Step Daughter Abusing Scissors

It sounds like she may have some aggression issues or things that are bothering her and needs an outlet I would try therapy and see what they think.

I would work together with her to solve the problem in a way that:

* Validates her- i.e., "You really like playing with the scissors lately. I bet it's fun to see how different things feel as they're being cut and what they look like all cut up."

* Assigns her positive intentions- Instead of "abusing scissors" or "destruction of property," choose to see her as "exploring an interesting tool/toy and not yet fully understanding the the value of different things and the effects of her actions on others." Even if there is some emotional need for attention or something going on, you can still choose to see her as a child coping with that in the best way she knows how and needing your support and understanding.

* Engages her as a partner in the process of finding a win-win situation- i.e., "You know, I want to help you use the scissors safely and in a way that respects other people's belongings. What do you think we can do so that you get to have fun with the scissors and I can make sure nothing that's important to someone else gets cut up?" Then let her come up with some ideas that you consider seriously and respectfully. You might add some ideas to the mix like:

"You know, there's a lot of stuff around here that would be totally fine for you to cut up. Why don't we go around the house and collect a bunch of stuff you can work with? We could even hit a thrift store (or garage sale or Freecycle) and see what else we can find that you could use."

"There are some things that belong to me and your dad or sibs that I/they wouldn't appreciate being cut. Can you just check with me first if there's something we haven't talked about to see if it's ok?"

"I think I'd feel more comfortable for right now keeping the scissors in a safe place when they're not being used until we're sure we've got this problem solved. Whenever you need them just let me know."

Children really do respond when you engage them in an authentic and respectful way. Enjoy this opportunity to connect and build relationship with your step-daughter!

Hmmm sounds like she's either bored or acting out. You won't know which it is until you try to change her destructive behavior to something more positive, offering her creative ways to use scissors and set limits on what can be cut. Soon you'll determine if she is doing this because she is creative or if she is doing this because she wants attention and is jealous of the attention that is bestowed on her sibling. Or is she acting out because of concerns in her other home or at her school or at any extracurricular activities? Do you have any concerns about the step-parents? Just curious if you ever mentioned the scissor cutting to her mom and how did she respond?

I wouldn't jump to conclusions until you try to alter her behavior in a positive way (for a short time) and see how she responds. Then you'll know how to proceed. Hopefully it will be just one of the many phases that she will go through. Good luck.

Wow...I think you have a budding hair stylist...now seriosly though, that is a bit excessive. I only cut my Barbie's hair at that age, and maybe my sister's Barbies too :) Aside from taking the scissors away, I would take some privelage away that she loves...favorite toy or activity maybe? Does she live with you and your husband, or with her Mom? Are you reccently married? I noticed you mentioned you have two step children, and a son in your profile. The reason I ask is that maybe she is really jealous of the three year old...? Asking her directly if she is looking for atention is probably going to go nowhere, because that is probably just too big a concept for her to wrap her mind around at seven. Maybe try some questions that are a bit more concrete, like "do you wish we played with you more?" If she doesn't live with you guys maybe something like "What are some things you would like to do with us while your here, or are there some things you would like to do just with Dad, or just with me?" Is she the middle kid who ws baby for a long time? My kids are almost four years apart, and my son had a really hard time with it, in addition to his Mommy being really sick on and off the last two years. It was really h*** o* him, and he did some really cruddy things to get attention because it was the only way he knew how, although now he is over it for the most part, but I really had to carve out some special time for just him and I alone...perhaps your step daughter needs some time alone with Dad? Or is there stuff going on at her Mom's end, or your end for that matter too, that could be really stressing her out? I agree it needs to stop, but it really also could just be there is no good reason, she just feels compelled to do it. I'm sure you can remember being a kid, knowing you shouldn't do something, but you went aheadd and did anyways, nothing contrived about it, you just had to do it. Another thought is this, maybe make a cubby or basket of things she is allowed to cut, various papers, magazines, old clothing, yarn, string...maybe include some glue, glitter, paint, etc. and provide her with some butcher block paper, or poster bosrd, and have her make collages. Maybe explain to her, that anything in this box is okay to cut, that she needs to ask a grown up first (I'd also keep the scissors hidden really well), and she could even make a really cool picture out of it if she wanted to, or just cut things...maybe even do it with her. I'd also tell her that if she cut anything that wasn't in the box, or that if she cut things in the box without permission, she'd be punished for it in whatever you and your husband deem appropriate. Obviously she seems maybe a bit head strong if she keeps doing it anyways, but I would also make sure that her mom is on the same page as you and your husband are as far as discipline goes for this matter, and just stick to it. Hope this helps, and good luck.

She might just like to cut stuff. I would talk to her about the proper use of scissors. And give her a craft kit with things she can cut.

