Son Too Dependant

Updated on December 28, 2006
T.K. asks from Middleton, WI
4 answers

I would like some advice as to how to make my one year old go to other people. All he wants is momma, and cries when anyone else tries to hold him. Even family and friends who he's known since he was born. He'll be okay somewhat if i leave the room, but just cries his head off and reaches for me if i'm in the room and someone else tries to hold him. Unfortunately i cannot afford regular daycare right now. What can i do?

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answers from Minneapolis on

Celeste did give some great advice on this one! There really isn't anything wrong with him wanting you, however if you need a break bring him to your family, he will be okay!



answers from Milwaukee on

has he ever been in daycare? Surprisingly that was the best move i could've done for my daughter. I worked 2nd shift (her dad wasn't there) when she was born so I watched her all day and her grandma watched her while I was at work... this happened for about a year and 2 months. she grew very attached to me and my mom and she was very dependant on us... since she's been in daycare she is SOOOOOOOO incredibly independent...since she started daycare she started to talk more and clearly speaks... she is ok with doing things on her own but will also go by others for help. She's not afraid to go by anyone although at the start it was a struggle everytime I dropped her off... she would run to the door and cry when I would leave (that was hard but i too needed to give her space so she could grow as an individual), but now she loves to be there... she has a blast and it gives her the opportunity to be in a new environment... i also feel it'll help with the eventual transfer into a school...



answers from Minneapolis on


There is nothing wrong with a child who is attached to his parents. Our society expects our kids to go to strangers or others without any seperation anxiety. It is a natural thing for kids to want to be with their primary caregiver. It is a self protection mechanism. If you allow your child to bond and attach to you naturally he will become a very independant adult. We can not make our kids be independent... it will all happen in his time not ours. When he ready he will go to others and he will be incredibly confident, if you let him "fill up" now. There is a wonderful book written by the owner and editor of the Mothering Magazine called "Natural family living : the Mothering magazine guide to parenting" by Peggy O'Mara, it is worth reading. It's also at the library.

Good luck and enjoy your son he's only little once so fill him up with your love and attention.



answers from Minneapolis on

My son was somewhat like that at one point. He got used to me being the only parent and the only person taking care of him. I was a nanny and he was with me all day and all night. I had my mom babysit maybe once a month for like 3 hours... but I don't go out much so don't have the need for a babysitter very often. It seemed to help that we spent a lot of time with other people with kids, and he got to play a lot. We are also very busy in the evenings, and go to places like Chuck E Cheese or the Eden Prarie Center play area a lot. Anywhere he can interact with other people, and get used to having people around. Even McDonald's play area's can work great. I know Chuck E Cheese might sound weird for a 1 yr old, but we went there probably a couple times a week last winter after I realized how great it actually was. I never bought tokens, and rarely bought dinner there. But they have a toddler zone that has a slide and an area they can climb and play. And if you are willing to go up in the tubes with him (I wouldn't let a young child go alone), there is hours of entertainment. It was a great way for my son to still get to play with other kids and have other people around. As he got comfortable, I stopped following him through it, and now I just sit at a table in the toddler area and watch him most the time. He plays with the other kids, and I think it really helps him get used to not needing mommy so close all the time. If you can get cheap or free babysitters, maybe leave him more often, and let him get used to that. If you can afford it, one or two part time days in a daycare could be a huge help too.

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