Son's STRONG Rection - Within Normal Range?

Updated on April 29, 2010
S.F. asks from Fullerton, CA
56 answers

I am really surprised that our neighbors didn't call CPS, considering the volume of the tantrum this morning. But I'm not sure how to deal with the core issue that caused it.

My almost-5 son hates pants. HATES. DETESTS. ABHORS. He doesn't care what the weather is, or the formality of the occasion, he simply hates pants. We tried, somewhat successfully, to come to a compromise: if it's raining he'll wear pants for the 3 hours of pre-school or church, then they're off first thing when he gets home.

Today, he balked. NO PANTS! He was fighting with his father full volume and screaming "Mommy help me!" When I came in and helped HIS FATHER get the pants on him, he switched to "SOMEONE HELP ME!" at full volume, along with the absolute, full-body fighting that only a small child can manage. Afterward I held him while he sobbed, until he calmed down. Then I had to leave to finish getting ready for work.

His father then left him in his room to put on his shoes; while in the room alone son removed pants and was putting on shorts when I walked back in. He scrambled away, saying "The sun's coming out! It's not raining! No pants. NO PANTS!" Sigh. So we lost that one. There wasn't time to keep fighting, and the sun had come out.

So I have 2 questions:

(1) Is this worth fighting? I know it's important that we not give in to tantrums (or as my husband says "No negotiating with Tantrumists") but this isn't a small dislike. This is a loathing that he just might outgrow anyway. And we're on the edge of not having any pants-weather for several months...

Can I send a letter to his teacher saying, "We're aware that it's cold out, but he chose shorts and we think it's important that he learn the consequences of his choice" ... and then just let it go? Am I giving into the tantrum if I decide not to pick this battle to engage in?

And (2) Is there something more than pants at issue here? Is the strength of his reaction more about being stubborn or is there an emotional problem I should be concerned about? He's always been on the edge of the bell curve with his emotions, high strung and easy to scream. How do I know when/if it's time to get a professional involved?

Thanks everyone. Any perspective would be great.

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So What Happened?

When I got home from work I talked to my husband (who is a SAHD). We had both come to the same conclusion: no more fighting over pants. ::grin:: It's not a battle we want to "pick." We have been heading that way for a long time, and we already have several sets of 'dress shorts' so it does seem like the way to go.

On top of that, while I was seeking advice here, spouse went to our son's pre-school teacher and told her about the hard morning. Her advice? Send him in shorts, regardless of the weather, and don't worry about the other parents' stares if his clothes aren't weather appropriate.

I want to really thank the moms who shared their experiences with sensory problems/issues. I will definitely look into it!

As for asking why he doesn't like pants, we have done that, over and over, lol. "Why don't you like pants?" "Because I just don't like pants." Sigh.

Thanks everyone; your advice and commiseration has been great!

-sf

P.S. Once I was away from it, I was also able to see the humor in the situation; I don't think anyone who laughed is insensitive :)

P.P.S. Today was overcast and rain was predicted, but we just let him wear shorts. No fight. Except from his older brother. "How come HE doesn't have to wear pants?" It's never easy, is it? Sigh. ::grin::

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

If it were me, I would not fight this battle. The shorts these days are long so I would let him wear shorts. Just my opinion.
Kids have "weird things"...it doesn't mean he has an issue....

2 moms found this helpful

K.A.

answers from San Diego on

I don't have time to read everything but I wanted to suggest http://www.babylegs.com along with the shorts. He gets some kind of warmth on his legs when the battle just isn't going to get won. They are great! My daughter wears them a lot and they have some really cute boy designs. It's a thought.

1 mom found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

at this time of year, you're in california although i don't know where, north south, whatever, BUT, it's warm enough he's not going to get frostbite right? let him be a little chilly. and do all the things the other moms suggest about seeing if there's a deeper issue.

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J.C.

answers from Phoenix on

I say choose your battles, and this one I would choose to let go. Its not worth the fight, he will probably grow out of it. The more you fight with him over it, the bigger an issue it will become. Let it go and everyone will be happier. Yay summer!

5 moms found this helpful
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P.M.

answers from Portland on

Your little guy may have sensory integration issues, and find the feel of fabric moving against his legs horribly irritating. See whether any of the items on this checklist remind you of your son: http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-proces...

Have you ever sat down when the issue wasn't pressing and asked him to explain his objections to pants? I can't recommend highly enough the wise and useful techniques in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. You can learn how your children can propose their own solutions to all sorts of conflicts and habits. Read a sample here: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081....

