Spanking? - Lewistown,PA

As long as it isn't done as a control factor or to cause fear in the child, it's absolutely the right thing to do sometimes. That's what's wrong with the kids today and why the worlds going crazy--there's no discipline. As far as I'm concerned, you're going about things the right way.

Modeling is the foundation of education:

If hitting is wrong, hitting is wrong. Spanking is hitting, thus, spanking must be wrong.

Well all the research shows spanking has negative behavioral effects. Sure you turned out fine, but it's still not an ideal way to discipline. There may be subtle effects to your personality like less trusting and more negative or pessimistic behaviros that might not have been there otherwise
This is a direct quote from a research study done by Tulane University in 2006 involving 2500 children across all socioeconomic and racial boundaries.
Spanking had the following negative effects on child development:

• Increased aggression by age 5; and thereafter
• Lower scores on cognitive tests
• Defiance
• Demand for immediate gratification
• Ease of frustration
• Temper tantrums
• Lash out physically against others
• Instills fear rather than understanding
• Becomes less effective with repeated use
• Makes discipline more difficult as the child grows older
• Role models and teaches that aggression is way to solve problems

In sum, spanking was shown to occasionally be a short term solution to behavior disruption problems, but any such benefit was clearly outweighed by negative, long term, and undesirable side effects.
If you';d like some other tips and techniques you could try Parenting with Love and Logic. It's really great.
Here's the research on spanking
http://www.newsweek.com/2008/02/27/spare-the-rod.html
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/06/26/health/main5134...
http://www.drrussbuss.com/optimism-blog/2010/4/15/spankin...

I respect you for caring about your children's behavior and safety. Not all children need spankings. Some are easier to reason with than others. But the vast majority of children that don't get at least a few spankings from time to time are difficult to be around. It's hard to watch how the parents interact with them and to see what total denial they are in.

However, I do believe that for my 4 children I didn't ever give more than a couple spankings when they were really little and never again after about age 3. Most of the time just the knowing that they could get a spanking is enough to get them to listen.

It will not hurt them. I was spanked with a wooden spoon on a regular bases, but I was a difficult child. My sons get spanked if the offense calls for it, but most of the time I use time out. I have a cousin that is much younger than me. Her parents used to use only time out, and this child was so out of control, when she was 5 even her Grandma would call her demon child (not to her face of course). I was visiting my aunt and this little girl picked up her baby sister by her cloths and threw her acrossed the room, that was when she got her first spanking. After that my aunt changed her tune, and started spanking when the offense called for it, and WOW did her behavior turn around, and fast. When it comes down to it, it all depends on the child. My oldest does fine with time out, and little more is needed, if more is called for taking away his video game works best, but my youngest is very different, and he needs a spanking every now and then.

Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with spanking. Don't get me wrong, I am not condoning beating your child, but a swat on the butt IMO is OK. I too was spanked as a child and I turned out fine!

I'll be interested to see how others reply!

No you are not going to scar you children unless you are beating them (leaving marks & bruises), or verbally or emotionally abusing them.
I have 2 wonderful children ages 8.5 & 4.5. Yes I have spanked them both. A swat on the butt for an approprite reason. Both of my boys have gone through phases where no other discipline worked, but a swat (or more) gets it through to them. It is not enough to leave a mark & my children have not been scared. They are not afraid of us, but they know that an appropriate discipline will be delt if needed. If time outs, taking their tv or video games away stop working then spanking may be needed.

God bless!

I was spanked as a kid - and I'm glad that I was. I like that you say depending on the action. Sometimes spanking will get the point across, sometimes it won't. I remember my last spanking (or when I was supposed to get it), all 4 of us had done something bad, and my parents asked us which one we would prefer, grounding or spanking. We all chose spanking, becuase we knew it would only hurt for a few seconds, then it would be over. That's when my parents chose to stop spanking us, because it was no longer effective. :) I think there is a time where it really does work really well, but eventually they'll grow out of it, and new consequenses will have to happen. Good luck!

I was spanked and probably not enough. I spanked my oldest son and now that he is an adult he says I was an easy parent. the bible states spare the rod spoil the child.

the difference is that you aren't beating them. a swat on the behind never hurt anyone. If you were slapping them in the face or something, that would be different, or swatting them with an object other than your hand.

My parents spanked me. It was normal at the time. And what I learned from it was that I deserved to be hit when someone was unhappy with me. I don't believe anything good comes from hitting a child.

