Soon to Be Ex Causing Trouble

Updated on October 13, 2013
L.L. asks from Lexington, NE
14 answers

I have been separated from my ex for over two years now. We had a diviorce going where I had got temp custody of our son. The divorce went dormant and was canceled so I had to file again. I didn't file last time, it was him that did it. My son had a hard first year away from his father, as we now live two hours away. Even his second year was a little tough. He of course goes to counseling. Late last year I met a man, who Is now living with me, and ever since he has been in our lives, my son's attitude and life has changed so much for the better. He is doing better in school, he is eating better, he has a routine he knows to follow, he likes to help out at home. He has becomes such a great little kid. Not that I didn't think so before but he has improved for the better. His father has little to do with him on visits. I know he loves his son and buys him all kinds of things when he can, but all he does while his son is there is play video games while his son does the same. Well I am now pregnant with my bf child, and the ex is coming up with things like, this will help him in court, he is glad Im pregnant, that he has got a paternity order to be served to me and what not. He is also saying he has a custody order to be served to be on grounds of cohabitation. But He is living with a woman, and I know he has been sleeping with her, I heard things from my son, I have seen the hickies on her neck, but now he claiming he has never slept with her, which I know is a bunch of bull honkey. My question is, since I didn't file for ex parte custody, because there was no emergency to be had to file it, will I lose custody of my son on these grounds he is speaking of? I live in Nebraska. If I missed any details let me know and I will answer them.

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answers from Philadelphia on

You tend not to lose custody for relationships unless they actually put the child in harms way or effect them in a negative way to an excessive degree.

Still you are seriously considering going into court with hickies as proof of sex and you are willing to make your child testify? Good luck with that. Courts don't like when a parent puts their child in the middle and that is exactly what you want to do.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Cumberland on

No-but you are still married and having a baby with some other man? Why? You haven't even given yourself a chance to sort out the first disaster. The message it sends to your son is that it is okay to take up with a married woman and be irresponsible. He may be young now, but when he grows up he is not going to see the value in marriage, women, parenting, and family. Were I you, I would get a divorce stat-good luck-your husband is more likely to be punitive at this point. He's just blowing smoke, by the way. I sense that perhaps, you do not have a separation agreement? Get an attorney and file for divorce. And going forward, think about what you're doing and how it will impact innocent children. Is BF paying your rent/mortgage, utilities, health insurance, life insurance-for the benefit of your son, of course, food, gasoline, car clothing, etc?

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

It's very hard (and rare) that a mother loses custody of a child.
Your ex would probably at best be entitled to joint custody.
Consult an attorney.
I'm glad your bf is good for your son.
But put your house in order.
Whatever it involves. For the good of your children.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Sounds like you and your husband are living the same lifestyles with other people. The exception is his girlfriend isn't pregnant and has no other children (as far as you know). I don't know the details of divorce in Nebraska, but in California it would probably be a "joint custody" decision.

I would suggest you be pro-active re-file and ask for primary custody, child support, with liberal visitation rights for your child's father.

Keep it as simple as possible, the court would not be interested in many of the details you have provided in your post and in fact some of those details may put a bad light on you.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

You need a family attorney.

We could all speculate, but the attorney's now best how the courts view your case in Nebraska.

A hickey is not sex and does not prove he has had intercourse. You can prove it when you see it. If your son has seen it, he can prove it, but do you really want to ask him to do that?

Edit: No judging, just trying to be realistic. If he admits the courts she is living with him, I am quite sure they will assume they sleep together too, unless he claims they are friends and have two separate rooms. That would mean a 3 bedroom home.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from San Antonio on

I do know in some states...don't know about Nebraska...that if you are married and pregnant the state views the child as your husband's no matter who the biological father happens to be.

You need a family law attorney asap!!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

I know in my state (Ohio), if it's not written into the original divorce or separation agreement, the state cannot support the cohabitation clause. But even if it is, i do agree NOT to be the one to being it up in court. His life will also go under the microscope during this divorce, and they will find on their own that he is trying to use actions against you that he is also acting on. So don't stress and upset the pregnancy.... It'll come out in due time, and he will get his! As a once-divorced wife married to a once-divorced husband with kids from both marriages, the ex who bucks against the system for their own gain always gets what they deserve! Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Truly this is a question for an experienced attorney who handles custody cases in Nebraska. We're not legal experts. What you are told on here by a parent in another state may not apply to you at all. Please, please get an attorney who knows custody laws in your state. If you act on "advice" given in forum like this, you could end up in all kinds of trouble.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

I really think you should contact an attorney or legal aid at the very least. Also you probably can already tell that some of the women on here can be VERY "Judgy" don't let it get to you. NEVER in your post did I see you say you were taking hicky's in as proof of sex OR dragging your son into court. Good Luck

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

First, you need to get divorced. I don't know why you haven't yet. End that chapter of your life.

Second, I think if he truly intended to do those things he would just do it. There is no point in telling you ahead of time. Sounds like an empty threat to me.

I'm not an attorney, but I seriously doubt you will lose custody b/c you live with someone. Hell, I think half the country would lose custody then. I think he would have to prove that your bf isn't suitable and endangers your child.

I would advise against trying to bring up his dirt it makes you look bad and childish. Let him be the one to make a fool of himself. I also wouldn't do anything that puts your son in the middle. It sounds like the two of you grill your son for info, that isn't good.

I suggest getting an attorney. Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Louisville on

You might, if you had an order for no overnights with members of the opposite sex. You went beyond overnights - you had an unrelated member of the opposite sex move in with you.

If dad can prove it, that can be considered a substantial change in circumstances and allow him to change your custody agreement.

I don't think you'll "lose" custody, but custody might be altered so that dad is the primary custodian or so that dad gets significantly more time.

Your boyfriend might be the best guy in the world, but if you have an order prohibiting overnights then that's what you should be doing.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

You need to get lawyer, sooner rather then later.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I don't know anything about Nebraska law but probably not. However, since your bf is great and you are pregnant with his child, why not make it official so you won't have to worry about it?

If it were me, I'd take son and bf and go down to the Justice of the Peace and get married, the second your divorce is final. I don't know what you're waiting for.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Portland on

Geez! Stop listening to him. He's wanting to give you a hard time and you're allowing him to scare you. Talk with an attorney to find out if any of it is true. I think he's wrong on all counts but only an attorney in your jurisdiction would know for sure.

1 mom found this helpful
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