Special Needs Daughter

I can relate to how she acts out my son he will be 14 in march acted like that for a long time(years). He was put on risperadol which was a mistake, he was out of it and we started on half doses. he was at school one day and got in a car with a complete stranger the car pulled up front and told the teacher she didn't know who this kid was and he was this is my mom.they got him out of the car and he started walking home in the oppiste way of our house! luckly one of his prev. teacher knew that and brought him home he went off that medicine immed. i contacted the makers of the drug and was told it wasn't made for young kids. I'm not trying to scare you but please becareful he was on it for a few weeks before that even happened.Have you tried letting her talk to a counsler(doesn't always help)BUT WE PUT CHRIS IN SPORTS IT GOT WORSE BEFORE IT EVER GOT BETTER. My husband and I almost seperated over this behavior. have you ever heard of torrets syndrome??
I hope i can help

S.

my son had the same he's now 23yo. you're right it's hard. does she go to therapy? i found that to help. it helps your husband too. it will really make a difference. we sent him to his room when he got too out of control. the therapist suggested that and said it didn't matter what he said as long as he went to his room. therapy was a godsend.

You might want to check out program available online called "The Total Transformation". It is for parents of children such as ours - I too have a teenage son who has ADD and newly diagnosed ODD. This is a resource my mom located and she is listening to the tapes/CDs/Workbook of that program. I'm next to borrow it from her. She says it has wonderful information to help parents. Glad to see someone else in similar position as me in this group - I just joined today - opps, don't mean similar problems with kids - we all need support to keep going with these gifts from God. Remember - there are two things we must give to our kids - roots and wings. I'm still working on roots part with my son before he can earn his wings - which he thinks he should already have! Look forward to hearing from you as needed. S.

Like someone said before- I too have not had any personal experience with this thing in particular, but I have had a lot of problems with these things myself. One thing that doctors are quick to overlook is the importance of diet. One big thing can be the amounts of Omega-3s and B vitamins. I've had a lot of problems with anxiety, and these vitamins in particular help to even out moods. Also, have you had his overall blood sugar, etc. tested? Another one of my problems was my blood sugar level, I have to eat a carb. plus a protien every three hours, or I cannot focus and get very ill tempered. Your body uses progesterone to make adrenaline when your blood sugar levels fall, the adrenaline kicks you back up after you get all drowsy from low insulin levels. When adrenaline increases, your seratonin levels decrease dramatically, I'm not sure why or how, but they absolutely do!! Seratonin of course is was keeps you calm and even as far as moods go, so if that is lacking, everything goes haywire! SO, this is what I learned from an excellant doctor in Raleigh, and it has really helped me. It's also better to eat complex carbs., b/c like we'e learned by now form all the popular diets and everything, the "good" carbs don't make the insulin spike way up. These are some things that are a little more difficult than medication. I am still on Paxil b/c I haven't gotten in the habit of eating properly, but when I do I notice a huge difference with my problems. No matter how much therapy, medicine, etc. that you try, if your core diet and nutrients are depleted of key elements, nothign will help! I hope you give this thought and give it a try along with other things. Your husband might need to try it also!! They probably are similar.

L.,
First let me say, you have your hands full with three kids and then to add the fact that your daughter suffers from ODD and ADHD, I feel for you and your marriage! I can imagine how it can be. I work in the human service field, currently as a vocational counselor, but formerly as a case manager for kids in therapuetic foster care. All of the children I worked with had ODD and ADHD, and other diagnoses. The most successful parent/child relationships that I saw were ones in which the parent/s held the child accountable for their actions, regardless of diagnosis/disability. Having firm boundaries and rules. Children with ODD, tend to easily find weaknesses in others. So, if you parenting styles differ from those of your husband's or if she knows that you may be "more easy" on her, she will use this against the two of you to split and divide. The right dose and right medication should help her focus and become more calm, the rest of the work is purely behavioral therapy...work on your end and hers! If you are not already, get her to a good therapist and plan to do family sessions with your husband as well. I wish you and your family the best! I've seen families successfully handle the situation you are in, but it takes a lot of work! Take care. Let me know what area you are in. If you are anywhere near Charlotte, NC, I know of some really good therapists.