I don't think it will be traumatizing, and that they will suffer and need therapy as adults, I was spanked when I was little, a lot ( I really was a trouble child mwah ha ha ha!!) However I only used once maybe twice, and with my hand, and I felt really awful about it. And the reason is I feel so bad about it, and like I totally lost control, is because I think that as adults we should be able to come up with effective ways to discipline our children without the need for spanking. However they are your children and you will raise it as you see fit and effective, only you can know what is right and will work with your children.

I mostly use time outs, but when there is a danger situation and my son isn't listening, a swat gets attention. I believe that discipline is educating your kid to live in the world and spanking doesn't really "teach" anything, but it has it's place - it just should never be abused or overused as a tool. Kids are scarred by whippings, beatings, etc. I don't remember being spanked ever, but I'm sure I was cause that's the way things were done 40 years ago.

this is an issue like religion and politics that people are endoctrinated to believe one way or another. Most people can't see any middle ground.

I personally believe it depends on the child and the most effective way to discipline them. I am purposely not divulging whether or not I believe in it because of my professional responsibilities. I know plenty of families that have kids that have been spanked many times and are still brats and just as many who've never spanked, and their kids are just as awful.

I think we all do our best, and some people are so afraid to be parents that they seek affirmation from complete strangers instead of stepping up to the plate and being a parent. Walking out of a store is a great example of being a good parent. Having young children who don't get what they want (snack, tv show, etc) without saying "please" and "Thank you" is another example.

Most of our friends either don't care what other people think of their bratty kids or are so oblivious that they've created monsters that are hard to be around. There are a handful of kids that are a pure delight, and we take every chance possible to let the parents know how obvious it is that they've put the time into being a parent.

I will say this much - beating and spanking are different. Yelling at a child can be just as damaging, calling them names, berating and belittling them can have deep psychologic scars that are just as hard to heal.

I agree with Workinmom. I was spanked as a child- mostly by my father- and do not have a good relationship with him now because of it. He also demanded respect without earning it, or showing it to me. He still tries to control me to this day, however, I stand up for myself now. We ended up in therapy because of it, but he would take it too far on occasion and once gave me a bloody nose for having an accident with his car. He could not control his anger, which was dangerous.
I do not hit my son, but I will admit that it is very hard to overcome the way you were disciplined and not use it also. I find myself yelling instead, which really frustrates me.
It's hard to say if it's right or wrong. It depends on the parent, it depends on the child. Many kids don't need spanking as discipline, but some don't seem to listen to anything but physical punishment. There is not a "one size fits all" type of punishment. You need to know your child.

T.

I was spanked as a child, I know that it was not that often but I still know it. I think I turned out to be a good kid, I think that everyone has there own take on this but when it comes down to it - you are the parent and it is your rules in the house.

My daughter is 13 and she does not mind me as well as her 6 year old brother
I took her to day care and would make threats that i was going to do this or that and no I dont think she got spanked but maybe a hand full of times - still to this day I am more easy to give in and do what I ask her to do - even though she is spoiled and yes she is spoiled - a school cheer leader and also on a local gym squad that competes.... my husband had been more strict with her and she minds him better.. she is a good person and will do anything for anyone - makes good grades - is asked to help out at church with the little kids - I could go on but when it comes to doing what I ask --- then that is different - I know she loves me - she looks after me when she knows I am having an attack with my UC
BUT THE SON - he gets spanked when he does not mind me, I dont back down and just do it myself - they are both very loving kids - so I dont think there is a correct way ( putting him in a corner or time out he would just amuse himself - - and he is a very active person VERY - she is not

so just follow through on what you say

as for me being spanked, it did not hurt me or my sisters and brothers we all have our own companies and have never been in trouble with the law - and our father has been proven to have true mental issues - we deal with it... but we try to have a great realtionship with my mom and try to understand my dad but we do all love them. SO NO Spanking did not hurt us. just my two cents

Nope, you're doing well as a mom. A spanking every now and then to your children is the right thing to do. Don't count yourself out on being a smart parent.

Updated

Nope, you're doing well as a mom. A spanking every now and then to your children is the right thing to do. Don't count yourself out on being a smart parent.

I dont agree with spanking as I dont want my boys to think that hitting is ok. We use timeout at home and anywhere we are. I have actually started using timeout with my 12 month old and it is really working.