Spoiling Your Children

My kids don't ask for much, but I find myself offering! I want them to have all I went without and probably over compensate. I'm not wealthy - or even remotely solvent! But I have been known to throw random stuff in the basket that I think my kids would like, yet I will stand in the store and agonize over spending on $10 on some necessity for myself. It's really my issue, not thiers.

I think that this question is a red-herring. No offense. Very few people are going to feel like their children are "spoiled." I mean, think about what spoiled means - rotten, no good, etc. Everyone feels like they're trying to do the best by their kids - giving them things, making them earn things, etc. No one wants to feel like they are creating ungrateful brats.

One man's excess is another man's restraint. Would I wear $100 shoes? No. But to someone who routinely buys $300 shoes (and there are LOTS of those people out there) spending $100 on kids shoes seems reasonable. I might take my daughter out late on a school night to go to a concert (but heaven knows NOT Justin Bieber) but she only gets presents on her birthday and at the holidays.

I think that the point here is that we should just try to take it easy on other parents who appear to be "spoiling" their kid. As a teacher in an affluent area, I've taught tons of kids who have wildly divergent values systems regarding money and how its spent. Some of these kids have great attitudes and are fun to be around, and others, not so much. But I have yet to find a direct relationship between how much "stuff" a kid has an their attitude.

We don't spoil, never have, never could even if we wanted to. But they got tons of good job, that's great, I love you, congrats on you accomplishments, That a boy, that a girl.

I did a lot of consignment shopping for school clothes, lots of yard sales. We use coupons and wait for sales.

I have never taken mine to a concert or a Red Sox game. I wish I could but we live a modest life and it is what it is
.
My grown children both work for what they want, they take care of what they buy. They have learned all the tricks to save money from me and my husband. Some call my son cheap.....I laugh because I was called that. I am not cheap at all I am frugal. There is a difference.

Affluent or not... it is not the 'things' which makes a kid 'spoiled'... it is the attitude that they learn or not, about life and about 'things' and their character. Which entails parenting... throughout childhood and throughout their lives.

Affluent kids are not more 'spoiled' necessarily than less affluent kids... it is how they are raised and with what attitudes/values they are taught... and how their Parents role-model these 'characters' in their children.

Just because a child has LOTS of stuff... it does not mean they are 'spoiled.' There are many people, who have lots of stuff... it does not mean they are spoiled. "Things" do not make a person/child spoiled or not... it is their attitude and 'character'... that is nurtured or not, noble or not.

all the best,
Susan

My kids have nice things as did I when I was a kid but neither me nor my kids were/are spoiled. Having good quality things does not equate to being spoiled but rather the preface and intention under which an item is purchased, given, or possessed that equates to "being spoiled".

"Spoiled" is a mindset that is perpetuated by behaviorial and environmental factors not simply volume or cost. A kid can just as easily be "spoiled" with garage sale purchases as a kid who is gifted a Nintendo. If the intent of the purchase is to simply appease the demands of the kid, make them easier to deal with for the time being, make the buyer feel they are showing they love the kid through monetary purchases, the purchaser thinks that saying no deprives the kid etc. then it is "spoiling". The intent is the same regardless of the actual items.

I do not believe in spoiling kids with gadgets, but I believe in spoiling them with love and attention. When I can't give them that, it bothers me more than not having the money to buy the latest thing. Quite frankly that is more expensive and does nothing for the security and well being of the child other than teach them to be materialistic, think money grows on trees, and let them believe the world is going to hand them things on a silver platter. I believe in rewards and treats every now and then, and investing in something they will treasure forever, but not in buying the latest and greatest.

Ditto Susan & Jane... IMO it's not about "stuff", it's all about attitude and character.

And honestly, I don't think it's about money, either. I know some VERY wealthy children (as in their family owns more than one private jet, and have houses and condos on both coasts, in Europe, in the islands, etc.). Children who come from families where dropping 100k in personal expenses in a month is no biggie. Many of them are as unspoiled as a child can get; kind, generous, hard working, with great common sense. Others are whiny ungrateful brats. I also know kids who are homeless poor. Same goes... some are absolutely spoiled rotten, some aren't. Spoiling tends to = entitlement and tantrums. Demanding being "given", take take take take and never giving in return.

