Speech Delay

Hey,
Just as a comforting thought, my brother didnt talk until he was three. He had some words around 2 and actually lost some. But that third year he just put it all together and started talking almost all at once. We havent been able to shut him up since!
I feel like I am missing a piece of the question. Most moms arent interested in interacting with others children UNLESS there is a problem. If you son is having trouble communicating and is hitting, shoving, yelling or other negative ways of getting his point across you need to be right there correcting and apologizing to the child and parent. I cant understand any other reason for moms to be rude, but if there is, I would just have a short sentance explaining his delay "he may not say a word, but look at him master that slide" to let them know he has a challenge. If they are still rude I would make a point to avoid them and their child. I have a younger brother who has Downs Syndrome and have never witnessed anyone being intentionally rude. Most people just dont know how to handle a child that big (he is five) acting like he is 2. I hope these moms dont cause you stress this summer, and that they can teach their children about acceptance and being polite. Enjoy the sun, Jen
(ps the brother that talked at 3 isnt the downs syndrome one who isnt yet talking but knows his letter sounds :-)

sorry to heard that , you right about seeing them often 'cause the small community, but there are so many places and groups you and your child can join...
rude peple and ignorant you'll find everywhere ..so try to think about it to much, if it was me I know It would hurt but telling them something is giving them the importants and care that they dont deserve...
one of my friends boy had the same problem , and after 2 years and a half they found out the little one didnt heard to al atll from one of his ears , so he went into surgery...now he is fine...you might wanna try and ask your doc about checking that
bye now

Dear S. ~

As you know, children can have be speech delays and be very bright. Have you had your child evaluated? Early Intervention programs through the county/school district are good, and free, and serve kids through their third year. Tucker Maxon Oral School has an early intervention and a pre-K specializing in helping communication disordered children. Lots of good options out there.

As for the rude moms, I have found that a little education works well. (I have a son with orthopedic challenges, so I know the moms you are talking about. Ick.)
Something like "Not all children have the same strengths or develop at the same rate. My son is great at Legos, but not so great at talking. We like to celebrate his gifts, not his challenges" seems to work well. Or, my personal favorite for the really rude: "Hmmm.. what an unusual thing to say about a child".

Good luck, and search out some good supports.

L.

First let me start off by telling you that boys develop latter than girls. Both my boys were late speakers. And he will start to speak when he is ready, don't get discouraged. The second thing is Why are you worried aboutr offending people who have been rude to your son? He is 3 they are grown, he can't stick up for himseld, you need to do it for him. There are ways of letting others know that there comments are not okay or welcome. And let them know that unless you have asked for their opinion, you don't need it.

S. I don't know how they are being rude to your son, but you have to speak up for him. When my daughter was 3 years old daughter started to speak less and less around people because her classmates, were saying they couldn't understand her and that she talked funny. She has been seeing a speech therapist and now at 4,she is almost always understood, by strangers. There are still people who ask how old is she after she talks with them, because she looks like a 5 year old and talks like a 2 1/2 year old. I explain that she has a speech delay and that she has worked really hard to make such great progress and that a year ago they wouldn't have understood a thing she had said. Usually people are rude out of ignorance, just gently inform them, and remind them that words hurt. Or get in there with your son and play and be his voice with the other kids. Explain to the kids your son is shy and hasn't found his voice yet, but you know he would love to play chase with them. Some times when you teach the kids, you teach their parents too. Good luck, and if you have not taken your son to see a speech therapist already, you might consider it. Also if you go to your local school district and have him evaluated, he might qualify for service at the school for no cost. Good luck

I'm pretty much with you in a similar situation! My daughter who is 4 now has a speech delay. She still cannot say many letters correctly. So, she tries to use other letter's to compensate, which makes it more difficult for other kids/parents to understand what she says.

My suggestion is to try and enroll your child into a great daycare to be around other children, if possible. Your little one will pick up language so much easier from his peers, at least my daughter has. My daughter was also evaluated through the school district and attends speech therapy each week.You can always try flash cards, matching games, and other little fun games to help him with his speech.

