Spending Time with Loved One...

Hi C.,
It sounds like we're kindred spirits! I always had the same fear-- worried that the ONE time I was away, was the one time something horrible would happen. So you know what came of that? I never spent one night away from my kids, (other than in hospitals when I was giving birth- and even then I was always worried) until my 10th wedding anniversary!! Can you believe it? And even then, it was supposed to be a 2 night thing, and we ended up coming home after the first night. (My husband is just as bad as I am!)
My recommendation, is just to bite the bullet and go. Doing certain things will help-- make sure that the kids are with someone you trust implicitly. Leave emergency numbers, and your cell phone number or other number where you can be reached. And remember, you can call every morning and night to say good morning and goodnight to the kids.
Use simple logic with yourself. What are the chances that anything would REALLY happen? It's a rather irrational fear. It's hard to go that first time-- so just make it an overnight. Maybe you can just stay one night in a local hotel for Valentine's Day, your or your spouse's birthday, your anniversary, etc. Then, with each succeeding trip, you stay a little longer, and maybe even a little farther away.
I know someone who goes away with her husband for 2 weeks every year. Almost seems a little over indulgent to me- and she has them moving from house to house among her friends.
I could never do that-- way too long for mek, and too unstable.
I've been married for 17 years now, and the longest I've been gone from the kids is one week (but my husband was with the kids, so I was very comfortable, even though I missed them -- I was at my mother's)
My husband and I still haven't been gone from them (at the same time) for more than one night. That's mostly a money thing though, not a fear thing. We really enjoy our "one nighters" by ourselves--usually for our anniversary, but we'd rather spend the money on family vacations, so we've never gone away for more than one night. And we've found that even that one day (well two really-- we usually leave early in the morning, and don't return until the next night) is SO rejuvinating for us personally, and as a couple. And really, that couple days is all we need! We DO plan on going away for a week though, for our 20th (3 years away-- oh my gosh I'm getting old!!)
Once we had our first overnight, the fear subsided and we've been able to enjoy it every year since then.
Your youngest is certainly old enough that you could be gone for even a week. You just have to jump in, do that first overnight- even just ONE night. After that, it will be easier.

Best wishes!
T.

I am sorry, but I have no advice for you. I want to tell you that you are not alone. I have never been away from my daughter for more than a few hours. Like you I am scared that I would never see my daughter again. I am however going to have to come July because I am having a baby, and unless they will allow her to stay (LOL), then I will have to be away from her. I have no idea how I am going to do this, but I absolutley have no choice. I hope other mothers can give you good advice ! ! ! Good Luck.

Hi C.,

It's not just you who go through this. I think most moms do. It took me six years to finally be able to leave my daughters for a weekend to attend an event with my husband out of town. I didn't trust anyone so we had to drive them to my sister who lives out of state and flew out from there. It was hard but we got through the weekend and so did the girls. They didn't even notice we were gone for a few days because they had so much fun. We recently went to a friend's wedding in Florida and had to leave the girls (now 7 and 5) home and it was a lot easier this time. It was actually enjoyable. Give it a try! Welcome to KS. We just moved here too back in July and like you I am still trying to meet new friends here and there.

You just have to make yourself do it. I have traveled many times for work and a few times for fun since my children were born and while it is not fun to think about what "could" happen, it is good for everyone to take a break from each other. My children love going to Grandma's or staying with their favorite babysitter while we are away and my husband and I are more relaxed and appreciate the kids more when we return. Maybe I am out of the norm, but we took our first vacation when my son was 4 months old (a free trip to Monterrey, CA - too good to pass up) and I traveled for work the first time when he was three months old, so I had to get used to it early on. Once you go and have a good time and see that the kids are fine, it will get easier.