Growing up I never knew we were "poor". My mom made a big point of how people make different choices. At the time that meant things like my dad commuted 2 hours to work every day (4 total) so that we could live in a big house, with a big yard, bordering greenbelts/ canyons/ waterfront/ plantations/ mountians/ etc (we moved every 2 years, so pick your local "wild" area). ((Living in a big house was important to my father, because he grew up sleeping in the livingroom with all of his siblings in their studio apt after his mum was widowed)). My friends, who had less money than we did, often did more "things" than we did. My mum pointed out that while my best friend had a horse... they were able to do so because they lived in a small house and didn't travel. If they got a bigger house, which why *would* they, because they were happy with their own house... and travelled as much as we did they wouldn't be able to afford a horse either. And besides... my friend only had ONE horse to ride, and they couldn't afford lessons. By being a working student I got to ride scores of horses, and got lessons for "free" from the age of 11 onward. Neither family was "better" than the other. We just had different priorities... even though both families had "horsey" daughters.

My mum came from a wealthy family, and married my father who was carreer military. Riches to WIC. Her CHOICE because she loved/loves my father. She always made life *fun*. YAY! It's mayonaise sammies for lunch today!!! Oh BOY kids, who wants to have mac'n'cheese for dinner EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK??? Oh yeah! Knew you guys would love that! She always was very clear that we could have WHATEVER we wanted, as long as we were imaginative and willing to work hard for it. One example being horseback riding. We couldn't afford either horse nor lessons... but by trading at the barn I got to ride every day. Later on, I even got paid fairly well to be an exercise rider. Better than I was paid at my first "real" job (why again did I take a "real" job?). We heard over and over the "How badly do you want it?" If we reeeeally wanted something badly, we'd figure out a way to do it, and to do it with *grace*. Many people thought my dad was NUTS to commute so long a distance just for a bigger house. But the house was important to him, so he figured out a way to have his cake and eat it, too.

I'm sure some people think my son is spoiled by the "things" we do. It always cracks me up. My aunt mentioned something about my son being "spoiled" because we snowboard all season and her kids would only go once a year with YMCA. Well we can't *afford* the YMCA (it's waaaaay more expensive than snowboarding)... so who's spoiled? My son or hers? Is it really about WHAT they do and/or how much is costs?... I don't think so. More, as my mum said... it's about choices. Another "hit" I get from ignoramuses is that my son has had a cell phone since he was 5ish. Well, his dad is abusive. The phone means he can call for help at any given time. Is that cell phone still considered "spoiling" him? We all make choices as to what's important to our families. Someone will always have more, and someone will always have less. Neither determines what kind of person an individual is.

Judging our insides by other people's outsides is a pretty futile endeavor, imo. Tends to lead to feeling superior or inferior. Neither of which is a good place to be, ime.

I am going to add a comment about parents will see down the line if they do 'spoil' their kids. I don't think you can spoil them to much by giving them things, it's when they are given because the child won't behave or be quiet or follow rules or are solidly rewarded for bad behavior. I work with middle schoolers in a very nice area. For the last fourteen years or so I worked in schools, before a poorer district and now an affluent one. The ones who are 'spoiled' feel entitled to everything and a lot of parents do nothing, as well as other teachers or administrators when their children are getting very out of control. I was sent to give tests for instance to eighth graders who threw their hundred dollar coach purses on the floor and stuck gum all around and told me no when I said they had to take a test. One student called me a B word. Another said she didn't have to and that I could check with the assistant principal. I did so thinking I would be backed and was not. I burst into tears, didn't give the test and wondered why I was there. Apparently everyone is afraid to say no and that is what develops into a 'spoiled child'. It is not what they get, it is what they are permitted to do, with no consequences to get there. And the guilt ridden parents who feel terrible if they lay down the laws That is what I see and that is what I think how they become spoiled. I raised my children with very clear consequences but see that the younger one is still different, not taking care of things quite the same way the older one was. We had more money to spend on the younger one. They both turned into nice young men but I see that I could have headed them down a very bad path (and almost did with number two had I not really tried to follow thru all the time) and I fear for instance for the assistant principal when her child grows up because she will have a monster on her hands if she permits him to do whatever he wants. She and others need to know that we are the only ones who can send these children out into the future with the security that saying 'no' gives a child.