Also, consider that not all that long ago, little girls were often expected to wear dresses, often short, and shoes and stockings to school, even in fiercely cold weather. Probably even cooler and breezier than a pair of shorts, and somehow, whole generations survived. And then there are those classic Alpine outfits ;-). I would be strongly disinclined to make this an ongoing battle. Your son has his reasons, whether they make sense to you or not.

5 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Well, you could try sending him in a kilt.
http://www.renaissancemodel.com/boys-medieval-costumes-16...
I'm not sure how well that would go down with the school or the other kids.
I read one article where some parents had to explain to a school board that a kilt was part of their heritage and is NOT considered cross dressing.

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M.R.

answers from Columbus on

Check with an Occupational therapist, a reaction that strong may be a sign of sensory defensivness, and you need to know if this is the case. If it is, this is a battle you do not want to wage, not that I would bother anyway. If he is comfortable, he is fine. The only time I would make an issue of this is when it is so cold that he might get so cold that it could be dangerous. Carry some sweat pants with you that he can use if he gets cold and let it be his choice.

If you have not tired other textures of fabric to see if one suits him better (long pant style) then give it a try. We had one that refused to wear "pocket pants" and was fine once we found some out of a legging material, but that is a little harder with boys! Maybe something like light weight jersey that is really loose? If it is "feel" he may not have found anything that he can tolerate yet.

If it really is sensory, he is not making it up. It is discomfort, pure and simple, and he will need therapy to reduce it.

Good luck!
M.

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D.W.

answers from Gainesville on

Nope, not a battle I'd fight. Not worth it in the grand scale of things. There was a little girl (sister of one of his classmates) at my son's school that absolutely would not put on a jacket. Didn't matter if it was 30 degrees she wouldn't do it. Mom finally decided she'd figure it out and it wasn't worth that battle.

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B.O.

answers from Portland on

It sounds like a sensory preference.(I don't like to call them issues:)
I cannot stand wearing t-shirts unless it is inside out(seams bother me) and the neck band is cut out.(texture of the ribbing bothers me:) And I usually wear an undershirt under everything, even during the summer, so I can relate to his preferences:)
Let him wear shorts. If he gets cold he will learn to deal with his preference and make adjustments on his own to wear pants:)
Do send a letter to his teacher so that the teacher knows and doesn't try to make him change into pants:)

2 moms found this helpful

C.M.

answers from Myrtle Beach on

Like Laurie says... I would hate this battle also... but we can choose our battles and this is one I would let your son win... let him wear the shorts, with socks that come up to his knees, LOL!
Thankfully for you the weather is starting to change!
Good Luck!!

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J.R.

answers from San Diego on

I haven't really read the other responses, but re: your first question, I think it's probably fine to keep him in shorts if that's what he prefers. What happens when he wears shorts and it really is cold? Does he complain about the cold? Or is he impervious to it? My son runs warmer than both my husband and I do, so he's constantly in short sleeves when we're both bundled up.

I'd also look into seeing if there are other pants that he might tolerate - sweats instead of jeans, for example. Send a note if you prefer, but I'm willing to bet that your son's teachers have seen everything regarding wardrobe preferences. It could be worse. Your son could insist on staying in his PJs or going naked. Shorts are at least appropriate clothing to wear outside the home.

Regarding your second question, I don't know that the intensity of the reaction is necessarily a cause for alarm. But the fact that it's an issue at all may indicate that your son has a sensory processing issue. I know some kids freak out if their socks aren't on a certain way, for example. It might be worth having him evaluated by a professional just for some peace of mind. "The Out of Sync Child" is a good book for parents who have kids with this issue. You might also find "Raising Your Spirited Child" interesting.

My son has always been high strung and very emotional. We've had some issues with dressing as well. We had him evaluated when he was almost three, and he qualified for services with an occupational therapist to help him deal with the more extreme emotions. It has really helped a lot.

Good luck.

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J.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi! I have two boys ages 14 & 11. This was a struggle we had years ago as well... my now 14 yr old will only wear shorts and has for many many years. Rainy days, cold, windy and any other weather we have in sunny Ca. He is in high school and now wears uniforms daily to school. They still consist of shorts only. Do extremely well and an all around great kid!! We tried to get him to buy 1 pair of pants and he said "please don't waste your money, I like my shorts." Many of his friends are the same! LOL. My 11 yr old would only wear pants, and a bathing suit to swim, up intil he was in 4th grade. Many summers we would go to the Lake Havasu, and pants he wore in the 100+ degree weather. We made sure he drank enough so he wouldn't dehydrate, and everyone was happy! Especially him! =)
I say, let him be! Getting dress for school should not be a battle you want to fight daily, and for many years, as he is only in preschool. If your Church, doesn't mind shorts, let him wear them there as well! Or, continue the agreement you have with him, and let him change afterwards. You will have many more battles to battle in the future, so choose wisely! Hope this helps. Have a great day.

