Stay at Home Moms- Wish You Were Back at Work?

Updated on April 22, 2008
S.R. asks from Waterford, MI
63 answers

I love being home with my two daughters... most of the time. But I really do miss having a career too. I sometimes feel like my brain needs some exercise other than singing "the itsy bitsy spider." My husband and I think it is important for me to be home with the girls, but sometimes I think I would be a better mom and wife if I had at least a part time job. Am I the only one?

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C.S.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi S.,

I am a stay-at-home mom and loving it since I've had my own business for 2 1/2 years now. I felt the same way you do. I love my family and enjoy spending the days with my kids (twins age 6), but needed some adult interaction. I wanted and needed something of my own. I would love to share my business opportunity with you. Give me a call or email me at ###-###-#### or [email protected]____.com luck!
C.

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R.O.

answers from Detroit on

Hi S.! I too was a stay at home Mom for 3 years while my husband traveled frequently. I desparately needed adult interaction and something else to focus on for a while. I went back to work 3 days a week and I feel I am a better Mom and wife because of it. My boys love their babysitter and their new friends and I am very happy with my decision. Do what is best for you!

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B.H.

answers from Detroit on

Hi S., I to have been really thinking about getting back to work. At least part time! I love my boy's sooo much, but I feel like adult conversation and interaction really is needed again! I feel bad when I start to think about it. The main things go through my mind, like leaving them, daycare!!!, cost of day care, and mostly missing them grow up! It is so hard I am still wieghing my options!!

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L.C.

answers from Saginaw on

It sounds like you're feeling restless and under-used... looking for something to 'fix' your experience day to day.

Have you read any of the research about happiness? One of the things researchers always note is that people are hilariously (or tragically, kinda depends on your sense of humour) bad at guessing in advance what will make them happy. They are pretty good at determining what is making them unhappy, but seem to glom onto the most familiar, most obvious or most popular option as THE solution that will make them happier. And it usually doesn't work.

You getting a job isn't a matter (any more) of you putting on your duds and swishing elegantly out of the house. There is daycare, and its attendant fears and costs. Daycare is notoriously unreliable -- people move on, their circumstances change, and very rarely do parents get any notice before they suddenly find themselves having to find replacement care while they're working and don't have time to find it. There is the cost of daycare, which for many women is exactly what they gross -- meaning that their family will have a net loss of income after expenses. You have to want to work real bad to pay to go. There are two other little people, who may be more or less willing to go along with your plan, to organize, make ready beforehand and reconnect with at the end of each shift. Many mothers find that *alone* is too much stress to be worth whatever the job is supposed to give them.

If you feel like your life is missing out on input, there are a zillion ways -- what with the internet and the library and the museum and your own neighbourhood -- to enrich your life. You just need to set about doing it. 'Getting a job' is an easy way to do it, but how much has that got to do with who you are or who you want to become? Personalizing a part-time job is very difficult, and most of the work available isn't exactly personal-satisfaction material.

Have you an instrument you've wanted to learn to play? Many instructors will come to your house, and are happy to have kids around -- they may even bring their own. Learning anything new, particularly something challenging, will bring you back to yourself very effectively.

Have you thought about writing a book? The research you need to do may be all the additional input you need -- and it may be the lack of tangible 'products' of your life that make you yearn for 'completed work.' I knew a mom who took up sewing just so she could have something she had 'finished' at the end of any given week.

Do you get out to mom+kids events? You may simply be pining for the routine contact with casual acquaintences that so many workplaces provide - no pressure to become friends or make arrangements to see each other, but there's a collection of people you get used to in that location.

You may be feeling unsure of your direction (a very common experience for moms) and looking for a way to get feedback about yourself and your performance. While that may be something that is offered from time to time, it won't meet your needs for 'knowing how you're doing' according to your values and goals.

The sad fact is that unless you know your values and goals, you cannot assess whether or not you're living them, or even whether you're living up to your own standards of excellence (or mediocrity). While it may be simpler and easier to look to other people for that feedback, you're all grown up now, and need to look to your own standards, values and goals for the feedback. The thing is, no one else (not even in a job) can or will hold your feet to the fire, to make you strive toward the excellence and mastery you need in life to feel good about yourself.

No one but you can do it. Happily, now you have the time, and clearly have the energy, to do it.

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M.L.

answers from Detroit on

You are not alone! I too stayed home after having my firstborn. After about 10 months I needed an out. I started substitute teaching (I was a full-time teacher before). Then I moved to a more stable part-time job. I work 4 half days a week (4 hour shifts) and I love it! I get good adult conversation, challenging work, and I am in a much better place to have fun with my children. I find myself to be much more patient and kind with them. It isn't selfish to want a little time for you. We all want to have a little challenege and adult interaction in our lives.

Go for it!

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A.L.

answers from Detroit on

Hi S.,

I thought your email was very sweet. :) Well,in order for you to be the best for your girls, you have to be happy. Otherwise, it will come out in different negative ways withOUT you realizing it. If a stay at home mom (not you) is miserable, it will have a negative effect on her children. I feel that balance is the key. Meaning...you being able to be at your most positive(fulfilled). Maybe working 1 or 2 days a week? The key would be in providing daycare for your girls that you feel very good about (which I have had in the past, my children were excited to go to daycare!). This could also be very positive for your girls. I've witnessed a lot of children that can become insecure unless they are with their parents, or family members. If your children are mostly around you, and your family at all times they may be sheltered from experiences of learning to work things out with other children (withOUT you there) which prepares them for the real world. Bottom line, you need to do what YOU feel is in the best interest of you AND your girls.
Hope this was helpful,
A. ;)
p.s. My cousin is a teacher with a 2 yr. old daughter and she is pregnant (due now) with her 2nd child. She works 2 days a week and says that this is perfect for her and her daughter.

