Son Starting Kindergarten Havig a Hard Time Cutting the Apron Strings.

Hi J.,
Have you considered home schooling? It's much more advantageous then dumping the kids off to be brain washed my complete strangers. Remember you said it, "they are so vulnerable when you're not there to protect them". You're probably more capable then you realize. Give it some thought and best wishes, L.

J.- You are not being silly at all! I too had a hard time with my son going off to kindergarten this last year. They are so small and innocent it is very difficult to think of them with the older kids, making their own decisions, and being alone!
My suggestion- the only thing that helped me was to be involved. I volunteer as much as the teacher will let me, I email her, I even pop in and sneek a peek in the window..it does seem silly, but any sillier that a mom who drops off and never looks back?

Good luck to you! If you need to stress some more feel free to email me any time!

I have sent two off to kindergarten and over twelve years as a preschool teacher I have send thousands more! I do understand what you are feeling!
-H.

Hi J.,

This is a very common experience for many moms...so much so (and so personally for me) that I wrote an article about it when my son (now in 1st grade) went off to kindergarten. It will be important for you to work through this so that your son feels confident going to school without you. Children follow the emotions of thier parents - especially if the two of you have been so close like you described. Yes, the first day will be rough, but then you both will soon settle into the routine. This is a great time, for new opportunitites for both of you. please read my article entitled, "Kindergarten - A New Chapter For Mom" found on my website http://www.motherhoodtransitions.com/info/index.htm (www.motherhoodtransitions.com on the additional resources page under mother development). I provide coaching both in person and over the phone, please call for some one-on-one support. Pricing and contact info is on my website.

Cheers to a new chapter - embrace it (for both you and your son). G. Reid, Motherhood Transitions

My daughter had a hard time with preschool....until one day the teacher took her aside:
Teacher: Why are you sad?
Girl: I miss my mommy
Teacher: Does your mommy take good care of you at home?
Girl: yeah
Teacher: I will take care of you at school. Then you won't have to be sad or worry, OK?
.....

After that, I literally had to drag her away at the end of each school day. She insisted on being the last to leave - even putting the chairs up on the desks before we could go.

You are putting your fears onto your son. You're sad, nervous, clingy and frightened. Isn't that just how your son is acting? We all want to hang on to the extreme sometimes with our kids, but giving them wings is such a marvelous gift! And no, you're not being silly! He's overly attached because you have allowed him to be. From your comment of "My husband has been seeing this coming for years.I am having such a hard time." it's obvious that you have helped this along.
Hype up kindergarten and what a fun time he will have with all the new friends he will make. Find out from his teacher what things you can do together over the summer that he will be doing in class. Then he will not be so overwhelmed at the newness of class. Let him know it was hard the first day for you when you went to school, but what a blast you had everyday after.
Start leaving him more and more for short periods of time, and let him see he can survive without you every second. Start that TODAY. It is hard to let them go, and you don't want him depending on you for every little thing so much that he doesn't grow.
So, normal mommy, dry your eyes, put on a smile, and loosen up those mommy apron strings. Glory in his growth and let him know that he's a separate person and CAN do things without Mommy. While he's growing up and away, you can, too. And guess what? It's only a few feet away, because you love each other. You'll never have to be too far. Become a room mother and see for yourself what a great job you have done making him independent!
Prepare now, and you'll both have a happier transition to "big boy" school!
I'm feeling for you, but you CAN do it!

J.,
I was so where you are!!! I had to convince myself that my baby was ready to go. I knew I sure wasn't ready for him to "leave me." My oldest turned 5 in Jan 2007 and started Kindergarten that fall. It is full day where we go to school, and I thought my heart would break (which it did a little at first). I cried my eyes out on his first day of Kindergarten. But not until I got back to the car. He never shed a tear.
Here is what we did to get ready: We talked about Kindergarten/going to school from the time he was old enought to understand the concept; we did workbooks (from Dollar Tree) so I would know how ready he was and how long his attention span was; we drove past the school (we tried to visit a Kinder class, but that particular principal was not cooperative...we go to a different school), we played at the playground during the weekends and summer so I would feel comfortable about him playing at recess, I volunteer at the school as much as I can (which has turned out to be great for my other kids...they go with me sometimes and stay with Grandma or a sitter other times, depending on what I'm doing). And then the biggie: we had a big event of buying school supplies: special first day outfit (new jeans and a button up shirt), pencils, paper, etc (as per the school list), extra supplies for school projects at home, new haircut and the all time big deal: a back pack with matching lunch box (we pack a lunch daily). I still cried when I had to walk away from my "baby" on that first day, and I'm super anxious to do the same for my "baby" girl this coming fall (even though she has had MUCH more conditioning for this event, it still makes me sad). It does get easier. It helped me to be as involved as the teacher wanted/needed me to be and to remember that my other two children would benefit hugely from my personal time with them without big brother. Then, at the end of the day, we all hear about his day at school and we tell him all the important events of our day (I'm careful to balance the talk so everyone's day seems equally exciting.)
J., the bottom line is that you are not alone. You may want to condition the both of you to prepare for this event, maybe even try to take him (without siblings) to see a Kindergarten classroom before school is out (remembering that this is the end of the year and he may not be at this level now, but will be at the end of the school year).
No matter what you do, I wish you the best of luck. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk further. Best Wishes. Enjoy your summer.