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N.F.

answers from Seattle on

I agree with sending a note to the teacher, but also consider sending her/him a pair of pants as well. Save everyone the exhaustion in the morning and just let him wear shorts. At least he wears shorts and doesn't fight on not wearing anything on his lower half. He might or might not grow out of it, but he will soon learn when it's a good idea to wear pants. My husband prefers shorts over pants any day because he naturally produces a lot of heat.

Talk to him calmly and ask him how he feels about wearing pants. Ask him why he doesn't like to wear them. If you're calm and show you are truly interested in what he has to say then you might be surprised about what he is actually feeling.

It's not giving into his tantrums because this is something that he feels very strongly about and you just need to find out from him why. To me it doesn't seem that big of a deal to be taken to a professional yet. I hope you get some great responses. Good Luck!!!

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M.K.

answers from San Diego on

Glad to hear that you have settled on a solution for this! I have two girls and we have the parallel battle of neither of them wanting to wear anything but skirts or dresses and my older one is so into stockings that I think she'll be wearing them in July, regardless of whether they are too hot!

What I find amusing is what is it with the males species and their aversion to pants?! I work in a very casual office and every male wears short every day. Even the CEO only changes into pants long enough for customer meeting and then is right back into his shorts! So, I think your little guy seems pretty normal!

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S.S.

answers from Santa Barbara on

I don't mean to be insensitive, but your post mad me laugh. I'm sure it wasn't funny to you or your husband, but I can picture your son screaming "no pants!" Okay, on to your question. I agree with Peg that there might be a Sensory Integration issue. Is this a battle you want to fight? If it was me, no way. I have too many other issues. My son has play shorts and dress shorts. He has to wear the dress shorts to church and a shirt with a collar. My BIL doesn't wear long pants and he's 47 years old! My sis made him wear long pants to an event and he whined about it the whole time. If your son gets cold he'll put on long pants, at least you don't have to have that argument in 2 feet of snow. He's five. The tantrum might just have been him asserting himself or it could be indicative of something bigger. My son as ADHD and can work himself into a wild mess over something, just because he doesn't have the ability to stop once the train starts down the track. I would observe and see if this is a freak once in a lifetime sort of meltdown or one of many. If the meltdowns happen regularly, I would take him to the pediatrician and discuss the behavior.
I wish you the best,
S.

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J.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

We have a son that HAS to wear pants, shoes AND socks every single moment of the day. Fine. At some point, he gets hot and has to change into shorts....but he's 7.

We have another son (almost 4) that HAS to wear flip flops, NOOOOOO socks EVER, and shorts....literally, since he could talk. If we put shoes and socks on him, even with him agreeing, by the time we get somewhere in the car, his shoes and socks are on the ground and we get to put them on again. Yesterday, he got out of the shower and was getting dressed, I explained it was cold out and he needed to wear pants. Nope. Instead of fighting with him, I asked him to come with me, while he was still naked. We walked outside and he quickly turned around and said, "Oh yeah, cold," and went to put his pants on.

Our barely 2 year old daughter HAS to wear flip flops every single day. At 10 months, I put a shirt on her and she started screaming and pulling on her shirt. I was so confused. After not being able to figure out what what going on, I got her shirt box out (she's got cubbies with soft baskets for her clothes) and put in on the floor with her. I walked away. When she stopped screaming, I went back in. She had pulled out the SAME shirt in a different color. OMG - seriously? 10 months?

Our almost 4 year old is either happy or pissed. Nothing in between, ok, sometimes his feeling are hurt, but he reacts in anger. We've learned how to get him to do what we need him to do, but try to make it his idea, so he feels like he has some control.

Pick your battles. Pants are not something I would pick a fight about. If he gets cold, then he gets cold and it's not like we live in snow country. Now, if it were about something like walking into a parking lot alone, that's worth a discussion and then some. You might want to have a discussion about him screaming and that it scares other people.....etc.