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K.V.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi S.,
I was a stay at home Mom. I quit working outside of the home when my 1st son was born. (He is now 30:) I am grateful to have raised 3 wonderful boys. I did it all, room mother, fun night chairwoman, Church volunteer.... But I am now in my early 50's & would like to find something of significance. It is just not out there. Everyone wants a great resume with experience. I am sorry now that I did not do some type of work outside of my home, just to get my foot in the door someplace. I was everything to everybody, now feel like I am alone. I do have a wonderful family & they are grateful that I was at home, but it does not do much for me now... I did run my own successful home business, but I would suggest to all my younger friends to find something that will give you something back. If you can swing it, I would find something to get you out & earn the respect of others outside of your family.

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K.G.

answers from Detroit on

I am totally with you S.. Living in a small rural community and being a SAHM can drive me crazy. I love my 3 boys (5, 4, 14months), and my husband, but there just had to be more to life. That's when I started my home based natural candle business. My 2 older boys love it too because they get to help me make them. I'm looking to start doing candlemaking classes (party style) so that I get to talk with people that don't say, "mommy" every 2 minutes or hit each other every 5. If you like/love candles, check out my website and see if you might be interested in starting your own business. www.cwlight.net/litesoflove or www.candlewealth.com/litesoflove. Even if you aren't interested in starting your own business, contact me if you might be up for having a class/"private pour" at your home. K.

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R.H.

answers from Detroit on

Hi S.,

You're not alone! I don't know any moms that went from working to staying at home that don't occassionaly wish they had a job to escape to every now and again.

If you're feeling like this all the time, though, you need to do something about it. If you're unsetteled, your children will feel it too. You're right in thinking that you're a better mom when you're happy.

Part-time jobs can be a strain on the family, though, depending on the hours that you work. Many moms try to do part time jobs in the evenings and weekends - but that means giving up the time you spend with your whole family when your husband is home.

Working from home can be a good solution. I subscribe to a site called Guru.com where you can look through open projects. I don't know what your background is, but they have a little bit of everything in there from graphic design to writing and even bookeeping.

Good luck!

--R.

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S.D.

answers from Grand Rapids on

I understand what you are saying. I am expecting my first child any day now, and already am wondering if i should stay part time at work. My sister is a stay at home mom, with 2 girls. She started working again, and it's only part time, but she said it's the best thing for her. She said that it's the best thing she can do for herself. She works in the family business so she doesn't have to go out to often, but someone else watches the girls during that time. Because of her, my husband and I have decided that when our daughter is about a year or so, I will get a part time job. Just something that allows me to interact with adults more, plus the little extra cash would never hurt. When I do work, though it will be at night or on the weekends, so someone is home with my daughter. I think being a stay at home mom is the best thing to do for kids, but at the same time, you have to make sure you are happy and taking care of yourself as well. Otherwise, you may resent the time you spend with your kids, and that's one thing you don't want to do.

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A.L.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hey S.! I know how you feel because I've been there too! What I've found is the "happy medium" for my family but especially for me. I was working for years in the medical field & it was making me ill as well as my family. So then I went to work about 32 hours a week at a health ins. co. & could not stand it any longer. I am an Independent Mary Kay Beauty Consultant & love my career & what positive influences I make in other womens lives! I can make a difference, have time for my family, & make money too. I'm thankful because I can make my own hours, get my 2 children to & from school, be with them after school & have dinner as a family which is very important to us. I also know that if I stayed home all the time I would go crazy! My children are 9(Kaitlyn) & 4 (Logan), Katilyn is in 3rd grade & Logan is in pre-school. My advice would be to find something part time & enjoy what you do, but will also allow you to spend time with your family & not lose yourself in the process. Being a mom is the most important job you'll ever do! I hope this helped & wish you the best! Sincerely, A. :) Have an awesome day! PS Here is my website in case you would like to see what the Mary Kay dream can offer you; www.marykay.com/allisonlandon

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J.B.

answers from Detroit on

Hearts-at-home.org, is a bb website that gives stay at home moms a place to chat, it's "Mission" is " It's the hardest job you will ever do. It comes with no salary, no training, and no time off. That is why Hearts at Home is so important. Founded in 1994, Hearts at Home exists to encourage, educate, and equip women in the profession of motherhood. We do this in many ways: events, magazine, Web site, referrals... Continue >>"

Another great support would be mops.org, Mothers of preschoolers help provide moms with a great environment to build friendships, complete projects, grow as women, moms and wives and have fun. Meet usually 2 times a month

And lastly,http://www.professionalmomsathome.org/ states " from career track to motherhood
providing support and enrichment to women who have elected
to stay at home full- or part-time with their children " It has great resources as well.

Hope it helps!

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L.C.

answers from Detroit on

You're not the only one!
I also was a preschool teacher before having my son (18 months ago). I had always planned on being a SAHM, but boy is it lonely some days!
This past fall I began teaching a Parent-Toddler class two mornings a week. It's just enough to get me out of the house for a few hours and interacting with other adults...and their toddlers, of course! It's really nice to have that "alone-time" in the car and to maybe even stop and get myself a coffee.
I feel that returning to work (even if it's just 4 hours a week) has had very positive benefits in my life. Maybe you could do some volunteer projects or find a job similar to mine with minimal hours. I was so nervous about it at first, but it's turned out to be amazing! Plus, I'm so excited to come back home on those days and go back into my SAHM routine! Good Luck!

