Step Daddy

Updated on February 20, 2010
J.N. asks from Wrightstown, NJ
9 answers

I knwo most say to leave it up to the child whether they call the step parent daddy or mommy and that is fine with me as well but my fiance is feeling uncomfortable. Not that he doesnt love my daughter but that he doesnt want her bio daddy to come back form Korea and say that hes her daddy. Even though She knows her real Daddy because I make sure she knows and doesnt forget him not that he helps because he hasnt called her on Skype in almost 4 months. But what I would like to know if the fiance does not feel comfortable because he is affraid to step on real dads toes how do i approach the situation? Especially when my daughter already calls him by his name and daddy which was not encouraged by anyone.

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answers from Chicago on

My husband was 2 years old when his folks divorced. Both parents remarried. He calls his bio Dad, Dad and his step dad, Pop.

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answers from New York on

I have had a blended family for over 20 years and my son did begin calling my husband dad on his own. However, he did not have any contact with his biological dad (his dad's choice). My current husband even talked to my ex about not wanting to take his place and was very willing to know his place, but he also explained that my son needed a dad. His dad did not call or come around so my husband became his dad, and did everything daddies do. In my opinion if your ex is still very much in the picture then your fiance sounds like a smart, wonderful, and confident man for knowing his place. Most men would want to push the issue, and even force the issue so I respect that he does know his place. So one suggestion I have is when she calls him dad you can say something like honey your daddy is XXXXX and this is XXXXXX .If she still continues calling him daddy then let her be. She is only a child and explain to your ex that no one is trying to diminish his role, however this is just something that his daughter has chosen to do. Good luck to your in your new marriage

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

To her, she is her "daddy" obviously. Marry your fiance soon. I had a wonderful stepfather who was like a "real" dad to me and I called him by his first name. The name is not what is important, it's the relationship and what she feels for him in her heart!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Orlando on

Could you come up with a nick name for her stepdad. My mom used to babysit children & they all called her Mama Ellen. Maybe you could come up with something like DaDa(insert stepdad's name here).



answers from New York on

As long as you are trying to keep her father in her life (which I think is more than kind of you since he obviously doesn't want to be in her life right now) then let her call your fiance what she wants. The main key point is that even if she calls him dad she understands that she has a biological father who cares and is blessed to have another dad type figure in her life. My son is 6. I met my husband when he was 3. His father is in his life and they have regular visits but when I got engaged (son was 4) he started calling my husband dad all on his own. His bio dad is daddy and his step-father (my husband) is dad. I never pushed it or encouraged it. If she is old enough to understand and wants to then please encourage your fiance to enjoy it as she obviously loves him enough to make him a part of her life. And let her lead the way. She sounds smart. Trust her.



answers from New York on

I had the same issues w/my now husband and my children when they were small - my son was only 4 at the time when he (out of the blue) started calling my husband (then boyfriend) daddy(my daughter wasn't too keen on doing it at the time - she was 6) - we never encouraged them to do so - but explained that if either of them felt more comfortable calling him 'daddy' then so be it.

There's nothing wrong with the child having 2 daddies or 2 mommies. The adults are the ones that have to feel even MORE comfortable with it.

Your fiancee is the one that is there day in and day out - so obviously there is more of a connection with him and your daughter than there is one with her bio-dad. Again - I see nothing wrong with her having 2 Dads.

I've always told my husband that ANYONE can be a father - it takes a special man to be a DAD.

My ex didn't feel the same - he thought we were forcing the kids to call my husband 'Daddy' - I had to sit him down and explain - bluntly and sternly - look - you are NOT here every day - HE IS... if the kid WANT to call him Daddy - then they will! GET USED TO IT. My kids are now 18 and 16 and call their stepfather Dad - and have for almost 14 yrs now.

Hope this helps - good luck!


answers from Fort Myers on

Hi, my son from my first marriage was very young when I remarried. My first marriage was annulled by my faith and I was divorced according to the laws of the state. Calling my husband Dad could have happened on its own from hearing my husband's son interact with his Father. However it happened, my husband was the person who financially supported, helped take care of him when he was sick, visited classrooms for teacher conferences, showed up for little league games, was there .....I think you are getting the picture without me having to spell everything out that he did. My husband and I never corrected my son for calling my husband Dad and my sons bio Dad never would give him up for my husband to adopt him. It was push-pull-tug, your my son my ex would tell him but in name only because this man never acted like a Dad and my son at a very young age knew the difference. I never said an unkind word about my ex husband and gave my son every opportunity to spend time with his real Dad growing up. My ex-husband did everything in his power to hurt me through my son and everything back fired. My ex-husband did not act like he was the bio Dad to his son because he was too busy cheating on me with other women while we were married and after we divorced having new women in the picture all the time became his first priority. He resented me for divorcing him moving on with my life and getting remarried. This was my situation and these things happened to me and my family. Other people's kids in their own situations could have been or currently are being being treated properly as it should be by their real parent in the divorce scenario, or maybe like in my sons situation not right at all so the outcomes and opinions that you read about are all going to be different. Your daughter is the one that has to be comfortable in her choice of words and your future husband has to be comfortable in his own skin for the decisions that he makes. Please enjoy all the happy events to come without getting stressed out about this issue now,



answers from New York on

It's thoughtful of your fiance. The child really does need a father. It sounds like the biological father is not involved in the child's life - it reminds me of a Little House on the Prarie episode where Charles Ingalls tells a man that making a child does not make a father. It's the daily love, attention, raising, forming, work for the child that makes a father.



answers from Tulsa on

I haven't read the other responses so I hope I'm not resaying the same things. We are raising some of our grandkids and they know who their mom is but only one of them knows their dad. She never seens him but my daughter throws a royal fit when she hears her kids calling us anything but grandma and grandpa. Her older son lives with my ex and his wife and in elementary school he started being ridiculed for not having a mom and dad.

So, we have had similar issues and have decided to let the kids give us "pet" names. They call me gamma and my husband is papa. My best friends kids call their daddy Papa instead of daddy so it makes my grand kids feel like they are calling my husband daddy. My ex and his wife let my grandson call them mom and dad. Not mommy and daddy.

We don't want to undermine my daughters role but make it easier for the kids.

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