I agree with you. My family didn't have a lot of money and I grew up being taught that if you want to have nice things then you work to earn them. As an elem. aged kid, I got an allowance of something like $1 per week if I helped out with chores. Even in high school, I had to maintain a good GPA and continue with household chores to get a weekly allowance of a mere $7! Other kids I knew were getting $20 a week just for being alive, Lol. I had to save up for a long time if I wanted something and I learned the value of money early on. My upbringing has led me to be a very frugal adult so nowadays when I see 10yr olds walking around with $200 cell phones, it makes me wonder what the heck has happened in our society. I don't get why parents are giving their children so many costly and unnecessary material items.

My boys are 3 and 4yrs and I don't give in to their requests for toys and treats very often. Here and there I buy them a Jamba Juice or a book/small toy/puzzle for acting nicely at home or while running errands but I make sure they are understanding that it's a reward. When they get older, I plan to raise them similarly to how I was raised. I'll definitely give occasional treats or rewards but not on a regular basis (like something they should just expect) and I find it unlikely that they'd be going to a concert on a school night. I was never allowed to do that type of thing and I turned out just fine! :D

My sons an only child and has a lot of stuff but when asked what he wants for Christmas, he doesn't have a so.for thing he can list. For his birthday he asked for donations for the local animal shelter instead of stuff for him. He's 7 years old. It's just the two of us, we have 2 computers, x box, Wii and tons of other stuff. We play with all these things together. I like these things so he has them. We don't do concerts and such bc I don't enjoy them. He doesn't get things randomly but with a bug family we just have lots of things. Nothing when we go shopping and he doesn't throw fits for material items. We go camping for vacation. So I guess spoiled is in the eye of the beholder.
On a side note, many people from Cincinnati area went out for those concerts and we don't start school for a week or two here still.

My parents were strict with my brothers and I; we also didn't have the expensive clothes and things that other kids had. Even if my parents did have the money for it, they were not the type of people to just give things to their kids. They definitely believe in earning what you get. In some ways, I think that put us at a disadvantage with our peers - kids are so conscious about material things - but not much. I find with my children, I am more strict than other parents (even my husband, but he has guilt issues because he works a lot) and I really don't have a problem saying no. However, I am more willing to buy the occasional toy for them for no reason, partly because my husband and I have more disposable income than my parents had, partly because I hate being "the no lady" all the time. I think the instances of random toy buying will probably decrease as they get a better understanding of how money works. My oldest just turned six so it feels kind of weird to tell them they have to pay for a toy when they don't really understand how such a transaction works. We haven't even started allowances yet. That said, I highly doubt my daughter will have a cell phone before she starts driving, I would never take a seven-year-old to a concert, etc. I am trying to walk that fine line between too restrictive and too permissive and I know I need to not say no as much as I do. In my defense, I am trying my best to raise independent, responsible, moral, and (dare I say it?) wholesome human beings that will not expect to have the world handed to them just because they walk and breathe. My personal opinion is that parents that can't say no now are going to have many problems when their children become teenagers.

I guess we all do the best we can with what we have and hope for the best. You never know what the end result will be.

No "spoilage" is happening in this family. Well, none that's significant, anyway. I suppose that, like air pollution, it's impossible to never have your child exposed to it.

Starting around age 8, my daughter always had to save a fraction (I think it was 1/3) of her (fairly small) allowance, and choose a worthy cause to give another 10% to. I simply couldn't buy her much as a single, working mom on a seriously puny income.

If she wanted stuff, she could freely spend her "pocket money fraction" on it, and if she wanted something more expensive (she craved designer jeans one year), we talked it over and I determined how much I would be willing to contribute, and whether the purchase was worth spending her "savings" allowance on.

She learned fabulous habits at an early age. She is a good money manager, without being stingy. She shares with those who have less. She now earns considerably more than I ever have, but spends wisely, budgets carefully, and saves regularly. She and her husband have managed to stay debt-free (except for the ubiquitous mortgage).

They treat their 4.5yo son to all sorts of opportunities and surprise delights, but almost never because he whines and wheedles. In fact, he seldom begs for stuff because he has almost no sense of entitlement – yet. We hope that will be true for decades to come.

I'm not a granny who believes it's my job to spoil a child. In fact, I sense that that mindset can do some kids some serious emotional damage. I'm really delighted to support their family values, and I make a point of not creating expectations or entitlement in the little guy, either. I do take activities on my visits, often educational, and I will share "my" special toys that I take with me and then bring back home again. But the dynamic is one of sharing something we mutually enjoy, not giving him stuff so he'll stop whining.