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C.B.

answers from Detroit on

S., I hear you! After working for 12+ years at Ford, I was fortunate enough to "retire" last year and stay at home with our now 1-year-old. Our other children are 14, 13, & 11. I can tell you that the best thing I've done for myself and my family was become a Tupperware Consultant. I can set my own hours around my family's schedule (making day-care unnecessary), and I get to go out and have fun while making extra money. The discount I get on Tupperware ALONE has made this worthwhile for me. The friendship, training, support, and encouragement I have received has been priceless! I plan on moving up into management really soon and someday plan to be a Director. Tupperware has benefits available and I own my own business. You should check out my website and I even have an ad here on Mamasource. I would love to share this wonderful opportunity with you and discuss how Tupperware can fit into your life!
my2.tupperware.com/carriebuterbaugh

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A.C.

answers from Grand Rapids on

S. -
Can TOTALLY understand your feelings! Two ideas...

Go ahead and head back to work for just a few hours a week, maybe 10? I worked p/t when my first child was born - had to b/c hubby was in grad school. I don't think I would have chosen it if I didn't have to, but I ended up being really glad about the situation. I was a much better mom when I had that balance to my day. I didn't get so wrapped up in how clean the house was, etc. b/c there just wasn't time for that kind of fretting. After hubby graduated and we moved, I had baby #2 and have stayed home for the last 18 months. I have been SO needing that balance back and am now finally headed back to work p/t. At first, I was really nervous about it, but once I got into it, I remembered how much better it is for me to be able to nurture that other side of myself. I am a much better mom!

Idea 2... check out Mothers and More! It's a moms' group here in Grand Rapids that focuses on the "MORE" part of each woman. www.mothersandmore.org I've been a member since moving here and it has been fantastic. There are moms of all ages and stages. It's great to keep that balance. It's the only moms' group I've found that isn't focused primarily on the kids, or on our role as mother/wife/housekeeper but instead on us as women. Let me know if you want to know more or would like to come to a chapter meeting to check it out.

hth,
A.

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T.

answers from Detroit on

I work full time and hate it, I would love to stay at home with my son. I would give up anything just to be home with him. I miss him so much through the day and he is going to be 23 months soon. When I get home from work all I want to do is be with him and enjoy him. I'm so jealous of mom's who get to stay home. Enjoy your time with the kids.

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D.S.

answers from Detroit on

What you are feeling is completely justified. I went through the same thing. I am now ver happy working part-time again. Preparing snacks, reading books, going to the park....its all wonderful, but it wasn't enough for me! I often say the more challenging days are my stay-at-home days! I love to go to work....even though I'm working with children then too!

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A.D.

answers from Detroit on

Hi S.! Just like most of the other moms, I started a home business. I am a Project MAHMA! Moms at home making a difference and a lot of money. If you would like to learn more, visit my website at www.mywahmbiz.com or call me at ###-###-####. I would love to tell you more about it! ANGIE

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K.S.

answers from Detroit on

I am a mother and a grandmother. I used to be a nanny. I love children and animals. And I am very interested in health and nutrition.

Since starting my family, 25 years ago, I have taken vitamins/supplements, but they were always synthetic. The DAY I started Shaklee supplements I noticed a remarkable difference in my energy, and health!

I used to have my own cleaning business, and lets just say I know cleaning products, ones that do the best job with the quickest results. These products sell themselves. So you can trust me when I say ...I wished I'd known about Shaklee at least 30 years ago. Really though, I wished my parents knew about them, so I could have been brought up with Shaklee. Bottom line...it really IS just a matter of switching from what you currently use to using Shaklee and convincing a few others to do the same, if youre interested in residual income and working at home. For no more worries about whether youre doing your best for you/your family/your future/your earth.

Nothing better, then doing what you believe in and what you LOVE! And with Shaklee behind you all the way, it truly IS EASY!

Check out projectmahma.com/klsmithjw and let me know what you decide.

Sincerely, K.

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N.G.

answers from Detroit on

Hey Mom,

I am new to this site and your letter was the thing I saw when entering this site. I have not even tour yet, but I just want to say that you are a stay at mom and I think it is great. I always had to work ever since I had a baby. I wanted to be a stay at home but I had no other way of paying my bills and feeding my family. I have been a mother for 18yrs now and I love what each day brings me with my daughter. I am 33yrs old. I am not married never been but you have a job its a full time job making your family best as possible. You will develop closer bond with the girls, you will be showing the girls that family is firstin this world, you make first day of school, you will be there for the first time they get sick, you will be there when they get their first peroids (LOL), you will be showing the ladies home stucture. You are preparing your little ladies for this world.Think about mom you have the last say when it comes to what goes into your little ladies bodies (meaning stay at home moms are very particular who their children are with and who can keep them and what they are expose too) DON'T ALLOW IT TO TAKE OVER YOU MOM THANK GOD YOU WILL PLAY THE BEST PART OF YOUR LITTLE LADIES LIFE.
Ms. N. G

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A.A.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I'm a teacher myself. I feel that way at home sometimes, too!

To keep my brain (and my resume) fresh, I teach community education courses in the evenings-maybe one or two a week. It's also a good way to get to know local schools.

I teach all sorts of things from floral arranging to computers. The #1 biggest course for most community education programs is based on providing general information for grandmas and grandpas to get emails, photos, and shop online. You'd be great at something like that, based on that fact that you're using this group alone!

No homework! No grades! It's been great! Google community education + name of a local public school district to find some near you.

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C.M.

answers from Detroit on

Hey S.
I understand your feelings of wanting to get out
perhaps it is temporary or may be you are happier working.
I have been home for 3 years going on 4 yrs.
It has come and gone.
I did work part time. I liked it. I also enjoy being at home with my kids.
THe job you are doing at home is important.

have a nice day!

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R.S.

answers from Detroit on

I completely understand. I also was a teacher and I do enjoy being home with my girls but feel like I am missing out or not living up to my potential. This topic seems to come up in my home at least once or twice a month. It seems like I go days on end without any "outside" communication at times and that everything I learned in college is slowly leaving my brain. I feel like I don't take care of myself and am not being the best mom I could be. Every time I bring it up my husband just says I wish there was something we could do. I just keep planning what I will do to be me, again, when the girls start school. However, I know deep down, I would be so jealous if anyone else was spending the entire day with my girls and watching them hit their milestones, even if it were my husband. I guess I can't have it both ways.