Maybe he hates the way pants feel on his lower legs and he can't verbalize it. My husband hates the sound of certain fabrics, when ANYTHING touches it. He can't describe what it does to him, but he cringes and covers his ears. He's 42. I'm not taking him to professional....although I should!!! LOL

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Pick your battles.
I would not battle this one.
Let him wear shorts.
If its cold, just have him wear a jacket or a hoodie.
No biggie.

Kids get into all sorts of clothing phases. I have a girl and since 2 years old she has gone through many. Without fighting. I will not fight about it. I choose clothes that I know she likes, not me.
If it is cold, and she dresses inadequately, so be it. Then she realizes. If she says she's cold and didn't dress adequately I say "oh shucks... but we can't go home to change clothes now...." that's all I say. Not to instigate a fight. I just say it in a calm way, sort of "sympathizing" with her. Even if I know she's wrong.

My girl can be high strung too with her emotions and a bit sensory sensitive (not in a Clinical degree)... but it is because she is VERY in tune to vibes and her own emotions and others. So, I view it it as a Strength... not a weakness in her. She has a better Emotional "IQ" than other kids her age. But... so then I/Hubby explain HOW to best express herself... and when upset, even if she's grumpy. A kid has a right to be grumpy too. But, if they know how to "cope" and express it.... to articulate it, then they will learn "how" to handle it. You can't expect a child to automatically "know" how to handle emotions.... even many adults don't know that. So... I would not call it an emotional "problem" per say. He just has to learn... how to navigate himself... and how to cope and how to problem-solve, palatably. And the parent has to help teach that to them.

All the best,
Susan

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K.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

He may be having sensory issues. As someone below said, have him evaluated by an occupational therapist (through the school district, if money is an issue, as they're required to help children with special needs) to see if this might be the case, and it might also be beneficial to have him evaluated for autism spectrum disorders, as often the two go hand-in-hand. The extreme tantrums over this issue suggest the possibility.

In the meantime, take him to a fabric store where he can feel different types of fabric. Maybe he'll agree to wear pants made of something very soft, or very heavy. Kids with sensory issues tend to be really bothered by itchy/scratchy fabrics, stiff seams, clothing tags, etc.

Both of my sons are on the spectrum, and my oldest often wears clothing that seems inappropriate weatherwise, but it's what he's comfortable in.

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E.T.

answers from Los Angeles on

It's really hard to answer this without the context: is he having tantrums about anything else? What he learned from the day that you described was that, if he took his pants off and switched to shorts late enough, he would win. That's ok, but you wouldn't want that to happen every day. I'm a big believer in natural consequences: if he wears shorts and gets cold, he'll learn why you want him to wear pants. We live in CA and he won't get hypothermia. It's a myth that you catch colds from being cold.

The second question is harder, but you might look at the book: When You Worry About the Child You Love, by Edward Hallowell. He gives some guidelines to help parents decide when to get professional help. Also, is his preschool asking you to get a professional involved? In my experience, a good preschool staff can help you know when your child is beyond the range of expected behavior.

Finally, my nephew refused to wear any pants but sweat pants for years. Have you tried cozy comfy fleecy pants? Good luck! E.

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M.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi S.. I know how you feel. My almost 6 year old daughter is the same extact way about jeans and pants. She hates them. She would rather freeze wearing a skirt than to be warm and wear pants. And it's the same thing in the mornings with the whining and crying. I to just give in sometimes (most times) because it's just to exhausting to fight with her and the limited time in the morning before school. I'm really glad you posted this question. I'm looking forward to all the answers. I just wanted to let you know, your not alone! :)

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T.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Without reading every answer, I would say skip this battle. I am no professional, but I highly doubt it is a sensory issue since you do say that he will wear them in the rain or church, ect. What you could do tonight is talk to him about the fun morning you all had and agree with him that he may wear shorts most of the times. But that there will be times when he must wear pants (church, rain, special ocassion, etc.). Let him know that on those times it will not be negotiable and if he fights with you, he will lose a pair of shorts? Just a thought. He is old enough to know what is happening and maybe this way he'll be a little more cooperative when it is time for pants? Good luck, and thanks for the giggle this morning from your post (even if you and your husband weren't laughing.). God knows we have all had our moments of this!

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Well, at least you are in CA and not somewhere colder. = )

Have you tried every different kind of pants? My friend's son (since he was old enough to walk/talk) was anti-pants but really he was just anti-jean and khakis...Anything that to him felt to constricting/stiff/scratchy. He was ALWAYS in sweats and those swishy-noisy running pants. His mom too felt the battle was pointless.

