Son Invited to Bar Mitzvah

Updated on October 30, 2008
J.W. asks from Naperville, IL
5 answers

Hi Moms, My son has been invited to a friends' Bar and Bat Mitzvah and is looking forward to going. The family was kind to enclose a small cheat sheet of what will be going on. There will be a large party at a country club afterwards. I am sure gifts are custom. But, I need guidelines. What type of gifts are normal? How much do I spend? Thanks!

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C.K.

answers from Chicago on

Cash or check gifts are the best for this. Go in multiples of 18 as it is good luck in Jewish mysticism. I would give $18 or $36. If you write a check, his mom will probably put it away for college, while usually the kid keeps the cash. Either that or a donation is always really nice...not enjoyed by the bar mitzvah boy but really appreciated by the parents. I got a star for mine, and while I thought the donations in my name were stupid at the time, I've grown to appreciate it.

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M.A.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter wento to a Bat Mitzvah last year and we gave $25.00, however we were told that $18.00 is what peopel give . I know it sounds weird but there must be a reason for it. Anyway my daughter and her friends had a blast. The girl invited a ton of kids, it was a huge party with lots of fun things planned for the kids.

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T.R.

answers from Chicago on

My mom always told me a good rule of thumb is to give at least enough to cover the cost of being a guest at the party. It sounds like this will be a big affair so I would definitely give more than you would for a typical birthday party. Personally, I would give $50. Whatever amount you choose, I think any form of gift is acceptable. Cash, gift card or even purchase something. Many many MANY years ago when I had my Bat-Mitzvah, typical gifts were jewelry or walkman-type stuff and of course cash and bonds. I seem to remember the typical dollar amount of a gift was $100 but that was from a couple. Oh, one of my favorite gifts was this pre-paid catalog type thing and I could pick any one item from it. It had a large range of stuff. I have no idea where you find something like that but I thought it was really cool at the time. Good luck!

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C.K.

answers from Chicago on

It's really almost the same as a birthday...so I would spend whatever you normally would on a birthday gift for your son's friend.
When I had my Bat Mitzvah (many years ago....almost 20 years ago!) - Swatch watches were in.... and pruses...so I got a watch, a purse....
Nowadays...maybe a video game? Or a giftcard that can be used at any of the stores in the mall? That's always fun for a teenager!
Also, you can do something in a multiple of 18 (like a giftcard for 18.00 or 36.00) -- 18 means "Chai" -- which stands for Life! And this is a celebration of a milestone in the child's life...so that is often done as well!
Hope this helped...and didn't confuse you!

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R.R.

answers from Chicago on

Well, I would say $25-$35 is good. My family has always given a cash envelope for this is a rite of passage. Many parents put the money into the child's savings fund.

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