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J.S.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I was a stay at home mom for my sons first year of life... I loved being at home with him and spending time with him but it was kinda like i needed something a little different I felt like i needed to do something more .. so i went out and got a part time job .. I am at home with my son all day then i go to work at around 3:30-4 pm and get home around 8:30-9pm.. I love that i get to get out and do somethng else besides housework and the homely things.. Its good for me and it makes me feel a little better about things plus its extra cash ... your not the only one but maybe you can find something just part time and good hours so you can be home with your girls most of the time yet still have a job

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T.V.

answers from Grand Rapids on

S.,
you are not alone!! I had always planned to remain a SAHM at least until my children were in school, but I too realized that I would be a better mom if I went back to work. I recently launched my own Kindermusik business. I just teach a few hours a week and have a babysitter one morning for preperation time. It's amazing how much more 'whole' I feel after just a few months. My girls (2 1/2 and 17m) are also thriving with a happier mommy and time with another caring adult (found a great babysitter by advertising on Craigslist - she comes to my home to keep my girls on their routines). It's also been great for my marriage! Happy wife/mom = happy family.
Never feel guilty for missing your career. It is part of who you are!

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K.S.

answers from Detroit on

No, you are NOT the only one! Being a SAHM is by the the most rewarding job (or should I say privledge?) ever, but I TOTALLY understand about needing a sense of balance in your life. My kids are now 12, 8, 7, 4 and 13 months. I've worked in an office full-time until I had my 2nd child, then went to 3 days a week, and then after having my 4th little sweetie, dropped to 2 five-hour days. After having my last and fifth child, it just wasn't worth it to pay a sitter during the summer months! Although I love bieng home with my kids all the time, I still occasionally meet up with "the girls" (from the office) for lunch and secretly am a bit jealous when they start talking about work. I miss the days of getting "dressed up" and wearing make-up instead of being home with my hair in a ponytail and the occasional applesauce splatter in it! I plan on going back p/t when my youngest starts school. For now, I'm just going to try to savor every minute with them, as they grow too fast! After all, they're only little for a short bit! Hope this helps you!

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S.S.

answers from Detroit on

Have you considered being a part time sub in the schools? I know in my district there is always a need!

Also - when I was in your shoes, I started my own business. Working at home is the best! If you want to know more, preview my web site www.marketamerica.com/TheVoiceOfTruth

Good luck!

S.

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B.A.

answers from Detroit on

I can TOTALLY relate to how you feel. I went back part time and then full time after the first two children and then stayed home once I had the third. Although I knew that my being home was the best decision for my family, there were days I found very difficult. The hardest part was that there was 'no closure' and no paycheck. It didn't matter how well I tidied up the house - with 3 kids - it was a mess again in no time!! I decided to start a home based business that I could do in a 'little' way while the kids were little and in a bigger way once the kids got to school full time. I joined Arbonne and it has been everything I hoped for and more. I still work part time but make a full time income. I get out with other women where I am not defined as being someone's mom and I get to be me. One of my leader's called it 'Brain Candy' when she started. It made her feel like she was finally using her mind again. It's the best of both worlds.

I know that I am sending this to you very late, but this email ended up buried. If you are interested in checking out a home based business - or if you have already made a decision to join one - please feel free to contact me and I would be happy to give you whatever advice I can to help you get started.

You are not the only one!! As much as we love our children, sometimes it's hard not to miss our 'independence'.

You can contact me by email at [email protected]____.com or phone ###-###-####. Best of luck.
Barb

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C.S.

answers from Detroit on

You are not the only one!!!!! Trust me. I have 2 kids now Tanner is 2 and I have been home with him since day 1! when he turned 1 year old I had to get a part time job to stay sane. I worked saturday nights so I knew my husband was home with him, thaking care of him. Now I have a 3 month old and I am itching to get bak to work. YOu need that ADULT convos!!!

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T.W.

answers from Lansing on

There are two other posts recently about this--you should read them. This is a very hot topic!

I am a SAHM, and have been for 13 years, I have always loved it! I feel it is best, and I just can not be the mom I want to be working full time (I do work a bit now). I hate it when working moms judge me and make me feel less of a person. I have a college degree, and worked for years before I became a mother.

That said, I would not want to make someone who works feel less of a mom. Noone can make this choice for you--it is very personal. You have to do what will make you the best mom to YOUR children. Sometimes I think part-time is the way to go. It is the best of both worlds, but you need to find the right job and boss. Unfortunately in my field, it is ALL or NOTHING, so I was never able to do that until recently.

GL:)

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B.Z.

answers from Detroit on

I too was a teacher b/f I had kids. Now i have a 2 1/2 year old and a 6 mth. old. Sounds like we have at least that much in common! :) For me, I started selling Pampered Chef. I do it VERY part time, but it's enough where i am periodically out of the house for a show or sometimes it's enough for me to feel "useful" just taking care of business over the phone or on e-mail. Maybe you could look into something like that b/c then you're still home w/your kids and maybe your husband could watch them at night when you do a show. They say teachers and nurses are the best at doing something like this. :) I have loved this particular business b/c there's no inventory that i have to keep in stock, i've earned a lot of free products or gotten them at a discount and i can make pretty good money just working from home. If you want more info, you can contact me or go to my website: www.pamperedchef.biz/beckyzale for more info.
I certainly understand the struggles of being at home (not that I would go back to work outside the home while my kids are little), but it does present unique struggles. Especially if you live in MI and it's winter!!!!! I hope that helps to at least know you're not alone! :)

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J.M.

answers from Grand Rapids on

I understand completely. I am a first time mom with a wonderful 6 month old boy and I have had the opportunity to stay home with him full-time for the past 6 months. I plan to return to work soon, full-time and struggle with the thought of sending him to daycare, however, aside from the financial aspect of a double income, I feel the need to go back to work. I do love being with him, but sometimes I also feel as though I am going to lose my mind (or perhaps that it will just turn to mush). Prior to having him I was a very career oriented individual (although, I do not feel as though that is the most important thing in my life) and therefore the transition to motherhood (wouldn't trade it for the world) has been a challenge. I personally feel that going back to work and placing him in a daycare (a very good one) will benefit both him and myself. I feel that the interaction with other children and the development/learning activities that they provide would be of benefit to him and getting out of the house and interacting in the "world" again would make me a better mom. Everyone is different and I am sure many would disagree with me but feeling this way doesn't make me a bad mom. Perhaps you could entertain some part-time work for a period of time to determine whether or not that is what you really want and perhaps need.

