Stay at Home moms.what Do Yall Do???

Updated on June 13, 2011
J.C. asks from Kaufman, TX
29 answers

hello ladys, im a stay at home mother of 3:) i love bein a stay at home mother/wife but whats really getting to me is my husband he says he dosent want me going to work but yet i always have to ask him for money he never just offers me any of you stay at home mom's go threw this??? how do yall go about getting money from ur husbands are do yalls just ask yall do u need money? and another thing that is getting the best of me if im still asleep when my husband gets ready to leave for work he will not kiss me bye are say anything he just leaves how many of ur husbands do this? are am i just bein crazy? thankyou for any info:) have a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!!!

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answers from Norfolk on

I think you guys definitely need to have a joint bank account, i have never met a couple with separate money that didn't end up getting divorced.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

My husband and I have a joint account. We have an agreement that if we are going to spend more then $20 we discuss it with the other beforehand. But I don't ask him for money.
As far as the goodbyes in morning my husband leaves at 5:30am and I would be really unhappy if he woke me up that early just to say goodbye. Every night before we go to sleep we tell each other to have a good day the next day and then he calls me about 9am to say good morning and we talk for a few minutes about the day's plans.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

If I need money I just go get some. If things are tight my husband lets me know ahead of time. Other than that I spend when I need to and sometimes when I want :) We have an agreed apon amount that we don't spend without consulting each other. If you aren't on the accounts you definitely should be. I mean if only for the sake of an emergency.

My hubby doesn't always kiss me goodbye either. Usually it is because he has a one track focus and forgets. It's not because he is trying to be mean, it's just because he doesn't multi-task :) I once asked him if he wanted me to get up and he said NO! Sleep while you can! So I do LOL

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from Kansas City on

Even when two people work there are times when we have to ask each other for money. He's just not thinking from day to day about what you need or even just want. He just pictures you sitting home with baby all day.

But let me give you a little piece of advice and PLEASE, take it. Get up with your husband. I know it feels good to stay in bed. But a man thrives on being respected and he will feel respected when you get up and are awake while he's getting ready for work. He's NOT going to come and wake you up and kiss you goodbye when he's been getting ready by himself and grumbling inside about how you get to lay around and sleep while he has to be up getting ready for work. Better yet, be up and busy. Let him see you hustling around sweeping, wiping down the counters, offering him some breakfast or making him a lunch for work. Let him SEE what you do. I suspect that if you make it more visibly clear to him that you are up doing your JOB, he will think more about what you need financially.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

Your Husband is either:
1) totally dense or,
2) he has control issues, and him not 'letting' you have money is his way of controlling you. Thus, you have to 'ask' for money, like a child.

Now, you are both married. I HOPE to heck, that your name is on the accounts AND that you both have JOINT accounts???
You are a SAHM. You, need to have your own financial/credit history too. And if your name is not on the accounts, then how the heck does he expect you to have any credibility?

And, before you were married, did you have your own money and accounts??? If so, then where did those accounts go? I assume, it was YOUR account, and your own individual checking or saving account???
-Did you get rid of those accounts, when you got married????
- Or did you never have... your own bank account???

Next: in addition to your question- your Husband, SHOULD have, a 'Retirement Account' for you . Because you do not work, you cannot start one yourself or contribute to it. I hope, your Husband has a Retirement account for you???
Also- I hope he has medical insurance for your and pays for that???
Also- I hope he has dental insurance for you and pays for that???
Also- I hope, your Husband is paying for AND taking care of his child??? What about your child's diapers/soap/shampoo/shoes/clothing/jackets/sunscreen/toothbrushes/toothpaste/underwear etc.? Does your Husband pay for that or do it himself???

How the heck, does he expect you to do things for the home and yourself and your child, much less grocery shop, if he does not give you money... and makes you ask for it?????

I would, really sit down and think about this.

