Spoiled Brat - Seattle,WA

She's not a spoiled brat, she's just testing her boundaries. This is where you teach her. A pretty useful phrase is, "Mommy doesn't hear __(yelling)__ (whining)__(baby talk)__". And, "Mommy only hears please and thank you."

And then don't hear her till she does it politely.

You only respond when she uses a nice voice and manners. If she asks rudely, remind her - EVERY time if you have to - to use her manners and a nice voice. Kids do what works - if she yells and pitches a fit and gets her way, then she'll keep doing it. But if you only respond to her when she's polite, then she'll start doing it on her own.

But be patient. This is like a habit for her and habits take lots of time - and consistency and patience - to break.

The things that work in my house...
I don't hear you if you ask in a rude way, if you ask me nicely then I will respond, if you are unhappy with my answer you can go throw your fit in your room until you calm down enough to rejoin us.

If you cannot eat nicely at the table with the family, you can go to your room until you can calm down enough to rejoin us ( This works well at my house because Alex especially does not like to sit at the table by himself)

If you cannot play with a toy the correct way or cannot share then the toy is what goes in time out.

I only tolerate tantrums for as long as it takes me to gently guide the one who is tantruming to their room and then I walk away...

I am not a big fan of time outs...I pretty much just abide by the rule that if you are acting ridiculous then you can stay in your room until you have calmed yourself...this works on everyone from my 4 year old, to my approaching tween drama 10 year old, to my outspoken say hateful things when I am mad and don't get my way 15 yr old and for a mom who needs to regroup so she can be an effective mom and not sink to the levels of childish behavior = )

The only other advice is respect is earned not given so that means we need to be polite and treat our children with respect as well, it is all fine and good that parents rule the roost but they can do so while maintaining a child's dignity and without ordering them around like a tyrant, trust me I have to keep myself in check, I am one who often needs reminders...I do tend to bellow...

If she loves her program, bring some of it home...make a reward board, catch her being good and give her home made certificates redeemable for a special walk with mom or an ice cream cone...post a schedule so she can help track upcoming transitions, make her a more productive member of the family have her help with some chores ( my two youngest LOVE being helpers, I have a 4 yr old and a 10 yr old who will argue over who gets to do what)
Lots of luck = )
I hate the term spoiled brat, you might also want to look into her sleep schedule is she getting enough?

my girl did that too and not because she was around other kids. she's 4 now and we are coming out the other end of it. it just took lots of correcting her tone and not giving in to her. honestly, sometimes, its so hard not to laugh at her bossy little tirade, but still, i correct her.

It's not an only child thing.
It's a development stage.
Some skip the terrible twos but land with a bad case of terrible threes.
When she throws a tantrum - let her.
Either ignore her where she is or put her in her room and say she can come out when ever she wants as long as she's finished.
Invest in ear plugs.
When she learns bad behavior will not get he the desired results, she'll be over it - but you have to be consistent and NEVER give in to it.
I use to haul my son off to his room and loosely but firmly hold him in my lap in the rocking chair till the tantrum storm was over - his record was an hour of screaming (ear plugs really did come in handy).
But then he'd want a snuggle and he'd calm down and usually he'd take a nap.

Well my question would be what do you do when she bellows out an order? I have learned that simply telling them how to ask and then giving them what they asked for does not change anything. But telling them because they asked so rudely they can not have it, then making them wait at least an hour or more does. If they are thirsty for over an hour because they were rude, they will remember. Every time in that hour they tell you they are thirsty adds a few minutes to the time. I do everything I can to distract them so they completely forget and then when a decent time passes with them not thinking about it, then I offer a snack and a drink.

I would use the same kind of response for anything. If they are demanding about wanting the Leapster or keep asking when I haven't had time to go and get it, then they will be grounded from it for the rest of that day. I had a boy recently that had a complete meltdown because the batteries ran out of the leapster. So I grounded him from it for a week. I could have added batteries and if he didn't have a meltdown I would have.

Something in the way you handle her is either going to curb it, or keep it going.

She's not a spoiled brat. She's just normal for her age and development. We had no negative behaviors in our daughter at 2 or 3 but boy at 4 1/2, look out!!! She was testing and sassing all over the place. A lot of it was her age, and some of it was going to preschool. "Other kids act this way, maybe I'll try that too." Very normal behavior.

The secret recipe is patience, consistency and repetition. Tell her what you expect, model words for her to use. It's a phase of development when it's addressed and doesn't become a habit unless it's allowed. Doesn't sound like you will do that... I think your rephrasing and reminding is working, but it won't happen overnight... just be consistent and kind, but firm.

Good luck Mama~

my (only) son is 4, almost 5, and i have noticed this in the last year or so as well. my favorite form of correction is, "you should try that again, and nicer, and see what happens." or some variation. "I don't know if you ARE going to get a cookie talking to me like that, why don't you try asking nicely?" i think it's partially an age thing, and partially a school thing. mine didn't start it till 3 or so, but that is when he started preschool. hang in there. all we can do is teach teach teach! and hope it sinks in! :) (it does, don't worry!)

I was going to ask is she around other kids. My daughter was great until she went to school. I think she got confused in a class and thought the world revolved around her. She is now ten and I still have to remind her it is the sun.