Most of my sons' shorts are sooo long (perhaps this is what the cool kids wanna wear) that they seem almost like pants and so I have been just shrugging my shoulders when they've begged to wear them this month. 60s in April in MN is warm to us but not really and so I just hafta hope their teachers understand.

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L.U.

answers from Seattle on

It's not worth the fight. You don't even need to send a letter to his teacher. He wants to wear shorts, fine. If he is cold, his fault. He is plenty old enough to chose what he wants to wear.
If you are going to battle your child (which is what it sounds like it was this morning) make it about something good....drugs, sex...the big ones. What our children want to wear or how they want to wear their hair really isn't worth the battle.

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L.B.

answers from New York on

It could be a power struggle and if it is, let him wear shorts, in fact you should insist that he wear shorts soon the power struggle will end.

Or, it could be sensory integration disorder now called sensory processing disorder, one of the symptoms is feeling uncomfortable in clothes.

Good Luck

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F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

I went to school in Orange County and there was a boy in my school that only wore shorts. I believe he had some kind of medical reason because we went to a private school and it wasn't uniforms, but you had to wear pants and he never did. I remember asking why he got to wear shorts and was told it was a "medical reason". So who knows? Pick your battles, I would not fight this one. My son always wants to wear shorts. In fact, he did this morning and it's cold out so he has his jacket on. Good luck to you!

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B.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

View from an other part of the world.
We are an international family. When my boys were little we moved to England. They went to the local school where the parents were from all over the world and most parents were of different nationality, race, or religion from each other. The little boys had to wear short pants until they were 10 or ll.
They looked cute and this was just what they did. Of course by age 10 they were begging for long pants. They did wear long pants some times
and jeans, but mostly it was shorts which I liked.
So why not just go along with the shorts?
B. v.O.
t

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D.M.

answers from San Diego on

This is a battle not worth fighting. Kids don't catch colds from wearing shorts. It's not like you live in Minnesota, you live on So. Cal! My kids wear uniforms to school, which include shorts on PE days and skirts, and even in very cold weather, they survive, as long as they wear a jacket. Let this one go.

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D.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I read some of the posts.... My son is 5 years old and in kindergarten. All he wants to wear is shorts...all the time. Rain or shine, church or play... We let him be, we dont fight because my husband is exactly the same. My husband is 38 years old and has been wearing shorts since he was 4 years old...never ever wears pants. The only time he wore pants was for our wedding and it was a garden wedding. For the reception he changed into "dressy" shorts. Now my 1.5 year old boy wears shorts all the time, his dad and brother make sure of it. So let it be, it makes it him. Good luck! Happy Earth Day!

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

I would hate this battle, I would have just let him wear shorts and let the chips fall where they may.. Is it maybe the type of pants, jeans, sweats, athletic, dress.. any kind that he likes? Is he warm natured?

Have you tried taking him to the store and see if he can pick out a style he likes and you purchase 4 or 5 pair for school?

I do like the idea of sending a note to the teacher and telling her you are aware of the weather, but he insists so you are going to give it a try..

Of course we live in a pretty mild area, but when it was freezing or below, I noticed many guys at our daughters high school who continued to wear shorts, of course they are not outside for recess.

Sorry it is always a battle in the morning. that is a terrible way for all of you to start the day.
I am sending you strength..

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N.H.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

I'm so relieved to know I'm not the only mom facing this! My 5 1/2-year old is adamant about NO PANTS. I only keep one rule... if it is raining then he HAS to wear pants. Otherwise, it's shorts, shorts, and more shorts. He does (thankfully) put on pants for church most Sundays. But if it's a hot day, then it is his DRESS SHORTS he prefers! LOL! I'm with the other moms who say this is not something worth fighting about. Decide what the standards are (i.e. rainy days) and let it go.

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H.H.

answers from Killeen on

Does he tell you why he hates the pants? Have you tried taking him to the store and letting him pick out his own pants?

My son hates shorts :) But I let him pick out his own at the store once and realized he just didn't like the shorts I was picking.

Short are a million times more comfortable then pants, so I can see why he hates them. Maybe get him so leg warmers :)

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D.T.

answers from Reno on

My son has a similar issue, He will wear sweat pants but absolutely hates jeans. (He says the fabric bothers his stomach.)
Does it make a difference with your son if they are sweats or something soft? Maybe even fleece pajama pants (a dark solid color could pass as pants). Maybe it would help if he goes to the store with you and picks out something he would be willing to wear?
Good luck!