Give her a job. Put a fair price on everything she desroys and make her do chores that are hard enough or take long enough to miss her favorite t.v. show or whatever. Tell her that mom/dad can't play games or watch t.v. etc. Let her know the price then help her with the math (more school time can't hurt). When you pay her, take her to the store to replace the item so she learns from that also. She needs to learn to respect things, she's old enough so hang in there mom. Tough love.

I agree with the previous poster regarding Smart Love Family Services. This may be nothing but an evaluation at Smart Love would probably be helpful. It may be that she is not able to express her emotions and is using the scissors as an outlet. I would also make sure that all the scissors are locked away. But perhaps let her do supervised play with them and things that can be cut, even doing some little craft projects that need cutting eg. make a little quilt that involves cutting out squares from inexpensive fabric etc. Punishment is definitely not the answer. She likely needs some attention rather than punishment.

I wouldn't overreact-it may in fact be causing her to do it more. Is it that hard to get all the scissors in the house and put them in a totally out of reach place etc.? No scissors for her until she learns to use them properly. But this is so common I wouldn't get bent out fo shape about it, unless the "destruction" starts to take other forms. Sounds like she just digs the scissors. I cut all my doll's hair, I don't know what the attraction is, but it's the kind of thing that can be easily solved by a)no scissors, and b) adult supervision.

My children aren't that old yet but what about counseling? Is there a guidance counselor at school you talk to to help her through some issues? Scissors can be dangerous and you don't want her to get bored cutting things and moving on to other things that can hurt herself or others.

Maybe she has a sensory need that isn't being met? It might not be about destruction of property but more that she gets some satisfaction from the feeling of the resistance of the scissors or whatever. Is there another more constructive project she can do, like working with clay or sand, or does she like crafts?

Good luck!

You are correct, it is unusual for a 7 year old to use scissors in this manner. I think she is acting out some unexpressed feelings. I know blended families have many challenges and pershaps it is related to that. Maybe since she visits her mom also there is some anxiety related to having two homes and two sets of rules??

You sound very loving and caring in your concern for her. You do not mention how she is doing in school and sometimes that can indicate some anxiety as well. You don't mention how long this has been going on but if it is for over a month or two I would ask your pediatrician if she should see a Child Psychologist or talk with a school psychologist. A 7 year old should have the impulse control not to use scissors this way. Of particular concern is cutting the 3 year old's bed and cutting your makeup brush. Those are very pointed events. Not just things she came across out of boredom.

Girls especially act out their anger, frustration etc. more passively than boys many times. I would look into this further. I think she is suffering inside in some way and punishment won't help. She may not be able to identify what she is having such strong feelings about to even express them to you. Good luck. A.

First, it sounds like she might be bored. Maybe incorporating some more structured activities into her day will prompt her to find more productive outlets for her energy and creativity. Also, why does she have constant access to the scissors? I would keep them put away, ESPECIALLY with a three-year old in the house, and only bring them out for art projects. She loves to cut things, so try and spin that into a healthy activity for art, not for running around 24-7 with free reign to the scissors.

Best of luck to you!

I agree with Kristin's advice below - the scissors are NEAT and now they're NEAT and FORBIDDEN.

I went through a long period when I was 10 where I played with matches in the back yard, setting small twig piles on fire. They were fascinating and addictive. I wish my mom had realized this and given me a "safe" spot to play and explore, which it sounds like your step-daughter needs. Seven years old is a time for exploring her world, and she probably doesn't have the impulse control to know how to use them appropriately. Work with her on this. She's a scientist! (But even scientists know when to use their research for good and not evil. :))

Give her stuff that's ok to cut during supervised times...then hide the scissors.

Your step daughter needs some counseling. Punishing her for an emotional need that she has isn't going to help. At 7 she is too young to truly communicate her emotional needs and her true feelings. May I suggest Smart Love Family Services. They have different locations. The one my daughter goes to is in oak Park. I know because of her being 7 it's hard to believe that she can't express herself but feelings are complex and not always easy for even the adults to explain. She needs someone who knows how to get her to express herself in ways that are good for kids, like play and art therapy. Good luck on this one. After many years my daughter who is now 9 has finally been able to express herself a little better. But we went through the cutting things too. Please get her some help. It will be better for her and all of you in the long run. Last, put the scissors away where she can't get them. If she truly is trying to speak through cutting the only way to stop it is to stop the access to scissors. This includes having the teacher take her scissors away at school.

My girl friend lived with me. She would sleep in because Daddy wanted her up at 10 or later when he got in. Her daughter was left alone to break and cut up things. I hide my all sharp objects because she cut my clothing, couch, bedding and pillows. She flooded my house using the bath sink. She did a lot of damage. Her step father was physically abusing her. I saw the marks. I also saw her behavior change from sweet to terrified. I turned him in to family and he is now gone.

I think your daughter needs therapy to deal with her anger. I would lock up everything sharpe in the house and search her when she comes over. I would reward her for everything she does positive.