Kids do have amazing opportunities today, and while some families will take that and run with it, a variety of opportunities is not necessarily a bad thing. But there's a not-too-fine line between taking thoughtful advantage of opportunities, and giving kids everything that's available. So one "opportunity" we have is lots more practice in saying no, and explaining our values.

But each family will do it their own way. It's not for me to decide. (sigh)

My kids get a LOT of stuff and we do a LOT of things, but they aren't spoiled. outside of random trinkets from grandparents and such, and one or two birthday gifts, they get gifts for easter, christmas, something small for valentines day.......the rest of the time, it's about time, not things, and we may spend tons going to a concert, or whatever, but it isn't about the money, it's about doing something we will all enjoy and spending time together as a family. And while the 3 games systems, ipods, cellphones ect, may make my kids sound spoiled. for his birthday, my soon to be 11 year old son, wants a new pillow for his bed (he says his is to flat) a fuzzy blanket (everyone is jealous of the baby blankets we have for the baby due in December) and a trip to cheesehaven for jerky and free samples. doesn't sound to terribly spoiled to me. And when asked what group gift they want from grandma, they want a zoo pass, even though we live 5 minutes from an amusement park.

We live in an area where most of the kids come from homes with higher incomes. I live an older area of the district and am on a much tighter budget than most. It isn't uncommon for kids here to have purses that cost 100's of dollars, all the latest gadgets, etc. It has certainly given my kids a good perspective of what excess is. They moved from a school district where there were lots of lower incomes and they were on the higher end. Anyway, I am proud that they don't expect these things and aren't afraid to save and work for what they want. It will serve them well later in life.

I do agree with the post below that said it has more to do with the parent than the income. It is just that the more money you have the more extravagant you can be with the level of "spoilage" of your children.

Hi D.,
I am in the similar situation as yours. Our kids are straight A students and don't get any rewards other than our praise and their own satisfaction. We usually consider carefully before purchase anything from a pen to a car. They sometimes complain that so and so get such and such thing but we explained that every household has different budgets. We do spend money on traveling, sport equipments and education (music lessons cost arms and legs!). I think they understand quite well our point of view and become pretty frugal as well. For example my teenager would ask for gift certificates for Christmas then wait for sales after the holiday to buy clothes.
I do believe most of the children now in America are some how spoiled. Good thing about it? They are well provided, well protected with high self-confidence. Bad thing is that they usually take everything for granted and can't appreciate the chance they have.
Coming from a strict tradition family, i think we tend to be too strict but we hope the kids will turn out OK.

Good luck.

Mines too small to be spoiled, but I have to be careful because I already am planning family trips to Disney, Puerto Rico, and tons of other places. I want to give my baby the world but I also want her not to expect it and to be grateful for it. I have a little more time before I have to worry about that :-)

Yes yes yes to the first poster, about parents vs money spoiling the kids... and I wanted to add that you don't know what kind of parenting is happening behind those loads of kids going to concerts. Maybe someone's birthday party, maybe another's savings or earnings went towards the tickets, maybe those kids don't get all the "stuff" but they get to experience the live music (which I am much more likely to spend my money on rather than a t-shirt that has the star's name on it). Who knows what bargains those kids have struck to be able to go! Try not to be too quick to judge what others are doing, it may make it easier for you to relax and know you are making the best choices for your family, you know?

There are a few times that I a think I am spoiling my daughter, maybe once a month I get a candy bar or a $3 game for my daughter when we go the store. My daughter is the ONLY grandchild on BOTH sides so right there leads to spoiling A LOT! I have told everyone that I am so glad they love my daughter so much but the random buying items that are $5 or more twice a month or more has to stop because all my daughter did was ask for this or that and whine and say but grandma....!!! Thankfully they all understood and if it is over $5 they ask if it is ok to give it to her OR save it for a specail ocassion like first day of school, Christmas, Birthday type thing.

Rules and actaul parenting has gone down hill, I understand wanting your child to have fun and having the best for them that you can afford but WHEN DOES IT STOP! If everyone is always trying to buy bigger and better then their parents had we are going to all crash the ecomony again because people are over spending and not think about the future.

Also if a child is always spoiled then they will never understand that you don't always get what you want and they turn into snobs (maybe it might not seem like that to the parents but to world and people around them it does seem that way). I want my child to appricate EVERYTHING, even if it is a birthday card and nothing else we are saying thankyou for that because that person thought about us on our specail day. My daughter already has a piggy bank and she is saving up for a toy that I said I would not buy for her (she did not get one for her birthday) so her option is to save for it.