I hated taking my daughter to the park when she was younger, and sometimes even now, only because other parents and children are so critical and the glares are so saddening to me. Thankfully, she hasn't shown many signs of caring about it, yet!

I wish you tons of luck and much success!!!

Hi S. -
It's so hard when someone is rude to our babies. I, unfortunately, am not that nice when someone is mean to my sons. I immediately become a mama lion and bite at whoever is near. I think it's important for my sons to see that I am there to protect them. I don't swear, don't want my sons to do that, but I make it very clear that their behavior is not okay. I distinctly remember one woman grabbing my son's arm because my son didn't want to play with her young son and was walking away. I stormed over there and took my sons arm out of her grasp, put him behind my butt, looked the woman in the face and said, " Don't ever touch my son again. He wasn't being mean to your son, but he also is not obliged to play with yours. If you can't keep your hands off other people's children maybe you shouldn't be out in public." A little rude, I know, but boy was I mad!!
I think that if I saw someone talking down to my son, or rude because he couldn't communicate something, I would go over, take the mother aside and say something to the effect of, " My son has a speach delay and by you speaking to him so rudely you are showing other children how to treat him, and that's not okay. He's only 3, shame on you!" AND, why do you want to be friends with woman who are mean or rude to young children? I have an attitude that is a little different I guess, I couldn't care less if I was offensive to someone that can't control themselves when speaking with my son.
Obviously I will be in a minority, But sometimes I just get so MAD when I see uneducated mothers dealing with children inappropriately!! And maybe someone will think it's innappropriate to deal with mother's that way, but like I said...My kids are looking at me to defend them, and that's what I'm gonna do!!
Now, the last thing....you should really look into getting him to see a speach specialist, that might help with the slow talking.
Have a great day!! L.

You could try the straight forward approach. "I feel like your a little impatent with my child, I need you to understand that its hard for him/her to communicate because of this speech delay. We see you so often here I would really appreciate your help." Maybe pull them in and try to make them a closer part of your community. You could also say "I would appreicate it if you could find a nicer way to talk to my child. I've noticed that your not alway kind to him." It really depend on how close you are or want to be with these women. I can't understand Mother's being rude or impatient with someone elses child, but we all have bad days right.

On another note. I had a speech impedament growing up and it was hard and it was frustrating in so many way. I couldn't even say my own name. Even after I could make myself understood I was told often that I had a funny accent. The point of this is I was given help and lots of therapy and I grew out if it and am fine now. This is not forever only for a time, stay strong for your child and know that there is hope.

Don't know what to do about the other parents but wanted to tell you about a friend of mine to reassure you. This friend is my age (36ish). I am finally back at school finishing my Masters after having 2 kids. He is in my class, is certainly the most talented amongst us, and the other day he told me he didn't talk until he was 3!
My 2 yr old would talk the ear off a donkey!!
He is very sociable so this surprised me.
Apparently, at a young age he said almost nothing, then suddenly started talking in full sentences.
He is the same now. He likes to be really prepared before jumping in. But when he does, he is totally confident and far better at it than the rest of us who are ready to say "look at me!!" before there is really anything to look at.
Just give your little one plenty of encouragement.
He is probably saving it all up for some great surprises.
Then those mamas at the park will be eating their own words!!

S. - Speech therapy has been a huge help for my 3 year old nephew. You should look into that.

In the mean time, I would say practice being kind to those mothers. Compliment them on how well their children can speak/share/balance - whatever you see! Turning the tables on rudeness in that way usually surprises the insecure mother who feels the need to point out your child's inadequacies, and she'll open up. (Or else she'll just be embarrassed and walk away!) Either way, you win by setting a good example of kindness not only for your child, but everyone else within earshot. If it's appropriate, you can respond with how your son can't speak quite so well yet, but he's really good at (fill in the blank) and move on to that subject.

