Son's Birthday Coming up but Not Feeling like a Big Party

Updated on October 11, 2013
E.P. asks from Tampa, FL
19 answers

Two weeks ago, I had my daughter's 8th birthday at a beauty school. It was a makeover party. The girls had their hair, nails, and makeup done. All the parents raved about the idea. They thought it was the coolest birthday ever. It went well except for one or two girls who made critical comments. "Why can't we get pedicures too?" "Can we get our hair cut?" "This party is too short." "Why couldn't my younger sister come?" "I don't like this goody bag, I want the other one." But that's kids for you.

My son's birthday is Oct. 29th right around Halloween. He wants to play miniature golf. I'm not sure if he wants it to be a party or just the family. I can't figure out how to make that a party without it getting complicated and expensive. They have a party package that is reasonable about $120, but then you consider the food and the tokens for the arcade games in the birthday room and it doesn't seem cheap to me. Plus, a bunch of 6 year olds doing miniature golf sounds like a headache. My older son brought two friends to miniature golf for his birthday a few years ago. My husband and I were constantly telling them not to do this or that. Don't swing at somebody. Wait your turn. That kind of thing. Maybe I'm just a stooge. Then do you pay for parents too or just the kids?

Anyway, I would love to just keep it just family but not sure if my son would be upset not having a friend party since his sister had one. We could always do miniature golf with family and then have a friend party at the park. Or just not have the party.

Any suggestions appreciated. Please no put downs.

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So What Happened?

Thanks. Think we decided to keep the miniature golf to a family gathering. Might do a park again or a party at my friend's aquarium.

Wild Woman- My son doesn't hit people on a regular basis. In fact, it's rare and he has only done it when he has felt threatened. As a matter of fact, the girl he hit with a towel came over last week and played with them both and had a ball. My son didn't hit her but SHE hit my older son's friend as a joke. So I don't think he was the problem at this lady's house anymore. I didn't say anything to her because I think she was just roughhousing and nobody got hurt and didn't continue or I would have told her Mom. Kids sometimes hit. The sisters I bring to school sometimes smack each other in the car. All we can do as parents is to discipline them and remain consistent. One time a child hits somebody does not mean the child is evil. Other than that jab you gave me, your advice was helpful and you sound organized.

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S.E.

answers from Wichita Falls on

We rotate party years. She had the big party this year, he can have it next. This keeps you from getting all partied out.

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N.K.

answers from Miami on

I'd do minigolf with the family, and then an ice cream cake party for kids at a park if he has a group of friends he feels close to. This would keep it more affordable and no kid I know says "no" to ice cream cake! I only do family parties, and send money to school for a cake (I used to bring an actual cake to school but the teachers now want one cake a month so parents bring in birthday party supplies and give her $ to buy a cake, or maybe she has one of the classroom volunteers buy a cake with the funds they collected).

You could also do a sleepover for the friends, make it fun, Halloween themed, maybe tell some ghost stories, have spooky decorations, a kid-appropriate Halloween movie, and share a cake. This would be even cheaper, assuming the park would charge you to use one of the tables and benches for the cake-cutting and eating.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Ask your son if he wants just family or friends. Just because his sister s a social butterfly doesn't mean that he is. He night prefer just family. But if he wants a big party, you really can't refuse because you did one for his sister.

No, you do not pay for parents or siblings.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Gee, the girls at your daughter's party, sure had bad/rude manners and attitudes.
That is not typical.
I have a girl.

Anyway, YOU tell your son, the parameters of the party.
ie: it is too late to plan a big party, at a miniature golf place, that you have a budget, that there needs to be a size limit per the party size, etc. etc.
That is what we do with our kids.
And its fine. And they have a "party" and are happy with it.
And a couple of years actually, my daughter did not even want a party. She just wanted 1-2 friends over, and it was very low key. But the girls still had fun and it was a nice cozy time for them.

Then one year, for my son who is now 7, we just threw a party at a nearby park. Nothing fancy. Boys play and romp around. We brought balls and our son's bike and mostly the boys just ran around and had tons of fun. Had a Pinata. Nothing orchestrated or structured. And the boys said they had the best time! And although they played with sticks they found around the park and played "Ninja", they didn't swing it around or hit anyone and they behaved but were typical boys playing. And it was fine.

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M.C.

answers from Chattanooga on

Maybe you could do a mini golf party, and make your own courses in your yard (or indoors...) you can find or make cheap putters, and use things like pillows, pieces of wood, etc. to make obstacles. Heck, you could even make it a part of the party that the kids can make their own course, then golf it. :)

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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would not take that many kids mini golfing. It would be too hard to make the kids wait their turn, keep track of them etc.

Instead, I would take him mini golfing w/the family & maybe just one friend.

Then I would have a friend party at the park or your house on another day when he can invite his friends.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Do what you're comfortable with and what you can afford. My kids have always had limits and known there was a budget. If they wanted to do something like build a bear or mini golf I would say okay you can invite X number of friends. Most of the time we had parties at home because it was easier, cheaper and less stressful for me, and my kids got to invite more friends, win win for all.
You're the parent, you can give them some choices but ultimately it's your decision.

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M.G.

answers from Seattle on

I would definitely have the parents stay as I would not want to be responsible for that many children at such a venue. I realize others have no issue managing many extra children. I've personally always stayed with my children at any and all parties they've been invited to.