I think that this is somewhat typical for that age. My daughter is right about that age too, she'll be 4 in September. At about 2.5 she could have some pretty bad tantrums. We worked through them and everyone said just make it to 3.5 and it will be better...well that didn't seem to be entirely true in our case. Things are a lot better, but she is pretty sensitive and still has her moments! I think it's just hard to be 3,. They are still growing emotionally and phsycially and it's just hard to sort of know your limits. I think you're doing the right things by the sound of it, just keep it up! I also understand about using too many time outs...sometimes I say things like 'oops! That didn't come out right, please try again.' If she can do it nicely the second time around she can have what she wants (or at least gets the response I was planning on giving her!) Or I say, 'when you can speak to me nicely I will listen to you.' This way it puts it back on her and she can choose whether to change her tone or not. I think the key is to not change MY voice and let it any sounds of irritation or frustation. That is really hard sometimes, but I think it works a lot better if I remain with my normal tone. If my daughter is having a particularly rough day (due to tiredness or just sheer stubborness, sometimes I'm not sure) then I will sometimes just ask her to go to her room for a while until she can be nicer, calmer, more respectful, whatever. This does help too. Sometimes she just needs to be by herself and play quietly and then she's fine. You'll get through it!

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It is normal for all kids to act like "Spoiled brats" if they can get away with it. That's been a given since the beginning of time, especially at age 3 1/2, and especially if they get ignored for it. There are a million "reasons".

If it gets too much for you, or gets worse instead of passing, none of my kids (5, 3, and 2) have any of these behaviors and are very sweet and kind, thanks to this parenting style: Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson.

There is an actual list of 7 things in it that create a recipe fr raising a nice kid.

I was raised this way as well and had a happy loving childhood with respect for my parents and praise for being mature and kind since I can remember. I was rarely disciplined and don't remember it.

No one would ever call my kids spoiled brats. That's a parental responsibility, and you do have control. The key is needing almost no discipline because you are effective, which maintains a very positive and happy home, rather than endlessly implementing "mild" discipline which enable kids to spend hours in wrong behavior, strengthening the habit.

You may want to read about the book on Amazon just to scan. It's non angry, not what you think, and really works quickly so you can get back to enjoying your daughter's good traits all the time rather than dealing with this any longer.

My oldest is now 5, and they say you have to be a parent not a friend, but she's so mature and sweet, she really is my friend thanks to early discipline. She hasn't needed any discipline other than calm verbal explanation since she was 3. My 3 year old son is also sweet and respectful and my 2 year old ex rager is "getting there" on her good behavior after some trying times, but we never gave up and ignored her.

Your daughter sounds very very smart. The more effective your are, the quicker she will "get it". She'll develop a lot of confidence once she chooses to act well, and the good behavior will multiply itself.

It sounds like you are doing the best you can. It's probably better to not react so much. You've reminded her enough to change her tone. Now just ignore it. It will pass. And every couple of years or so.....

I think you're doing the right thing. Consistency is huge. Keep it up and hang in there. Good job! =D

First, you are probably doing better than you think you are, so hang in there.

The rephrasing does work if you firmly ignore the "bellowing out of orders". It takes a lot of patience. sigh.... Praise her when she is nice and polite. And watch your and your husband's own language. She will mimic what she hears.

The time outs that you are doing are good. You can also do timeouts for yourself. They are as follows: Remove yourself from where she is having the tantrum. If she follows you, try to shut the door. When I did that my daughter (18 months) pounded on the door until she got the message that I wasn't going to come out. Come out when she sounds calm.

Also remember to tell her what you are doing and why afterwards. Why after? Because she has calmed down and can listen then. Do it within 5 minutes--otherwise she will forget what happened.

Talk to her before you go into places to tell her the behavior you expect of her. And when you leave tell her (if she has been good) what a wonderful girl she has been (describe the behavior) and reward her with a special experience (not food hopefully). Talk to her alot about the behavior that you want at home too and praise it when it happens.

I know that its rough when our kids act out – drives me nuts. I'm sorry. My DD did the SAME THING at this age. I think it’s a testing phase and it lasted close to a year and really her 3 year tantrums were worse than her 2 year old ones. You have a road of being as patient as you can be ahead. What worked best for us is to not let her pull us into her drama, remain calm when you set her straight and be a wall of consistency.
Set the expectations for the behavior you expect from her and don’t give in, hold her accountable for bad behavior by taking her favorite things away for some time, make sure there are consequences for bad behavior.
All the adults around her have the same expectations for her behavior too and not vary even a degree. Don’t forget to reward (or just point out) when she is doing what you do expect. 'Great job saying please and thank you. I appreciate it when you are polite.' We follow and really have seen results, now that my DD is 6 from the Love and Logic methods. Hang in there - it will pass and your sweetie will be back.

a little late here but i always thought that 4's were way worse than the 2's. i would just say 'sorry?' or 'what was that?' until either they gave me the right tone or asked politely themselves, or i would provide them with the right way to say it. otherwise just let her know that you only respond to good manners and until then, you won't be responding.

I thought the "terrible twos" were a myth, until my only child son reached 3.5. Then it was like someone flipped a switch, and my sweet boy turned into a stubborn, button-pushing, limits-testing, lovable but trying kid.

I think a lot of it is the age, but the best thing we found was just to stick to our guns and give consequences for bad behavior. If he spoke rudely, we'd give him one chance to rephrase it, or he'd get either a time-out or wouldn't get what he wanted at all. It's hard, but stick with it, and she'll soon realize you mean what you say, and say what you mean.