Its also rude for the adult to try to ruin your time with your child. I am shocked how the world is getting so mean and evil towards others!
But, what you need to understand is this. When your child see's this it can start behaviorial problems and so on. It also sets an example to your child that he should take people being negavtive towards him...

YOU need to stand up for your child to show him a good example of how do i stand up for myself when people act like this towards me. If it was me. I would give an earful and not care what this woman thinks. She should be ashamed of herself treating a baby like this!!
If your worried about popularity. This lady doesnt deserve to be part of your sons world. Sorry to be blunt but it angers me hearing adults treat slow learners or handicapped children so wrong.

Good Luck and have a great memorial week =)

Hi S.,
I just wanted to send you words of encouragement. I'm sure you are a great mom and talk to your little one all the time. Some people can be very insensitive to issues. My son was also a delayed talker due to spectrum issues. He is very intelligent. Some people don't have the insight, blessing or appreciaton that others have. Ignore their rude comments, and continue to speak kindly to your son and model appropriate behaviors for your son. Every child develops at their own rate (including speech). He's taking it all in, even though he may not reciprocate just yet. My son began speaking in sentences at 4 and a half. His language just took off. Now, he has average to above average vocabulary and social skills. Before that he spoke in words and phrases. Keep doing the right things, it will pay off. When my son started talking, he talked about places I took him when he was three! What a great memory! I did however take him to be evaluated for hearing. You should too. Also, I took him to "Child Find." Contact your local school district and ask about having him tested for a speech delay. He may qualify for early childhood therapy or speech/preschool class. Above all, don't blame yourself! Good Luck to you!

Just keep a positive mind that you are your childs biggest advocate. You will need to explain to these moms that your child has a speech delay and that you are working as fast as you can to get him to talk.

You may also use a reference that I used before my son could speak: SigningTime.com to order videos to help you and your son learn sign language before he speaks. My son and I had to learn sign language so he could at least show us what he wanted. It was a great confidence booster for he and I.
Also, we looked for the resources in our community for disabled children and were referred to a pre-school program that was free for a year. He is now talking non-stop. I am so glad we researched these programs.
You might also get on the internet or look in your local Barnes & Nobles (or other bookstore) for a book on sign language. I learn faster with videos, but it's up to each persons learning abilities as to how they learn.
Another option is to stay on this page and let us know how you are. My husband signed me up for this page when he found out I needed more support from other mothers. It's been a great experience.
Please let me know how things are going, or if you need more advice.

Kim B.

have you had him checked out by a speech specialist to see if his development is within normal range? he may be just on the farther edges of normal. boys often start speaking later than girls. i agree that being rude back wouldn't help anything. you could just think of a simple explanation like that he's focusing on learning other things and will speak more when he's ready. have you used sign language with him? if you haven't, that could be a really good way to help him learn to communicate, while he's learning to speak. these other mothers, i would assume, probably mean well, and they are probably also insecure and so feel like they need to brag about their children and compare them with others. if you know them well enough, you could also simply tell them how you feel when they say these things, and tell them that you are concerned about how your child feels as well. you could even say nice things about their children and their mothering.

In a similar situation, I have said something like "Our son has some developmental issues in this area, but the doctor assures us with the help and kindness of family and friends, he will catch up soon. Thanks for asking." I try to use a friendly face and tone of voice. Since no one wants to be percieved as "unkind" they will usually either stop, or sometimes warm up. Good luck!

First, I want to say that if you haven't already had your sons speech evaluated by a licensed Speech-Language Pathologist that should be your first step. Too often parents wait hoping that their child will "grow out of it", but the longer you wait the less likely they are to grow out of a speech delay.

My 3 year old has a speech disorder (which is treated 4 days a week) and his speech definitely stands out in a crowd of other 3 year olds. Other kids are starting to make comments like "hey why isn't that boy talking" I explain to them that he has trouble talking but he can understand really well. Sometimes I even show the kids a sign or two so that they understand there is more than one way to communicate.