Again- he is either:
1) Totally dense, or
2) very controlling over you and what you do and does not give you anything to have necessities and makes you ask for it.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

We look at everything that my husband makes as OUR money-not primarily his because he is the one that earns it. I earn it keeping our life together. I have never once felt bad about buying a single thing for myself and my husband 100% supports this. I would never dream of having to 'ask' him for money. That would not fly with me whatsoever. We are an equal partnership.
If I were you I would just proceed like you feel it is equally your money. Do not ASK him for it-TELL him. Also you need to have a joint checking account. You need this for your own financial safety as well.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Why is it that you have to ask for money? How do you pay for groceries and stuff? Is the money in a bank account only in his name? You should have a joint account so that you both have access. Or maybe have your own account and have your husband or the bank set up regular transfers into your account of your allotted spending money.
As for kissing you goodbye, maybe he thinks he's doing you a favor by letting you sleep. ask him to wake you up for a kiss if that's what you want. All you have to do is Speak up girl!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

i do the bills. i give each of us an 'allowance' to spend on whatever you want (so there's no arguments) and the rest pays the bills/savings.
we kiss hello and goodbye every day. just tell him that's important to you. he may be being considerate and doesn't want to wake you

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Albany on

Hopefully, it just hasn't occurred to him that it's customary for married couples to have joint bank accounts? Tell him today the two of you need to go to the bank and open up a joint account, plus have both names on any credit card accounts. That way you both have access to what you need.

On the rare occasion my husband gets up before me, no he would not wake me up to kiss me goodbye. But I like to get up before him to get the coffee going and make everyone's morning nice and stress free.


4 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

My mom stayed at home for many years and worked part-time when we were older. There's not a day in her life that she asked my dad for money. In fact, she would deposit his pay check and even after that became direct deposit, she would go to the bank once a week and take out cash for both of them and give HIM money. I used to joke that she would give him his weekly allowance, but really all he needed was money for coffee, lunch, gas and picking up a couple gallons of milk. She paid all of the bills and did all of the shopping. They had joint banking accounts and credit cards.

You should sit down together and do a monthly budget that includes spending money for both of you. You should have a joint account where most of the money goes and use that to pay the bills, and you can each have a separate account for spending money. He can direct deposit a set amount into that account with each paycheck.

You shouldn't have to "ask" for money in your marriage. You are a grown woman, not a child on an allowance.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

When I was a stay at home mom I would go to the bank when I needed money or get cash back when I deposited his checck.

Why on god's earth would you want someone to wake you up?

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

You work just as hard for the family as he does. As a SAHM you need to protect yourself financially (we never know what is going to happen).You need to have 100% access to a joint bank account. If you want to go back to work, I think that is something you both need to really discuss - ultimately it is your future. I have asked my husband to wake me up if he leaves while I am still asleep, I would like to say bye to him just as much as I want to know he is leaving. Good luck

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I don't ask for money - I have the Discovercard, the Debit card, and the checkbook. I don't need cash...
I keep track of the finances.
I keep the house.
I keep the children.
If I need something, I get it. I am frugal to a fault. I don't purchase anything unless it's on sale or on the clearance rack.
My husband doesn't kiss me if I'm asleep. He is considerate and doesn't want to wake me. I appreciate that.
We talk on the phone a few times during the day. My husband loves me and I love him. I certainly don't need him to wake me up at 4:30am to tell me that.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Please do not be offended.. if this is a joke, please ignore and consider not posting on here, we are using our time to help people that really need help. if this is for real, please read on..

Just use your debit card.
Cash a check.
How on earth do you grocery shop?
At the check out make it for $50. more each visit.. If you do not spend it that week, stash the rest and save the rest for an emergency stash..

Andy yes, if you want a kiss before he leaves, either leave him a note each morning, or wake up 10 min before he leaves and go and get one from him.

Oh dear, I just read some of the other responses.. you DO have your name on all of the money accounts don't you?

