't agree with the policies then they are free to go to another school. It is an excellent program with WONDERFUL teachers so of course we suck it up and fall in line.
I like the idea of a studio being more like a family and open to parental suggestions/participation, but I think it works better in theory than in reality. There will always be drama because of course different parents have different expectations, styles and personalities.
Since you have such a good relationship with the director maybe you could suggest she be more strict in her policies? It's HER studio, she needs to set the tone. It's impossible to please everyone, and I think asking your husband to send out an email is incredibly unprofessional and unfair, why should he get involved? She needs to step up and be in charge!