I think that other parents seem to equate delayed speech to being lazy or "slow", so it really helps other parents to straiten up their attitude when I am upfront with them about my sons issues. Usually a simple statement like, "yes I know he's hard to understand, we've sought help and he's improving. Please be patient with him" really helps.

My daughter is four and in the same boat. I started her in Speach Therapy, and thankfully my ex has kept it up. She is just know starting to talk a little better. I just tell other mothers that she is speach delayed and to leave her alone.

I had two children who had trouble with speech. They didn't articulate well. The first was diagnosed in Phoenix through a doctor's office. The second was diagnosed here in Everett through the school district. Here in Everett, I called the school district and they set up an appointment to have her formally tested. After testing, she started speech therapy once a week at our home school with an amazing speech and language pathologist. I know by 3 years old, your child would qualify. Definitely take advantage of the services your school district offers.

Then you can explain to the other mothers that he is getting help for his speech delay and ask them to be patient with him. If you are worried about offending them, I would find a way to bring the subject of the speech delay up in conversation at a time when they are not being rude to your son. Maybe a little education will straighten them up.

I am all for being kind and flexible but there really is no excuse for people, especially other mothers, to be rude to you or your son. They need to learn a little tolerance. Be direct and in a firm but kind tone explain the situation. For example, "I am sure that you don't mean to be rude but..." My son is just 3 1/2 years old but is the size of a child who is closer to 4 1/2 or 5 years old. Because he is a big kid many people expect more from him. He had a terrible ear infection that came on suddenly and we were in the grocery store and he told me on the way there that his ear hurt. The pain got to be too much and he broke down. A lady, a stranger, walked by us and I heard her comment to her companion about how a "child of that age should no better and I should control my son." Well, I lost it! I wasn't as kind as could have been but told in her no uncertain terms that she didn't need to so rude and jump to conclusions about a situation that she had no knowledge of. You don't have to put up with rudeness. You are out there to have a good time and a good time should be had by all. Stick up for yourself and your child. Don't people like that get to you.

S.,

My now 4 1/2 year old son had a similar problem. When he was younger he had many ear infections (we only caught 3-4) with none of the usual signs or symptoms. That caused problems for us. As his Mom I always seemed to understand what he was saying, no problem. Looking back at some video we have of when he was about 2 1/2 reading Brown Bear, he sounds like there is cotton in either his ears, or his mouth.

Last year when my daughter was born I took him out of daycare, and we all stayed home. Working with him this past year and correcting him on the spot when he said something wrong, now everyone can understand no problem. For my son, he needed more one on one time to have someone catch, and correct, his speech. His doctor, and my family, started pushing for me to consider speech therapy for him, but insurance didn't cover it. We just worked with him at home, and now I'm glad I resisted the therapy.

Give him time, love and attention, he will speak when he's ready.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

If you have any more questions or want to chat my email is ____@____.com

First I must say that I am apalled that there are mothers who would be mean to a non verbal 3 yo. I myself have and autistic son who at 3 was totally non verbal and I must say I did not tolerate rudeness to him at all from other parents or children. I know you are experiencing strange looks as well... how i changed that was to just walk up to them children and adults alike and explain that he cannot speak so you can talk to him but he will not talk back. Believe it or not the kids were better about it and very accepting of what i said compared to the adults... if they continued to be rude and glaring I would state that they were being rude and that I would not tolerate it and maybe they should leave if they cannot contain themselves and be nice to a child. its not rude to state it nicely... how they take it is there problem but you should not be the one to have to tolerate it nor your child. you are your childs best advocate...
Good luck...

Hi S.,
I know that some children wait to talk later and then just go ahead and talk but, I just think that you should make sure he can hear well. That is also, sometimes the problem. Just a thought. Shame on those other mothers who don't consider what could be going on with a child. I don't think I would worry too much about offending them, just explain that you are looking into the situation. I'm sure everything will work out great.

