Staying Home vs Working

Updated on January 05, 2010
N.G. asks from Haslet, TX
13 answers

All right Moms, you have given me such good advice in the past I thought I would run my dilemma by you. I have a great, well paying job, but I am going to have one that starts Kindergarten this year, a two year old, and my husband wants another. My job pays great and has a lot of benefits (insurance, a company car, etc). I had always dreamed I would be home with my kids, and my husband says that financially we should be all right if I quit, but I can tell he wants me to keep working. We both think part time time would be the best option, but my company doesn't have it, and I know that the chances of them allowing me to do it would be slim to none. I just really feel in my heart that I should be home for my kids. Have any of you gone through that, and do you have advice? I don't want to regret anything either way. Thanks!

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So What Happened?

You have all given me wonderful things to think about. My husband and I had a talk, and we are going down to paying out of his salary only for at least 6 months and see how it goes. I am also going to try and put together a proposal to my company on the value of me going part time. Thanks for all your help!!

More Answers



answers from Dallas on

I am a SAHM and I love it... I was made to be a SAHM. I quit a HIGH paying job to be with my daughter after she was born. She has never known anything different than Momma being with her all the time.

That being said, you have a routine. Your daughters are used to what you currently do and your family is used to the economic freedom your job provides.

My first thought for you is to start by putting the money you make away. Only take the money out of it that you pay for daycare. Try living that way for a few months while you try to get pregnant. Sometimes getting pregnant isn't as easy as we would like and it may not happen as quickly as you want it to. This also saves for the delivery of your new one when it happens.

Next, take a week or two off where you stay home with your daughter. Everyone else does their normal routine. You run the house as you would if you were to be home with her all the time. It really amazes me at how many working moms think SAHM's don't work. It's work and it is the hardest job I have ever had. I was a developer/dba/project manager in a consulting firm.

I don't think there are that many part time jobs out there easily obtained. This is a hard economy and it may be difficult to find something to fit an ideal situation. You seem to have a great job you are happy with and that is nothing to scoff at.

The best thing you can do for you and your family is to make sure you are a happy momma and that your house is stable. Good luck with your decision!!!

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answers from Dallas on

I recently stopped working and we thought we were going to be alright financially. That was, until there was a cutback at my husband's job at the EXACT same time that I quit my job. So there we were, my income gone and then his pay cut by 20%. Totally unexpected.

We're doing okay, but it's hard when I thought that my days would be filled with cool "field trips" and awesome outings and instead I'm a real STAY AT HOME mom.
This makes for some creative outings on our part and has made for some interesting times. Believe me, there are some awesome free/inexpensive things to do around here!!!
You just never know what's going to happen so in the interem SAVE SAVE SAVE and look at your budget in a way that you have never looked at it before.

Additionally, the other mom's are spot on in saying that this is harder than working sometimes. It doesn't matter if we wake up with the stomach flu or a headache, there are no sick days, no more leisurely lunches, no quiet down time in the car on the way home from work to unwind... it's 24/7/365 MOMMY TIME.

But (there's always a BUT) when you get to lay in bed with your child during nap time and they whisper things to you that you otherwise would not have heard, or when you SEE them learn something that you would have missed, or when you get to go somewhere that you NEVER would have gone - Those are the moments that take your breath away and restore your sanity. Those are the moments that we live for.

Good luck with your decision.
Whatever it is, it will be the right one.


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Don't assume that your work place would say no. In the days of telecommuting, who knows what's possible? Listen to the other SAHM's and follow your heart, but don't discount your workplace, especially if you've had a good relationship with them. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

It can be difficult to stay home. Sometimes I think my patience is so thin and that I have not done a superb job on any given day with the kids, and I wish they were in the care of someone who is paid to care for them well (like a quality center). Then, when I get home from work I'd be a better Mommy and value my time with them more. This is, of course, if you love your job and it pays well, which fits your case.
Just know what you are getting into. Also, my kids don;t want to be home all day, so we spend a lot of time out at play places, classes, etc. This isn't free, so honestly a good FUN daycare would not be so hard to fathom, but with 3 I can't afford full-time daycare. I also think that most days I do a good job. One person is one person, though, and at least a center has many teachers, and their job ends at 6pm or so. :)


answers from Dallas on

If you love your job I would say don't quit. You don't have to be a stay at home mom to be a good mom. However, It sounds like you really want to stay home, but you don't think your husband really wants you to. Don't assume it. Have a talk with him and don't get defensive. In the end find a compromise. Whether that means tightening your budget now, working another year and saving your entire paycheck so that you will have a buffer when you do quit, or finding something part-time, or whatever the two of you figure out. Just figure it out together so no one is resentful.

I have a home business. If you are interested in something like that. 10-15 hours per week would be enough to build your own......then contact me and I'll tell you more about it.