Hi,
It seems a bit early to start worrying, but I understand. I put my son into a K4 class (we do private school) and I just couldn't believe that my baby was growing up. If you get excited about it and talk about how much fun he will have learning his alphabet and numbers, playing with friends, learning how to read, coloring, etc. Even if you are deep down not excited it will be a much smoother transition for him if you act like you are.

Another thing: being a teacher this is my advice: When you drop your son off, do not linger, the longer you stay with him the harder it is for him to transition and you to let go. If you drop him off and leave within a week he will be running to school ahead of you. If not it will be an extremely hard process for the both of you.

You will do great and your son will too. I know it is hard to watch them grow up, but then when they blossom it is so awesome to see. My son is reading and writing and spelling and doing math...it is amazing to me and he hasn't gone to Kindergarten yet.

J.,
I hope it has helped you to know you are not the only mom feeling this way. My son is in pre-K this year and I have had a hard time leaving him at school just 2 days a week. I have noticed that whenever I am feeling sad and anxious, he is too. His school has a camera in the classroom and I can go in the office and watch him on the monitor. I have done that several times and just bawled, which makes me feel so stupid! But I see that he is just fine when I leave. I know alot of this seperation anxiety is about me wanting to protect him. He used to cry and hang on to me when I dropped him off, but since my attitude has been better he is much happier. Developing routines has helped and I would definately recommend you come up with some. We also read the "Kissing Hand" book and now he likes it when I put on lipstick (right before entering the school) and I kiss the palm of his hand goodbye. He makes a fist with his hand and says he will "use that kiss at naptime because that is when he misses me the most". I know that lipstick is gone by naptime, but he remembers the kiss and it's really all about the routine now. At the beginning of the year, when he said he was sad and missed me, I talked to him about it being a good thing that we missed each other because that meant that we love each other sooooooo much and we could look forward to seeing each other in the evening. He agreed that it was a good thing. This fall he is starting Kindergarten full-time and I'M the one feeling sad and anxious and I have to keep reminding myself not to let him see these feelings in me. I too have an 18 yr old daughter who is going off to college this fall! I have already warned my husband that I will be a wreck!!

It hard to let go sometimes. I cried walking home from the bus the first day my daughter went to school. We want to protect our kids, but we cant. They can get hurt at home too, so we just have to have some faith that everything will be ok. The best gift we can give our children is the gift of independence. Our job is to raise them and let them find a life of their own. I have watched how unhealthy a codependent relationship is with a child and mother. ( I have a brother in law in his mid 20s that still hasn't grown up) My mom also smouthered me all my life and wouldn't cut the apron strings. It made it hard the older I got. I stayed a little girl a lot longer which in some ways was a good thing, at the same time I had a hard life in school. As an adult I resented her for years, until she would let go.( It took moving several states away) She lived for me which was a very kind thing to do, but after I left it took years for her to have her own identity and a true marriage with my dad. Its not silly to worry or miss our babies, but rejoice in their growth for each year is an exciting new challenge.
Your son is going to feed off your emotions. So get excited and talk about all the new fun things he is going to do. Tell him how proud you are that he is growing into such a big boy. Put on a brave face and read tons of books about the first day of school. There is a great book called the Kissing Hand, by Audrey Penn. For months my daughter had me kiss her hands and would kiss mine. ( You would carry the kisses all day) It helped my daughter a lot. It will be hard at first for both of you, I still have days I miss my daughter, but know he will get to school and will be so busy that he will be fine. I also agree with Marriah, do not linger when you drop him off, be happy, tell him to have a great day, you love him and then say goodbye. It only makes it harder for them. Plus I would suggest to let him have this year. I volunteered at the school library so I was there, but never would let my daughter see me while in school. Of course I came to parties, but again I let her have this year to grow.
You should have an orientation and meet the teacher before school starts. So he should meet his teacher and see his room. With a full day, know he will most likely be wiped after school for awhile, so keep things low key the first week or so. It is going to be a great year if you approach it with a positive attitude. You will get a little more time to find your own identity, not just as a mom and be able to spend some wonderful time with just your little ones. We raise our children not for us, but for their own future. Its hard to let go, but enjoy each milestone and be happy that our kids are growing up into heathy independent adults. Best of wishes.