You need to have your name on them. You are a partner in this marriage. Taking care of children and maintaining a home is an investment. This is saving your family $10,000's of a year!

You work everyday all day and night every day. You are making sure your children are learning, fed, clean, and safe. You do the laundry, you cook, you clean and are a personal assistant to your husband. There is no way he could afford this if something happened to you.

in case of emergency what if he gets conked on the head (an accident I am sure) and he is in a coma? You need to be able to continue to pay bills and take care of your kids. IF you do not have access, you go to the bank today and get forms for him to fill out so you can be on ALL of these accounts.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Madison on

I am a SAHM as well. My husband and I have joint bank accounts. I am free to take out money whenever I need to. I take care of our kids, the house and pay our bills. This is my contribution to our family. Do you have a joint account? Your own credit card? You should have these things so you can build up your own credit history. You should not have to ask for money like you are a child.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I am a SAHM.
We have two joint checking accounts.
He is the primary on the household account, I am the primary on the "deployment" account, the account he uses when he is deployed. Now that he is stateside I put money into the deployment account and he uses that one for his gas and coffees etc,. He goes through about $200 a month.
I run the house, all bills, kids, school, dr appts, vet, car maintenance, house maintenance. HUbby doesn't want any part of it.

My hubby does not want to wake me so does not kiss me on the way out at 5am. He does when he gets home though.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

My wife and I have "fun money". We both get the same amount. We account to each other for the money we spend, except for the "Fun Money". My wife and I buy each other presents out of the fun money. If I want a steak and she doesn't or we don't feel we can afford it as a companionship, sometimes I will buy it out of my fun money if I really want one. If she wants a box of fancy granola bars, she buys it out of her fun money. The regular ones come out of our regular food budget.

I saved my fun money for a long time and bought my wife a cruise for our anniversary. She asked where I got the money. We are on a tight budget. When I told her it was out of my fun money, she was extremely happy and very forgiving. We had lots of fun.

I rarely ask my wife for money and she has the checkbook. Every month she gives me the fun money in my hand or on my desk. I can't remember the last time I had to ask for it.

Good luck to you and yours.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Providence on

I used to get into arguments with my husband when he would not leave me any money. Mostly for groceries, etc..However, now, I just go myself and bring him the reciept. I ask him what the maximum amount I should spend on such and such, and will then just go myself( my husband takes care of all of our finances, and budgets, etc. I am terrible with math and savings, anything to do with finances) . I also returned to my previous full time job, but only work one day a week. The money from my paycheck is mine to spend it one whatever. He does however, save some money from his paycheck , and puts it in an account for me( something I only found out recently..pretty sweet I thought).
If my husband does not kiss me goodbye when he leaves for work, I will call him and tell him goodbye, and remind him that he forgot to kiss me. He now will kiss me goodbye, and says I love you. You never can be sure of tomorrow, only the present. I have had so many people who have passed away, and have their loved ones regret their last moments together. Saying goodbye and I love you is so important.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Bismarck on

If you want to stay at home and your husband wants that too, you should have a joint account so that don't have to ask for money.
If you would like your husband to wake you up and kiss you good-bye in the mornings, that you'll have to ask for.
Good Luck!

P.S. I very much enjoyed listening to your accent while I read your post. I have relatives down south and I can hear them all in the way you write. I love it!! Thank you!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

We have our money budgeted / have several linked accounts

check gets deposited
x amount for bills & transportation costs (set aside in a separate acct)
y amount for groceries (pulled out in cash)
z amount for HIM (put in his personal account)
z amount for MOI (put in my personal account)
a amount for kiddo's school (put in a separate acct)
... whatever is left over at the end of 2 weeks gets put in savings. We leave the remainder in the "incoming" account for emergencies (car repair, bdays, etc.) and then the day before we get paid it gets moved into savings.