Sincerely,
M.

I don't know much about ODD but my 8 year old son has ADHD. We started him out on low doses of Ritalin, which worked at first then he started getting moody. He would be very mad over nothing. He would hit himself in the head and call himself names. He never did cuss thou. He got to where he was always angry. I talked to a different doctor in his pediatricians office and she took him off the Ritalin immediately and put him on Concerta. MUCH BETTER. He does not have any mood swings, he is back to his old self just calmer and is doing much better in school. The only side effect he had was a upset stomach the second day in which the doctor told me it would happen, but to keep giving it to him. The 3rd day he was all better.

This is a little off the subject but another thing to watch out for on the medicines are the generic brands. Some generic brands are not meant for children to take like the brand names are. They effect children differently. So make sure if the doctor says no generic that your pharmacist doesn't give generic anyway. My nephew just had this happen to him and the generic brand made him very sick. His doctor was furious when she found out and told his mom that's why she specifically stated on his prescription no generic.

I certainly do wish you the best and hope you and your doctor can work together and find something that will work for her.

Hi L., My name is M., I too have 3 children very close to the age of yours, my first is fifteen a girl with your typical teenage puberty and hypothyroidism, my second is 9 a girl with ADHD, and last but not least my son that is 4 with autism, So I do have some understanding about wht you are going through. I know how much time you have to put into a child with this kind of disability. And trying to get the husband to understand well that is another story I dont know if you really ever get on the same page about discipling any of your children the same way at least it hasn't happened for me yet. With my son he has had several different types of therapy, Occupational, CBRS (play)therapy, speech, and developmental therapy he is also in a Pre-K program for children with autism and we are working on behavior problems trying the different meds to see what works and what doesn't all trial and error. My 9 year old with ADHD well lets just say i have seen her classroom many times and have had several phone calls from the teachers, I think this is the first year now 4th grade that I have recieved but a couple phone calls thank goodness.....she is on concerta seems to work very well she has some anger issues but is doing much better now, she is also very dramatic and it always seems to be worse when she is around her dad. so I think that being more firm with her and giving her chores so that she knows what is expected of her at all times is working too. she is very smart scored really good on her IQ test and is smarter than most adults (another issue), ritalin is more short term and she needed to be on something long term first we tried adderall and then concerta which works wonderful, she hasn't had any side effects from it either. With my son I have tried a blow up punchig bag and he now has a trampoline in the house for him to use to help releive his frustration and that too is working but at the same time they seem to do better if they know what is expected of them all the time, yes it can be exhausting but it is worth it, my daughter knows that when she comes home from school the first and only thing she is allowed to do is homework then chores then she can watch T.V. but she likes her t.v. a little too much and has a hard time completing things sometimes, I know you have probably tried just about everything so I'm just suggesting to try writing a schedule out for her using pictures or whatever works for her and be consistant with it, it does help.

take care and best of luck to you and your family

M.

Are there people in your life that pray for you and your family? This situation could use a lot of prayer. There are moms groups that pray for their children and others, as well as churches, and prayer rooms. If you don't know where to start, try doing a Google search on praying moms in your area. God bless you and your family.

My 7 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD just recently and his doctor gave us a prescription for Adderall. I have to admit, though, that my son doesn't cuss or hit himself or anything like that. Maybe there's something else going on other than ADHD and ODD? I didn't realize that ADHD and ODD were considered "disabilities." Anyway, have you talked to your daughter's pediatrician about trying another type of medication? Perhaps the Ritalin just isn't working for her. Have you considered behavior modification? My son's doctor recommended a combination of medication and going to a psychologist for the behavior modification.

Best of luck to you.

I don't know anything about your daughters specific issues, so I am not going to try and pretend to be able to fathom what your dealing with here. However, I can say for your husband, maybe you should find a support group with other parents who deal with these issues, so he can see it is not just her. And maybe some counseling for one or both of them would be helpful in improving that relationship.

