Stanger Danger

I bought my kids the video by John Walsh. They love it. It talks about who their safe friends are. It has great tips that the kids can understand. It can open a lot of doors for conversation without being scary. I personally want to scare my kids a little. I think a lot of people realize that parents dont want their children to talk to them without asking first.

I heard some advice once that I thought sounded like a really good idea. If a stranger ever comes up to talk to them or ask them something you teach your kids that no matter what their response is "I dont know I have to ask mom/dad" and they can come and get you. If there is ever a reason you need someone else to pick them up and they do not know them or not know them well enough you give them a password. You come up with a word that only you and your kids know and in case of an emergency you give it to whomever you need to pick up the kids. They are only to follow if they know the password otherwise they dont follow.

Hi C.,
I don't know that i have any advice for you because it's a struggle with us too, we have a 4 yr old and 7 yr. old. We have told who it is ok to go with and that we would always tell the school who is allowed to pick them up...so they should only listen to their teacher when it comes to stuff like that. My husband and did witness how extremely naive kids are (one looked about 10 or 11) about a month ago. We had on a long car with the kids and our dog and we stopped at a playground to let the kids burn some energy. Eventually we figured we should walk the pup so hubby got her out of the car for a while. I was with the kids on the swings and two little girls walked over to hubby who was walking the dog and started talking to him. He walked the dog back over to the car to put her back in and these girls followed him!!! After wards he asked if he saw all of that and said for crying out loud any one could have shoved those kids in a car and been gone! He said they had no problem just coming over and talking about the dog. Totally scary! On the way home we decided to use it a teaching exercise for our kids explaining that they should NEVER for any reason follow anyone to a car even if they have a really cute puppy. I could totally see my daughter thinking "oh...they have a puppy in the car. I have to see it!" I think the only thing we can do is to talk about the dangers often even though it can be scary. It's better to have an uncomfortable conversation than to have them disappear one day.

Hi C.
I have a 6 and nine year old and from the time they where little I always told them that some people are not nice and that they needed to stay by me now we have talk every so often about who is allowed to pick them up and who isn't they both know there uncle that lives in the same town IS NOT allowed to pick them up. I also always tell them that I will let them know if someone else is picking them up either before school or I will call the school and talk to them. They have never been afraid by anything I have told them. There are some really good books about stranger safety. T.

I've been trying to work on this with my 4 year old. He'll be starting Kindergarten next year. I let him play outside by himself when I'm home cooking dinner. All I've told him so far is that if a stranger comes to the fence to run in the house and come get me. I don't know how else to go about it, so I'm interested to see what other people say.

No advice here either, but I hate having to worry so much about all this stuff. We have a 10, 7 and 1.5 year old. It is sad to say that not only do you have to worry about strangers, but also people the kids know. Very sad what is happening to this world.

Hi C.,

I think this is a conversation that you have to have continually, from now until adulthood. The scenarios and what to do will change as he gets older.

For now, just keep reminding him that the only people who can pick him up from preschool are you and this other mom. On the days that the other mom will get him, remind him that you won't be picking him up, the other lady will be, and it's OK to go with her.

I remember being in preschool, and they talked about stranger danger there. Is your son's preschool covering this topic at all?

At your son's age, puppies, candy, and people needing help are all tricks the Bad Guys use. Talk to him about different scenarios, and that for now, he should never, ever talk to or go with a stranger. Let him know it's OK to scream and run! Rather have an embarassing situation than a missing child.

All that being said, it's important to remember that in the vast majority of abductions and assaults (in the 90% range), the victim and assailant know each other, or are even related. While you are talking about Stranger Danger, it would be a good time to talk about Good Touch/Bad Touch, and that he can tell you about anything.

I totally think you can't candy coat things on this one. It is too important. Unfortunately, if you don't prepare them well they will be at a disadvantage. Straight forward information, and detailed information is a must.

I also agree, the very young have a hard time understanding some concepts. With that said it's better to present things in black and white and cut down on confusing nuances. If you keep the rules simplified, it will be easier for them to take appropriate action if they're in a do or die situation.

I have found a really great resource that helped somewhat with my kids. John Walsh, the host of America's Most Wanted made a stranger danger dvd in partnership with Julie Aigner-Clark the creator of the Baby Einstein series.

If you didn't already know, Walsh's own son was abducted and murdered, and so he's dedicated his life to helping parents protect their kids from similar tragedies.

The video is very kid friendly in that it's entertaining, but it really gets down to business and covers a variety of very real and tough situations that could occur.

It really does a nice job breaking down the confusion about the various types of stranger danger...and even goes as far as to show kids what to do if someone they thought they could trust turns out to not be good.

The nice thing about a dvd like this is you can have your child watch it over and over for reinforcement. And you can use it as either a spring board for discussion or as follow up to discussion.

There is also a website with resources you can use to help with discussion that you can tailor to the age of your child. There is also a partner dvd on computer safety for kids and families too.

Check out www.thesafeside.com

I attend a talk on how to keep your kids safe a couple years ago. It was put on by the Jacob Wetterling Foundation. One thing they really stress is not to play into the "stranger danger" game. Kids need to know who they can get help from and strangers are not bad, etc. Gosh I feel like I could keep typing about all the things but here is their website.

http://www.jwrc.org/keep-kids-safe/personal-safety/how-to...

I thought it was a very good presentation.

I hate to say it but I don't think you can get it across without scarring them.Kids are so naive and think they are invisible. My daughter was so stubborn at the preschool age and would argue with me about how she would escape from a bad guy. I finally was blunt with her and told her detail for detail what bad guys do with little girls.I told her over and over you can't overpower bad guys they are bigger/stronger they will hurt you and put you in a trunk or somewhere mommy will never find you I will be the saddest mommy in the world. That was the only thing that worked. She's now 7 and very street smart and fully understands why mom has rules and why mom says no or why we practice safe procedures like playing outside where mom can see you, not running off in a store, not talking to strangers. It works too, my daughter had a strange guy keep talking to her at her recent soccer game, and was telling her he used to be our mailman and how big she's gotten. She came over and told me immediately and I honestly don't know who this creep was but I certainly don't remember him being our mailman.