((His spending money, and my spending money are IDENTICAL. ALL of our personal needs -clothes, hair, entertainment, etc.- come out of our personal money. We each get the same amount every 2 weeks. Grocery & Household money is theoretically 'up for grabs' but in reality I do 98% of the grocery shopping, so I'm the one usually walking around with it.))

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Cumberland on

I'm the one who does the bills in the house and we each have a debit card for our joint checking account. No need to ask for money.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

My husband transfers money into my account once a month when he gets paid. I pay for all the household stuff, groceries, kid stuff and anything I need. "My" account is actually our joint account but I'm the only one who uses it. I made him open his own account years ago because we had a hard time using one account, he would always write checks or withdraw money without telling me! We also have separate credit card accounts. If I ever need more money I just ask for it, sometimes he grumbles, but as long as he has it, he gives it to me.
My husband kisses me goodbye every morning, I insist on it (and he likes to!) Even if I'm still in bed, I usually wake up for a few minutes and talk to him a little bit. We've been together almost twenty years :)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Williamsport on

Wake up early to see him off sometimes. You feel neglected because he leaves with no kiss. He feels neglected because you sleep through his departure. Get a joint account! I'm a sahm, but my husband travels so I do all of our finances and bills. Luckily this way I just use the money for what we need and don't have to "ask". That would be super annoying after a while!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

I work, but ran into the problem of my husband spending money and me not and me getting frustrated that he was spending all the money. We agreed that the first of the month one of us would go to the bank (usually him) and get out spending money for both of us for the month and that we wouldn't have to answer to each other about how much we spent (it's not a lot of money). It seems to work pretty well for us.

I'm always up when he leaves as our kids get up really early, but I would love it if he were more protective of my sleep. Maybe that's what yours is trying to do--I don't know.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Sherman on

I am also a sahm of 3, and a Mary Kay Consultant. I set my own schedule and work around my families activities. I make my own money that pays for private preschool plus fun spending money for myself or buying my husband surprises. I was also able to pay half of our family vacation to St Thomas for Spring Break.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

You need to get added to his checking and savings accounts and get a debit card for those accounts! You should have that already!

My husband will always kiss me goodbye and also when he comes home if I'm napping. Most times, I wish he'd just let me sleep!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

I've asked my husband to kiss me goodbye even if I'm asleep. I tell him if anything ever happened to him, I know he at least kissed me goodbye that morning.

We've always had a joint account and our own debit/credit cards, so I use mine as needed. I've never had to ask for money on daily purchases. Bigger purchases, like a $250 DS, we always talk about before buying.

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answers from Houston on

You should get a joint bank account, or a card that accesses his. After all you are caring for 4 while he needs only to worry about himself (spending money wise) I am a stay at home of 2 and everything is in my name. All spending is agreed upon 50/50 and big expenditures are discussed at length.

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answers from San Antonio on

If I need money I tell my husband. How much money he gives me or tells me to take out of the bank depends on what it is for and the budget. We are on a tight budget without much room for extra spending. Of course he doesn't spend money on extras either. And while he handles the money, we do go over things together every pay day so I know what our financial situation is.

When my husband worked days I got up with him 90% of the time. If I was in bed when it was time for him to leave he did not kiss me goodbye or say goodbye. He always said he wasn't sure if I was awake and didn't want to bother me.

Since he is working nights right now I am always awake when he leaves for work. I am not always awake when he come home though. If I'm alseep he does not wake me up purposely unless he needs me for something. He doesn't kiss me good morning either, but I have bad morning breath so I don't blame him :-) I am not bothered if my husband does not kiss me goodbye or good morning because I am in bed. If I'm sleeping I'd rather not be bothered honestly.

Edit to add: If you ask for money and your husband gives it to you, maybe y'all could set up a bank account just for you. My dad did that for my mom. He put money in it once a month and she could spend it however she wanted. It is easier than asking for money, and you know how much is available if only you are using the account.

1 mom found this helpful
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