We do go to musicals, theatre, movies, amusement parks, zoo, musumes and so on but that is once a month we pick ONE of those things to do. It is a specail trip and I always try to get some sort of educational factor in. Also we do not break the school night bedtime rule (someone has to be hurt, died or along those lines for us to stay up past bed time on a school night!), if the concert is not on the weekend (not sure I would ever allow her to go to one because not sure I would want to pay money to sit through it) not going.

Try not to let what others do bother or change what you are doing. You are instilling good values in your kids. You will be thankful later on and your kids will be too. I see it too and most days I feel I am the minority but who cares we will have hopefully better adjusted and good kids.

I reward my daughter (7), but i don't spoil her, well behaviour, and good grades will get her what she wants for the most part, but there is always a limit, and no i would not keep her out late on a school night (especially under jr high) jr or up....maybe depending on attitude and grades

I push my daughter hard for good grades (rewards' are huge and punishment can be hard) definately earn what you get get what you earn

my mom made me put work first not education, and i wish like hell it was the other way around so that's why i push my daughter hard..some say i'm too strict with her, but she's well behaved and has good grades so apparentlyh i'm doing something right

I spoil my daughter when it comes to toys, actually her great grandparents and uncle does as well. She has all the cool stuff, and bdays, christmas etc... involve lots of making room for new sparkley stuff. I made an entire bedroom for my baby before she was even born with just refuse from my oldest daughters stuff. HOWEVER. She totally has earned it all, She is very NOT spoiled in her behavior, she is respectful, helpful and hard working. We dont tolerate any brattiness, back talk, lying, snobbiness, bad manners, etc...

The more stuff they have the more stuff you can threaten to take away.

;0)

We don't spoil our children but at the same time, they have a lot more than we had as kids. Sometimes they will act spoiled with their attitude and expecting things (only a couple of our kids do this) and we'll have to remind them of what they do have and how we never had even this much...LOL But all in all, we don't spoil our kids.

I do like to give to my boys, but I do not think they are spoiled. They are both well behaved, good in school, active in sports and basically all around good kids. They never assume things and always ask. They are willing to use their own money for things they want as well and don't think they just automatically deserve things. My parents spoil them when they can, but I do let them. I did not have a lot growing up, and it means a lot that now they can do so much for the grandchildren. The boys' father turned into a real monster, so I have spent so much of my life making sure my boys have as much normalcy and consistency as I can provide. I can't afford big things for them, but deep down I wish I could! Spoiling has different levels for different people, depending on the money one has, whether it is spoiling with money or not disciplining, etc. I like to look at it as it is my desire to give my boys the very best and most secure and even fun and memorable childhood as I possibly can, because I know when they go out into the world it won't be as cozy as it is here at home. I think I have balanced it all pretty well, as they won't be going out into the world with a big sense of entitlement. I love thinking about how, in the future, they can look back and love their childhood and feel secure in that. It's not about how many things one can buy or how much one spends, but also about how a parent models balance, responsibility, and level headedness in a child that determines the spoiledness issue.

Most people would initially say my 15 yr old is spoiled but once they get to know her they see the good, caring, loving person she truly is.

She earns straight A's at school with mostly Honors/AP courses, maintains her 1st chair in the highest level orchestra at her school, and is co captain of the cheerleaders. She gets a lot of kudos from us and her teachers and peers. She is the first one to stop and help a friend in need.

I overheard a dad of a friend jokingly say to my daughter "how does it feel to be so spoiled"...........she replied with "I'm not spoiled, I am well cared for".

There is nothing she wants or needs, she is appreciative and she knows that money does not grow on trees. She does like some expensive clothing but we give her a set amount of money to spend and if she blows it all on on a pair of jeans then that is whay SHE has chosen to spend her money. She knows when we give her a limit, that is what it is, no whining and compalining will get more.

She is very money conscious because her dad and I are very much numbers people and she sees how we plan for the future, forecast our business revenues and how we spend money. She is aware that her college is fully funded and involved in college searches at this time. She is involved in our family business as far as being with us when we discuss business plans. She is part owner of our business so she can learn the process.

I know people believe she is spoiled but I also know my daughter. We have wide open lines of communication here and we all talk a lot.

I guess if all that makes her spoiled then she is. She is very much like her dad and I. Expectations and goals are set very high and failure is NOT an option in our family.

You just have to find a balance and do what is right for your family.