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C.H.

answers from Detroit on

I am a student and stay at home mom, which is incredibly stressful and sometimes I wish I could just focus on one or the other. I am at home during the day all week, but sometimes I have to go to night classes or go out of town for classes for a few days and that's hard to leave my baby behind with my husband or parents. But honestly, if I was only a stay at home mom with no outside identity or activities, I would go INSANE! I applaud moms who can do it, but not everyone can. If taking time to have a part-time job, do volunteer work, take a class - whatever interests you - makes you fill fulfilled, you will ultimately be a better mom and wife in my opinion. Good luck!

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P.K.

answers from Saginaw on

Hi S.! I know just what you mean! I am a stay at home mom of two boys, 5 and 3. I really miss working, interacting with other adults daily, and having those work friends there for you. Being at home makes you feel like your brain is turning to mush. This is something I have been struggling with since my oldestwas 9 months old and I decided to stop working to be a mom. It is a little lonely sometimes. It was really starting to get to me so I decided to do something about it since working was not an option for me due to the limit jobs in our small town. (We moved here when my son was 9 months old and could not find a good enough paying job) I starting being very friendly and meeting moms in the same boat as me. I made some new friends and started going to some moms playgroups. Me and the girls starting having game nights on a monthly basis and I made time for girls night out. I try to fit a book in once in a while when I start to feel the stupids come on. I now know this is the best chose I ever made and would not chang a thing now. My son has been in preschool for two years now and is starting kindergarden this fall. They grow up way to quick! Being home with them has made them the children I want them to be. Not the mention all the great memories we have created and how close we have become. We are exspecing two more in July. I still look forward to the day all the children are in school and mom can go back to school too. Good luck!

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A.A.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi S.,
I understand where you are coming from. In the past year, I started quilting again. I have taken a couple of classes and sent my child to a babysitter for "me time." This has helped greatly. My husband also will take over with my son when he gets home in the evening so I can "escape." Having something that makes you happy, other than your children, helps make you a happier person. It sounds like you need to do something for you! Whether it's a part time job or hobby, go for it!

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E.B.

answers from Lansing on

I have the ideal career for you! It has been a huge blessing for our family because I can work and stay at home with our two kids (2 1/2 and 6 mos.). I sell lia sophia fashion jewelry (direct sales) - and I wasn't even a jewelry person. There are so many great benefits with this business! Doing 2 parties a week (10 hours a week) you could make $250-$500 a WEEK. So you could definitely make $1000 or more a month. If you worked a part-time job anywhere else, you wouldn't be able to make that much in a month. So you have unlimited income potential. lia sohpia is nice too because you are in control of your calendar. You can work when you want to work. Another great benefit is there is not much to carry - very nice. And you don't have to keep inventory and buy so much product a month to stay active. All you have to do is enter one show ($250 in sales) every 3 months to stay active. Another great benefit is that all the jewelry that you get is yours - and you get a 70% discount on all the product! Customers love the product because it is fashionable with the style that they are looking for and it has a life-time replacement guarantee. Please visit my website (www.liasophia.com/EmilyKay) to contact me or email me at [email protected]____.com if you want more information. This company is a family-oriented business and it's perfect for stay-at-home moms. I would love to share more information with you!

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K.Y.

answers from Detroit on

S.,
I currently work full time as a single mother of 2 boys, 8 and 10. I have always worked full time(not always by choice). However when my boys were toddlers, I had the opportunity to work part time. I found that this was the best situation. I had time to spend with my kids, be involved with their school and lives, but also time to socialize with adults at work and stay in touch with the workforce and keep my skills from college. Of coarse, our kids are our TOP priority and are the most important thing in a mom's life, but for me it also helps to be balanced with a personal,adult(away from home) life as well. As a more balanced person, I feel I am a better mom and a better person in general. Of coarse everyone is different and everyone's situation is different. I would encourage you and your husband to discuss your feelings and decide if alternatives are possible, even if only for a trial period.
For me, being at home full time would be the same thing as working full time...too much of one thing. Working part time is ideal for me and possibly you too. Good luck with finding what works for you!
K.

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M.T.

answers from Detroit on

You are NOT the only one. I had to stop working when I was 20 weeks pregnant with my triplets who are now 5 1/2 yrs old. I SO want to go back to work. I would be happy with working outside of my home 3 days a week. I get so sick of looking at the same walls day in and day out. And listening to kids fight all day. BTW I also have a 16 yr old daughter. Fun Fun

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C.J.

answers from Detroit on

I think I know what you mean. I used to work full time even after my first child was born. While I was pregnant with my second I got laid off. We were able to adjust most of our spending and we decided that I would go back part-time for our "fun" money. While I wasn't working I actually sometimes felt bad that I wasn't bringing home any income into the family although, yes, staying with the kiddies is very beneficial. I can say that working parttime is great. It gives you time to associate with people on your level, lets you feel like you are contributing to the family more and actually gives you a break from the children, which let's face it, I don't care how great of a mom you are, you need a break every now and then.

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J.V.

answers from Detroit on

Hi S.
I totally get where you are coming from. I think it is normal to feel that way. I am a mom of 4, was a teacher in my previous life, and just need to feel that I am good for something other than being a mom all day - not to say that isnt important, but i know where you are coming from. I have been home now 8 years - my oldest will be 9 this month and my youngest is just 2. My boys are in between. I have found help through volunteering. I volunteer at my local hospital working with new moms or breastfeeding moms right after they have a baby. This program is through Beaumont - I'm not sure where you live - and is called the Parenting Program. If you live in the area of Detroit, you will know the hospital - we are always looking for new volunteers.
This outlet gives me a purpose other than mom all day. Make sure you get out to be just yourself a bit too. I love to scrapbook, and am finally just getting back to that. In the summer I play ball. Just a little to give me an outlet, but it could be as little as a walk.
I hope this helps!
J.