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A.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi, I think it's time to get him evaluated by an OT (occupational Therapist) It is possible that he may have SPD Like the other moms were saying, the texture, closeness, or even the weight of the clothing may be what make him uncomfortable. The fact that he would do the full body fight for this is a red flag. Send the note to the school, and let him learn the hard way; but don't be mad at him for not wearing what you want him to. Some things you may want to observe are, does he cover his legs at night, is he sensitive to other textures like foam, slime or fur etc, and what other things set him off emotionally. My son has APD but still has some tactile sensitivities. If you have this information to give to the OT, that will make it easier to understand and treat him. A good thing to remember is that these tantrums and reactions are not always in his control, and he may not even understand the full reason behind his tantrum himself.
All the best to you and your family,.
Blessings,
A. P

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V.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

He's lucky he lives in CA where it normally doesn't get extremely cold out. He wouldn't be able to survive here in Minnesota where a typical winter can get colder than it is in Alaska (Meaning -30 degrees)! Lol

I agree with his teacher. Don't fight this battle, you'll be too tired to win the war. However, maybe it's just the type of pants that you are wanting him to wear. If you haven't already, see if something like sweat pants or pj pants would be an option for him. Pj pants are VERY comfortable :)

If he has a favorite cartoon character, maybe try getting a doll of that character wearing pants to show how "cool" pants are. "(Son's name), did you know that Bob The Builder wears pants? Isn't that cool?" Something like that might work.

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C.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

This definitely sounds like a sensory issue to me! Get it checked out. There are ways to build up a child's tolerance to sensory issues!

In the meantime, you probably shouldn't fight over this. If it's really uncomfortable for him, he's not going to be happy in pants.

C.
www.littlebitquirky.blogspot.com

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L.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

This is not a battle worth fighting. He must be allowed to make some of his own decisions, and this is an easy one to give him. My sons are at opposite ends of the spectrum; one is like your son (he'll be 10 next month), HATES long pants and will argue with me till I'm about to tear my hair out, but he will aqueous to my pleas (demands) if it is raining (although it has been raining all night and today he is wearing shorts). My other son (teenager) is addicted to his hoodie, wearing it in all types of weather, including 90 degree summer days. Again, it makes me crazy, but it's his choice, and believe me, there are far greater battles on the horizon.

Good luck!

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L.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I haven't read all your responses, but I must say, your post did make me chuckle. You see, I went to school with a boy from kindergarten to high school and this boy NEVER wore pants. He was in shorts every day of the year, rain, hail or shine. I'm really not exagerating!! Flash forward: we just reconnected on Facebook recently, and I teased him about wearing shorts every day. He said he still does! Hates pants. I see you live in Fullerton, I live in Mission Viejo. So we have pretty nice weather here most of the time. (I grew up in Tustin, which is where I know this guy from).

I would say let it go. If you feel compelled to let your son's teacher know of his aversion to pants, so be it. But really, don't sweat it. My friend that I reconnected with, "shorts guy", was not sicker than any other kid that I went to school with, and he's a healthy guy today. :)

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S.B.

answers from San Diego on

Is it in normal range? No, it sounds like it's a bit extreme. Should you let it go, Ya, I think I would. My son has a couple of friend's that only wear shorts and they are fine. If they get cold at school, then either they learn from it or they go inside to get out of the cold. It's pretty easy. I am friend's w/ one of the mom's and she also battled it for a while and then figured it wasn't worth it, everyone is much happier now!

Good luck!

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L.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

As many Mothers told me, "Pick you battles." My oldest son was exactly the same way, he wouldn't put on a pair of pants for anything. I spoke to a friend that had been a preschool teacher for over 20 years and she told me to let him wear shorts. He is the one that will be cold and if it is uncomfortable, then he will wear pants the next time! He is now a happy, healthy Middle Schooler with only one pair of pants in his closet for church and special occasions! :)

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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Don't feel bad my daughter has issues with things with buttons. She'll deal with the ones on her jeans or shorts, but if it's a shirt with buttons she won't wear it unless I tell her she has no choice and not to argue about it (she's 11 now). This has gone on since she was maybe 3 or 4. The buttons on her jeans she wont touch, she has to be able to pull the jeans off without unbuttoning them. She's gotten a lot better and I'm pretty sure she will out grow it. I think I googled it one time and there is actually a name for a phobia of buttons, I'm sure there is probably a name for being afraid of wearing pants. Good luck, I say don't worry about it... women wear skirts when it's cold right... he will be fine. I'm lucky my daughter never had a tantrum when it came down to having to wear a shirt with buttons. Good luck.

