Speech Delayed Kids

My son (age 3) has been in speech therapy for almost a year. He is starting to talk. When he grunts or screeches or tugs at his speech therapist, she will often get down at eye level with him, wait quietly, and shrug her shoulders or open her hands skyward near her shoulders to indicate "What do you need?" Then she will wait for him to respond (either verbally or by signing) - and then praise him for telling her what he needs/wants.

How old is your son? If you're not able to get him to look at you, perhaps he has some other developmental difficulty. Has he been tested for other possibilities?

I also think that you don't want to set him up for frustration by giving him something you know he doesn't want. By doing this you're also giving him a reason to not trust you. Nose to nose may be a way to get him to look at you. Have you tried not giving him anything until he does look at you? But if you're asking him to look at you and are touching him and getting his attention and he's still not looking at you, I'd consider the possibility of another disorder or delay going on.

When my grandson first started in speech therapy, they therapist had us use pictures to which he could point to tell us what he wanted. Have you tried that?

I would definitely not do as they suggest; ie; giving him something different than what he wants. He, and you, have enough frustration without adding another one. IF you can joke with him about it by giving him a sock and then say, "whoops, that's not what you want" as a way of getting his attention that might work. But not doing something that will make him angry. Anger gets in the way of learning.

How old is your son???

To me (and my son had Speech Therapy, but he was not hard of hearing).... but to me... your facilitator(s) are way off base.

You need to... send your son, to a Deaf or hard of hearing... type of school or organization. Who will then know, professionally... HOW to address your son's hard of hearing... AND his speech... And to PROPERLY.... assess him and give you real tips on how to help him.

These ECI girls... don't seem to be real smart. Sorry.

I heard that the Scottish Rite... is very good. Here is the link for it in your area:
http://www.guthriescottishrite.org/ritecare.aspx

My Son's Speech Therapist... has them on their list of recommended centers.

all the best,
Susan

Hi D.,
You have some wonderful answers here. First I want to say what a wonderful Mom you are. To seek the advice of others who have been there shows a truly powerful woman. It is my prayer that you find the answer that will fit your family in the advice that is give you.
I would like to share my story in hopes that it may help you or someone else reading.
My son who is now 8 started speech therapy at the age of 2 1/2. I really wish I would have started him sooner but l took the "wait and see" advice from the doctor. From the age of 2 1/2 to 4 we had the CO-OP(state paid educator therapist). After I switched to private practice I realized the state paid are the less educated and under paid/over worked. The private practice are often the more educated on up to date methods and if you think about it more motivated to see improvement as their job depends on you and recommendations from you. It was when Hollis was 4 and the private therapist suggested we use pictures that he started to make grand improvement. What I did was to take pictures of everything and I do mean everything! I took pictures of ALL the food we have in the house and used my ZoomBrowzer EX software to print them out in 1 1/2 inch squares. I then got a $25 laminator from Wal-Mart and laminated the page and cut them out; put Velcro on the back side and on a poster with magnets. This went on the Fridge and all the foods we have in the house where on it. If we ran out of a food that picture would go in an envelope in a drawer until I went shopping(this help me on my shopping list too, tee hee). When my son wanted something instead of grunting and us spending an hour with a melt down and lots of pointing he only had to point to the picture. Here's the catch: once he pointed to the picture I got on my knees looked at him and had to say "Hollis want apple?", he would grunt what I know was a yes and I would repeat "Apple?" we kept this up until he would change his grunt to what I know was him trying to say "Apple" as soon as he changed the sound I gave him the apple. After he caught on that he had to say it he would point at the picture and say exactly (or try his best to say) what he wanted and I would reward him with the item and a hug. This relived SO much frustration in him and me in our day that he quickly started using words for more and more things. We started using a picture schedule for the day as well. I used it to ask him "Hollis we are at Speech Therapy now, where are we going after?" Hollis: "Wal-Mart" me: "Right Mommy has some shopping so we are going to Wal-Mart after Speech Therapy"
For Hollis he was already so frustrated because he could not communicate that when we did the "hold out until he says it without aid" it created more frustration and problems. By giving him the aid of pictures it helped him to not be anxious and to feel empowered to the point that he started to use more and more sounds. By the age of 4 1/2(six months of pictures) he was starting to put three words together! No more grunt's; almost a true sentence. At age 8 he has just last month graduated out of articulation; he still get's speech therapy for pragmatic. HOWEVER I feel I must say that due to the way he was pushed and frustrated before the age of 4 on speech, and after on other issues in his learning disability we are now dealing with him having an anxiety disorder. He is now seeing a psychiatrist once a week to help him learn to deal with this anxiety.
It scares me that they told you to put water in his tippy. WHY? you know what he wants and he knows you know so why change the game just to cause frustration and "force" him to say exactly what he wants? Why not ask him and then wait for his answer? Show him Water, Milk, Juice and maybe even say Mommy likes Tea in her cup, Daddy likes Water in his, what do you want in tippy? Show him you are not changing the game but that you think he is a bigger boy now and he is in control of what goes in tippy! Reward him with whatever he says or tries to say or sign by giving it to him immediately. Do the same for him bring you his plate, Show him he is big enough now to have a choice and he can make the decision(something he does not want and something he does, no more than two choices though we don't want him to start to think he is in complete control of the entire house, hehee).
Your son will still have fits but remember that this is not easy for him either. You are the one person in the world that he can count on, and if suddenly he can not how do you think that will help him? For me and my son leaving him alone in the room was not an option, it only made things MUCH worse to the point he could not self sooth. It was better for me to just sit on the floor and hold him, and quietly say Mommy wants to help but I can not until I know what it is you want. Use your words and tell Mommy please.
Now some kids it does help if you leave the room(my daughter is one of those). There is no helping her once she is in a tantrum, once she self sooths and does what she needed to do she is a very happy and proud girl.
You know your son, and your personalities better than anyone else. Do not second guess your Mommy instinct! I pray you find what and who will help you best.
J. Miller