I agree with S.H. Let me explain why. My parents did "spoil" us kids (I have 2 brothers). We went on a big family vacation once a year (usually a week spent at 2 theme parks, and another week camping), we got a lot of gifts at Christmas, we got great school clothes, and yes even some (not all) newer gadets that came out (it was the 80's).
When my dad was little and they were new to California (from Ark) all they could afford to live in was a boxcar set up almost like a mobile home in a "park". They had to work their entire lives. Not just getting straight A's (which was not considered work by my grandparents, it was expected), they had to go into the fields and work right after school, with no extra time for any extra activities (school related or not). My mom, well her dad died when she was 6, leaving my grandmother to raise two small children on 1 income in the 50's.
My parents instilled great morals into us, and wanted to give us more then what they had. How could we be ungrateful hearing stories from my grandpa and dad of how they grew up? I was and still am thankful for everything they gave me, and yes I had to work for the things they would not buy me. Just like I work hard for the things I want now. I hope to do the same for my kids. =)
So, and this is just my personal opinion, I think its the attitude that goes along with it, rather then the stuff.

I wouldn't call it spoiling. Like you said, if she does something good, she gets rewarded. I think first and second grade is a little young to be going out to concerts, especially on a school night. By the time they're in 4th or 5th grade it's acceptable, but only one night. I'd say give them a choice of what they want to do and that's it!

My daughter gets pretty much whatever she wants, within reason, but ONLY after she's done something to earn it.

I think there is a vast difference between spoiling kids and being lavish for your own reasons.

For me, the distinction is in whether it's done out of generosity and a sense of joy in the world, or guilt and a sense of compensating for being mean, absent or distant...

My parents were incredibly generous with their time, energy and money. I certainly didn't grow up with any sense of entitlement. My kids were raised with a great deal of stuff and extras... and work hard to support themselves without any sense that they can demand whatever they want and they'll get it.

I don't believe that I do anything to 'earn' my parent's love --or their generosity, nor did I ever give my kids any sense that either was something they had to perform for... that sense of economic negotiation or reciprocation interferes with real generosity. I don't 'earn' my husband's fidelity, or his love, or his generosity, either. I'm always surprised when I hear parents talking that way about their kids.

I view all the money we have as a gift from God, and it would be disrespectful to not treat it as such. In my opinion, that requires a certain amount of frugality.

I totally believe that spoiling kids is detrimental to them in the long run. Life doesn't work like that, and spoiled kids grow up to be spoiled adults. They never learn that you have to work hard to get what you want, and they are more likely to end up in debt or bankrupcy because of an "I deserve that" mentality. They also typically have no work ethic, which frustrates those who do and have to work with them.

I also had the old cars, hand-me-downs, and VERY low budget vacations. But that was because that was all my parents could afford. My husband and I make good money, but we are still extremely careful with our money. We still drive an old car, shop mostly at Goodwill and garage sales, and have a very modest house. Even though we could afford to get our kids the toys and junk they want, it doesn't teach them to appreciate what they have or that you have to work for what you get. We often remind them that there are a lot of kids who are not privilaged enough to have the toys they have or whatever. And being very careful with our money allows us to give a lot of our money to charities, who support those in need.

Hi D.,

I think spoiled has less to do with what is given to kids and more to do with what is expected of them. It doesn't matter how much or how little you give to your kids if they are not taught gratitude, responsibility, accountability, or consideration. It is not an abundance of gifts but a deficit of values that creates a spoiled and entitiled attitude.

Having said that, there are times when we tell our kids "no", not because we couldn't do it for them or get it for them, but because sometimes life doesn't provide you with a "yes" just because you want one. Sometimes you have to make your own "yes" or be patient and wait for that "yes". Or sometimes "no" is the better answer, because what we want and what we need are two very different things. We expect our children to handle a "no" with as much graciousness as they handle a "yes", because, again, life doesn't make time for temper tantrums and if we really want something we suck it up and take responsibility for getting it rather than waiting for it to fall into our laps.

That's just us, though, and I wouldn't begrudge another person for doing it another way.

L.

I love to 'spoil' mine. Big difference between spoiling and your kids having a rotten or 'spolied brat' attitude. I don't believe everything they receive has to be earned. I give them stuff because I want to and they do appreciate it. If they felt entitled, expected things or constantly asked for stuff that would be a whole other chapter. I had kids to spoil, travel the world with, let them see and experience as much of life is out there.