Stay in Bed Already??

I hear you on the out of bed thing, we just went through that w/dd 2 1/2. The first 3 wks were great she just went to bed but then she started getting out only at nite nap was still fine, it got to the point where she would go to bed @ 8pm & finally go to sleep about 10:30 or 11 extremely overtired and then would be awful the next day. Well we finally said to ourselves maybe she isn't ready for a big bed, all kids are different, so I got the extra crib out of storage put it in her room, she is a much happier child, she goes to sleep right away her behavior has done a 180 in terms of not throwing a tantrum every day all day long...Some kids just aren't ready for the freedom a big bed gives them.

I was worried about stepping backward into the crib again but I think her sanity and mine are more important than the hype that going back to a crib will be psychologically damaging, she's 2 she doesn't even ask to sleep in her big bed even though it is still set up (bunk beds sis has top).

She enjoys playing on it, we will revisit sleeping in it in about 6 mo. but for now she is happy this way.

Good luck to you.

How about trying to cut out the nap or make it shorter? Perhaps your child is having problems getting to sleep at night because she is just not tired. We had problems with this when our youngest turned 2. She'll be 3 next month, and rarely takes a nap during the day now. Our 6 year old, on the other hand, almost always falls asleep when she gets home from kindergarten, and then doesn't go to bed until about 9 or 9:30 pm.

I have the same problem with my three year old. I read just last night that said it could be a control issue. At this age, they want to test how much control they have. The article suggested sticking to your normal routine and when it is time to go to sleep let her know that you are going to sit on the end of the bed for 5 minutes. Set a timer and then when it 'bings' you and her will know it's time to go to sleep. It seems like my three year old can fight sleep at night for the longest time, I hope this works. I thought about starting in on Monday night (I don't know why I always try new things on Mondays:)?) Good Luck, I hope this works for both of us!

Hi, J..
I don't know if there is any right answer for your situation. My kids all stopped taking naps by the time they were two, and have never had problems going to bed at night and sleeping through the night. But I sure miss nap times! I have girlfriends who's kids still take naps at 4 years old and they still sleep well at night too??? I think you just need to find out for yourself what your daughter needs. Maybe she needs to nap earlier in the day if you want her in bed by 8? Maybe let her stay up til 9? My kids all go to bed at 9pm are up between 730 and 8 no naps. I hope you find what works for you:)

maybe back off on the potty training? is it stressful for her? is it becoming a struggle for you? then you need to back off. it should be enjoyable for both of you - never stressful.

is she scared of the dark? im sure you have a night light or something? try a white noise machine or a cd of some white noise - we have a cd called 'for crying out loud' - my son (and my husband) are addicted to the vacuum track! :P it blocks out those little sounds that may annoy or worry her.

if you are comfortable with it, could someone lay with her until she falls asleep? or lay in the room with her? it seems like it could start a bad habit - but when you fulfill your child's needs, they move on, if you dont, then something else goes awry. follow your instinct. im sure something in your heart is telling yuo what your daughter needs... just listen to it! :D
www.askdrsears.com is a good source of info.

perhaps she needs to go to bed earlier. sometimes kids who are too tired have trouble falling asleep, as silly as that sounds... so try pushing it up??

I didn't read the other responses yet, but have you tried to put her to bed a little earlier? My daughter did the same thing, and it went away when we started getting her in bed by 7-7:30pm. If we got her in bed after 7:30, she seemed to get a second wind and was a bear to get down. Good luck, remember it will pass!

I didn't read through all of the responses, so hopefully I am not repeating. Since she is up at 6/6:30, she should really be taking her nap by 12:00 the latest. Then if she's up by 2:00, she will probably be more ready for bedtime by 7:30. Maybe sleeping till 3:00 keeps her from being tired enough to go to bed at night. It seems that she is so tired by 1:00 that she just crashees for her nap. I would try feeding her lunch at 11:00 and then putting her down for her nap by 11:50.

J.,
Some would not agree, but I take my advice from Supernanny. Did you see the episode where the mom had to put the kid back to bed 70-some times in one night? Yes, it was terrible that first night, but he eventually got the picture - Mom's not giving in, I may as well go to bed. In subsequent nights, it got less and less. With kids, it's really all about consistency. If you consistently cater to her crying by picking her back up, rocking her more, laying down with her, etc, she will consistently need those things to go to sleep. However, if you set up the expectation that it's bedtime and she needs to stay in bed, she will eventually get the picture. You have to stick with it, though, or it will never work. Go through your normal bedtime routine, and put her to bed. Tell her specifically while laying her down, "Stay in bed." Kiss her goodnight and leave the room. When you hear her get up, go into the room, leave the lights off, pick her up and place her back in bed without saying anything (no more good night kisses and whispers of affection). Repeat this process as many times as necessary! If you must say something to her, wait until your fourth or fifth time going back in. Simply say, "It's time to go night night. Stay in bed." Keep it super simple and try your best to not talk at all each time you go in. She may throw a huge fit and continue to scream and cry, and she may get out of bed 70 times the first night, but if you stick with it, she'll get the picture. It may take a week or so for this to catch on, and plan on it being a rough week, but now's the time to fix this. If you don't fix it now, she may keep this up until age 5 or 6. It takes a long while to outgrow bad sleep habits!
Best of luck in whatever you decide!
Amy K

My daughter did/does the same thing. I don't get it either. Lately she refuses to go to sleep in her bed, she falls asleep in our room and then we move her. Not ideal, but better than the constant screaming and putting her back.