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B.M.

answers from Lansing on

Hi S.,
I have raised my child and am now a grandmother of 4 grandsons. I also did daycare for 4 children under 4 years old for 9 years. I watched those children grow and felt that it was time to do something else. So for 3-4 years I waitressed. But, I was ready for a fun and aso a rewarding job. So now I sell Lia Sophia Jewelry and LOVE IT... I have been an advisor for 1 1/2 years and am very sucessful at it. I want to be able to be my own boss, set my own hours and have fun all at the same time. If you would like to check out my web site with Lia sophia then click on the link below and you can contact me if interested. I am not a pushy person. Although I do want to offer you what I have found in Lia Sophia if you are interested. www.liasophia.com/love4jewelry
I hope you find what you are looking for.
Hugs,
B.

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J.P.

answers from Detroit on

I was only able to stay home for three months before returning to work after my daughter was born. At the time I gave birth to my now 8 month old, my husband was unemployed. I was certain I would go crazy if I couldn't be home with her but have found it very beneficial to return to work. Of course, staying home with children is a very demanding and noble profession and should not be diminished in any way. It is simply what is best for each individual. And, though I also work in education, I am certain we are all better off with this arrangement. My daughter loves her daycare time, she really enjoys the other children, smiles every day when I bring her in, and I have huge smiles for her at the end of each workday!

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C.S.

answers from Detroit on

No you are not the only one. I worked full-time when my son was young and up until my daughter was born. Then we decided that I should stay home. I went back to school to keep my mind still working (only 2 days a week for 2 hours the rest I take online) and to pursue a different career after both my kids are in school. I also got involved with a ladies euchre group with some moms from my sons school and other various ladies that have been recruited. It is a nice once a month thing on friday night to look forward to have actual adult time. I also find a lot to do that is free or little money that keeps me from feeling down, like I utilize the local bike trails and take my daughter on ride in the stroller while I walk, rollerblade or bike she has her snacks and a little nap and I get to work off my energy (I also have recruited other moms to do this with me also). In the summer we also go to the beach in Port Huron a lot, it is only a few bucks for parking and someone always wants to go to beach with us. For me I don't think it is the missing a job persay, it is missing interaction with other adults. Kids are awesome and fun, but you also need a little time for you. Good luck!

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N.W.

answers from Detroit on

I think it is important to keep some of "you" aside from the mommy you. I work full time (lawyer) and would love to work part time if it made financal sense (right now I'm still paying the loans...). I do leave early two days a week though, which helps. I don't think I would be a very good mommy if I was home full time. Being a teacher, with your summers off still gives you tons of time at home...I know a few teachers who also job share and work 2 or 3 days a week...is that an option for you? I also have a teacher friend who "teaches at home" and also tutors. She hires a high school girl to watch the kids while she is tutoring. It keeps her in the loop and gives her some "me money". Maybe that is an option?

Good luck.

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P.B.

answers from Detroit on

Hi S.
I understand what your feeling. I was working in corporate America before we were blessed with our first of 5 daughters. After 17 very busy and rewarding years of being a full time mom, I have found a wonderful opportunity to work at home.Now I have the stimulation of adult contact, personal growth and challenge. It feels good! And I am making great money to contribute to our family income.I would love to share more info on this awesome company with you. Contact me at www.workathomeunited.com/peggyb
Now I can be at home for my girls and grow as an individual!!

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L.N.

answers from Benton Harbor on

I completely understand you! Luckily, I was able to go back to work part time and job share with another nurse, so I have the best of both worlds. Right about the time I cant take another day at home, I get to go to work! I have spent enough time feeling guilty about it and I just consider myself lucky to have found a career that I can't stay away from!! :) Sometimes, I just need to do 'what I do' in addition to 'itsy bitsy spider'...LOL! Don't feel bad for a second about needing to take care of you. Your kids can benefit from some time around other kids and away from mom...so find a place that you are comfortable taking them, even one day a week and enjoy life the way you used to! My opinion is that it makes me a better mom when I have a day off now and then!
~L.

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B.R.

answers from Detroit on

Hi S.,

Have you ever thought about a job in direct
sales? I work for a new company called
Jockey Person to Person we have a complete
line of activewear, casual wear and sleepwear.
We bring the products into the home by doing
comfort parties. Who dosen't like to shop and
when you can do it in the comfort of your own
home you have a winner.

This also allows you to be home with your
family and work your business around your
family. You work the hours you want, and your
your own boss. It's fun to get out once
a week or month and be with the girls!!

If it sounds like something that may be of
interest to you can visit my web site at
www.myjockeyp2p.com/bethraden to view our
catalog and take a look at what we have to
offer.

You can have it all!!!!

B.

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K.D.

answers from Detroit on

Hi, I've been a SAHM for 4 years now and while I don't miss my old job (if I never see an industrial embroidery machine again it would be too soon), like you my brain was in need of other stimulation. I began volunteering in my neighborhood community and it has been great.

To put it simply you can't be a good mom if you are unhappy or unsatisfied with the life you currently have. The best thing is to find out what you need, then work it out with everyone else involved. I'm blessed because my mom can come over and watch my kids while I'm out and my kids love having time with "Grams". So it worked out well for us. I'm sure you can find a solution that will work out for your family too.

Good luck and remember, no you're not alone and eventually if you keep giving only to others and never give anything to yourself you will end up empty.
K.