As a former Kindergarten teach and a mom who's sent 3 kids to K, I've seen it all. Some kids never look back, others never want mom to go. Kindergarten teachers expect these behaviors and we develop strategies to help kids early on. Most of the time, after the first day or 2 they are just fine. There are some kids who have separation anxiety beyond the first few days but they're fine after mom leaves.

Mom's often have more separation anxiety that their kids. Be excited for him, talk about how he gets to go to kindergarten like a big kid. At the beginning of the year, the teacher wils set appointments for individual pre-testing, so she knows where to start teaching them (this is MANADATORY in Utah, so plan on going). It'll be a good time for him to see the classroom and meet his teacher. Then, when it's time to go, walk in with him on the first day if he wants, help him find his craysons, table, name tag, whatever is applicable. Then give him a hug and say "I know you'll have a fun day. See you after school." Then leave. Don't let him drag it out, it will become a daily routine. Let the teacher take him and get him involved. Don't sneak out, and make 100% sure you are on time to pick him up the first few weeks (I had once kids who was nervous and his mom didn't understand the short schedule for the first week so wasn't there to pick him up. After that, he was often scared in school that she wouldn't come).

As far as full-day kindergarten, I taught full-day for 3 years. The first few weeks may be a bit long on some of the kids, but we always scheduled quite time after lunch and they made it. After about the first month, all the kids were used to the "long" schedule and did just fine. Just make sure that he goes to bed early enough and has a good breakfast before school.

J.,
I know this is a hard thing to do.....watching our children grow up. You have had your son with you most of the time, so it IS hard for you both I think it would be a good thing for you to take more time away from him....small amounts, and add a little longer each time. I am thinking that he can tell it is hard for you, so it is hard for him. Children can sense when you are upset, tired, nervous, etc. and it will make them feel unsettled. When you are going to leave him, tell him you are going, and you promise you will be back. Give him a hug, tell him you love him, and just go. Don't "hang around" to see if he will be okay. You should make sure that you comment on how you both were okay being apart, and how wonderful it is to be together again. Ask him about what he did that was fun. Make it a possitive thing, even when it is hard for you. He will be okay with time. Good luck!

J.,
You are NOT silly. It's an emotional time. For his sake, put on a brave face and you will both get through this. Maybe have something simple and special planned for after school the first day that you both can look forward to, like an ice cream cone together. Try not to think of this as the end of something, but the beginning of a new, special time. He will always be yours in a way that cannot be taken from you. Wishing you the best!

Two years ago when I took my son to kindergarden I would cry for the 30 minutes after that. For the whole year I would walk him to class and wait until the bell rang. Then I would take my daughter to daycare and she would cry and scream. I did not have the ability to pick him up everyday but the daycare was great and the helped me alot. I do remember that I had to be strong in front of him. I remember that I always asked how his day was, and what fun things he did, and if he made any friends. He was being bullied by another kid at school and his dad told him to fight back. You know where he ended up, in trouble and it was mom that had to go face the music.

I guess what I am trying to tell you is that there is no right way or wrong way to get them prepared for school. Just be tough and encourage them the whole way.

K.

I am in your tree. Kindergarten was SO hard. My son and I both cried the whole year when I dropped him off. I volunteered every Friday in the class and I chose to do all day kindergarten in hopes that we would be able to adjust better - we both are so sensitive and attached to each other. We continued to cry when I dropped him off to school the first couple of months each year, in first grade and yes even second grade! Sick huh? Until one day I had a long heartfelt talk with his second grade teacher who will always hold a soft spot in my heart. She said, to cry and feel attached is fine but as a mother I had to hold it together in front of him. I couldn't feed into it, instead she recommended talking each morning about how I couldn't wait to pick him up to hear how his day at school was! From that moment on I never let him see me cry when I left him for school, we talk about his great day every afternoon when I pick him up and strangely, he has not cried ALL year nor have I. We take our separation as a celebration to come. Good luck girl, I know how you feel!

I love my kids with all my heart and I know moms really have a hard time letting go. My oldest is now 18 and getting ready to go to college and I also have a little guy who is getting ready to go to kindergarten. He is so excited! I am excited for him.

I can give you some perspective that I have gained working on a special needs school bus. I have a pre-school run that has got to be my favorite! They are just the sweetest little kids. At the first of the year the kids get on the bus crying and the parents are so so worried. After the first meeting with the teacher everything changes. The teacher instructs the parents to give the child all the independence. The children change overnight!
It is so wonderful!! One little girl who got on the bus at the first of the year crying and covering her ears will run to the bus with a great big smile now and her parents stand at the door looking in amazement. Today we were singing the crocodile song and she was actually chasing the crocodiles off the bus. It is so good for her and all children. I know it is hard for parents to let go but establishing independence in the child at a young age is so important. Just encourage the growth. I would suggest that you keep an open line of communication with the teacher and give the child all of your support. Keep telling him that he will have a fun time and make so many new friends. It will make your transition a lot easier to see him having a good time and just reassure him that you will be waiting at home. You will miss him tremendously, but it will be so good for his emotional growth.