When our daughter was 2, she did the exact same thing. Honestly, it was just a little phase that she has since outgrown. We would put her in her bed and do the same routine each night. However, once she started to get out of bed, we told her that we would need to start taking things away. We would take away her stuffed animal, her blanket etc. if she was up for no reason. She would still lay in her bed and talk/play for 30-45 minutes each night but she stopped getting out of bed. Now that we are working on "night potty training" we had to explain to her that she can get out of bed but only to go to the bathroom. Hopefully it's just a phase and your daughter will grown out of it. I'm sure she's just testing her level of independence. Good luck!

I'll leave it to others to tell you what to do. I don't really know, because for me discipline is such and all-around and interrelated thing. I'm not very good at isolating a single problem, habit, etc.. and knowing what might work without knowing all about the child (her temperament, history, etc..), the family, and the relationship involved. But I did want to caution against comparing too closely naptime and bedtime behaviors. I can attest even in my own emotional experience that dark changes everything. I recently heard it mentioned in terms of biorhythms, and a couple of weeks ago, when I called a friend to see how she was doing after her miscarriage she broke down on the phone, commenting that it's usually okay, but after dark...(I had called her just as the sun had set). So make room for more emotional needs when the sunshine's gone!

Its just a stage she's going through. Don't give in. Offer to take down the gate if she stays in bed, but if she doesn't then put the gate back up. How about a nice calming bath before stories? That use to work for me.

I am in the same boat you are (except my son is 3 and no where close to potty training) but everything else is the same. It is very hard and tiring, if you find something that works, let me know please. I have tried the suppernanny way and after 3 hours he was still getting out of bed and leaving his room. We did finally end up putting a gate up, but that just started a whole new thing, now he just wants to sleep on the floor in front of the gate (still takes him over an hour to fall asleep), he refuses to sleep in his bed or on his little couch, even if i put it infront of the gate. And his room is the coldest room in the house, so I hate him sleeping on the floor. If I move him to his bed after he falls alseep, he automatically wakes up and we have to start all over again.
Good Luck and I hope we can both get some sleep soon.

My daughter doesn't sleep. We told her that at night she doesn't need to go to sleep right away, just stay in bed. She will stay and talk to her "babies" for hours (sometimes she's still awake at midnight), but she stays in bed.

For naptime, she can get up to play, but she must stay in her room and she does need to lay down to take her nap after a while.

This has been a real good compromise for both of us. It has given her some of the control that she needs, while I still get her to (eventually) sleep without arguements.

Have you talked to her about it? Asked her what is bothering her? Is she scared of something, missing you, etc.?

Maybe she just needs some extra time from you to help her relax to sleep. I would try laying with her for a while or until she falls asleep, maybe tickling her back or cuddling. It could just be a phase where she needs a little more attention at bedtime. I would go with it and help her fall asleep. She wont be doing it forever trust me!

I'm still co-sleeping and nursing my 23 month old to sleep,and I probably spend less time than you getting her to sleep because there is no struggle. We cuddle, lay down, nurse and she is out in 20 minutes. I just think in a situation like this a toddler needs more love and less discipline/distance. You may be surprised at how quickly she goes to sleep with you laying with her. It's worth a try!

Oh and I would also recommend a slightly earlier bedtime. Like 7:30?

I just heard Dr. Ray Guarendi, clinical psychologist and parenting "expert" give some excellent advice on these issues. You can see the essence of his approach at http://www.drray.com/tips/bedtimes.htm. Good luck!

I think your bedtime and naptime are ok, pretty similar to what we do... nap 2:30-4:30ish (so a little later then your's but about the same length of time) and then bed time between 8-8:30pm, and wakes up around 7:30am. Our daughter will be 3 in August.

Our daughter did test us a month or two after she turned 2 years old, she was seeing what she could get away with. She would stay up till 9-10 at night and the next day she would be cranky. For us we put her down between 8-8:30pm, said goodnight and closed her bedroom door. At times she would get up pound and scream at the door, after 10-15 mins of this I would go in say 'it is bed time' (nothing more) & put her down again. If she got up again screaming & pound at the door I would go in not saying a word to her, put her back in bed and walk out closing the door behind me (so 2nd time say nothing). This usually got the message through to her. Every once in awhile we would have to go in a 3rd or 4th time, again saying nothing just putting her back in bed. Now she goes down easier, sometimes talks to herself but is asleep within 30 mins.

I would not budge on when you put her down (so whatever time you pick for bedtime go with it) we do not go past 8:30pm unless on very rare occasions like a wedding. After that we would notice her getting over tired and was a brat for us when putting her down. So I agree fully with the other 2 posts, be consistent and eventually you daughter will learn that this is the way it is and we as parents will not budge on this matter.

PS I am jealous that you are already potty training, my daughter has no interest in it whatsoever... I hope everything starts to calm down in the evening so it will be more a relaxing rest/night for everyone!

Hi Juli! I have been there 3 times with my girls and it's not easy. What we had to do and I've seen it on "SuperNanny" of all places. When she wakes and just put her back in her bed without saying anything to her. If your doing the gate thing do the same thing. If she goes to the gate crying pick her up without saying a word and put her back into her bed. It will take a few nights, but let me tell you it works!! Good luck! :0)

Hi J.,

I think children just have to try their parents every once in awhile...unfortunately they don't give in easily, especially if they think you will. That's why the two best rules I have are to be consistent and follow through, always....sometimes the rules are harder for us, than our munchkins, but the outcome from following these rules is the best for everyone involved.

I do somewhat agree with your other post...you might try putting her to bed an hour earlier at night, although I wouldn't change her naptime....for some reason this sometimes helps.

C.

Did you adjust the time due to daylight savings time? I think you need to change nap time an hour earlier and bed needs to be earlier. My guess is your daughter is overtired. We've been through that and it turned out overtired was the key. Good Luck!