Son's Friends

Hi K.:
I agree with Michele S. Don't make the mistake of trying to pick your sons friends for him.He will learn to recent you for it. What are you afraid of? Hes an intelligent boy,someone for the others to look up to. Hes a leader...Not a follower,or he wouldn't be where he is now academically. Part of maturing,is allowing him to make decisions on his own.If hes anything like my son was,he will drop them, himself. My son use to go through friends quickly, in his early teens. He'd tell me..."I don't hang around danny any more" He acts to stupid.If these other boys are trouble,or act to imature around your son,he will soon find them boring,or not on his level,and move on.You need to give your son some credit,where credit is due.He hasn't given you any reason to doubt his ability to make good choices thus far. It could be these other boys,idolize the fact your son is bright,and fun to be around,and while no one expects your son to be their mentor,he could make a difference,in the direction they both decide to go. Great idea to invite them over for a night of pizza and video games or a movie. This allows them to witness what caring parents your son has. Your nice,and know how to have fun,and they know you personally now,so chances are they will be on their best behavior,so they'll be asked back. As parents,we should guide our children,however take care not to become their dictators.I wish you and your growing son the best.

The truth is : YOU CAN ONLY GUIDE your kids - You can't run their life ! Tell him your concerns , be forward let him know the consequenses.
Life is what you make it ! Let him learn from his mistakes and hopefully he chooses the right path of life.

We can't be there 24 / 7 for our kids. Be realistic ! the world is full challenges in life .
Do your best to have an awesome kids but don't run his life who to see and be friends with. Sometimes, the bad kids can be a good thing for him to hang out sometimes. He can measure his strenght , learn to make decision on peers pressures and be street smart .
take care !

Hi,
The good news is he is still doing what is right so he must have a good set of values and self confidence to stand up for them. My experience has been it is better to remind my kids that even though you aren't doing anything wrong people will start thinking of you by the people you hang out with. Now even though this is wrong it is true. I also have always told my kids to be nice to everyone and when what could be a bad situation to walk away if the others won't listen to you about what is right or wrong. It has been my experience that if I TOLD them who they can't hang with it made them want to hang more. Try to be a support to him and tell him how proud you are of him for trying to be a good example to those who don't make good choices. Let him know that even though they are his friends you want him to always be honest ifsomething goes on that he feels or knows is wrong and you will try and make things better. Just keep the lines of communication open. If you are a person that prays get busy my favorite prayer for kids friendship is from a book called The power of a praying parent. If you are interested I will post the prayer it's awesome and DOES work. Good luck

You need to be very careful here. If you prohibit him from hanging out with these friends, he may just want to hang out with them more. You can't keep him from meeting and hanging out with people you don't like for the rest of his life. It's part of growing up. The great news is it sounds like he has a great head on his shoulders. Hanging out with these kids may actually be a good thing - he see's how NOT to act, they see how TO act.

My vote is to let things be for now. Stay involved, ask a lot of questions, LISTEN more and go from there.

Whenever you think/say a negative thought about these two "rotten eggs" as you like to call them, replace it with something positive. They are someone's children, think how you would feel if another parent thought this of your child. Plus, they can't be that bad if they are enjoying the company of your son. Why not have them over for pizza and get to know them a little better. If you still don't like them, at least you know you tried.

Best wishes,
M.

Conversations on things like this take a lot of thoughtfulness on your part. Your son has to feel that it is in his best interest not to hang around kids like these. That is very different from you or anyone else, telling him that it is in his best interest. It needs to be his idea. Talking with him about all the positive things he does and how those things are viewed by others is a place to start. His vice principle’s comments were great and I would pass those on to him. When he gets that what other people think of him can be very beneficial to him, then he will have an interest in doing what pleases others. When he has a good sense of this, as well as, how others perceive him now, then you can move into conversations about the flip side; how those kids are acting and how other people perceive them. Asking him about what he thinks about all this as you go along. Be truly curious, not just to make your point. Ask him also, what it is about these kids that he likes. Ask him what he thinks these kids could do to help themselves. In other words, find out what your great kid is thinking or not thinking in choosing his friends.

I agree with the idea of not over reacting or telling him who he can be friends with. We all know where that will get you with a pre-teen. But I do think that you could talk with him and get him thinking.

Things like... We are who we hang out with. So are these kids becoming more like your son (respectful, straight A's, good behavior)?? Because someone is going to change in this relationship. Either the boys to be more like your son, or your son more like the boys. It is like the saying that if you want to be a millionaire then hang out with millionaires. Ask your son things like... how does it feel that the asst. principal appreciates him?? Could he be somewhat embarrassed by his excellent behavior and think that he needs to hang out with the bad kids that get the bad attention?? I believe that many kids go through this stage of peer pressure that they may feel self-conscience about being the smart good one. I think that perhaps giving him some examples of real people would help as well. I am on facebook and recently ran into some of my old classmates from 1987 and the valedictorian was on there. During school, he stayed "nerdy and smart" and focused on his school work and enrolled in clubs that were rewarding etc. He is now very successful, married with kids and looks super happy. Now, on the other extreme... I ran into an old boyfriend that I had dumped when I found out that he was doing drugs. He is a cook at a Hooters after he was kicked out of the military, and he has a daughter that he never sees with a woman that he never married and he has prostate cancer and is miserable. (this is all true!!! I can't make this stuff up!!) So... my opinion would be just to talk to him about how he is feeling, acknowledge his feelings and help him through this normal time in his life. Give him real examples of both sides of the coin.
Here are a few links that I found:
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Who_You_Spend_Time_Wit...
http://www.welcomejoy.com/2007/04/spend_more_time_with_pe...
http://thinklikemillionaires.wordpress.com/2007/05/06/sel...