Hi. My 6 year old son has some of the same problems. It is a big age difference from my son and your daughter but I did want to say that my son was put on Ritalin which made him worse, and some other med that made him "dead". I took him off both meds and now he is on Trileptal which is for mood swings. He has been so much better! I hated putting him on any meds (he was already on 3 meds) but he had gotten so bad I couldn't control him. I would not even go out with him because the tantrums were so bad and we got many stares from people because they thought he was just a normal kids acting bad. Now the only time he bangs his head on the wall or floor is if he really gets upset, the tantrums have basically stopped altogether. The Trileptal has made a huge difference.

As far as husbands go...my husband thinks I should punish him the same way as the other kids but he doesn't realize it doesn't work that way.

I wish I had more advice but this is what helped us.

S.

Dear L.,

It's possible that a 2nd opinion may be in order. My younger cousin was diagnosed w/ ADHD/ODD at the age of 10 and was started on Ritalin. His behavior got increasingly worse and more violent towards mainly himself, but others as well. My Aunt and Uncle took him to a different psychologist who specialized in mood disorders in children. This doctor diagnosed him w/ Tourrett's Syndrome, put him on some different medication and it seemed like virtually overnight everthing improved. He's 16 now and making As & Bs in school, has a large group of friends and functions remarkably "normally" for a 16yr old boy. Anyway, maybe this will help, it's something to consider looking into. Above all else, be patient...this isn't easy for her either.

It could be bipolar disorder. My son suffers from this disorder and I found a meddication that works great. The name of it is Lamictal, gineric name is Lamotrigine. This is used for mood disorders, anticonvulsant, and seizures. It scared me at first thinking that he had to be on a medication like this but it is working wanderfuly. FYI if your child is suffering from bipolar disorder medications like Ritalin, Adderall, or anti depressants medications could worsen the problem. My son was on Risperadol and it did work but we had to put him on a sleeping medication and he can not take both at the same time. I hope I could help you out, A. S

Check out these books
The Bipolar Child by Demitri Papolos and Janice Papolos

The Ups and Downs of Raising a Bipolar Child, by Judith Lederman and Candida Flink.

Hi L.. Sounds like you are going through alot. Your whole family has to stick together, especially your husband. I hope you guys are going to family therapy sessions. You will have someone licensed that can give professional help to all of you on how to deal with this, give you coping skills and give you and your husband some advice too with each other. This is the time when both of you have to work together to pull through this. Your daughter needs both of you and if she sees you guys argueing about her that can make her have fits as well. Because even though she has this handicap, she has needs, emotions, and a heart who just wants to be loved. If you guys cant afford therapy, most employers have some kind of resources or you can always go the local mental health. Your family deserves the knowledge to find out how to work as a team and you mostly deserve it too.

Dear L.,
Please feel free to tell me to get lost, as I know nothing about children with ADHD. This is just my personal feeling on the subject.

I truly believe that doctors these days are too quick to make up names for things they don't understand and just put children on drugs to 'cover' it up. I understand that there are children that are very troubled and ones that may actually need something. But it seems to me that the doctors are way too quick to put them on drugs these days.

You mentioned that she has a speech disorder. Is it to the point that it is hard for you and your family to understand what she is saying? If so, this may be very frustrating for her. My 3 year old son has not been diagnosed with any speech problems, but his speech is coming along much slower than his older sister's did at that age. Sometimes I can't understand what he is trying to tell me and he gets very upset that I can't understand him. It's just a thought....

You also mentioned that her and your husband get into it. Is your husband acting out and yelling at her? Do the other children act out and yell at her also? If so, I would think that those actions would tend to make her actions the same, or worse.

Have you guys tried any therapy - and I mean as a family - because this is a family issue, not just your daughter's. Again, I don't know anything about this. But I would think that if more time was spent digging in to the things that are making her so upset, it might help. And maybe trying to re-direct her when she gets angry. Instead of hitting herself when she gets angry, could you ask her to sit down and draw a picture of what she is feeling at that moment??

Again, I may be way off here, since I don't know anything about these things. I hope I haven't said anything here to upset you. If I have, please let me know. It was not my intention. I wish you and your family the best and hope that things improve for you guys soon.

Take care,
L.