Yes & No I have the same thing going on here she has conductive hearing loss so it is making it hard for her to pick up on language although making progess weekly.
She has a speech therapist come out every 2 weeks from day one she has told me to not give in she has everything done for her. I already know what she wants before she has a chance to communicate but not always then if I don't understand her offer her a choice. It is up to me to communicate & listen to her she isn't going to tell me.The offering water is a start she said to offer 2 things at a time such as milk or water shoes or boots baby doll or play phone these are just some examples she will then try pointing grunting or have the tantrum while she is doing that she is also trying to get what she is wanting with a step stool chair climbing to get to what she is wanting.Now for signing we are also working on that again from the day she first came out she has signed with her simple signs.You must talk it through and sign, frustrating and hard when they really want to speak but can't say what they are wanting.Eye contact it has to happen i'm not perfect noway no how but it has to be an effort.
Why are there 2 girls?Is this an evalutation & then only 1 will come out weekly?
You can't force them to talk it takes time effort patience practice.Think of it from his view go down to his level look around what do you see things differently right?Do they want him to go to a school for the deaf or is this being done at home?Has his hearing been restested?If he needs a hearing aid he will hear things differently than before.
Hang in there please feel free to send a private message.

Were these suggestions given to you during an evaluation or a IFSP meeting? Or were they from your dedicated Speech Therapist who is already visiting your home and working with your son on a regular basis? If the former, I would wait until you are assigned your ST and let him/her get to know your son before expecting solid recommendations on the best strategies. If the latter (this was recommended by your current SP who already knows your son), you'll have to decide if you trust him/her -- and either implement the advice or contact your Coordinator to request a new SP.

A successful strategy for helping a child with poor eye contact is for you to remain completely silent until he looks at you. Whenever your son asks a question or asks for something, you simply do not answer until he is looking at you. And then use your voice and sign language. He will start to learn that you are not going to communicate until he makes the necessary eye contact. This worked wonders for us.

I wish you and your son the very best.

My daughter is 4, she has Down syndrome and is speech delayed. One thing her speech therapist said was "there are 2 things you cannot make a child do eat and talk" With that being said you need to be consistant in whichever process you use. I don't think purposefully causing tantrums is going help much. If you put milk in his cup everytime you say do you want milk you also sign it. Show him the milk when you take it out of the fridge and sign it. I agree on previous posts, you need to have eye contact. I do have to get in my daughter's face to make her communicate with me. Either by signing or using words. By getting in my face I mean, I will be face to face with her only inches apart. She then knows she needs to pay attention and communicate back to me. My daughter goes to school at The Little Light House in Tulsa. It is a school for special needs children, each child has different delays in certain areas. They are starting a communication system called PODD's. Linda Burkhart started this system. You can google it and make your own type of communication similar by taking your own pictures. (Ask your ECI therapists-Is is Soonerstart?)It is communication by pictures. You could use something like that and when he points to a picture you could say it out loud and sign it. It would ease some frustrations right away, and eventually he would be saying/signing the word instead of pointing to the pictures.

We had totally diff needs with speech therepy, however one thing I did keep in mind was that they went to school and had jobs about this because they want to know how to do this and teach others ... listen to them and try everything they throw at you for 21 days before you give it up (takes 21 days to form a habit) hang in there and ask someone to be available for 24hrs once you have made progress or a major set back to recharge in a hotel alone or with your parenting partner it is helpful and good for the mommy soul.