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K.V.

answers from Detroit on

I'm a full time working mom - but I understand there are pros & cons of either choice (working & being a SAHM). I loved that idea of working with the hospital as a volunteer to help new moms. Another thought is to work with kids (or adults even) at church. Either a Sunday School class, craft class, or involve yourself in programs fitting to you interests. Volunteer at your local library for a reading time for young children. (That will allow you to get out of the house, contribute, and meet other SAHM's in your area, too.)

Do you have someone who is able to watch your children during the day? If so, perhaps substitute teaching would be good. That way you can choose how often and what days you actually work. Obviously, the pay you receive would pretty much go to cover the child care (unless you're fortunate enough to have a family member willing to do it for free!) - but it still might be worth trying in order to see how it works for you.

Another thought is to pick up a hobby or interest (bowling, scrapbooking, working out with a friend, book club, dinner club, etc) that you can do when your husband is home to care for the kids. Make it a weekly thing and you'll have some 'me' time reserved - makes it harder to find excuses NOT to do it when it's a regular occurence.

Having such young children, it does feel like life is full of diapers, baby talk, and sloppy kisses (which we all love!) - it's a challenge to find ways to engage our minds and do other things we enjoy with the limited time/energy we have left. It certainly feels (at times) that we lose who we are and it's a struggle to redefine that while incorporating the (relatively) new role as mommy. (My son is 2 and I'm still trying to find the right balance and figure it all out!)

Best wishes to you with whatever you decide. I really think it would be rewarding to be a SAHM, and a lot of work - but it's also necessary to include time for yourself (whether it's for fun, to contribute to something other than your family, to gain knowledge or whatever!) Enjoy your precious little ones!

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R.N.

answers from Los Angeles on

S.,
I totally understand. I was a Manager for a very high paced Company until 2 1/2 years ago. Our son was feeling like I wasn't around enough so I left my job and became a SAHM. Our son is 9 and we decided that I still needed to be available but than I felt like I had no one around. I was going crazy and got a part time job, that still didn't really work because I still had to be there on their time. One of the room mom's at my son's school shared the Mary Kay opportunity and I signed up because I would have an excuss to get together with grown women and make them feel good about themselves. I get to set my own hours and still get out. I guess my long suggestion is to find something that you can do that gets you attached to grown-ups and works within your life. Good luck and have fun!!!

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N.S.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I have no desire to go back to work anytime soon and my twin boys will be in 1st grade next year (full day). With that written, I know what you are saying about wanting to exercise your brain. I felt like I couldn't socialize properly when I needed to for the first 3 years of their life, like I was so out of practice. Now that the boys are in school I get much more adult social time and "me" time. Just some suggestions.......definately have a girls night out about once a month where you don't have to watch what you are saying. I did scrapbooking and a lot of reading to get my brain shifted from being a mom. If you miss work then slowly get back, but if you are just missing adult time then make time for yourself.

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M.C.

answers from Grand Rapids on

I am a stay at home mom to two kids - 3 1/2 and 18 months. I also have a home based business (direct sales) that helps me stay sane! I only do 1-2 events a month, so it doesn't really take away from my family time. It's nice to get away and talk to adults, though!

If you are interested, there are literally hundreds of different businesses so I'm sure you can find something you would enjoy. I enjoy scrapbooking (another outlet to talk to adults, by the way!) so I chose Creative Memories.

I'm also lucky to have quite a few friends who are also stay at home moms, so we try to get together with one of them every other week or so.

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K.N.

answers from Grand Rapids on

S.,

Welcome to the world of motherhood! I was a SAHM for many years. When my youngest started preschool, someone at the school offered me a chance to work once in a while. I took them up on it. It was the child care program there. Somehow over time, I was asked to do parapro work. I LOVED that. Our family is now grown by 3 (we are adopting) and I have quit my job to be a SAHM once again. It has not even been a month and I miss working! I will still be a substitute when I can, but can not take on anything long term or permanant.

I totally understand the "miss being me" thing. A big part of me is social and I would LOVE to be around adults that are going to give me time to be me instead of being MOM for a while.

Talk to your DH, maybe if you have someone willing to take care of your girls once in a while, the two of you could agree about going back on a substitute basis. You don't want your credentials to expire and have to do alot of work to get them back!

Until then, enjoy those wonderful girls and put your knowledge to work for them so they can WOW their teachers when they start school in a few years. (It will happen all too soon - trust me!)

Good Luck,

K.

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C.S.

answers from Detroit on

I am a stay at home mom too. After many years of taking care of my special needs children that I adopted, I decided that I needed a part time job. I started a home base business. I love getting out of the house and having adult conversations again. It works very well because I can work around my husbands schedule. Our goal of not having our kids in daycare has been achieved and I am feeling better about myself because I am out in the work force.
Have you ever thought about a home base business? If you would like to consider it, I would love to talk to you more about how it works for me.
C. Spencer
###-###-####
[email protected]____.com

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D.M.

answers from Saginaw on

no your not the only one.I thought the world would be as one when I had my son and that would be enough for me. My son is only 17 mos old and is so hyper I can't really sit him down to play with him anyway. So some days it seems all I do is clean, and disipline and get very upset. I mean we read and do puzzles and dance and sing, he loves music. But he's not ready for crafts of movies or kokomo's so I feel your pain, but a mom in the end really is the most rewarding the waiting sucks though lol. Hope it helps to know your not alone..

