Step Mother Cuts My Daughter's Hair

Updated on July 09, 2008
C.I. asks from League City, TX
5 answers

I have a 4 year old daughter for whom I have primary custody. My ex husband allows my daughter's step mother to cut her hair even after we have had conversations regarding my daughter's hair not being cut. My daughter has beautiful blonde hair and it does not grow out past her shoulders because this woman keeps cutting my daughter's hair. I know she is doing this out of spite. The hair cuts are generally $5 hair cuts as I have had to take her to a professional salon to fix the bad hair cuts she has had only to get her back and it has been wacked off again. I know that my ex husband's new wife hates me and this is displacement of her anger toward me. I am at a loss when I see that her beautiful locks have been discarded. In case you might ask what I have done to her, the answer is nothing. We were next-door neighbors for 1.5 years. In my last trimester of pregnancy with my daughter I was cleaning her flower beds as a friendly neighbor gesture. I have cooked her children waffles in my home, only to end up fighting for my waffle iron in the divorce proceedings. I feel she is a deeply disturbed person, how does one work with this?

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So What Happened?

Well, so far after taking photos of my daughter's hair and e-mailing them to my ex, my daughter has come back with her locks still on her head. The photos were because my ex needed cold hard evidence that her hair was being cut. So photos were shot immediately before his pick up and immediately after his current wife dropped off my daughter. Only time will tell. I received quite a bit of feed back that was very helpful on a maternal, spiritual, educational, and moral level. Your support is greately appreciated.

More Answers



answers from Houston on

Youre kidding, right? This is soooo wrong, on sooo many levels, it boggles my mind.
I dont say a whole lot on this site, however, with this topic, its pretty cut and dry. If I were in your shoes.....I certainly wouldnt be so nice. If that were my child...I'm almost positive that after the first cut, it would be over with. Cut #2, well, that would get you a beating of epic proportions.
Be calm, assertive. Tell her RIGHT IN THE EYE, DO NOT CUT HER HAIR!!! PERIOD! End of discussion.
I'm so bothered by this, I dont see how you manage.
Heck...I'll tell her for you!!!!! :)

Good Gracious...good luck to you....

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

one way to work with it is to say that since she wants to give your daughter a hair cut she needs to go to the salon that you take her to. that way her hair isnt messed up by the cheap hair cuts. Or just let it go. teach your daughter to say that she doesnt want her hair cut but only if she really doesnt want her hair cut. Or when you go back to court have it put in the papers saying that they are not allowed to cut your daughters hair. 9 out of 10 this is the only way she can think to get to you and you are letting it work. Best way is to hold your words and try to let it pass once she thinks it doesnt bother you she will quit. you might also try to cut her hair before she goes over there.

Hope some of these helps you.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on


I am sorry that your daughter is having to be subjected to this woman's dislike of you. The stepmother sounds like a very disturbed lady.

If it were me in your situation, I would have to contact my divorce lawyer to see what could be done to rectify the situation.

I hope you are able to get it resolved soon.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Talk to your ex once more. If that doesn't work, talk to his wife. When you talk to her be assertive and very firm, telling her please DO NOT cut your daughter's hair anymore. If that doesn't work speak to both of them letting them know that if this continues you will have take it steps further.

I am sorry that your daughter has to put up with and subjected to her non-sense. This is what gives step-parents a bad rap.

Stay prayerful and let Him lead guide your tongue when talking to them.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Sorry to hear you are going thru this with your daughters step mother. One thing you must remember--you cannot tell them what they can and cannot do on their time. The more you react the more it will happen to your daughter. You cannot and never will be able to make them do something you want for your daughter on their time. Even if she has it out for you--you have to learn to be ok with what she does. I am in the same boat you are in for toooooooo long. But it doesnot get any better till you let go--you can only control you! Get a book called The Smart Step Family. Read it and take it to heart--it will make your life and your daughters life easier. It is found at Lifeway Christian Booktores. Remember primary custody has nothing to do with how this makes your daughter feel when these kinds issues come up. Choose your fights wisely--for your daughter not you.

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