Best of Luck whatever you decide,



answers from Dallas on

Hello N.,

lots of great responses already. you should follow your heart, your kids are young only once. with that said.... providing for your children is also a part of being a parent. it's not an easy choice. I did it once and went back to work 8 years later. I was hoping for part-time but was offered a full time job. well, we're doing OK. but we eat out a lot more now. before you quit your job, look around the house and see what furniture is on the brink of needing replacement. make a list and replace/upgrade now, like others said, put your salary aside and see how you would do with one salary. don't forget about setting money aside for IRA's for both of you. kid's college money, I don't know about your parent's age, but do you send them some money from time to time? of course all of those things are not more important than your children. if you can pad your money reserves with at least 12 months expenses, I would do that first. I remember when I stopped working it took a couple of years to use the 'extra' money from my salary. after that is when I really had to start looking at expenses closely (which I should have done to begin with...) so I recommend that you move the money from your salary to a separate account so is not in your main checking account and see how you do for a few months. I feel like I'm rambling... You'll be fine =) With God's help you'll be OK. Pray about it and plan. take a close look at where the money goes. Good luck with your decision! ~C.~



answers from Dallas on

If your heart tells you to stay home... I say follow your heart if you can afford it. I really believe that no one will look back on their life and say - "I wish I had worked more and been home with my kids less."

I have worked full time, part time and stayed home full time... I currenty have 3 kids - 13, 11 and 7 and work part time - a time will come that I may go full time again - that is just not what life had in the plan for me right now (we have had a lot of other life circumstances that warranted me being home).

The advice below to set aside your income and just live on one is very sound advice - I also liked the advice to try being home a couple weeks - see how it works - not every mom loves being a stay at home mom.

Follow your heart and your budget... best of luck. I believe kids do best with happy, well adjusted parents!



answers from Reno on

I wish I could stay home so if you can afford it, I'd say sit down with your husband and put together a realistic budget with enough money for emergencies and if it is possible then stay home. 3 kids is a lot of work, but these are little people you're raising and I can't think of anything better for them than to have a mom who is right there raising them. All my sisters are stay at home and love it.



answers from Dallas on

Hi N.,

I understand your delima. I too am going through the same thing. I'd say if you can work it out definitely stay home. I recently started my photography business in hopes of being able to quit my day job and suppliment some of my income so I can at least be at home more. My heart is so aching these days.. my boys are growing up so fast, and I feel I am missing out on everything.

Hang in there!



answers from Wichita Falls on

I love what Christine said.

Staying at home is a will never regret it. I am a full time teacher and I see the children whose parents come to everything...they don't have to miss out on things because of work.... children LOVE seeing their parents, and being with them!

Good luck to you in every way in the new year!



answers from Dallas on

I am a SAHM mom and I absolutely LOVE It, and so does my husband. I too quit my job with a great salary, car allowance, expense account, etc. and have never regretted it not even for a minute. I sent my daughter to daycare for the first two years of life and finally decided that I could not do it anymore. I quit my job and we made huge sacrifices, we went down to one car and cut a lot of things out of the budget. It has totally been worth it and God has definitely provided for us, we are now back to two cars and have everything that we could ever want or imagine. My daughter obviously benefits by me being home because she has a full time mommy but my husband and I benefit as well. When I was working I was always stressed about getting the house work done, or cooking dinner, getting time off to spend with the family, etc. All that stress is gone now, don't get me wrong dinner is not always on the table and the house is not immaculate but I have a lot less stress. My husband benefits because I am not completely exhausted from "working" all day when he gets home and I actually have time for him.

There are soo many advantages for staying at home, and it is wonderful for the whole family structure. I am sure you will love it and you are not going to regret it. In the beginning it will be really weird but after about a month you will be getting into the groove. Good Luck =)



answers from Dallas on

i've worked full time, stayed at home and now work part time. i'm happiest working. i would prefer full time but economy hasn't provided that job as of yet. in your situation, if you love your job, then give it a trial run at home before you decide to leave it. try to live off of one income for a few months, banking yours for savings. know what you are getting into. if you find out that you love it, then put together the money needed to quit and quit. or put a deadline on it, say "when i get pregnant and as soon as i'm on your insurance, i'll quit." make this a logical decision though.


answers from Dallas on

Hi N.,
If I had stayed in my engineering job, I would be earning over $100K now. But I don't regret leaving it at all. But being home is harder than working for sure as some others have pointed out.
One other thing to consider is that the kids need someone home as they get older. I have seen so many of my sons' friends get into trouble and go down the wrong road as middle schoolers. They were too old for daycare and just ran around the neighborhood until their parents would get home.
One of the hardest things for me was missing adult companionship. I started a home-based business and that worked great for me. If that interests you let me know.
Good luck and go with your heart.

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