S.,

You really shouldn't worry about responding to rude people, and what they think. First of all if an adult becomes rude to a three year old I wouldn't give them the time of day. How mature is a person when they become rude to any child.

If I were you I would maybe try to put together a play group with other parents that have children with delayed speech. This way you could have a support system, and maybe it will help the little ones with the socializing.

Don't stop going to the park and playing, but don't let this wound you personally. Be strong and show your son how a winner overcomes all odds. No matter what...

The play group thing I would blog. Put something on on Mamasource. Support of any kind rocks.

Good luck ,and I hoped I helped, Becki

Have you looked into speech therapy? Really helped with my 3 yr old. Good luck as every child develops on their own time table and it definitely doesn't help when others respond negatively. Stick with those who are your support system!

Are you getting help for your son? If so, I'd just tell people that you know his behind and that he is working with a speech therapist. If you are not getting help, call your local school district and they will assess and provide speech therapy to kids of preschool age.

I wouldn't worry about offending them. They are being rude and need to be told to stop offending you.

I want to comment on the speech delay. Your son sounds similar to my grandson who was still not talking at his check up at 32 or so months. His pediatrician suggested that he could just be slow in learning but that an evaluation would be helpful. She didn't push it at all and I wish she had much earlier.

School districts are mandated by Federal law to provide services to children who have difficulties that might prevent them from success in school. The evaluation is free and so are the services after the evaluation.

My grandson started treatment just 2 months from his 3rd birthday. The program that gave him one on one treatment ends at age 3. He then went into a preschool program at Headstart but he was one of 20 kids and the only one with a speech problem. He saw a speech therapist a couple of hours a week.

Because he didn't adjust to this classroom and took his anger out on everyone around him, hitting, pushing, crying, refusing to cooperate with classroom routines the district placed him in a therapeutic preschool that maybe has 8-10 students and 3 teachers. He still doesn't get very much speech therapy but this is helping him learn how to succeed in a group. He has blossomed in many ways.

But his speech is still nearly unintelligible tho better. He'll be 5 the end of June. Because he now is covered by his father's insurance he is starting with increased speech therapy at Kaiser Permanente. If he hadn't had insurance the school district would have found a way to increase speech therapy.

Because he has both speech and behavior difficulties he will be going to a special kindergarten this fall.

All of this has been done free with the exception now of insurance co-pays. And the district also provided support for my daughter as she learned how to help her son learn.

Yes, your son may be delayed and be able to catch up without professional care but it is even more likely that he needs speech therapy, hearing improvement or ??? I strongly advise that you make an appointment with your school district's Intermediate Education Services for an evaluation.

If he doesn't need intervention or even just a little you'll be relieved. If he does need intervention, as my grandson did, you will be helping him to not only fit in with other kids but also make it possible for him to succeed in school. If he needs treatment the better it is for him the earlier you start.

This process has been painful, especially for my daughter. HOwever, it would be more painful if he's not able to work independently at school or has to delay starting school.

BAck to the rude mothers. Deal with them in a respectfull manner but don't let them continue to do this to your son. Perhaps mostly they just need education.

The school district will pay for a speech evaluation and speech therapy. I had my 3 year old in speech in Multnomah county. They did an eval and she needed it. The therapist came to my home. I later moved to Clark county and the county paid for it as well, but I had to take her to the local elementary. She only needed it for a while, and it helped. We could afford it, but it's an automatic thing for the district to pay for it.
The sooner you get your child in therapy the better. I also put her in preschool to get her around kids her own age. They will not allow your child into kindergarten if he cannot communicate. The therapy is gentle, almost looking useless, but it WORKS!
I do not think there is anything you can say to the rude moms without being rude yourself. I cannot imagine what they have said to your child, how inappropriate. Maybe you could just that, "come on son, these moms are being inappropriate." The speech delay makes them insecure, and the therapy will help them with that. I am here if you need to talk some more about it.