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B.F.

answers from Kalamazoo on

Hi S.! I was also a stay at home mom for a few years - my son is 5, daughters 4 and almost 1. I recently took a part-time job in my field - occupational therapy. It happens to be my dream job, working in the school system, 3 days a week, on the school calendar (complete with snow days!!). If it hadn't been so perfect, I wouldn't have returned to work at this time - I wasn't looking, it just sort of fell in my lap. Anyways, I was kind of skeptical and hated the thought of leaving my angels...BUT, I have found that I am SOOOO much happier as a person. I have my own thing now, I feel worthy to the world outside of my home as well as inside, and it also feels good to be contributing financially again. My little one has done absolutely fine - I even think it has been good for her socially to be away from me some. I guess my experience has told me that it is okay to find that balance between family and work. My dream was always to stay home full time, but I have discovered that this is even better for us! Good luck - I'm sure life will lead you where you are meant to be! :)

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L.C.

answers from Grand Rapids on

I work full time, take care of 3 teenagers, never miss an event that they are in and go to school part time myself to finish my degree. It can be done and you should be allowed to be yourself and if that means that you are a working mom then that is what you are as a person. Some people love being at home, and some people (myself included) are just not made to stay at home full time. That does not make us bad people/mothers. We just need to find a even balance so that we can do it all, and we need the help of our husbands. Without mine this would not all be possible, he is a great rock that helps me when I just feel over whelmed.
Take care and I hope that you are able to find a balance in your life.

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K.M.

answers from Detroit on

S., you are not alone. When we adopted our twin infants in 1999 (they were born 1 day before I turned 43. We brought them directly home from the hospital), I quit my 28-year career as an administrative assistant in the mental health field - a position that I loved! I went through a terrible time during the first year, as I felt overwhelmed by childcare, my husband began working 2 jobs and was never home and never once got up in the night with the babies; my mother was ill and dying (my siblings were constant with her), and I had in-laws who never, ever once volunteered to assist me (and still don't) in any way with my babies - not even to afford me the time to have been with my mother during her 18-month illness, leading to her death. I literally ached for adult interaction. My girls were collic for at least 4 months, and then when the crying stopped, they just never wanted to sleep until way after midnight each night. I don't believe I could have worked during that time if I had tried, I seemed to walk around in a stupor a lot of the time (hehehe). My girls stopped taking naps at 22 months old. My day was filled with their care - but, boy, were they fun! Now they are 9 years old.

I am currently just more than half-way through a distance medical transcription course (18-month course), and it has been very difficult learning this new career, but I wanted to find something that would keep me working in the home because, as you know, kids have so much time off of school (breaks, teacher develop, summer) that I don't believe I would find an employer that would enable me the time off to tend to their care. Plus, I kept myself away from the office for so long that I fell behind in the technological skills needed on the computer that would offer me a good enough wage to make it worth my while to pay for childcare. I have no regrets to this day that (although we struggled financially) I was able to stay home with my children rather than dropping them off at 6:00 am at a kidcare program at school, and picking them up at 6:00 pm. I worked one year as a lunchroom/playground supervisor at my girls school (they were in 1st grade), and to this day all those kids that were dropped off for kid care are the most horribly misbehaved (not all, but more than half of them). I thank God that I didn't have to do that.

Consider this: For about 1 1/2 yrs or so prior to working at the school, I became a consultant for Pure Romance and did home demonstration parties for women. I did about 27 parties in all (still have products leftover), then called it quits. The parties were on nights and weekends, which was fine until we bought a place up north and went there on weekends as much as possible. But, the parties were fun while they lasted. I had a ball with all the women and they had a ball with me! And, the products I demonstrated, well.... you know! Maybe you could think about something like that - it would give you time away and with your peers, and you'd be making some money too.

Let me know how things turn out for you. If you even want to consider Pure Romance as a part-time career, contact me so that I can provide you with an excellent contact person in the Sterling Heights area that can get you started. My email addy is: [email protected]____.com if you'd like to email me from time to time.

K./Rochester Hills

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C.K.

answers from Jackson on

I am a teacher with a 2 year old daughter. I took 3 months off when she was born, but I have gone back to work. I feel that I am a better mom when I have the opportunity to work. I struggled on my 3 months off with feeling like I had no identity. You never realize how often you say, "Hi, I'm so and so and I'm a teacher." Plus I'm not one who loves domestic duties. Spending all day cleaning, washing, and cooking dinner for hubby when he gets home made me feel like I was stuck in the 50's. I have some friends who are stay-at-home moms and sometimes they make me feel guilty for working, but I know it was the best choice for me, my child, and my husband.

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M.D.

answers from Grand Rapids on

S. ~ have you ever considered a home-based business? One that you could work around your children and then spend a couple of nights or Saturday afternoons out to be with other adults? I am a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant and I tell you, the flexibility it provides is super! You meet great gals and you have a wonderful product that literally sells itself!
Been in Mary Kay for 8 years now and it is very rewarding and fun! Check out my website: marykay.com/mduba to learn more about this opportunity. Hope this helps you!

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C.J.

answers from Lansing on

S.,

You're right, you do need "me time" for you to feel balanced as a SAHM! It is also very healthy for your kids to see you taking care of yourself. You all need scheduled time away from each other, a couple of hours a week might be just right. Is there anyway you can hire a babysitter, or put your kids in daycare, or trade babysitting with another local mother, one day a week?

This would give you an opportunity to spend time doing things you like to do. We all NEED that time. I have been a SAHM for 5 years now and have just started to feel balanced because I have been pampering myself.

My son is now in kindergarten and I have been volunteering at the local library two days a week for a couple of hours. I feel better using my mind for things other than menus, phonics, laundry, etc. It's nice to work on other problems.

I hope I have been able to give you some ideas. Check out www.flylady.net, her website has some great pampering ideas at the bottom of the home page.

Good luck!

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K.S.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I am a 'seasoned' mom, my children are all grown up. However you really should think about a part time job, when your husband is home and able to take care of the girls, it is healthy for you and for him!!! and your girls. Daddy time can never be enough and you need some "Samatha time" so you can be the best you can be as a person. You will always be someones wife and someones mom but in order for you to be the best you can be at those jobs you need to be YOUR BEST... YOURSELF!!! Just a suggestion I know it helped me when I was a young mother, you don't always have to talk 3 octives higher when you work part time.. (it doesn't pay to have to pay a babysitter, make sure your job is when your husband can be with the children.. and remember..... He is not a baby sitter, he is their father, daddy and care taker,,, just like you!!!

K.

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