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J.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi Shelia,

We had a similar problem with my step-daughter (now 10) that I call "weather dimensia". What ever the weather, she would wear the complete opposite of what a normal person would wear (hooded sweatshirts in the middle of summer!) We just told her she knew what the weather was, so don't complain when she's cold/hot and don't expect us to lug around an extra jacket in case she got cold or once she took something off if she got too hot. It's not like she would have ever frozen to death or anything (ahh the wonderful weather of So.Cal) so I got to cross that off the list of morning battles and she grew out of it. I think your son is old enough to understand. As far as his high emotions (if you don't already) try to use your own daily routines to explain how your feeling (I'm feeling very frustrated that... or sitting here quietly with you makes me feel so happy and comfortable). I just recently started this with my 3 year old and his response has been amazing. He has even told me in a very calm voice "Mom, I'm mad tonight because I didn't get a treat!" Good Luck!

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A.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Aat his next pediatric appt ask his dr. Your concern its always a good ides to get profeshional advice A. no hills

Updated

AAT HIS NEXT PEDIATRIC APPT ASK HIS DR. YOUR CONCERN ITS ALWAYS A GOOD IDES TO GET PROFESHIONAL ADVICE A. NO HILLS

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E.E.

answers from New York on

I went to high school with a girl who wore pants once the whole 4 years were were there. The rest of the time was shorts - and it got COLD and SNOWY!

I'm glad you clarified that he was okay with shorts - I thought he was running around in just his undies!

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A.C.

answers from Detroit on

I agree about the sensory thing. I hate wearing pants (or shirts with collars or itchy tags or underwear with seams on the hips or socks with seams that creep under my toes). If my clothes are uncomfortable they drive me crazy and can even make me irritable. My problem with pants is that I hate the way they pull/twist on my thigh or ride up when I'm sitting. Sweats are fine because they are loose and I do find jeans and dress pants that work - but I have to sit/kneel/squat/etc. in the dressing room to test their comfort. So, I would talk to him and ask him why he doesn't like pants and then if it's a comfort thing, try to help him explain what it is - the seams, too tight, too stiff? That information could help you find pants that are more comfortable for him, and if you can't find comfortable pants for him and it is indeed a comfort issue - I say as long as it isn't going to give him pneumonia - let him wear shorts.

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N.H.

answers from San Francisco on

S.,

It's been said a few time already, but I think it's a wonderful idea to let the shorts argument go. I would also like to tell you I'm pretty envious you get to deal with this problem in CA. If my son ever goes through a shorts only phase I'm in a hell of a lot of trouble.
I'm pretty sure child protection services would become involved if I sent a kid to school on a Minnesota January day in shorts!
Good Luck.

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G.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm sorry but I had to laugh. I hope there isn't anything physically or medically wrong with your son. Having said that, you know that way back in the day boys weren't allowed to wear pants until they were 13 years old, I believe. As long as their torso is warm and they have on socks he'll be just fine. :-)

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K.S.

answers from Dallas on

If he'll wear shorts, we're apparently not talking completely bare butt? Clothes were never a big issue with me. My only requirement is that they wear some.

I think the letter to the teacher is a great idea! Some kids just don't like anything on their legs - too restricting. Or he may just be hot-natured. My #2 daughter's boyfriend wore flip-flops and shorts year round all the way thru high school. (Of course, this is Texas. LOL!) My guess is if it gets seriously cold, he'll cave or deal with frostbite. (May have to keep the Vaseline handy if it gets that cold.)

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R.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

i don't fight to much about what my dd wears. I figure it never gets all that cold in so.cal, and I take a jacket and blanket for the car.
As for the tantrums, I had to have a long talk with my dd about throwing one at the babysitters. She has a great time there, but fussed every time I went to leave, hanging on my leg and weeping. I finally sat down with her and told her that I know she has a good time and that I would be back and that her reaction was not appropriate or welcome. I used small words, as she is 3, but she understood, and I haven't had a problem since.
Good luck!
R.

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L.O.

answers from Detroit on

I would buy him longish shorts an long socks an that way most of his legs would be covered...

he will be cold and suffer the consequences of his choice..

if there are other issues.. you might need a professional.

