Spinoff Question About Diapering

Updated on September 12, 2011
F.O. asks from Beverly Hills, CA
19 answers

As usual, many don't answer the question focus too much on making their responses personal.

So, I have to pose another scenario that will perhaps help some focus on the question instead of saying it's no big deal, etc. .

Your child goes to daycare, spends time away from you, etc... when you pick him/her up he's/she's soaked, diaper unchanged on more than one occasion. What do you do say?

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answers from St. Louis on

well, you're still going to get the same answer:

it's up to the visitation center to provide the means for the dads to be parents. If their policy states "no dads doing the diapers"....then it's not the dads being "bad" parents. It's the state's fault for blocking their actions.

Daycare = case worker in charge of dad's actions = visitation center's policies. Dad is out of the equation. Quit trying to blame him.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I will take my child to other day care. My daughter has been in daycare since she was 5 months old. She always has clean diaper no matter what time I pick her up.

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answers from Pittsburgh on

I've read both of your posts.

Back it up a minute.

You said that the caseworker said "We don't let the guys change the girl's diapers." IS THAT TRUE? Because then there is your answer. Change her before you leave the visitation center. In the ladies room, in your car, in the trunk, on the grass on a blanket. Most parents I know have changed diapers in some very unlikely places.

If it is not true, then he should be changing the diaper when it needs to be changed. I was a bit of a diaper changing freak. I always changed diapers right away and very regularly. Some people aren't. Do I think a wet diaper after a 60-90 minute visit is neglectful? Not really.

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Rochester on

This is TOTALLY DIFFERENT than the situation you posed before. It's like you're trying to get someone to agree with you. So yes, I'll agree with one thing...

Obviously, at daycare, they change diapers. Does your child go to daycare once a week for an hour? No. The expectations are different.

My youngest is in the church nursery for about two hours each Sunday, and I don't fly off the handle if her diaper is a little heavy when she comes out. I take her home and change it. Really, life is about so much more than getting yourself so wrapped up over a wet diaper. At least he's making an effort to see his child, which is more than some men do. Heck, my husband lives at home, faithfully, with our two daughters...the youngest is in diapers, and if I leave the house for two hours he doesn't change her diaper either unless she's had a blowout. I don't think it's cause for an uproar.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbia on

If your child is at this visit for an hour and comes back SOAKED, and the rule is that males cannot change their female daughter's diapers, you can either do three things:

Ask the social worker to provide a female social worker to change it, since if it were a male child, the diaper would be changed by her father (implying that all fathers are sex offenders for changing their daughters' diapers is beyond inappropriate, btw).

Or, file a formal complaint citing discrimination and defamation of character, citing the implication that your ex is a sex offender who cannot be trusted to change his daughter's diaper.

Or quit complaining and just change your daughter when you pick her up.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

F., I think you did get a lot of positive responses that agreed with you to your previous question. I get that you're upset, as I think you have reason to be, but remember not everyone is going to agree with you. I think her Dad should change her diaper, yes. I think you did the right thing by bringing it to the attention of the social worker and I also agree that men don't think about these things the same way as moms, even when they live in the same house as the child. Hopefully b/c of the measures that you have taken, things will change, but if they don't at least be thankful that it is just for a short time and that you will always have a chance to change her when she is given back to you.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

I read the first post and this one and though the scenerios are completly different at the same time they do pose the same concept. I understand that he is her father BUT also understand that there are rules (men diaper change whatever) So the complaint should NOT be so much that he should change her diaper AFTERALL HE IS ON VISITIATION FOR SOME REASON AND REGARDLESS THE REASON THE RULES APPLY TO EVERYONE. WITH THAT BEING SAID Your complaint should be that SOMEONE should check the hygeine of the child and make sure the child gets changed when needed Or no more visitation bc it pses health risks to the child. I dont think you should of thrown the daycare scenario in there bc daycares wont hire a male worker to work in a diapering class!!! so in that instance the scenerio does not fit. Yes he is the childs father BUT he is in a situation that limits his parenting abilities. POINT BLANK!

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Redding on

I say you just change the diaper. Grumbling about it gets you nowhere.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

Actually they did answer your quesiton, you just didn't get all 100% answers you wanted. Daycare vs supervised visits aren not equal scenorios. Same as home daycare is not the same as a facility!

I didn't really read that it's no big deal in any of the answers you got. I read that a) yes it is apart of parenting b) there are rules in place for a reason and c) somes fathers/dads don't think about this.