Dear S.,

Your older child has been through a whomping big experience, with a preemie sibling (and all the anxiousness of that) at a very important time in his life. Maybe he's "helping" by "staying with" the new sibling by not talking. The little one doesn't talk either. You may never know just why the older one doesn't talk, but he does.
"Rude" is a virus, and I am to glad to see you are resistant. You might simply reply (especially if he is within earshot) "Why Johnny is the light of my life" or "Why, Johnny communicates just fine. He'll use words when he's ready" Then IMMEDIATELY change the subject. Good luck, and joy, K.

What does your pediatrician say about this delay? Has your 3 yr old had ear infections, are his gross and fine motor skills up to snuff? Have you had his hearing evaluated? I can't say it often enough, but go to Kids Speak, formerly known as Scottish Rite Center for Childhood Language Disorders in Seattle, up off of Broadway on Capitol Hill. 3 yrs old and delayed speech is a red flag. You need to start talking with your toddler. Describing every that you do with him, from bathing him, dressing him, picking up his toys... do the play by play commentary. This is one of the activities that they had us do until we got our son into one on one therapy at the center. Words, repeatious... Read and point. The more your toddler is around other kids, the better it will be, it will encourage his communication skills. It maybe that his hearing is compromised and sign language may be his mode of communicating, who knows, but you need to find out so you can help him integrate into the larger world outside your home. I wish you well.

Take your 3 year old to an ear specialist and check him for hearing problems. He may need tubes. This is the exact senereo for my son and as soon as he got his tubes he started talking immediately. We had to have him in Speech Therapy for a couple of years but after about age 6 he was talking as well as any of the other children.

...Just tell these rude mothers that your child has a hearing or speech problem and he can't help his speech behavior. ...Or just say, "Really, you rude person, Get a Life!" ...Well, I guess you can't say that, but I would.

Hi S.

It's hard for me to give you specific advice on those moms without knowing if your son is in speech therapy or what kind of delays your son has. From what you are saying it sounds like he has a limited, if any, vocabulary which would be a concern for a 3-year-old. I would just come out and be honest. If he is in speech therapy I would say that and if you are pursuing it I would let them know as well. Sorry, I would be able to give you much better advice if I had more specifics. I'm so sorry other mothers have been rude. There is absolutely no excuse for it, yet I see it all the time. I am a speech-language pathologist in a local school district and in private practice.

If you haven't already sought out a speech-language pathologist (SLP) in your local school district most definitely do so. It can be a long process, however. Parents aren't always prepared for that. It can take months to go through the system. Particularly at this stage in the school year. They would schedule you for a meeting with a team that reviews referrals (at this point you would be scheduled in the fall most likely). At that point you would explain to them what your concerns are and they would ask questions and based on that determine whether an evaluation is warranted. Then he would be scheduled for an evaluation. If he qualifies then a formal plan would be written and he would be seen through the school district. Once he qualifies a written plan must happen in 30 days. Something to remember (and I think some of these replies can be misleading).....The school district has strict standards in which to qualify a student that are mandated to us. Not every student qualifies and some may qualify to come in and see the SLP every week but not for a district preschool. Some children are also seen by private SLP's in addition, or instead of, the school district (there is a lot more leeway in private practice). However, a 3-year-old who is nonverbal (i.e, isn't using words yet) or who may have less verbal abilities than his peers may qualify for support within a district preschool program. I cannot say without meeting your son, but school district professionals are well trained and see kids his age all the time. They can also help you with ways to deal with other parents.

Good luck!

Dear S.,

I am a mother of four, ranging in age from 5-20. My first three spoke very early, but our fourth was at least three prior to beginning to speak. She is now five and far exceeds expectations in school. So firstly, do not worry. Secondly, if mothers are being rude to you or your son, I would simply remind them that all human beings develop at their own pace. Each speaks at their own pace, each walks at their own pace, each learns to read at their own pace...and so on. Don't let it pass, don't walk away from it, not even once. And look these gals in the eye when you speak to them. They should be ashamed of their behavior.

Good Luck,

D. P.