My SIL does K12, a homeschooling program, and loves it. They have special activities once a month and usually the local school will let you in on assemblies and such. http://www.k12.com/

I don't know if you are LDS but I thought this story was cute: President Hinckley's wife waited every day for her children to get home so she could play with them. One day her son was late home so she went to the school to see where he was. For one reason or another he had been held after class and she was unhappy with it. She told the teacher "you get my kids for 8 hours a day. After that, they are mine." I think this sweet woman would have loved a program like this, and she would have jumped at the opportunity to school her own children. In any case, it takes less time and I think you can have your child advance to the next grade level as fast as they are ready to. I look at that as a great possible bonus in my child's future, so if he wants to finish college by the time most students are graduating, that is totally an option. With you toting your son around with you, he is going to learn the social skills he needs and I have proof of this: my cousin often goes on jobs with my uncle who does construction and has gotten into some pretty complex jobs and such in the industry, like inspecting power plants and such. Winston enjoyed the opportunity and is comfortable at 16 talking with his bishop, so much that the two went on a road trip (he needed someone in the car to make sure he stayed awake and Winston volunteered) and they had a blast. Winston also is Student Body President at his high school. Do you think he is missing out on social skills because he hangs out wtih his dad?

While you may want to push yourself and deal with the separation as we are expected to do, it may be best to look at it from both angles and see what is best for you and your child together. I think you have a great bond, and you could show him now that that is a very important thing, not something to be tossed away because a school board thinks he needs an 8 hour day. Not to be dismissive, I have heard some great things about all day kindergarten, and I'm sure he would adapt, but this is one place where maximizing benefits would be important. Sorry so wordy, but I have a lot to say and I hope it helps you make your decision. The very best to you.

A friend, and a wise mother of five successful children, once told me that we should raise our children to leave us. That way they will be able to make it on their own.

I know it's hard and we all love our children so much and would hate to see them hurt, but remember it is the struggles in life that make us stronger. If he can struggle through this and learn and come out stronger at 5, just think about the decisions, he will be able to make at 15 when the struggles are much harder. Equip him now with the skills to be on his own, so that when he is older he will know how to do it without you. And I am sure, too, that he will use you for support then just like he will do now too. Don't rob him of life's experiences. Let him fly. You will take pride and joy in seeing his accomplishments too!

Remember that modeling is a powerful parenting tool that we too often forget about. If he sees you being nervous, he will be nervous too. If he see you with joy on your face when he succeeds and loving understand when he struggles, he will emulate those things too.

Much luck to you!

WOW! Sorry I had to repost!!! The post after mine, really? BRAIN WASHED? Lordy, if you don't start giving your child the ability to think for himself and some freedom you will end up with a very insecure or resentful child. Helicopter moms that hover is so unhealthy in the type of thought process that somehow allowing them outside of your realm of control will cause them problems. You cannot control them it is about starting them with a system of self control and morals so they will do good for themselves when you are not around. Isn't being a good parent teaching them to think with the values and common sense you have taught them when they are not with you?

If you don't do it this year, then what are you going to do next year, or the year after? At what point do you allow a child to break away and become they amazing person they are suppose to be. Majority of schools systems provide all they need to grow, thrive and understand their peers. Home schooling beacuse you are afraid to let your son go isn't healthy!!

You are being a normal mom having problems accepting he is growing up. It is harder on you and is for most moms!
My son will be five in July and I have been home with him since day one. He has been going to Pre K and on Mondays I had him stay all day to get a feel how he would do, he did great. He thought it was so cool eating lunch and though it seems like a long day it really isn't for them.
So this fall I have to go back to work and my son will be in all day Kindergarten. To be honest he will be just fine! The years go by fast and seeing your baby go off to Elementary is hard. I have one headed to third grade and went to Kindergarten orientation last week for my son, knowing all the facilty already and cried, it is surreal to see them headed out to Kindergarten.

The better you handle it, the more excited you are he will adjust. My daughter started going just in morning Kindergarten and was actually bored out of her mind coming back at 11am! So I put her in all days five days a week and she thrived! The second part of the day is basically like daycare, they do arts and crafts, play outside a lot and it was nice as they were still in the same school.
Hang in there, it is normal to be sad, however he needs to see you are okay in order for him to be.

I will never forget my daughters first day and I watched her walk in all self assured and I had to turn around so she didn't see me crying, I am sure it will be the same thing for my son! :)