J.Y.

answers from Portland on

He may not like the way pants feel. That is okay. He is not being manipulative if his reaction is that strong. My son refuses to wear blue jeans. For most of his life, he wore sweats. Then I was able to find some cargo pants that he would accept, with elastic pull on, no zippers or buttons for fastening. When he got too tall for those, we were finally able to talk him into one with zippers and buttons, but still no blue jeans. He will only wear cargo pants.

By finding out what did work for my son, it made my life much easier and the "tantrums" about pants stopped. When your son is having a calm moment, ask him what it is about the pants he doesn't like. Then wait to hear his answer. You may be surprised about what it is that repels them for him. The feel of the fabric over his knees, they feel too tight and constricting, etc. Let him try to tell you in his own words what he doesn't like about them. Maybe you can then come to a compromise.

One story I have is: my son was in kindergarten at the time and had on shorts, I thought it was going to be a cool, possibly rainy day so I changed him into sweats. With him arguing the entire time. I got him to school, I then went to work and got a phone call from the school that he had run away. He had gone back home. All because I insisted he wear pants instead.

I wish you luck and please remember, he isn't doing this on purpose just to be manipulative, and wearing shorts, even on a cool day won't hurt him. I would just always have something like sweats on hand to put on over the shorts if he says he is too cold.

My son wouldn't put a coat on indoors if he didn't feel cold. Even if there was snow on the ground outside. So we would just walk out with me carrying his coat and then him looking at me to help him put it on when he felt the cold. I think I had to do that until he was about 5, then the brain finally learned and retained the cold idea. He is 17 now and puts on a coat before heading out.

All should work out fine. Just prepare for the times that he may get cold and the meltdowns will get further and further apart.

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L.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi. I say, let him wear shorts. That answer comes from going through similar battles. I have two boys, both with strong preferences to what they want to wear. My 10 year old wants to wear shorts and short sleaves everday. I make him check the weather each morning and if it is 63 or higher, he wears shorts. 62 or colder, pants. I was tired of the fight, so now it is up to the weather channel. We decided on this together. My 6 year old only wants to wear long pants, long sleaves and his school sweatshirt! I tell him that I don't want him to pass out in the heat, but he insists. I share this because I want you to feel like this is pretty typical. I have talked with several moms whose childen have clothing preferences. They have their own identity and want to wear, look and feel how they want to. It's hard to be controlled all the time by adults. Your son may also just run warm and be fine in shorts, even if it is a little cool outside. Good luck!

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A.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi,

I feel for you and your situation!
My suggestion is you let him wear shorts whereever he wants when it's too unbearable to fight him on wearing pants..BUT, tell him that if he gets cold he has to agree to change into pants. That means you DO give a note to his teacher explaining the reason he is wearing shorts on a cold day and that he knows you want him to change into pants during the school day if he gets cold..and insist he bring a pair of pants to school. Maybe you can call his teacher and ask her if she can store a pair of pants in her classroom for this very reason. Let him have his way on this. It could be much worse! He WILL learn the consequences of always wearing shorts in cold weather but only if you let him have his way on this, and then he will grow out of it. This will eventually pass.

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J.W.

answers from Boston on

If he doesn't balk much at anything else except the pants....let him wear shorts. If he seems to have sensitivity issues (ie,,won't wear any clothes or won't have nails cut, etc..) then take him to MD. My son wouldn't put shoes on until he walked into the cold, wet mud.....now he always wears them when needed!

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P.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

Wow this is really a tough one............but it sounds more like a tactile issue that anything else. I might consider seeking a developmental ped just to get a clearer picture what exactly is going on. I always think that it is better to error on the side of caution. However, my middle son went to school with a kid who NEVER worn pants ever!! Rain or shine he wore shorts and he seemd just fine. Have you asked your son why he won't wear pants? Again I feel that it is a tactile issue. Please keep all of us informed.

Penny Amic CEO/Clinical Director
Special Beginnings, Inc.
An Early Intervention Network

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S.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I had this very same issue with my son who is now 8. It started in Kindergarten. I came to the point where I figured that if he were cold enough he'd want to wear pants. He will in the snow for example. We did negotiate that even though we live in California where it tends to be on the warmer side most of the year it still is winter and it is cold in the morning so he must wear a jacket. He is fine and I have much more peaceful mornings now. I wish you good luck.

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M.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think it is time for a professional...I am going to leave my answer short and to the point...because I do not know all the factors...but it looks like it might be more than pants you are dealing with.

p.s. sorry...i always comment before reading the "so what happened" or other people's comments...but I still think a bit of preventative therapy might be in order...

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