Son with Separation Anxiety from Mommy

How do you feel being so tied to your son?
Do you feel it is healthy for you?
Do you wnat to keep a seperation between your son and your husband?
What are you going to do tho release the anxiety on you and your son.

Things to think about.
\Youtr son will have to go to school unless yu decide to home school to keep that tight bond on him.
Your son will have to go to the dentist, get his hair cut, use the mens bathroom without you. How will he be prepared for that?

I have a momma's boy,,, but our relationshipo is tied together with activities and growing, not just being near each other.
Try to give your son things to do without you in fun.
Have puzzle races. You both work on seperate puzzles and see who can finish first. Then you can have your husband play the same game.

You cna have him complete a task while you complete a task in the kitchen.Who can get done first..him with his picture he draws or you with the salad you are making/or table setting.
I guess you can get the idea.

have fun doing things apart.
It will make both lives fuller.

And remember the thrill he will hav eto report how well he did something.
His own success even if it is a little itty bitty thing for now.

Please tell your Husband do NOT take it personally... in fact, this is normal. It is development.
If your son were not acting like this in fact.. then, that would be worrisome. Because he then would NOT be developing on par.
This a happens at this age.

It is a phase.
The more your Husband takes it personally and 'storms' out of the room.. the more your son will not feel 'comfort' with him.
Tell your Husband, to talk calmly and comforting to him... that is what your son needs. It is your son that is the child, not your Husband. And they should spend time together... even with you in the room. You can just be reading a magazine in a chair, and Hubby and son playing on the floor kind of thing.

The more angry or uncomfortable your Hubby is about it & toward your son.... the more your son will get uncomfortable about it, too.

Separation Anxiety is normal... and it happens at different age junctures. It is a normal developmental process. A child's Mom... is always, the person a child connects with, out of instinct.

Both my kids went through those same phases too.... of wanting me more than Daddy. Just ride it out. Tell Hubby don't get angry about it. It will just make it worse.

all the best,
Susan

This is a common problem that many of us have had to deal with so don't feel like you are alone in this situation. When my son went thru this phase I would not pay attention to the tantrums and continue to do whatever you where doing. When you are alone with him at home I would leave him for a short while..15 sec or so that he will slowly get used to the idea that when you are there he is okay even if you aren't in the same room with him. I then gradually increased the time, (of course I was able to keep an eye on him without his knowledge) . A lot of little boys go thru the mommy is best phase and I would encourage your husband not to throw a fit when his son seems like he doesn't want anything to do with him. He will out grow it and learn (with patience from dad) that Daddy is just as good as mom. Good Luck

Has your husband tried taking him on special outings just the two of them? maybe something you have never done with him, but something you think would fit with his interests and personality. Dont ask him if he wants to go just pack them a bag of diapers and snack and water bottles and send them. (for example a great nature center-not crowded or too stimulating with a few animals and animal puppets and puzzles or the pet store to just look or get a gold fish) even if the first trip doesn't go well encourage your husband to keep trying and look for other adults (aunt, uncle, Grandmom, friend of family) to do similar outings to get him used to being away from you.

First off- while separation anxiety is normal, its not bad if children don't have it. My son is closing in on two years old, has always stayed home with me and is pretty secure with just about anyone. A total stranger picking him up he may question, but not with anyone he knows. He will also endeavor to run free at Great Grandma's nursing home and act like every little old lady there is Grandma. He's developmentally on track and a very bright little boy. Just to set that record straight for anyone else that may read this and think their kid isn't normal because they don't have separation anxiety.

Second- A good thing to think through all of this is "nothing lasts forever." He will eventually be okay without you being right there. Its rough but it will not last. Some tricks you can try is for your husband to have a photo of you so he can see you even if you're not there. He is almost two, so he can grasp what's going on if you work on bringing him into the loop. Next time try saying something like "Max, Mommy is going to ___, I'll be right back. Show Daddy what a good eater you are (or you can say have fun with daddy)." Do let your husband know that its not anything he's got against Dad, its just a phase and he does love him. As long as your husband can stay calm and exude that he's calm (I swear little kids sense fear and frustration! :P ) the better. We noticed something similar when we had some issues with our Son going to bed.. if we anticipated trouble and started being a little tense, he would sense that and I think it agitated him. If we were calm, things usually went a little better. Doesn't hurt to try :O)

PS- the outtings idea is also a good one! Even going out into the yard to play without you being there would be a good start.

this is normal... and its totally ok for him to feel this way. theres nothing wrong with being "mamas boy" - it lasts such a short time, and other people (friends, other relatives, etc) seem to take up more time :(

a few things you should and should NOT do.

most definatly DO NOT SNEAK AWAY!!
this is scary for your son! he needs to know you are going to be gone, and that you will return. as much information as you can give him. but then be matter of fact about it, if you act like its no big deal, he will eventually also.

your husband NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM. he can NOT take this personally. its not about his child not wanting him, its just that your son wants you at that moment or whatever, and its hard for him to understand that you just need to ____ or whatever. the WORST thing he can do is be upset with your son because of this. what your husband needs to do is be given the time and the tools to figure this out on his own, with some gentle guidance. it is pretty easy to distract a child. find something your son really likes to do, and have dad start that project/game/toy/movie when you have to leave somewhere, so that hes doing his favorite thing with dad or something. have dad be proactive about having patience, giving it some time, and relaxing; your son can sense when you are upset, so hubby needs to take it easy. maybe its a meal time or something so that theres enough distraction and a way for your husband to interact positively with your son and you can do ___. try it once every day that you are able to do it. even if its just to go to the bathroom in the evening or something. take a bath or shower, read a book, do some exersizing.

my husband gets mad when brody throws a fit at him; my hubby's "job" is to get our son ready for bed. our son tends to throw a fit about it and hubby gets mad and throws a fit and/or gives up. this works every time so our son keeps doing it. he really just needs to remain calm, not take it personally, and stop being so defensive. this is a young child! a 2 year old! hes not doing it to spite your hubby, hes not doing it to make him mad, hes not doing it even to really get his way, just because hes upset and 2 year olds have a hard time expressing their emotions and wants and stuff.

anyway, this is a tough thing because hubbys for some reason get so personal about it. as if their kids just hate them or something. but like i said, find a positive thing they can do together, im sure your hubby can find something (my son LOVES to ride the lawnmower with my hubby! or check out a car engine or something ;P :P

anyway,
good luck