If you honestly do not want to do such a party for your son this year then let him know that this year it's going to just be family. Perhaps instead of a huge party you can have him invite a close friend or two over for fun with whatever extra things they enjoy as a special birthday treat.

There's no sense in making birthday celebrations stressful or cumbersome on yourself and there's no need to feel guilty for having one type of party for one child and one for another --- provided the children themselves do not feel slighted of course.

Enjoy his birthday.

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J.O.

answers from Boise on

Take him mini-golfing, then invite a few friends over for cake and ice cream. You could probably set up some miniature golfing course in the yard if you want (a park would work also).

Just because you go all out for one, doesn't mean you have to for the other. Maybe next year sister can have a lower keyed one and brother can have a bigger bash. With 8 kids, I stopped trying to make things equal. I just aimed for fun.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I'd start by inviting friends that have parents you know. Ask them if they'd hang out and help run herd on the kids at miniature golf. Sis had a party, he should too if he wants one.

Then find out who he wants to invite. He may want to do a small party and he may want to invite his whole class.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Maybe this is the year to begin to alternate big and small parties. One child gets a big party and the other two get smaller ones. The next year another child gets the big party.

Truthfully, smaller parties can be more fun, like little jewels instead of big splashes, and many children prefer them, especially as they get older.

How many is a "bunch" of six-year-olds playing miniature golf? If it's twenty, I agree - that sounds like a headache. If it's three or four, then divide them up between you and your husband, give them the rules FIRST about not throwing the balls or the clubs or taking the tees out of order, and then let them have fun at it. They'll probably make up the craziest golf rules that you ever heard. Or you could make up some crazy golf rules to make the game more fun! Then bring them home for ice cream and cake and running around the yard.

Don't have other parents, guests' siblings, a lot of options, or even any goody bags - just keep things moving and have lots of food and good humor. The simpler, the better. The kids may go home saying, "Michael's party was the most fun," instead of "I didn't get the party favors I wanted."

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S.R.

answers from Washington DC on

How about having one friend for golf and a sleepover. That should be manageable and there won't be any hurt feelings on the part of other kids since there was no "party".

Parents do have the right to say "no big party this year". I'm doing that with my kid...I'm done with these huge expensive parties that are sooooo stressful.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

No mini golf with a bunch of 6 year olds. Someone will end up with stitches!
Take a couple of kids bowling. Go for pizza afterwards. Bring a cake. Parents do not need to be at a birthday party with their kid. That's nuts.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

We often do min-golf for birthday parties, Sunday school outings and random fun outings. We usually invite 6-8 kids, just our kids friends, not the whole class. Just kids, no parents. My husband and I each take 3-4 kids. We do not keep score, we just have fun. We also change the order at each hole, so the kids that finishes the hole first goes first at the next hole. It keeps things moving along nicely. Check different places. We have an indoor place that is $10/kid for parties and includes food. You just bring the cake. Another place is $10/kid for mini-golf and go-carts, bring your own food. We just do it between meals and supply snacks and cake. You can just take a couple of his friends out to mini-golf then head home for pizza.

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K.P.

answers from Seattle on

Why not go golfing, but allow him to bring one friend? That way it's not expensive, and your son will still have fun with that friend. Since it's around Halloween, they could dress up in their costumes and play miniature golf. Then while there order some pizza and have a small cake. Keep it simple.

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M.H.

answers from Chicago on

I will say this.. This is my favorite place to go.

http://www.smugglersgolf.com/stpetersburg-tampa.aspx

My hubby and I have a date there every year, but this year we will need to bring one of the kiddos :)

Pick 2 friends, go golf and feed the crocks. (maybe that is more for us since we live in Chicago, lol).

Or you can do the family Mini golfing and then a cake and icecream at the house?

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M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I would not take that many people mini-golfing. It would take WAY too long and no one would be patient for that. Tell him he can bring a friend if that's what he wants to do, but that would be it.

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K.B.

answers from Tampa on

Two ideas for you. I'm not sure if Lutz Executive golf course is still open (they have fallen on hard times), but have have a very nice party package. We had my son's 6th or 7th birthday there. All the kids went to the driving range and had some instruction there and then they went out to the 9-hole putting green. The lady who owns the place was really great. We were able to bring in a cake and snacks/drinks. Because all the kids were together, it wasn't as hard to manage as mini golf (where you would need an adult with each group.) If they aren't open or convenient to where you live, call some other golf courses to see what they offer.

My other idea is to look into Groupon deals. Places like Xtreme Adventures in Lutz, Grand Prix and Airheads often run specials. You could buy multiple deals. My friend did a party at Airheads this way. You could order a pizza from them and bring in your own cake. If you have a small group, you don't even have to use the party area. Just get your own table.

I think it's okay for boys to have small parties. They are not so much about having big groups of friends like girls are. For the last few years, my son has had 2-3 friends sleep over and I took them to laser tag (using some kind of special deal I had).

I would not pay for parents! I've been to parties where parents played laser tag or paint ball and I think that's rude to the party hosts (unless they pay their own way.)

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would just do the family for mini golf. And tell your son that he can have a big party like his sister's when he turns eight. Happy birthday to your kiddos! Fall birthdays are kind of hard because there is so much going on!

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