Take a deep breath and go back and read again what the answers say.

You can't take it personal they have rules set in place.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Orlando on

A daycare where the child is there for hrs a day multiple tines a week coming home with a wet diaper is way different then a hr a week visitation with her father. I am with the father of my children and I can count the number of times he changed our sons diaper on one hand!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

I had a daycare lady for my daughter for a couple of weeks who I'm sure wasn't changing her often enough. She was in a clean diaper when she came home, but she ended up with a bleeding diaper rash, like she sat in it for too long.

I was especially suspicious when she told me another child in her care had to get prescription diaper rash medicine for the same problem, when my child had never had such a bad rash in her life, I knew it must be something she was doing.

This lady was an interim provider while our regular provider was on maternity leave. Luckily, my MIL stepped in so I could fire this lady. There is no excuse for letting a child sit in a dirty diaper so long.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I discussed with my child's daycare at the end of the day that DD was wet and we had a long commute home. Thereafter they made it a point to change her or check her prior to our normal pick up time. If I was early, I changed her myself. We had no major problems with the center. I think that if you leave your child in the care of someone else (the church nursery, the daycare, the preschool, a relative) you have the responsibility to get your child's needs taken care of in their care.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Santa Barbara on

Daycare is not the same as spending an hour with her father where he is not allowed to change her diaper. If it truly a policy issue, work on that.

This is not an issue of your daughter's father neglecting her, he has the diapers but is stuck in some god awful visitation center. It really does seem like such a short period of time that you could check/change her in your car if necessary.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Cincinnati on

If I picked up my child and he was soaked on more than one occassion, I would be looking for alternative care. I cloth diapered at home and changed him every hour or when dirty. I know a daycare will not change hourly, but I would not tolerate anyone letting him go to the point where he was soaked. Waking up from a nap soaked is one thing. Being awake and crawling around with a soaked diaper is just wrong.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

There is a huge difference between someone you pay to watch your child and someone you don't.

Perhaps if you word your question in a way that makes sense we can answer without being so personal.

If your daycare, which you pay for, doesn't change your child you change your daycare. I didn't get the feeling that was an option for you.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dover on

I would ask where the diapers are and change my child.

However, at my old daycare, my provider would immediate say "I'll take care of it". When we got there in the morning if she wet on the way there, she would say "Don't worry about it, I got it".


answers from San Antonio on

Sorry you had to rephrase the question. I didn't read other's responses to your daugther's father question.

In this scenario, I say nothing the first time. (they might've been too busy or had a fussy kid, or been short-handed with kid:adult ratio).

The second time, I say "Ya know, Johnny had leaked thru his diaper last time I came and picked him up. His shorts were even a little wet (even if it's a teensy lie). Do you think from now on, maybe half an hour before I pick him up, you could change his diaper? I put 3 extra ones in his bag in case you need them. Plenty of wipes and snacks in there too. Thanks. I really appreciate it."


answers from Los Angeles on

I didn't read the orig post, but I would be upset. I am a non confrontational person, but I would point out the obvious and say, "Oh, looks like you forgot to change diaper". And then I would say, "Can you please make sure to check the diaper more often, my son/daughter gets rashes really easily". I would most def say something. If it kept happening, I would seriously reconsider having my child be watched by them. I mean, I am assuming you are supplying them w/the diapers, and therefore there is no excuse for this, except laziness and negligence on the sitters behalf.



answers from Los Angeles on

If I were you, I'd look into placing my child in a different daycare! I worked in a daycare and can categorically tell you that there's no excuse for the diapers not to be changed as soon as necessary! Does your daycare ask you to provide the diapers or is the cost included in the fees you pay? Unfortunately there are 2 types of people who run daycares - those who love children and derive pleasure from knowing that they're providing the best possible start to their lives, and those who just do it for the money! If you're not already providing the diapers (for the time being) I would suggest sending your child to daycare with his/her diaper bag containing more diapers than the number he / she usually goes through in a day. Obviously, if you're not providing your own diapers, they might be leaving them on longer than recommended to save money! Tell the carer that you expect your child to be dry and to not have any nappy rash when you fetch him/her. When I was running my own daycare, I'd ask each parent to provide a notebook into which we would write messages to each other. For babies I'd make a note of the times I fed and changed their diapers and Moms would write to me if something had happened at home that might disrupt the child's routine! Maybe you could ask your carer to do something like that for you. Trust your instincts ... if you think something is wrong, act on it! Best of luck.

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